I hadn’t known Nuke for very long before I became aware of his extreme emotional isolation and asked, “Do you ever long for a mate?”
“I understand that to make a bond with someone for life is very serious and one should be very careful not to choose someone that you will become bored with.”
“Have you ever considered bonding with someone?”
“Once, but I quickly decided to return to my work.”
Nuke constantly monitored Marjie’s condition, as it was his prime directive to protect her. After one of her upsets, he asked me, “How is your mate?”
“She’s making good progress, but she often wishes she was with her friends in your dimension because she has suffered so much here.”
He got very still, and with an expression of deep love he whispered, “I feel her presence. She is still my star pupil.” His head briefly trembled and then trembled again. “Her recall of everything she has been taught is excellent. I am very pleased with the flood of emotion that I feel from her.”
“Did she appear in your quarters?”
“No, I have come to yours. Not a very wise thing to do on a regular basis.” I couldn’t see him, but I felt his energy. “Thank you for helping her. I’m afraid I have drained her. I should be leaving. Thank you again for making this contact with Marjorie possible.”
The incident in which too much of Marjie’s spiritual energy was withdrawn by a crystal has been recounted elsewhere. She had just recovered from it when Nuke said, “I want to embrace Star One. May I?”
“Please do.”
A benign expression crossed his face as Marjie's body rocked in his embrace. The beauty of seeing him express his emotions so openly brought tears to my eyes. He said, “An embrace is always so much more articulate than words. I want her to rest now. When we speak again, I promise we will share notes.”
Marjie said, “His emotions were so strong! He clung to me as if I had been gone a long, long time and rocked me like a baby. He had a good smell, like the odor of aluminum foil.”
In another conversation about the crystal incident I asked, “Why are you so angry that energy was taken without your consent?
“I have come to think of Marjorie as mine.”
“I have the impression that in your society, emotions are suppressed.”
“This is necessary to protect oneself and for many other reasons.”
“And yet your kind is very interested in our emotions.”
“This is true.”
“Isn’t the interest based on a desire to have those emotions yourself?”
“We want only those emotions which are profitable. We do not want negative emotions.”
“You have learned a great deal about yourself through experiencing negative emotions such as anger, but your anger was based on love. The object of your love was threatened and you felt anger and a desire to protect her.”
“Indeed I do love this one, but we are not bonded.”
“There is more than one kind of love. There is the love of mate for mate, but also love of parent for child, friend for friend.”
“We do not make such fine distinctions in this matter of love. Perhaps I need to learn more about this…I have decided with whom I will bond.”
“With whom, if I may ask?”
“My star pupil. In our society the only one about whom we can show anger is the one to whom we are bonded. No one is to ever interfere with such a bond. It is not unusual to achieve a bond such as this one, but the method I am choosing for the bonding is unusual.”
“How is it unusual?”
“I will wait until she leaves her physical form.”
“Why did you choose Marjie?”
“Because her emotions are so intense, and I wish to have these emotions directed to me.”
“Do you wish to have such emotions? You could. You have learned how to feel deeply from your anger. You can cultivate other emotions. If nourished, they will grow.”
“How do you feel about my decision? After you leave your physical form, would you be content to fly as a free spirit and continue to grow, thinking only of yourself?”
“Marjie and I have been united by I AM. I know that there will always be a connection between us, but I do not pretend to know all there is to know about the soul. I know that the soul assumes many different forms and identities. Many lives are contained in one soul and they relate to one another in many ways. The nature of the relationship between Marjie and me may change over time, but there will always be one. I don't feel that you and I need to compete with one another. There is room for more than one to love Marjie.”
“I too will always have a connection. I have no desire at all to compete with you or to take anything that is yours.”
The following evening I had another session with Nucleus, who thanked me for the quick return. I asked, “How have you been doing?”
“I am still struggling with my emotions. My feeling of needing to protect her goes on and on, as if endless.”
“Recall when this feeling began. It was connected with touching the crystal, wasn't it?”
“I was angered because Regenc 4 and the Board as a group were not more concerned for her welfare. In my opinion, they used her. I cannot bear the idea of anyone ever using her again.”
“What first attracted you to Marjorie?”
“It was her Light; it was indescribably beautiful. I knew when I first saw it that I must instruct this one. I contacted Metatron for permission. He said, This one must receive only positive reinforcement; otherwise, she will not survive. I could not bear the idea of that Light being dimmed.”
Marjie’s ex-husband began to impede visits with her youngest son and attempted to obtain child support from her, which caused her extreme anxiety and anger, Nuke said, “It is very difficult for me to observe the suffering of her earthly form when I can also see the form that Star One has here. The difference is dramatic. Star One is very calm. You should be proud of me for controlling my rage. If I had my way, I would eliminate the person who threatens her. In the past I gave this one warning of the danger he courts by trying to harm her.”
“What did you do?”
“I caused him to fall asleep behind the wheel of his automobile and he ran into a tree. He was thrown into the steering wheel and through the windshield and received internal injuries and bleeding. Everyone expected him to die and thought it was a miracle when he survived. The true miracle was that I decided to spare him. I intended for him to die, but on second thought realized I did not have permission to take his life.
“I hoped he would reflect on what had happened to him and change his course. Now I know he will not stop tormenting others. He gets an ego boost from provoking people, breaking rules and testing limits. Do you feel the rage that I feel?”
“No, because I have been expecting him to try something like this ever since Marjie and I got married. He’s just acting true to form. The strength of Marjie’s reaction to his behavior shows we still have a lot of work to do on her past.”
Nuke’s love for Marjie was constant but she was my wife, so he looked for love elsewhere, in keeping with his orders to blend with humans. To me it seemed foolish to think he could sustain a bonded relationship with a human female while channeling through Marjie’s married body, but I had also learned not to question I AM’s plans. Nevertheless, I was poorly prepared for the emotional challenge of trying to tolerate his first choice
Nuke, Marjie and I had been informed by a spirit guide that we had family connections in the northeast, and that we should go there to complete the circle of sacred journeys we had embarked upon years before. As fate would have it, a well-known acquaintance told us that Candace (a pseudonym), whom I barely knew, lived in a cottage on Prince Edward Island. Candace invited us to use it as our base of operations for a planned trip to Newfoundland.
Her two bedroom cottage faced a small bay. On our first night there, we went outside to look at the stars, made doubly beautiful by their watery reflections. Candace said she had often seen mysterious lights coming down from the sky to enter the bay and the grounds of the provincial park on the opposite shore, while others lifted into the sky from the same locations. I was looking for UFOs when I saw a pair of white lights, blinking irregularly, flying toward us from the direction of the mainland. One of them occasionally jerked sideways.
Nuke channeled, “Good evening, Pat.”
“Good evening. Let me introduce you. Candace, this is our close friend, Nucleus 8, who has been channeling through Marjie for quite a while and lives in a parallel dimension. Do those lights belong to your guys?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m sorry I can’t show you more of them. One of the pilots is a doofus, and the other is his instructor.” He shouted toward them, “Where are the others? I was expecting more of you.”
Candace asked, “Am I right about what’s over there in the park?”
“I am limited in what I can transmit. Security, you know.”
“Suppose I tell you what I think it is, and you can reply either yes or no. Would that be alright?”
“Of course.”
“I believe it’s a UFO base. I think the spotlights are a sort of beacon to help them find their way to the base.”
“They aren’t navigation beacons. You are the beacon.”
“Is that due to an implant?” I asked.
“Yes, and for other reasons.” He said to Candace, “Your energy is so strong that our vessels can quickly zero in on it to find their way to the base. As soon as they get near, they rely on other signals. The tubes of light you see are devices for transporting supplies and personnel down to the base and up to waiting vessels. A pinkish color in a tube indicates a transmission.”
Candace was delighted to talk with Nuke, and he obviously felt likewise. His enthusiasm increased as their animated conversation continued. After several minutes he said, “I should go back to my work, although I am reluctant to do so.” Candace encouraged him to stay a while longer, and their eagerness intensified with each passing moment. He tried to make her laugh with clumsy, adolescent remarks until Candace asked, “Have you been drinking?”
“No, I just wanted you to know we don’t have to be so formal.” We were headed for the cottage when Nuke whispered, “Am I doing this right?”
“You’re trying too hard. Just be yourself.”
He and Candace spoke for a long time, with minimal input from either me or Marjie. Candace eagerly accepted Nuke’s offer to give her a tour of the Station and she later shared her vivid memories of it, which are included in Nuke’s Environment. Romance was definitely in the air.
After we had become more familiar with each other, Candace told me she had been in several abusive male relationships and it was very difficult to consider having another. She asked if I would explain her difficulty to 8 because she found it too embarrassing. When I told Nuke about her aversion to physical contact, he said he was prepared to be as patient as necessary.
Nuke spent part of the next morning making a decoration out of things we had found on the beach, including a piece of wormwood, a tiny starfish, and a black feather. Candace was thrilled with her gift.
We had been told in advance of our trip that the color we were to look for was black, and of course we were always looking for Tanner’s stones. We were also on the alert for those mysterious family connections. I was completely surprised when Rapsar spoke to me through Candace. “What you are seeking will be found where the Norsemen first landed in the new world. It will be found only if you keep bearing north as far as possible when you approach that place. You will not be able to see it from any other approach. If you seek in the right spirit, you will find it. I will provide further guidance when you arrive in Newfoundland. May I speak to my old friend, Nucleus 8?”
In a, mildly aloof manner that puzzled me, Nuke said, “I am here.”
“I embrace you and I wish for times past. Do you recall, my friend, the day when we were young and stole the ship we had just been taught to operate and very bravely intended to circle the Earth? We were caught and severely reprimanded before we got off the ground. I miss those days. I wish for the days when we shared the laughter and the pain and the happiness of simply being friends. You were the best friend I ever had, and it was difficult to leave you as I did. I hope things continue to progress for you and that you will always be the person you have always been.”
“Well now, R, let’s not get melancholy. The past is past, the present is present, and we have future work to do.”
“Gotcha, didn’t I?” Rapsar whispered.
Nuke ignored that remark and said, “The best information I have gathered is that the situation that you found yourself in should be cleaning itself up.
“You understand, of course, the term, cleaning itself up?”
“I do.”
“And my woman is hands off!” he commanded.
Rapsar flippantly replied, “Yes, sir,”
“You’re a good man, RR.”
“I have my moments, as you well know. Do you object to my remaining with your woman a while longer? I find her rather enlightening.” Candace giggled.
After a long pause Nuke asked her, “Is he sweating it out?”
Laughing heartily, Candace said, “He’s holding his breath.”
“You know why you are at this particular location as well as I do R, and you know the terms.”
“Whatever you say.”
Candace laughed coquettishly, the way some women do when a man flirts and they’re enjoying it. “He’s saying he would not beat your time, and you should not worry where your woman is concerned.”
“I don’t,” Nuke curtly replied.
Candace whispered something to Rapsar and burst out laughing at his response. “He says, I’ve already tried, and she has definitely put me in my place resoundingly. I can’t repeat exactly what he said, but that’s the gist of it.”
Rapsar said, “I, my friend, choose to remain here and I believe there is nothing that can be done to alter that choice.”
Nuke uttered a brief set of numbers that profoundly altered Rapsar’s nonchalant manner. I assumed he had informed Rapsar of his Board membership and status as the Supreme Lord of Security. In his commander’s voice Nuke said, “Specify!”
“I shall leave whenever you wish me to.”
“Excellent!” However, I noted that 8 did not order him to leave.
Candace said, “I don’t like being in the middle of your argument.”
Eight said, “Rapsar will play on your sympathy. You should pay no attention to him.”
“He’s harmless. All he wants is a little comforting. You are being too harsh with him.”
“I am not harsh. I have known Rapsar for thousands of years and understand him far more thoroughly than you do. You said you wanted to be a member of the Board and asked me to instruct you concerning proper behavior, but now that I am telling you what to do, you are rejecting my advice. Board members do not ignore the informed advice of their colleagues.”
“I will not allow you or anyone else to dominate me. I will do things the way I feel they should be done.”
I thought, She might as well have said f**k off! Nuke is going to regret this relationship.
The next morning I was outside looking at the bay and listening to the gurgling voice of a conversational crow who was perched on a nearby telephone pole, when I heard a thump against the wall of the bedroom Marjie and I were using. Thinking she might need my help, I went to investigate. Marjie’s right arm, her hand making a fist, was bent over her head and she grimaced as if having a nightmare. I gently touched her to interrupt it, but it was Nuke who roughly pushed my hand away and loudly demanded, “Who is disturbing my sleep?”
“It’s your friend, Pat.”
“I did not invite you into my quarters! Get out!”
“We are not in your quarters. You’re dreaming.”
“You are an aspect of myself that I don’t want here. Please leave!”
“You have nothing to fear from me. You’re having a bad dream.”
He gripped my right shoulder with Marjie’s left hand and cocked her right fist for action. “I will not tolerate this invasion of my emotions! You have no right to toy with my feelings this way. I never dream!”
Marjie couldn’t stop his channeling, so I began to count her up. With each number his grip tightened until I reached ten. He suddenly let go, realized where he was, apologized, and withdrew. Marjie went back to sleep. When she woke, she said he had dreamed that his face was melting!
After a few days on P.E.I., during which Candace demonstrated her considerable psychic abilities and we learned about the deceits of John, her spirit guide, she accompanied us on the ferries that took us first to New Brunswick and then on to Newfoundland. We arrived around 9:30 p.m. and drove our rented car northward, looking for vacant lodging, which was harder to find than expected. We spent the night at a cottage-style motel where Rapsar, channeled through Candace again, alerting us to watch for visual phenomena that would profoundly alter our understanding of the goals of our journeys.
Nuke was already in love with Candace and therefore was very upset when she told us that Rapsar’s spirit had rested in her arms all night in defiance of 8’s order to keep his hands off her and his warning that Rapsar would attempt to seduce her. Nuke withdrew from us for a few hours, but after some discussion with me and then with Candace, he decided to continue their relationship.
Meanwhile, I was growing more and more disgusted with her deceitful behavior. She had told me several lies during our brief acquaintance and I anticipated hearing more of them. She couldn’t hurt my feelings, but 8 was a babe in the woods concerning relationships with women. I had consistently avoided people who didn’t keep their promises or told deliberate falsehoods, and she continued to do both. As much as I tried, for 8’s and Marjie’s sakes, I could not force myself to like her. We were on our return trip from Newfoundland when Nuke said, “I would like to know your honest opinion about Candace.”
“You asked for it, and here goes. I’ve never felt that Candace is a proper mate for you. From the beginning I have sensed something foul about her and have even wondered if she is a black witch. She associates with people who are manipulative and power hungry. I don’t trust her because of her deceptive statements to me and the way she has treated you. I’m impressed that you’ve been able to handle the frustrations she has created without being overwhelmed by negative emotions. She has tremendous potential for doing good, but she’s too easily distracted by dark forces. I wish there were something we could do to change that. I know she means a great deal to you, and I’m sorry to say such things, but that’s my honest opinion.” He nodded and withdrew. I hoped he would back away from her before he suffered too much.
After returning to her cottage, Nuke and I did trance work with Candace, who said she wanted to eliminate the influence of John, upon whom she had relied for many years. John constantly flattered her and supported her self-centered behavior, while simultaneously distorting and sidetracking her altruistic motives. While Candace was entranced, Nuke demanded to speak to John. An insipid smile crossed her face and John disdainfully said, “I am pleased to be talking to you. I am kin of Breath also.” I was convinced he was a servant of The Dark, even though created by the same Source as we had been.
John accused Nuke of not really loving Candace and of foolishly trying to replace him, saying that Candace was his true heart and no one else was worthy of her affection. He uttered several lies which Nuke invariably confronted with, “Is that the truth, John?” While they continued talking, Nuke persistently challenged John to maintain eye contact with him. John squirmed under Nuke’s unrelenting stare and doubts about his honesty, until he became so uncomfortable that he said, “I will bow out.”
Candace emerged from the trance spontaneously, and crying hysterically, she screamed at 8, “Damn you, do you see what you have done? You forced him to leave! What did you do to make him leave! Damn you! Damn you! Bring him back!” She stormed to her bedroom, slammed the door, and Nuke withdrew.
Marjie and I wondered what would happen next. I thought we might have to leave sooner than planned, but a few minutes later Candace returned with a big smile and said, “John is back!”
I said, “I hope both of you will choose the Light. You will never be sorry if you do.”
Marjie and I went to our bedroom. Nuke said, “John didn’t actually leave. He can’t unless Candace truly wants him to go. I hope she will eventually see the truth and decide to give him up of her own free will. If she does, she will need a great deal of support to find her way without him.”
After having several more sessions with Candace, Nucleus and I agreed she had been given all the knowledge she needed to find her way to the Light of I AM. Marjie and I left for home as planned.
We called her when we arrived. Candace spoke to Nuke after speaking with Marjie and me. When we hung up, I told him she had lied to Marjie and me at least three times during our conversation. He replied, “I know there’s a limit to how much I can trust her and how much of my heart I can give to her, but I’m willing to give her time to change.”
Later that evening he said, “John is gone for good. When Candace confronted him with the truth, John admitted lying to her. He said he would defer to her new friend and bow out. Access to the corridor he has used for contacting his cohorts at the Station has been cut off.”
“There were people at the Station who cooperated with him?”
“Yes. They have been sealed from him and have no freedom of movement, but John can still communicate mentally with other spirits of like mind.”
It was bedtime when Nuke said, “I am sorry to trouble you with such a personal matter but I don’t know what else to do. I have strong physical yearnings for Candace. It’s like an addiction. Is this normal? How can I relieve myself of these urges?”
“Candace isn’t ready for physical intimacy, but why don’t you tell her how you feel without putting any pressure on her to respond? She might like to know how strong your feelings are.”
“Thank you for listening and for your advice. You have helped me to sort out my feelings.” The following day Nuke composed a beautiful letter professing his love for her.
As time went by, Candace revealed that she was quite familiar with the Old Wise One (previously mentioned in Finding God) and urged 8 to consult Him concerning her true identity. Although he cautiously approached the Old One, Nuke didn’t find out what he wanted to know, so I suggested that we explore in a different way.
Through trance we found several lifetimes in which Nuke and Candace had been lovers, sometimes separated by tragic endings. He also remembered a brief contact about two thousand years earlier with Ginea, Candace’s alternate personality in his dimension. That memory led to others, revealing the Board of Twelve’s extremely high regard for Ginea. I asked Nuke, “How did the queen of a small planet in an obscure corner of the universe become so powerful?”
“It’s because of what the people of Orsis have done very successfully for thousands of years, which is to form unions with other worlds. She has unified so many for peaceful purposes that the Board acknowledges her superiority. Ginea has traveled throughout the universe developing the Uniworld Project (a peaceful collaboration of civilizations practicing the principles of the Alliance) in many quadrants. I have some difficulty accepting that she is so highly placed. Why has she pretended to need my help with anything? She has always had access to the Board. I feel like a fool.” He withdrew.
When Candace was planning to leave Canada and return to Atlanta, Nuke asked for my opinion about her choice. I said, “I don’t understand why she wants to be around people who killed 72 of your colleagues and called forth the dark spirits who violently raped her. Before, she said she was going to stay with family in Florida. Every time we talk she has a different set of physical complaints, a different version of her past, and a change of plans. How can we help her if she won’t be truthful?”
Although Nuke missed Candace terribly, he too grew wary of her inconsistencies and decided to follow up on his attraction to Victoria, a beloved, disembodied spirit who had channeled through Marjie for years. He said, “There’s a quality about her which is very appealing to me,” and asked if I would approach her on his behalf. Victoria said she would welcome a relationship with Nuke, who thanked me profusely.
I couldn’t imagine how Nuke, who had a physical body, and Victoria, who did not, could have a satisfying romance. When I expressed my confusion, Alta Sha said, “Nucleus 8 and his species have the capacity for achieving complete satisfaction through mental contact alone. If these two wish to walk the same path together, they are perfectly free to choose that path. If their union is blessed by I AM, a body will be provided.”
Nucleus and Victoria had a marvelous time on their first date. He said, “She is wonderful. All the beings at the Station are affected by her presence. Everyone is coming to see her and bringing her flowers. Thank you, Pat.”
I told Marjie they were throwing a party for Nuke and Victoria at the Station. “Would you like to go?”
“I would love to.” Entranced, she said, “Nucleus is dressed in a blood-red, velvety looking suit with a high collar. It contrasts beautifully with his totally white hair. Compared to him, Victoria is quite short and absolutely gorgeous. She looks to be about eighteen years old. He’s whisking her around in a dance. The atmosphere is filled with a pink vapor that matches the color of her spiritual Light. Everyone is talking about how well matched they are and noting the love they share. The music is exquisite. I don’t know what instruments they’re playing, but it’s wonderful.”
When, without explanation, Nuke suddenly sent her back to us, Victoria was worried that she had upset him. I explained, “The Supreme Lord of Security is like the Captain of the Guard or the High Sherif.”
“Then he has gone to rescue someone?”
“I’m certain he’s involved with helping someone.”
“That I understand.”
Nuke and a few of his staff had gone to save Candace, who was having suicidal impulses that made no sense to her. I correctly surmised they were being caused by a possessing spirit who had committed suicide upon the death of her mate.
Upon Nuke’s return, he said he and his staff had lost count of the number of dark spirits that had entered her and had to be evicted. Alta Sha added, “Mother was there. She absorbed them into her life force and took them to be judged by Breath. All the angels of God can merge and combine forces when necessary. Hosts surround Candace now. None that are dark can enter.”
Nuke said, “I am very tired. It is time for me to retire. May I sleep in your bedroom again?”
“Of course.”
Victoria asked, “Do you think it would be appropriate for me to spend the night in his bed?”
“If that is what you want to do, it will be perfectly alright.”
“I would not be a wicked woman?”
“No, you will not be wicked.”
“Thank you very much, America papa’.”
At breakfast I asked Nuke, “Did you and Victoria bond last night?”
“It was like slipping into another skin. She has the amazing ability to call forth substance from within herself to create a form. I feel as if I have only begun to scratch the surface of her abilities and the vastness of her spirit.”
“What does she look like?”
“Her hair is extremely sensual, long and black. She has deep brown eyes, high cheek bones, aquiline features, coppery-colored skin, and a petite, well-rounded figure.
“She radiates spirituality and love.”
I said, “You could be describing the woman I dreamed of at age seven or eight. I thought of her as the perfect female, like an angel.”
“You don’t feel that I have taken her from you, do you?”
“You can’t take her from me. She has been seen by many in their dreams. She belongs to everyone. She is a goddess like White Buffalo Calf Woman or Earth Mother, and she wants to have many babies.”
He beamed. “I told her I am not used to having little ones crowding around my ankles, but I am willing to try the experience. I agree that she belongs to everyone. All at the Station apprecia