Chapter Twenty
Candace said, “I really don’t understand why I have such an aversion to the whole topic of ETs, but I do. I don’t’ trust them and I don’t want to have anything to do with them.”
“You are married to one,” Nuke said.
“Yes, and I don’t understand how this could come about.”
I asked, “Would you like to understand the origin of your fear? If you know that, then you can decide if the fear is rational and you need it, or if it’s something you want to get rid of. The choice will be entirely yours.”
“I suppose it would be good to know why I have this fear, but I’m afraid of discovering the source.”
“Remembering it doesn’t have to be traumatic. If you want to explore, I’m available.”
“I would like to do that.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“What level do you want to go to?”
“Ten. That is where I am comfortable.”
“Very well, we will count you to ten. Perhaps you will meet your guide there.” I said a prayer, and at level ten, White Eagle met her. I asked, “What does White Eagle want you to do?”
“He’s telling me to go to the time and place where I will understand this fear, but I don’t want to.” She shook her head and frowned.
“If you’re afraid of the emotions, you don’t have to be. We can place this whole experience on a screen and you can view it like a movie. You can be a spectator who is uninvolved with the emotions. Is that okay?”
“Oh yes,” she smiled. “I can do that.”
“Then put it on a screen and tell us what you see.”
“I see myself running. Many are chasing me.”
“Many? Who are they?”
“Several different species from various worlds are chasing me.”
“Why?”
“I ran away and they are trying to take me back. They are taking me back. I don’t want to go back! Leave me alone!”
“Stop the movie, Candace. We need to go back to an earlier time and look at the events that led up to running away.”
“My father said that I had to marry one of these ugly, awful creatures from another world. I don’t want to, but father said I must. I refused. I already loved another and had committed myself to bonding with one of my own kind, so I ran away. They have dragged me back and he says I must marry. I’d rather die.” She was very upset.
“Stop the reel, Candace. Let’s go back even farther in this lifetime. Let’s go back to the events that caused your father to insist that you marry this alien against your will.”
“Our people were a peace loving tribe. Invaders from several different worlds came to conquer our planet. We were a peace loving people and were not well prepared to fight. The war lasted a long time. Finally, they won. They said they would allow our people to live in peace and would allow our leaders to stay in place, but only if our leaders gave them obedience.
“The leader of the invaders decided he wanted to take me as his bride. He did not care if I loved another. My father told me I must do this awful thing, so I finally agreed, but before the wedding I sneaked away.”
There was a smile of clever triumph on her face. “I found my true love and we made love to each other before the wedding took place. When the alien and I bonded, I fought him with all of my strength. I did not give in willingly.”
“What happened after that?”
“The alien wanted to marry me because I would ascend to the throne, and he would become the king of my world. Being married to the queen was the only way he would ever be accepted. I overheard him conspiring to end my father’s life and I knew we must make an attempt to defeat the invaders. I listened and plotted and learned their weaknesses. I discovered they could not withstand the force of certain crystals that existed on our planet. The crystals weakened them.
“I gathered my supporters and we secretly collected the crystals from all over the planet. We hid them in a chamber inside a mountain near their landing place. One by one, we destroyed the ships that tried to land with the crystals. They didn’t know what kind of weapon was being used against them or how to defeat it, and slowly, over a long time, they were destroyed. I had the pleasure of taking the life of my bonded one.
“In the meantime, my father had died. I had forgotten to strengthen the security around him while I was busy fighting the enemy. I had not asked for his help, and I felt guilty because I had not confided in him. He would have helped me. Now he was gone, and I felt terrible. I could not find my loved one. I searched everywhere. I assumed he had also perished.”
“How does it feel to be a queen?”
“I am not capable of all this responsibility. I am lacking.”
“What is it you lack?”
“I lack foresight. I lack the planning skills of my father to see what would be good for my people in the long run. My father was very wise. I am impulsive. I don’t know what is best for my people.”
“What do you need to become the kind of queen you want to be?”
“I don’t want to be a queen. If I could only find my mate, then he could help me.”
“Who gathered the people together and slowly but surely defeated their enemies? Why are you not capable?”
“He helped me. Everything I suggested, my mate carried out. He should be the commander. He is the one who can take command, not me.”
“And if you could find him, what would you do? Would you rule together?”
“No. We would run away. We would go and find a secret place to be alone in peace and be safe, where we would not have to make so many decisions and be so responsible.”
“And if you and your lover found your Shangri-la and were happy there, but another group came to invade your planet? Then who should be in a position of leadership?”
“He should be.”
“Shouldn’t you be at his side?”
“Yes. I could if he were king. We could rule together.”
“Is that what you want, to rule together and for him to make most of the decisions?”
“Yes, and I will follow his decisions, except once in a while.”
“You will share the responsibility?”
“Yes.”
“And is this what you will do when you find him, ask him to be your king?”
“Yes.”
“You are that queen, and this is your king.” I pointed to Nuke, who was listening intently.
“You are him, aren’t you?” she said. He was silent.
I said, “Yes, and what is this Queen’s name?”
“Ginea.”
“Are you ready to be Ginea?”
“Yes.”
“While it’s true that aliens attacked your planet, they are not a like the majority. The motivations that you loved in your people, kindness, generosity, and peacefulness, prevail in the universe. Nuke’s society wants the same things.”
“I have always been afraid that they would discover the power of our crystals, would find a way to defeat them, and would come back to harm us. What will we do if this happens?”
Nuke said, “How many lifetimes ago did this occur? Countless lifetimes. They will not come back.”
“If they learn how to defeat the crystals they will. I know they will!”
He put his finger to his lips to silence her. “When you revisited that lifetime, I retrieved your memory and with it the identities of those who attacked your planet. They will not do it again.”
“What do you mean?”
“I passed the information along to Mother. She has seen to it. They will never attack your planet again.”
“I still feel too inadequate to be a creature such as Ginea.”
“Why do you feel inadequate? You are Ginea. You are not inadequate,” I said.
“Look at my life. I have two businesses that are about to fail. I have two daughters whose lives are in shambles. I can’t even sustain a decent relationship with Nuke, and I feel pretty inadequate.”
Nuke said, “Listen to me. Fact. Has your business failed?”
“No.”
“Fact. You have two lovely daughters.”
“Yes.”
“Fact. You have a grandchild. Fact. Our relationship is very solid at this time.”
“Yes, but we have had so many ups and downs. I’m afraid I’m setting up some sort of a pattern here.”
“Fact. That was in the past. At the moment, our relationship is sound.”
“I feel that. You are saying I should concentrate on the facts as they are right now, and let the past go.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know if I can encompass all these things.”
I countered, “You have many different facets. You have more than one identity. You encompass them all.”
“I need help to do this.” Nuke agreed to help her.
I added, “When Mother placed the condition of losing 8 on you, it reminded you of when your father made you promise to marry that alien.” She suddenly knew why she had such negative feelings toward Metatron.
Nuke said, “This is your true birthday, Candace.”
To celebrate their second bonding and her birthday, I bought a cake already decorated with rainbow-colored icing covered with bows and sparkles, perfect for the occasion. I got a candle for it in the shape of a question mark, a card, and Marjie’s favorite, Neapolitan ice cream.
Nuke channeled at intervals as we ate our supper. Candace cried when I presented the cake, so Nuke had to read the birthday card for her. I said, “I feel like your true wedding has just taken place, too. I thought we should celebrate both.”
As planned, Candace went to visit her daughters in Atlanta and Florida. Nuke would not go there because the military installations in that part of the country were capable of tracking and targeting him. The only way they could maintain contact was through their linked implants and mental telepathy.
The day after she left I said to him, “I know you’re upset and need to talk, so I’m making myself available.”
“Thank you.” At intervals he wept as we spoke for a long time about how much he missed Candace. I said I thought she would come back sooner than he expected. He answered, “Everyone keeps saying that, but no one asks me what I expect.”
“What do you expect?”
“I expect to see her on her way back north.”
“You think she’ll just stop by on her way to Canada?”
“Yes.”
“You can go to Canada, can’t you?”
“Not permanently.”
“The base could be reopened, couldn’t it?”
“Yes. It would be much safer there. She’s really not all that bad, you know.”
“She seems ready to embrace Ginea, and the more like her she is, the more I will like her. I think she stopped playing games and was really trying to improve.”
“She stopped playing games after I scolded her.”
“That’s why I celebrated with you yesterday to show
that I accepted her as your wife. It truly was a birthday. Can you contact Ginea if Candace won’t cooperate?”
“Candace has to step aside in order for Ginea to manifest in my dimension. She has to be meditating or sleeping. Before she left we agreed she has wagonloads of waste in her background that she needs to purge. The only way she can do it is by getting it out in the open and talking about it with you or with me. I think I’ll go to the cottage and wait for her to join me.”
Later he said, “She was with me for only 45 seconds. She’s in an area where there is a great deal of interference due to the large number of electronic devices being used. Communication should improve when she gets closer to the ocean. She is due there tomorrow.”
“Are you handling this situation in the way that you want to?”
“I suppose I am. You encouraged me to experience my emotions, and I want to experience them all. I want to experience missing her and anticipating her return, all of that.”
The following night he missed Candace intensely and we had another lengthy conversation about it. I was worried about his deteriorating emotional status.
He called Candace and was very happy when she said she loved him in the presence of her family, although he had to cajole her quite a bit before she would. He told her he missed her terribly and had made a Christmas present for her. She promised to return before going back to Canada, and said she had made quite a bit of money doing readings. Their talk did wonders for his mood.
In another phone call, Candace said she had made even more money doing readings and expected to be self-sufficient when she returned. However, her assistant in Canada had warned her that unless Candace sent her some money right away, they were going to lose the business. Candace said she was doing whatever she had to do for cash, and was prepared to stay in Atlanta all winter if necessary.
At the prospect of her being gone all winter, Nuke said, “I cannot tolerate this pain! If she had chosen any other large city besides Atlanta, I would have access to her, but there are so many negative forces in that area that if I go there, they will lock onto me.”
“What negative forces do you mean?”
“They are just very intense there.”
“We don’t know what Breath has planned for you. Just because she thinks she’s going to spend the winter in Atlanta doesn’t mean that she will.”
“This whole situation is due to lack of money.”
“It’s a shame, but in our society, no matter how hard you have worked and no matter how much good you have done, if you haven’t amassed a fortune in your lifetime, you are likely to be poor when you are old.”
“What a despicable thought.”
“I agree. I’m concerned about your mood. I think you should allow Mother to give you some medication for it. Meanwhile, you need to work on learning how to stay serene when disaster strikes. You need to learn how to step back from a frustrating situation instead of letting your emotions completely take over.”
“Wouldn’t that be reverting back to the way I used to be? I have done it many times in the past.”
“You can’t go completely back to the way you used to be. You’re familiar with your emotions. You can feel them and express them. You aren’t afraid of them. If you choose to control them, it won’t be based on a lie. We all need the ability to detach when emotions become too strong. Once we have learned to accept and cherish them, God seems to give us challenges that can teach us how to control our feelings.”
“I will try your suggestion.”
I heard the sound of a large, propeller-driven plane flying over the house at low altitude. “There he goes,” Marjie said.
In the morning Nuke said, “I took your advice and accepted Mother’s medication. I feel more rigid, but it serves me well.”
“For the time being, I think it’s necessary. You’re under a great deal of stress.”
“I know the emotions are still there and are very deep, but this way I can function.”
In the evening he reported, “Candace thinks she may have to find work down south until spring, then go back to PEI to sell her cottage, and maybe she will settle down in Atlanta or Panama City.”
“Doesn’t she know that will end your relationship?”
“She’s open to other options, but doesn’t know what else to do. The Board will not allow me to travel to those high threat areas. I’m very upset about this.”
Alta Sha encouraged Marjie to go to PEI with Candace and to receive psychic training while there but she was afraid to do so, fearing that I would reject her when she returned, as other men had done when she was too independent to suit them. We invited Candace to stay as our guest through the New Year in exchange for working with Marjie a couple of times a day, and she accepted.
I said, “Nuke, it looks as if Candace may not be traveling as far as we thought.”
“One never knows what Breath has planned. She told me she didn’t want to have anything more to do with her shop, no matter what. She’s fed up with it. There is one thing about her that I can predict; she’s unpredictable. If she does get an influx of money, she might do anything with it. She might even go to Africa,”
“I know that Breath wants Marjie to be her student, and that’s all I need to know for now.”
Nucleus revealed his increased sensitivity to emotions through writing several poems. One was about bonding with Candace:
A minute part of awakening color
growing with boundaries removed;
reaching and touching two hearts so unloved,
longing and passions renewed.
Enveloping love does cascade around us;
we dancers move slowly within.
Our bonding so brilliant and blindly pure,
tears precious will begin.
As sure as the darkness cannot penetrate,
this color will flow through our veins
joyfully singing this melodious song
of beautiful Candace and 8.
He also wrote an autobiographical poem about trying to erase the memory of everything that happened to him in the past and concentrating entirely on his work until his work became the only means by which he could be known. Yet when he died, no matter how large the edifice of his accomplishments might be, it would be almost as if he had never existed, because he had no real personality. However, the underground stream of feeling which had been repressed for so long was coming to the surface, and it was flowing stronger every day.
Nuke was overjoyed when Candace returned a few days before Christmas and proudly gave her a tour, showing off the new cottage furnishings and decorations he and Marjie had created. He gave her a variety of little gifts he had made, including a silk flower arrangement, and asked her to go with him to see the decorated Norwegian Pine hidden in a clearing we had made in the tall grass of the pasture,
Candace tactlessly said, “I despise Christmas trees. I wouldn’t have one if it were up to me alone.” However, after seeing the little tree Nuke had painstakingly covered with white ribbons, tiny angels, and miniature ornaments, she admitted she liked it.
Candace settled in quickly. She was especially fond of the capacious easy chair we had bought with her in mind, because it comfortably fit her large body. She began the psychic training lessons as promised, but after a only few of them Marjie said, “Candace may be leaving now. I told her off.”
“What happened?”
“She was trying to make me see the world through her eyes and to become the kind of person she is. When I don’t share her opinions, she tries to force them on me. I finally got fed up with it.”
Nuke said he had also told Candace he disapproved of her methods. He added, “She wants to know if you will talk to her along with me.”
“Sure.”
Candace said she had a history of not being able to sustain close relationships, especially with men, and she was afraid she was deliberately ruining her relationship with Nuke. “Part of me wants it to work, but another part thinks it’s just too frustrating.” After an hour and a half of discussion, it was agreed that she and Nuke would do more astral traveling as a couple and would practice telepathic communication with each other.
Marjie and I had supper with Candace at the cottage. She said she and Nuke had traveled to Orsis and she had enjoyed being there so much that she had decided concluded they should not go back again, which I thought made no sense.
Nuke said his father was doing quite well and enjoyed living in the new compound Nuke had ordered to be built for his family. Christian was doing an outstanding job of managing the huge new construction projects, and since the death of Marishka was acting as if he were a couple of centuries younger, with a wonderful attitude.
Nuke told Candace he didn’t want anyone except them to live in their palace, but Candace insisted that her staff, including her physician, should be allowed. He replied, “I remind you that your personal aide was responsible for the nearly fatal wound I received on our mission to Q 35. He altered his appearance to look like me and gave the inhabitants messages that contradicted my promises, completely undermining my efforts to create an alliance, and making me a target.”
“What was the dispute about?” I asked.
“One of the factions lived on a moon of the planet and did not want its excess population to be transported into their territory. I was trying to negotiate a compromise.” To Candace he said, “You seem to have forgotten that I was against having your aide come to the Station from the beginning, due to his insufficiently high security rating. Besides, what if I want to walk around naked?”
I quipped, “That happens to me all the time.”
He laughed. “You must understand that I am feeling quite well and I’m having a good time. Don’t take me too
seriously. Speaking of her physician, he informed us today that Candace is pregnant.”
“Are congratulations in order?”
“I’m not sure I know how to go about being a father.”
“I think you will make an excellent father.”
“I want the news to be confirmed by our physicians. I don’t have a lot of confidence in Candace’s.”
“Well, no matter what the verdict is, I wish you both much happiness in your family life.”
“My father and I went on an extended search for a crystal having a very rare shade of blue, which we finally found. I had it mounted like a jewel and gave it to Candace.”