Mirroring is almost identical to matching, only if they scratch their head with their left hand, you would sit across from them and scratch your head with your right
hand, and in this way you would be mirroring part of their body-language.
Needless to say, our ability to gain rapport with others is not only localized to our immediate environment. We have the ability to project much more of our inner
world, verbal and non-verbal communication out to the world around us that
causes people in the same space and time, to naturally gravity towards us. This is why I always say that our inner world is reflected through our outer world. The
way we respond to it, and the way others respond to us, is directly interwoven
with our conscious and unconscious thinking processes.
Just a quick note… If you are matching and mirroring without the other person becoming consciously aware of it, then you are doing it well. If the other person becomes consciously aware of your matching and mirroring, then that means you
are mimicking them, and this does the complete opposite of what you want. In
saying that, in some cases I have been purposefully obvious with my actions and
the other person hasn’t noticed it. So for the majority of your interactions, it’s very unlikely that someone will notice what you’re doing, and bring it to your
attention. Only people specifically trained in NLP are more likely to pick up on
what you’re doing, because they are trained to look for the most subtle of cues
already.
How do you know when you’ve been pacing for long enough, and that you’re
finally in deep rapport with the other person? You know you’re in rapport
because you’ll gain a comfortable feeling inside, that may come to you in the
expression of a warm feeling in your chest or stomach, or it may come as a
calmness of mind. As you become more and more trained in using this technique,
you’ll notice this feeling of getting into rapport a lot more profoundly.
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Once you’ve been pacing for long enough and you can tell that you’re in rapport,
it’s time to begin testing out your leading. I’m not saying that you need to turn into a drill sergeant and drive the troops into battle. What I am saying, is that you can now start doing things that the other person will be more likely to imitate
(unconsciously).
Back to my story, so after this person at the bar smiled at me, I wandered over
smiling casually at them and asked them if they had noticed how commentator on
the big screen in front of us kept repeating the same word “real” in almost every sentence. I placed my glass down, and then a moment later I picked it up and took a sip, and just as I did that, this person picked theirs up and did the same. I was astonished! So I tried something else, while in conversation, I assumed a similar standing position to them and began tapping my foot ever so slightly, and much
to my dismay, they started doing the same almost immediately after (they were
copying me!). It didn’t take long before this person began treating me a lot
differently, than what a supposed stranger would typically, and this is a good
example of leading. If you’ve developed enough rapport, you’ll find that the other person will quickly and easily begin mirroring you and will warm to you in a way
that you may not usually expect from strangers.
When it comes to boosting your body-image and developing your ability to gain
rapport, this is an area that’s often overlooked in the change process. Often times when people with poor body-image are interacting with others, they are so
caught up with what’s going on inside of them (with what other people think of
them), that they can completely misinterpret the signals they are receiving from
others. This can cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and embarrassment when
all they had to do was focus on the verbal and non-verbal responses they were
receiving from the other person.
And on a side note: There’s no need to be concerned about what other people
are thinking of you. What other people think of you, is none of your business.
Now, that we’ve covered that, you can begin practicing this technique anywhere
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people at the mall. When I’ve practiced this in those areas, I’ve found that I’ve often received much better service than perhaps I would have, had I not gone to
the effort to develop rapport with the person serving me. Give the technique of
developing rapport plenty of practice and it will reward you in more ways than
one, with people close to you, people serving you, or even people you’re
coaching.
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