Everybody has mixed feelings about something or somethings. This is called ambivalence. There is a part of us that requires security and calm, which can be easily disrupted by fluxes in opinion and emotions. This is why ambivalence is a very uncomfortable thing.
To be sophomoric (which can help us look at this topic from a lighter viewpoint), let us consider the woman who has a special event to attend. As a woman, I can tell you a lot of planning goes into preparing for such an event. Nails have to be done, a hairstyle has to be selected, make up combinations, jewelry, and shoes and of course, the outfit. If you are a woman, what I am going to say will not be surprising. If you are a man, you may marvel at how a woman can pull together any outfit at all from within the boggle that is created by just going to one event.
First of all, make up, jewelry, shoes and hairstyle are all contingent on the outfit. The outfit will tailor the mood and style and the color of the evening. If one is wearing a red dress, purple hues in eye shadows and make up will clash. Depending on your skin tones, green will make you look very ill. Depending on the cut of the dress and the length, you can look ‘fat’ and of course, the style and height of shoes come into play. Then you have to decide if can you really stand on your feet or dance in those stilettos all night or is the purpose to sit poised and perfectly all evening long? Is this an event where you can ‘play’ or is it an event where professional contacts and appearance must be taken into consideration?
The average woman may begin with three or four dress options lain out. They may be similar but of different colors or similar colors with different styles. It becomes more difficult if, for some reason or the other, you have not been about town for a while. It is as if the success of the evening depends on that ‘debut’ entrance. We won’t even go into who will there. But a woman might think about what personal or professional rival might be there, will an ‘ex’ be there and with whom and of course has there been a weight gain or loss or have long hours created the horror of a tired, haggard look?
Although this is an amusing exercise, let us examine what it does to the body, mind and spirit. In a situation like this, the stomach can knot up, delays in decision making speed up the pulse and breathing rate. The mind becomes more confused the more it tries to sort out the problem of what to wear. There is a fifty-fifty chance that the outcome will not have been worth all the effort because sometimes, in the end, a haphazard choice is made anyway.
In the forward, the ongoing values of older systems of belief was briefly compared to traditional Western counterparts. Let’s look at some examples of ambivalence. You can have a church full of people, all of various social and economical backgrounds. A sermon can be delivered on loving one’s neighbor and having compassion for the less fortunate. Yet, the same people will have the day to day philosophy of ‘charity begins at home’ to the exclusion of all others who are judged to be less ambitious or somehow to blame for their misfortune. (Even if this is the case, can any one of us know with certainty anyone’s ambition, lack of it, or what part they played in their misfortune? What ever happened to “Judge not lest ye be judged”?)
Yet, in Native American culture, the greatest honor is in giving and it is in giving not what is convenient to give but hard to give. As Ceremonial Chief WhiteEagle so beautifully describes in his introduction, the measure of greatness was not what you had, but what you were willing to give away as compared to the status of how much property one possessed.
Many who make generous donations to their house of worship would not buy a cup of coffee and a bagel for a homeless person on a winter’s day. Think about doing for the sake of doing because it is the right thing to do. This takes non-judgment and the development of a sense of a higher purpose that transcends convention.
My husband and I, over the years, have housed and fed virtual strangers who were in need. Was it easy for us to do? Absolutely not. These needy people invariably came into our lives when our own lives were the least secure and when we ourselves had the least food to give. But, that was not the point. There was a way of being that we were obligated to follow. It was hard but we survived. We were hungry and we did not starve. We lost our home. We never became homeless. And, we never let that happen to anyone else, if we could help it. Underlying these duties (and they are duties) was the truth that we were provided for, even if moment to moment. We always have been and we always are provided for.
I am not talking about allowing oneself to be used by manipulators avoiding their own responsibility to themselves. The truth is, every single person we helped at the time are all now doing fine. There are times people just need a hand. I believe if one walks in their own truth, they will not be misled (at least greatly so) and if one is, there is a lesson to be learned or something in those circumstances that reflects something about ourselves we need to look at. The question is, when will we? Sooner or later we will have to look within on our journey.
How is this all “being”? It’s rather simple, really. In all scenarios, “being” only requires you know what your truth is at all times. A woman going to an elaborate function can simplify her preparation experience by remembering what the purpose is. If it is a wedding, the bride should not be outdone, anyway. It is poor taste and manners to do anything to outshine the bride. If it is a business function, surely you can focus on the professional things to be gained and not vanity. If it is a purely social, fun event, remember it is the company you will be with. Many know you already and will think you’re great regardless of what you are wearing. Stop. Think about all the lost energy and the lost DAY and time that was invested into a frivolous act of vanity. What was not done because of the dalliance? What might have been done that could have had more meaning? What could you have done in terms of relaxing? Could you have returned that call from a friend you hadn’t spoken to for a long time, quietly meditated for the afternoon, taken a walk or read a book? What about stopping for a moment and being grateful that there is an event you will be experiencing and because these do not occur every day, it is a gift.
Instead of focusing on how you will look, how about a kind word to someone whose self esteem is evidently under assault, or a prayer for the unfortunate, or a prayer of thanks from yourself to your Creator? Did you feed the birds, put out a hummingbird feeder, recycle or tell a loved one that they are loved? When did you last have the opportunity to demonstrate humanity and actually do it? When that moth flew into your house, did you kill it or did you take the time to get it back outdoors? When was the last time you did this not as a thought, a must or should but as a way of being with no hesitancy? When was the last time you felt it was all right to ask for what you needed and not guiltily praying because you know you only approach the Almighty in time of need and not in time of joy? When was the last time you did something for someone else because it was just the right thing to do? When was the last time you did not hesitate in knowing what you believe?
People presume so many things about spiritualists, witches, medicine people and the chanters in robes, they cannot see beyond the mist of incense, the hum of the chant or the fear of the pentacle. There is a way of being that such people ASPIRE to. No one ever succeeds completely. Many fail abysmally for after all, we are all human. Many suffer setbacks, just like anyone else when life experience gets around to hardship, death, mourning and illness. Many work the darker side of the spiritual disciplines, which is different altogether for they have decided on immediate gratification in return for karmic debt at another point in eternity. They are of another school and discipline altogether to which I do not ascribe.
Part of being in your truth is also saying your truth. To know what you are saying, you must know your own innermost intentions so that if you say you must help the unfortunate, then you are bound to do so by sharing what you have, helping someone find the right doctor, a job or helping someone to fill out a form that can better his or her situation. If you speak another language, help someone by translating for them. Listen to a friend or family member in pain. Let people you love KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM not just by word but by deed also. It is so important that the mind, word, action and spirit be of one essence! Then there is no decision making, no stress headache, no rapid pulse or difficulty of breathing. You are free to be and act your truth providing you have found it. There are many truths. There are many disciplines to discovering truth. People say “ there’s my truth, your truth and the truth that really is” and “That truth is relative.” Whereas there is the ONE TRUTH WE ALL HOPE TO DISCOVER in this life or the next, the fact remains that each person’s ‘living’truth is subjective. One person’s ‘truth’and sanctuary is found in a church. Mine is found in the forest. But these are practices of our truths. Our truths must stand for a greater good that is never compromised even as we pursue own dreams (and yes, they can be material). Our dreams must never rely on the injury or deliberate efforts to succeed at the expense of another, especially through mystical rites.
If we can walk on our Spiritual paths with consistent values in thought, word, deed and spirit the following things will happen. We will acquire a tranquility that comes with not being hypocritical. If we are on a spiritual path we will discover the little joys of majick within ourselves, as well as the majickal strength and fragility of the Monarch Butterfly, aerial skills of the humming bird and force of a thunderstorm if we ask to know them.
How to ‘be” has become a lost art. The times we live in have made us forget how majestic life is and how wondrous we, of the Creator’s making, can be.