Reframing refers to the adjustment of a person’s sensory experience. People will
often interpret an experience as negative, and then later change their perception of that experience to one of a positive nature. Reframing allows the person to
change their perception immediately, as opposed to later on in the future. An
example of a reframe would be when someone complains of how their outdoor
picnic is being ruined by the rain that’s just started pouring, and you say, “Rain or no rain, it’s still possible to have fun. Let’s cover the food and dance in the rain until it passes!”
Therefore the meaning of any experience, is dependent upon the frame we place
upon it. A negative orientated frame will lead to a negative perception, whereas a positive frame will lead to a positive perception and experience. So when we
change the frame of an event, we change the meaning, and subsequently our
response to that event. For example, if someone goes to an event dressed as an
angel, the meaning is different depending on whether it is Halloween or a funeral.
My response to someone being pushed in the ocean, is different as an observer
than as a victim.
Just as we can change our response to a painting or piece of art by placing it in a different frame, we can change our response to an experience by placing the
experience in a different frame – this is what it means to reframe an experience.
When wanting to reframe an experience, we always come from a place of
wanting a positive outcome for the person whom you are reframing. Of course
there are those out there who run reframes on people all the time, that lead to a negative outcome for the recipients, however they make up the few, not the
majority. Here are some simple steps to follow when you wish to reframe the
meaning or context of an experience that someone has perceived. Many times
once we learn these steps, we also tend to reframe our own experiences
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(sometimes verbally out loud, or non-verbally in our heads) to create a better
response, thus a better experience in our lives.
[1] Sensory Acuity: Notice how the person you’re with is responding physically to the experience. They may be recalling an experience or, you may be with them in
the moment.
[2] Assess Submodalities: How is the person primarily interpreting the problem in their mind? Are they experiencing through the kinesthetic, auditory or visual
submodalities? If you can get clear on how they are processing it, you can speak
to them in that language.
[3] Repeat for time: Ask the person to repeat their experience verbally to you if you need more time to create a powerful reframe. Your reframe will be the most
polar opposite frame you can possibly create to the original frame they created.
You want the initial reframe that you deliver to have maximum impact on the
person.
[4] Reframe: Deliver your reframe congruently according to the other person’s submodalities and as you do this, monitor their sensory acuity to assess the
changes. You’re searching for a difference in how the person is responding to the new frame on the experience.
Examples of what some reframes might look like are as follows…
Original Frame: “She’s slow”
Response: “To slow for what purpose?”
Reframe: “And when you find yourself absorbed in one of her books not only will you appreciate every single second she poured into it, you’ll also understand
exactly why they fly off the shelves.”
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Another one may be…
Original Frame: “It’s expensive.”
Response: “Expensive compared to what?”
Reframe: “What would be really expensive is deciding to buy the other one which costs 10% less, but lasts half as long. By now you probably realize that by
comparison, this one is an absolute bargain.”
In NLP we presuppose that all behavior has a positive intent, and so we are always looking for the positive intention, and finding that positive intention in each
action or non-action is also a form of reframing. Typically, harming people isn’t something that other people directly intend. Many times where there has been
harm caused to another, there was still a positive intention for the self (person doing the harming). They may have wanted to feel powerful, in control, safe or
prevent the other person from doing something again, and so for them, the
positive intention lies in the protection of their own self.
Another example of a reframe could be of a parent’s perception of their
rebellious teenager, where they are just rebelling to make the parents life worse.
But perhaps the teenager is rebelling because their positive intention is to
become an independent, capable adult. If the parent and teenager both become
aware of and accept that reframe, it will change the way they perceive the
behavior. Thus, changing their response.
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