sophia’s birthday
“Happy Birthday!” Sophia was hearing Jericho’s weary voice through the phone. It was still three o’clock in the morning, and she was still up, sank crying onto the edge of her bed, her life hanging in the balance. Later, she was about to make the biggest regret of her life.
“Thank you.” It was ages before she whispered back these words. Aside from the most painful punishments she’d received from her mom earlier, Grandma Lucy had also visited her for her seventeenth birthday. And the latter, knowing about her disobedience to the agreement, could put her and Jericho to peril.
“I’m so sorry, Sophia…” Jericho had been crying, too.
For a while, they listened to each other’s silent sobbing, but Sophia had to keep on. There was another mission for her, the same mission actually, and most likely the last of those repeats. Her mom and grandma had been watching her closely, as if a pair of assassins right before her eyes.
“I’m so sorry too…” Sophia managed to whisper to Jericho.
“Please stop crying. I can no longer bear it,” he pleaded.
“I can’t. I can’t help it…”
The sound of Sophia’s weeping was a constant dagger to Jericho’s heart. She was going to kill him again.
“I love you, Jericho. I always do but you…” Sophia almost didn’t say it. Her words were already faltering but she had to surpass this. “I really am sorry but…” Her tears over her lips stung so badly she almost didn’t say, “But you need to… let go of me now.”
It felt like a gunshot had just been fired! Jericho, down on the ground!
Those were Sophia’s last words to Jericho when Grandma Lucy suddenly grabbed the phone from her ear.
“I can’t believe this is still happening!” Grandma Lucy then stressed, disbelieving the same mess that was served before her. “How could you disobey every one of us, Sophia? How could you?” Then she paused, looking hard on her granddaughter, who had now sunk her head into her pillow, gripping it, looking as if her world was tearing apart.
“He’s going to hate me forever now…” Sophia was bawling to herself. And no one from the adults even cared. All that mattered to them was to separate the two again. Over and over. For always.
“I think we should all go to bed now.” Elizabeth then put forward, wishing it could be the last of the many break-ups. For goodness’ sake, she was tired, drained by Sophia’s actions.
But it wasn’t over yet for Sophia. She struggled to stand up and asked bravely, “Why do you hate him so much,” appearing like a lioness about to attack. “He has not done anything wrong to you! Why?!” An odd wrath flashed in her eyes, and this defied Grandma Lucy to the limit.
“Because he is a tramp!” Grandma Lucy then shouted, her eyes looking very fatal. “And we don’t want you to end up with a tramp! How many times do I have to tell you that?” Then Grandma Lucy stepped closer to stress it hard on Sophia. “His mother is insane, and it is probably in his blood! Do you think we want you to end up with an insane family?” Grandma Lucy roared louder. This time, to Sophia’s face.
“By then, I’ll probably be insane, too,” Sophia, to their surprise, answered back.
“You just turned seventeen, Sophia! You are at the peak of your fragility! Your lust for this guy must be stopped! Do you get that?”
Sophia was undeniably hurt, and she was now too out of herself to return a gracious response. “Your heart is hard as stone that you don’t know even how to love.” She defied, and this provoked Grandma Lucy’s ire.
In a shockwave of both insult and anger, Grandma Lucy lost her soundness, too. “Do you really want to know why I’m against your relationship with him?” Grandma Lucy’s blood had raised up to the peak.
“Mom, please…” Philippe, joining in, dashed to stop his mother.
With a venomous stare at Sophia, Grandma Lucy lost control and yelled recklessly, “Because Jericho is your cousin!”
There was a moment of terrifying silence!
Too late, Grandma Lucy wished she could take those words back.
“What?” Sophia, plunging in shock and confusion, was able to ask.
“How come?” Elizabeth, too, was staggered to the revelation.
Grandma Lucy then nodded in regret and shame. It was incredibly easy, now, to conclude how wrong she was. How thoughtless she was. And that she lamented for it so badly.
“I’m sorry…” Grandma Lucy sniffled, and realized she ought to explain the term cousin. For a moment, she endeavored fighting her guilt, the dark monster that had been dwelling inside of her over the years. It was waiting to be unleashed. “I guess it’s about time to tell everyone of you now. You deserve to know the truth.” Bound with infinite disgrace, Grandma Lucy said and directed her gawk on her son, wishing he could ever forgive her once he knew.
“Mom?” Philippe, returning the same look, was shut up suddenly. His mother’s eyes seemed to be whispering something. Something that echoed with woe and apologies.
“Phil…” Grandma Lucy paused and stooped her head down. She was finding for strength of will. She had to make this right this time. “Jericho is a son of yours,” she finally admitted and splattered into one sob after another.
Philippe’s eyes failed to blink and his lungs seemed about to faint. His thoughts rushed momentously in his head. He had never felt alienated like this, before. He was angry, so angry that he couldn’t look at his mother again.
Elizabeth, moreover, was unmoving, as the urge to freak out was raging within her. She, too, couldn’t take a second look at Grandma Lucy. They despised her.
“I’m sorry, My son.” Grandma Lucy groaned for another moment as she tried to direct her gaze to Philippe. She was looking mortified. “You were in Switzerland the year you just finished med. school when I learned Diana was pregnant.”
The initial explanation didn’t register in Philippe’s mind right away. He was unspeaking, gathering himself together, but all the while, his conscience was pulsating, asking why his mother hadn’t told him for more than two decades. He had a child! A son! His very own first son!
“Who’s Diana?” Elizabeth, at least, managed to ask. But she was evidently near the breaking point.
Not a single word came from Grandma Lucy, for a long while. If there were only ways she could do to simply upload everything to everyone’s mind, she would, without a shred of doubt. She ran out of words that would give her less prejudice. And when she finally had her voice back, she made amends for her silence by stating some of the details. But evidently, she couldn’t look them in the eye. It was so like her.
“She was Phil’s high school sweetheart. And I didn’t want that opportunistic whore destroying my son’s life. A bright future was coming ahead of him,” Grandma Lucy was vacillating, “that is why I had done all the evil ways, just to give Phil a better future. And that is you, Eliz.” The moment she’d said her daughter-in-law’s name, Grandma Lucy directed her eyes on Elizabeth as she put her own hands over her chest, as if to save her heart from the sudden jolt of pain. She suddenly missed Benjamin. Her dearest younger son, Benjamin. And she couldn’t look at Sophia every time she remembered him. It was like a hook, ripping her apart.
Oh heavens, the moment became too heavy for everyone, particularly for Sophia. If only they could look into each other’s eyes at that very moment…
“How could you?” Philippe, at last, found the strength to retaliate as he turned to his look at his mother. He had never appeared to be as mad as this. “Why didn’t you tell me I’ve fathered a son? Why?!”
His voice was cold as ice and sharp as a blade. He was seeking for immediate answers. For clarity! Countless emotions flooded wildly inside of him—separation, solitude, frustration, and rage—all going in various directions.
Every son needed a father, and damn, if he ever knew, he could have spared Jericho and Sophia from falling in love with each other. From getting into this dungeon of secrets and lies!
They were all victims here…
Elizabeth, on the other hand, went beyond her understanding to getting through this, but such circumstances were too much to handle. She’d seen Jericho many times, and the whole time she’d always been distant to him. She’d always looked down on him, as if he was only a disgusting insect in Sophia’s Garden of Eden. Too bad the guy she’d always offended was actually her husband’s son. His first child to be exact, and it was dawning now, deep within her. Yet she wondered how Grandma Lucy had the guts to treat Jericho so badly. He was Philippe’s son, her first grandson, for goodness’ sake! How could she even bear to hatch all those evil plots against him?
But that wasn’t the only thing that disturbed Elizabeth. She was far more worried for Sophia, now that Grandma Lucy had slipped her tongue with the mistaken reference to “cousin.” Her daughter might now begin to wonder, and she got scarier than ever. Sophia might get close to the door of Elizabeth’s own secrets, about her true identity.
Sophia, in her shock at all the disclosures, was mystified, too. Though it was a fast turn of events, she had caught something wrong in her grandma’s statements: the word cousin.
“Cousin?” she wondered, fighting the confusion of it all.
Then Elizabeth shared an eye-to-eye with Grandma Lucy. The time had finally arrived. The constant fear that clutched at them day and night for seventeen years had finally arrived, and it was arriving at unbelievable timing, too overpowering than a cyclone.
“Sophia, honey, listen to me…” Now, Elizabeth was the one to do the explaining. And Philippe too, even though both were still in the aftershock of all the revelations. They also had a revelation to expose, now that Sophia was looking and probing them.
“Why “cousin,” Mom?” Sophia writhed as she turned to face her mother. The look in her was more fragile than glass. She could break at any moment.
“Sophia, listen to me,” Elizabeth pleaded and held Sophia’s face with both shaky hands. She had always been brave in tough situations like this. But, right now, she didn’t feel the least bit of bravery. She was scared to lose her daughter. “Your grandma committed a mistake, okay? He is your half-brother.” Elizabeth endeavored to encircle Sophia in her arms, refusing her to let go, but her daughter was now more hysterical and defiant, than ever.
“This is just a nightmare!” Sophia cried in denial and turned her back away from them. It was hard for her to identify the feelings clamoring inside of her. But anger, for sure, had conquered her.
“Since we already began truth telling, Eliz, let your daughter know…” Grandma Lucy faced Elizabeth with a dare, strong enough with the situation, despite her sloppiness. “Let Sophia know the truth,” she said and slid her stare back to Sophia.
“What truth?” Sophia turned to look at them again and rolled her eyes back to her mother, looking very penetrating and distressed, all at once.
“Sophia, honey, I love you. You know that.” Elizabeth was struggling to speak out. It seemed, Sophia would never forgive her once she knew.
“Tell her, Elizabeth!” Grandma Lucy’s voice turned very dictating, and this forced Elizabeth to unleash another bullet of shocking admission.
“Sophia, I’m not…” Oh help, Elizabeth was faltering but Grandma Lucy continued to become a dictator which made Elizabeth admit, “I—I’m not your real… mother.”
Just like that.
Another lightning had just struck, and Sophia was shocked by the voltage of it all!
“No, you’re lying! Please stop lying to me! Stop manipulating me!” Sophia then turned outrageous. “Stop it!” She grew fragile, trying to convince herself that it was all part of a lengthy nightmare.
She cried oceans.
Elizabeth drew near Sophia. It was hard for her to do so, knowing she had failed her, and it would never be easy to beg for her forgiveness.
Philippe, across the room, stood still but his knees were breaking down.
It was a moment of repercussions! All fell into silence and became downcast!
Everything was in devastation…
*****
“You were abandoned, Sophia. You were unwanted.” The whisper was accompanied by something close to danger, when Sophia’s eyes suddenly flickered, open. She had been hearing the same feminine voice in her sleep, and she wished it wouldn’t resound anymore. Too much ache from last night was already depleting her.
She got up from the bed and almost forgot—it was her birthday and damn, she wasn’t her parents’ real daughter! She had plenty of shocks last night and she was so hurt.
Shaking her head to clear her mind, she prepared herself and went downstairs for a sip of water.
The worst wasn’t over yet. Her entire family was there in the living room, all set to indulge her in a huge birthday greeting, as if everything was still the same. Grandma Lucy was there, too. They were all bestowing her a great smile.
This pressed Sophia to burst with tension. Why in the world could they ever pretend that it was all fine? As if it was all still the same? Didn’t they care about her emotions? How about those shocking revelations? About her real mom? About Jericho as the new member of the family?
The rattle of Sophia’s emotions left her to freeze in silence and anger. She didn’t know the words to say: either to thank them for their surprise or hate them forever for all the secrets, regarding her true identity and Jericho’s.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” Her mom stepped forward to kiss her on the cheeks. But such act made Sophia turn her face away, in rejection. She seemed really mad at her mother and then, she paced toward her Grandma Lucy, her eyes alight with fury.
“About Jericho…” Sophia initiated. “Tell me, it’s not true.”
Grandma Lucy only stared at her for a moment, but she didn’t seem bothered at all. Indeed, she appeared confident and prepared for all the questions her granddaughter would ask her.
Elizabeth looked helpless as she watched them, in confrontation. And Philippe, who was still conquered by anguish and rage, sat down on the couch and attempted to sidetrack Nadine and Alex, who were clueless about what was happening. No matter where the blame lay, the one person who mattered most to him right now was his son, Jericho.
“How could you hide everything? You knew…” Sophia’s gawk at Grandma Lucy was direct and probing. And although her grandma was already bestowing her with the sincerest of apologies through her looks, she didn’t stop asking. “Why then?”
“I’m so sorry, My Dear Sophia…” Grandma Lucy said then, and couldn’t meet her angry gaze, as if a fox humbled before a kitten. “It’s hard to explain now. Sometimes, we do the wrong things for the right reasons.”
The explanation felt so empty for the series of questions from Sophia. To her dismay, Grandma Lucy seemed to be unperturbed, as if she was already vindicated from all her actions. Sophia longed so much for another protest, but it only ended in cries. Grief consumed her.
“Now, I have to feel disgust for the person who means all the world to me.” She was moaning, trembling, and turning weak. “And I disgust myself, too.”
Her voice was low, on the last part. Thinking that she loved Jericho more than anyone else, she felt nothing but tremendous loathing. And more, every time she remembered their intimate kisses.
Grandma Lucy, for the very first time in an argument, paused with lengthy silence. She knew she was responsible for all these.
Then Sophia realized she had to deal with another matter, regarding her mom. She was determined for one more thing, and she went back to her mother. “You said you’re not my real mother…” She tried hard to say it, without sharing any eye contact. It seemed she couldn’t look at her mother in the same way, anymore.
Her cold approach shook Elizabeth to the ground. The moment that scared her the most had finally arrived. She was now about to lose Sophia, her dearest Sophia! And it was even scarier than a black hole.
“Sophia…” Elizabeth vacillated, to whisper. Her heartbeat thumped so loud it was even louder than her own voice.
“If you’re not my real mom… then who?”
Elizabeth had no strength to answer her. No face to show to her daughter. She couldn’t even provide a single word. She only wished she could explain to Sophia. Without the nagging thought that she would lose her.
“Did she give me away? Is she still alive? Tell me!” Sophia was unable to control herself. Only clear and immediate answers could put her to rest but damn, she wasn’t receiving them.
The silence extended, and this enraged Sophia badly. The responses to her demand fell short, and this infuriated her.
“Why are you not answering me…?”
“Sophia, honey, listen to me…” The look in Sophia’s eyes shredded Elizabeth’s heart. She couldn’t bear seeing Sophia this way. She’d always wanted to see her smile or laugh. And not this way. She was on the move to explain when Grandma Lucy spoke before she could utter the first word.
“Francheska. Francheska is your real mother!” Grandma Lucy hastened to reveal as Elizabeth lost her own way of retaining her adopted daughter’s affections.
Silence! Silence wasn’t silent enough in that moment. There were vibrations of shock. Disbelief. And even wrath!
Words died out in Sophia. Her sanity almost did, too.
Elizabeth soothed Sophia and held her tight. Sophia could rupture at any moment, and she made sure she was there to lessen the pressure. The minute Sophia had pulled through, Elizabeth led her to the couch. Grandma Lucy was also there to offer her a glass of water.
When everything else settled into place and Sophia was back to her full senses, Grandma Lucy began to tell the story of Ben and Francheska.
Sophia tried to listen as well as everybody else, including Alex and Nadine. Although the two were entirely naïve about what was happening in the house lately, the adults decided for them to know of the underlying family secrets. They didn’t want any more secrets to control their lives. It was time for amendments, now.
Then Grandma Lucy began the telling. “The night after Phil’s and Eliz’s wedding in Forest Green, my son Ben asked Francheska for a post-party at the lake house. They were young, then. Francheska was fifteen and Ben… he was eighteen.”
Grandma Lucy’s head was slanted as these words escaped her shaky lips. The age eighteen, in the country, was subject to imprisonment if proven guilty of any crime. And Ben had just reached that age only a few weeks before the incident.
The moment she’d recovered, Grandma Lucy kept on. “Everyone at the party said Francheska was taking too much alcohol. And my son, Ben, had been drinking, too, and had probably popped some drugs.” Grandma Lucy didn’t hesitate to admit. She knew Ben was experimenting on drugs at some point in his teenage years, and she, herself, was the one who’d been sending him to rehab. Although it had worked for quite some time, Ben had been back to drugs. He’d been hooked to pot and angel dust.
“Somehow, that was how you existed.” Grandma Lucy persisted, her heart racing with her lungs. Then she glued her eyes on Sophia, who now appeared enlightened with all the details. But Grandma Lucy wasn’t done yet. “Francheska claimed she was raped in the woods. But my son,” Grandma Lucy took a pause and squeezed her eyes shut, “he never remembered anything! And now, Ben’s still missing, after all these years…”
The statement ended with a careful rush of tears and stillness.
Sophia, learning of how she was probably conceived, looked down and steadied herself. It was incredibly easy now to realize why her grandma had always treated her so badly. She lost a son because of her.
“Francheska was fifteen,” Elizabeth slipped in, after a while. “Instead of an abortion, Francheska…we… all decided to keep you,” she said as she gazed at Sophia. “But after you were born, she went missing, too…”
An unidentified emotion suddenly swallowed Sophia up. She was rapt with the thought that if she hadn’t existed, everyone could have been just fine.
Then unexpectedly, she stood up and ran to her room. It was all clear to her now, Jericho could really be related to her by blood and it wasn’t that easy for her to accept it. It was now forbidden. Everything she felt for him must now be put to the grave. But knowing that her real father was actually her father’s brother and her real mother was her mother’s sister, she ached to know some other things. Where are they and why were they missing after she was born?
On mid-afternoon, Sophia decided not to join her family for lunch, and instead, kept to her room.
It was still hard for her to process everything. As she laid in bed, her tears pouring endlessly, by coincidence, she saw Jericho’s birthday present in her leather bag underneath her study desk. Though she remembered he’d asked her to open it on the day of her birthday, she couldn’t bear another look at it, and she realized it was best to throw it away. It would only bring her nothing but heartache.
But down deep, something was whispering to keep it. It was so powerful she made up her mind to lock it in her jewelry closet and forget about it, as she would also do for him. Then a sudden vibration of her phone distracted her—a call from Enzo.
“Hey, happy birthday!”
Sophia took too long to respond. She wasn’t expecting Enzo would bother to greet her again, after yesterday. Why did he call this time?
“Thank you.” Her voice was halfway between curiosity and delight.
“Are you surprised?”
Yes, she did feel surprised and grateful, but some questions clamored her to wonder. Instead of asking him, she skipped the usual so what’s up? preludes and realized he could be a remedy for her doomed birthday. Doomed life even, and this pressed her to ask him out.
“I’m not having a happy birthday, and I was thinking if—” She was saying when she became conscious she was too confident and abusive for his kindness.
“Uh, what?”
The voice at the end of the line turned vague, as her own thoughts did too. This wasn’t her. She knew it wasn’t her thing to use people but… obviously, he was the one offering. Only indirectly as it seemed.
“You were wondering if… what?” Enzo repeated.
Sophia wanted to say never mind but a part of her promptly made her say, “I was wondering if you wanna get out, with me?”
Right there and then, Enzo felt elated. “You mean you want to have a drink or something?” he asked, trying to pretend he wasn’t that interested. But somewhere in the back of his mind, anticipations were starting to unfold.
“Yeah, I need a drink. Like a lot. Can you help me?”
Sophia closed her eyes the moment she said the last part. She sounded helpless. Desperate. She felt regretful, thinking she couldn’t trust herself at this point of her life. Her own self was betraying her.
But for Enzo, something was alive again. This was now the old Sophia he knew. She was back! The deserted, stubborn girl from Forest Green was now back, only this time with a memory loss.
“Sure, so where do you want to meet with me?”
“Somewhere I used to be happy, where I felt so free.” Her voice was hanging in the air as she spoke.
This was something else. He could sense sadness, and an on-the-run tendency. But this didn’t come as a shock to him. Sophia had always been an escapist. He knew Sophia very well, especially the other side of her, something that was not quite familiar to everyone. He’d been watching her skip school with Daniella as they ran somewhere else to try some weed. Yet, Sophia’s parents were able to drag their daughter out of that dusky phase of her life. At the same time, Giovanni had slipped in, and had everyone’s support. And Zarah too, as Alex’s new girlfriend.
Unfortunately for Enzo, that was also the time when everyone had stigmatized him. Little did they know he’d only shared the same thing. He was also in the pursuit of wanting to belonging in the family, and all he ever wanted was to be at the right place, with the right people.
“Yes, I know a place,” Enzo then said, and they agreed to meet at The Portico at one o’clock.
They saw each other on a small table outside the diner. The Portico was a high end place in the city, where people in ties and sparkling dresses meet mostly. The sun was blazing hot, and Sophia found him too sexy in those dark shades and fitted gray shirt. Unlike any guy in her life, Enzo was an average. His tone and manner of talking though were godly, and every girl would melt just by listening to him.
“You look great.” Enzo eyed her. She was wearing a yellow skirt above her knee, paired with a perfectly tucked-in white top. It was complimented with a leather belt and a pair of beige sandals, making her two inches higher. And this brought her some regrets. She was obviously taller than him.
“Thank you.” She managed a smile and a lively stare.
Beside them were fellow youngsters, sharing gossips and raising glasses as they sat in a large blissful circle.
“I wonder why our special person is spending her birthday with someone strange to her,” he said as he pulled a chair for both of them and ordered for some limes and lemons.
Sophia was hushed for a moment, and couldn’t help but feel haunted for involving Enzo in this terrible misfortune of her life.
“I’m sorry. I should haven’t asked you out. I’m really sorry,” she was lamenting, but to her surprise, he was smiling.
“Do you wanna go somewhere else?” he offered, displaying a look that was difficult to resist. Somehow, he knew a way out of this mess if Sophia couldn’t handle herself. “Come on, it’s a good place.” He then winked, tempting, brought out a cash from his wallet, and paid the waitress who was coming to serve them.
They headed west and to Sophia’s disbelief, it was a civic beach, and fortunately for them, there were no people surfing. Only a few couples were there, dating, walking by the seaside with a pair of flip-flops in their hands as flocks of seabirds passed them by. And offshore there were yachts disappearing slowly as they sailed into the fading sun.
“You and Daniella used to hang out here,” he said as they drove through palm trees and sunflowers to the car park.
“You really know a lot of things about me, huh?” She tried to smile, as if it was a compliment, and hurled her gaze back to the shore. The sight was bracing, along with the cool wind coming from the ocean.
Her worries went away for that short moment and it made sense to her to know that Enzo was a good company. And it was something she could use, to trust him.
“But there is one thing you don’t know though,” she spoke again, after a while, and it sounded as though it was a challenge.
“And what is that?”
“I’m adopted!”
“What?” Enzo almost lost control of the wheels looking at her.
“Yeah, kind of adopted. And I just learned of that this morning,” she admitted with a modest laugh, and this left Enzo guessing.
“But you look like your mom. There’s no doubt about that.”
“My real mother is actually my mom’s sister and my real father is actually my dad’s brother. How cool is that, right?” She wished sarcasm would be more soothing than the salty whiff of corals and blossoming flowers by the driveway.
“I’m sorry about that.”
“How about you? Any shocking revelations too?”
“Not today.” Enzo swayed his head and finally parked the truck.
Together, they looked out to the sea and watched the sun melt into the dimming water. He left her for a jiffy and went to buy coconut water which they called buko in the nearby coastal café. Unlike Sophia, he had expectations, knowing the ship that she and Giovanni had sailed ages ago.
From afar, he studied her as the airstream played with her hair. And even though he did fight the escalating impulse, he wished he could touch her at that very moment and tuck the suspended hair strands behind her ears.
“I want to come here as often as I can,” Sophia told him the moment he’d returned. In his hands was a shell of coconut with an accessory of a small umbrella and a striped straw.
“Here,” he said. “Give yourself a plunge. The sun went too hot today.”
Astonished, she couldn’t thank him enough. And throwing some funny lines might probably be a huge help. “Merci buko,” she laughed in place of the French word beaucoup, for expressing her gratitude.
Enzo laughed so hard at her attempt, especially when she tossed the buko in the mid-air. “That’s so clever of you.” His laugh extended, and he decided to go for a swim.
In a sudden tension, Sophia switched her look the moment he stripped off his shirt and pair of jeans. She didn’t expect that Enzo could possess such a masculine build-up. He always appeared frail and thin.
“What are you doing?!”
“I’m off for a swim, Sophia! Come on… let’s get to the seashore.” He offered as he