SEX AND MARRIAGE
In marriage, sex is taken for granted. This is the cause of a boring sex life in later years of marriage. When time permits, especially during the sleeping hours at night, people make love and then it is over. Year after year of repeating, the same process makes it like any other routine. In marriages too one must put in an effort to bring innovative ideas and spice up ways to make the sex lively and interesting. Some ways that will spice up ways in the bedroom are given below:
Certain days, even when you feel like having sex, forgo the act and just leave it for another day. This way the desire keeps accumulating and the day you engage in the play you find it new and interesting. It is finding the best suited day and time to optimize the experience.
Even if you know your partner’s anatomy well, it is still desirable to have some foreplay before engaging into the actual sexual act. This brings the excitement and adds energy into the act. Foreplay stimulates the body, same way like a warm up, before a vigorous exercise.
Same ways, same bedroom and the same time turn into a routine. Try to find different times and places in your home where you can spontaneously make love occasionally.
If things get extremely boring, try to get away for a day or the weekend to any quiet and exiting place for some fun and sex. Do new things and find new ways to explore sex, away from home. It makes sense to invest in a small trip.
Talk about the ways you always wanted to have sex. Good, bad, or dirty, sex is sex and all is fair anyway with your partner for life. Both the partners can experience new ways in the privacy of their bedroom making otherwise a dead play come back to life.
The best ways to experiment and experience sex, is by watching sex videos and movies and try to put those acts in your play. First, watching such videos will excite the partners and second, the acts put into action by them will definitely make things more spicy and exiting.
Whenever you want to change your positions or find new ways for sex, take your partner in confidence, just to avoid any embarrassment. People sometimes think differently and your partner may be more conservative than you are.
Marriage is not all about sex. What we all forget is, sex is a small percentage in the entire 24 hours of married life each day. The rest is work, commitments and other activities as well as sleep. However, in a marriage the first thing that comes to mind is sex and babies. To use the hours other than making love is a trick to give the marriage an honorable position in one’s life. Some ways that we honor our partners are:
Compliment her looks and appearance: Remember, women like being complimented for the effort they make in looking presentable and attractive. If you turn your face away or remain indifferent to her efforts in seeking your compliments in an implied way, you are only disappointing her. Day after day when you do this and then want to get into bed with her, you may not make a good lover. The totality of the 24 hours, or 24x7 makes all the difference in the bed. The same way you study for your examination the whole year round and then appear for the exams only to succeed.
Sometimes, spontaneously, call her up from your place of work and get together for an evening tea or any other activity. This makes things lively and she will definitely appreciate this because it is the best thing for women to be out after the whole day grind at home or her place of work, if she is a working person.
Seduction is another method to rekindle spontaneous sex. It is routine for married couples, when alone and in a mood, to go in for sex. When things happen all of a sudden, it is exiting and energizing too. It leaves you both with a good feeling.
You can even send sexy messages over SMS, or make a date or make an appointment to have sex, all over SMS. This method is very exciting and a mood maker.
Children remain a hindrance for couples with a newborn baby as well as toddlers. Whatever it may be, children at all ages take away some attention of either parent in a marriage. The marriage gets stale and old while bringing up children. Sex, occasionally, becomes routine and only in the bedroom, that too at the usual hour and usual way. This is when the entire sex problems start.
Even though one may wish a better sex life with the partner, it does not turn out so with children around. The best way here is to employ a babysitter, leave the children with your parents and leave them with friend’s parents to play, leave them in a crèche, or leave them with your friends, with an understanding that you would mind their children when they have to go on a date. This way, occasionally, you both will find time to be together and enjoy romantic moments with each other. For the cause of marriage and for the couple to enjoy some moments together, which is for short time, occasionally, anyone can help anyone, in minding the children for this good cause.
As I said, marriage gets stale and boring with time, unless you are alert and able to gauge the excitement still left in your marriage. To check this you need to find out:
If sex is no more interesting with your spouse. If you are bored of the same woman, bedroom, atmosphere, positions and talks.
If sex between both of you are satisfactory and satisfying. If either or both partners are not satisfied with the sexual relationship or if one of them finds the other repulsive or unattractive, it is time to seek counseling and analysis. Such relationships do not continue for long unless corrected and rectified immediately.
If you or your spouse feels, sex is a responsibility, a way to keep up the marriage, it is wrong and again, needs to be corrected. Responsibility, routine, burden, duty and compulsion are not the right words for sex, which should be connected with romance and affection. If romance and affection is missing eventually, as I said, erection will fail and vagina will remain dry in such couples.
It is interesting and a necessity for married couples to have sex on regular basis. Maybe, the frequency may not be short, but regularity will keep the marriage alive.
Economic condition is not always the cause of failing sex life; otherwise beggars on the streets would not be having children. Most of the time arguments, animosity, quarrel, or fights happen between couples, for reasons they do not realize. They are agitated and irritated because of the failing sex life. At the back of their mind, is the romance they enjoyed years ago and the promises they made to each other. Those days have faded and replaced with routine, boredom and picking on each other. The repercussion of these changes manifests itself into such animosity.
Now let us examine why married couples, after years of marriage, find each other boring. The foremost is health, generally, couples with age do not groom themselves as much or let their health deteriorate or get obese with time. If you compare the early days of the marriage, when both were young and attractive, agile, made promises to each other, carefree life and socializing with friends on regular basis, to the later years, when they became old and obese, diseased, wore mismatching clothes, responsibility of the family with school going children, inability to keep those young days promise, as life passed by so quickly, and with no dating or socializing. The analysis shows the great divide. Under such circumstances, you cannot blame either spouse for killing their marriage, perhaps this happens to most marriages.
This is why couples should be intimate regularly, preferably on daily basis. This helps intimacy and romance on daily basis too. As I said, sex form a very tiny part of our total life lived; therefore, sex should not be the sole motive behind our romance and intimacy. There is more to relationship than only sex. Sex is an important part of romance but when we make it the primary issue in any marriage, the novelty starts to wear out gradually.
Couples who do not discuss sex but keep it limited to the bedroom and to certain specific hours are killing their sex lives. It is imperative; spouses discuss their sex requirements clearly between themselves. Unless you do not discuss what is in your mind, how can your spouse know how to help or contribute in that situation? Mere hints, riddles, or round about talks does not help in sending the message. Straightforward talk helps and the spouse understands the inadequacy in sex life.
Let us be practical and realistic about sex and marriage. Only in some mythological or fairy tales we hear about people having sex ever day of their life from 18 until 80 or 90 years of age. Worries, responsibilities, illnesses, being away from home, disagreement with spouse and such other related reasons will never allow one to have sex every day of one’s life. All healthy people have an urge to have sex, especially men. Having regular erections in men is a sign that all is well with him sexually. As for women if she has an urge for sex under normal situation, means her libido is normal. Most of the time, most of us, married for many years, panic if we lack the desire for sex or have premature ejaculation. Most of the time the situation is not favorable to test ourselves in respect of sexual virility. Unnecessary worrying about the temporary inability to desire sex or having an erection becomes a habit, ultimately leading to actual sex problems in men.