Zingdad: 8?
8: Yes?
Z: I'm struggling a bit.
8: All right. What with?
Z: Well, I was re-reading Chapter 8 and I came across the place where you spoke about how I had overcome my doubts and fears such that I was able to receive The Ascension Papers. And, when you said that, I felt quite good about myself. But, between finishing that chapter and preparing to start the next one, I've had some time to think. And I feel a bit like a fraud. Because I still have loads of doubts. And the more I think about it, the more doubts I have. And, given how I have gotten things wrong in the past, I fear I might mess things up again. And then I think about the things you and J-D have told me and... why can't I just believe... you know... why can't I just have faith?
And then I feel like an even bigger fraud because, here I am writing this book, here I am receiving this material, and even I don't have absolute faith in it! And if even I have my doubts, how can I possibly expect my readers to believe this stuff? And then I think I must be insane because I know I couldn't have come up with all the stuff in the previous chapters by myself. I know it is not within my capacity to do that. And so these words must be from you and J-D but then, why do I still doubt? And round and round I go.
So that's the issue. It's not overwhelming but it does bother me and feels heavy in my heart. So before we carry on with the next chapter I'd really like to get some resolution on this.
Can you help?
8: Yes.
To begin with, let's sort a few things out. Firstly, in the last chapter I said that you have mostly released your doubts and fears, and that it is as a result of this that you are now able to undertake the writing of The Ascension Papers. And this is true. You could not have received these words even one month before you actually began. You began when you were ready. And I also said that it will be as a result of writing The Ascension Papers that you will release the rest of your fears and doubts so that you can awaken to your true creator nature.
Do you not remember me saying that?
Z: Yes. That sounds about right.
8: So now. If I said that we were going to release the rest of your fears and doubts, then it must mean that I knew there were still some to release and that I intended to help you with them. And here we are today and you find you need to talk about this very subject. Well, that is perfect. It comes at the perfect time. And no, you don't need to resolve this with me before you can get back to writing the book. Resolving this with me now is writing the book and is as important as any other topic we might address. This very conversation is, in point of fact, Chapter 9.
Z: Really?
8: Joy-Divine said it:
"If you cannot see the perfection then you are standing too close to the picture."
Remember how it was true for you in the chapter about the Darklanders?
Z: I do.
8: Well it's going to be true for you in this chapter too. This chapter is about doubt. Sort of. It starts with doubt and it ends with you realising that you are a mystic.
Z: A what?
8: A mystic.
Z: Sorry, I heard what you said. I was registering my confusion. I'm not even completely sure what a mystic is, let alone how I come to be one by talking to you about my feelings of doubt.
8: Okay. Well, you have access to the Internet on this laptop. Take five minutes to get a quick definition of what mysticism is and then report back here.
(I do that. I literally take five minutes and get the briefest idea.)
Z: From what I have been able to glean from the Internet, a mystic seems to be someone who seeks direct, personal union with the divine. Someone who seeks (or finds) contact with God without the intervention of religious doctrines. There is also something about a mystic being an adherent of the "mystery schools". Now I do vaguely recall having heard that term before but, beyond that, I haven't a clue as to what these schools are or what they teach.
So mysticism seems to be all about some great mystery.
Which is appropriate because it's all a bit of a mystery to me!
8: That's fine. You have gained just enough understanding for the purposes of this discussion.
Next we need a brief definition of the word "mystery", if you'll be so kind.
Z: Okay. I'll go look it up.
(Which I do)
What I find is that the word "mystery" broadly means:
A secret. Something that is not known or is unexplained. Something that causes curiosity. Something that is only knowable by divine revelation.
And, interestingly enough, the word derives originally from the Greek word mustēs, which means "an initiate".
8: That is interesting, isn't it?
All right. Let's leave all that there for now. Next, I want to move on directly to your difficulty. You say you are struggling with doubt. Can you tell me where you think doubt comes from?
Z: I think it's from fear.
8: That's just a little too simplistic for my tastes. How about this:
“Doubt springs forth from an attachment to certainty.”
Or I could state it in the negative and say:
“Doubt originates from resistance to uncertainty.”
Z: Okay. Let me work with that for a second. There are many, many things I am uncertain about. I am, for example, completely uncertain about what my neighbour ate for breakfast this morning. But that's fine because it has no bearing on me. I have no attachment to that. By comparison, I am also uncertain that I will ever experience the second Singularity Event that J-D said was coming. But I really, really, really want that to happen! That's a measure of me finding my way Home. It's confirmation that I'm doing things right. And it's also the most wonderful, amazing experience. So...
8: So, you are resisting your uncertainty. On the one hand there is excitement because, “Oh wow, how amazing if it happens,” and on the other hand there is fear because, “Oh no, what if it doesn't happen?”
Z: You got it. That's exactly what it is. And it's the same thing with all of the information I get from you and J-D. There really is no way for me to always know if it is 100% correct. I mean I don't know that these conversations are not just a figment of my imagination. For goodness sake, I don't even know for a fact that you are not just a figment of my imagination.
8: But, isn't the fact that there is a “me” here to say, “I exist!” proof enough that I do exist?
Z: No... because the “you” that is here, is only “here” inside my mind.
8: But in the previous chapter you... oh... never mind. I was actually just having a little fun with you but you clearly aren't in the mood.
Z: Oh, right. Okay, I get the joke (smiles a little).
Perhaps I can give you a more concrete example then. How do I know that my “Mountain Experience”, as amazing as it was, wasn't just a once-off thing? How do I know that there will be a second Singularity Event? And how do my readers know (if they haven't had one) that they will ever have their Singularity Event experiences? How do we know anything? How do we cease to doubt?
8: So you doubt... and then you judge yourself for doubting?
Z: Yes. Because I am supposed to have faith.
8: Are you? When you encounter that which you are uncertain of, are you meant to “just believe”? Are you sure that's a good idea?
If someone approached you in the street tomorrow and proposed to sell you, for a mere hundred dollars, a magical cream that would turn everything to which it was applied into solid gold, would you believe him and just hand over the cash?
Z: (laughs) No, I'd insist to see it in action first, of course.
8: Okay, but be really honest now; if you saw it in action, would you then just give him the money?
Z: Truthfully, no. I don't believe that there is such a thing as a magical cream that can turn things to gold. It's not possible. How could you transform non-gold atoms into gold atoms? Short of nuclear reactions or something like that? How would you add or remove the precise number of atomic particles from each atom so that it would become a gold atom? This is nonsense. If I saw a totally convincing demonstration in which exactly this was done, I'd assume that I was observing a very talented illusionist who was either using his skills to con unsuspecting dupes out of cash or, perhaps, that I was the butt of an elaborate prank.
If I think about it, the only circumstance under which I would hand over the money is if he'd allow me to use this magical substance of his to create a thousand bucks worth of gold out of worthless junk, sell it, give him the money and then walk away with his magic cream.
8: That's smart. And it's this same kind of savvy that has served you quite well in your life. It has allowed you to make good decisions such that it has been quite seldom that you have been taken advantage of or taken for a fool. So this is good and useful. And this being smart only arises as a result of you correctly processing your uncertainty. You begin with the information presented. Then you weigh up the things you don't know or understand against what you do know. If you can resolve your uncertainty with what you already know, then fine. If you cannot resolve your uncertainty but it doesn't really matter (such as your example about your neighbour's breakfast menu this morning) then you shrug it off. But if it really matters – and our example of the cream that could make you rich would surely matter – then you find yourself doubting. And in our example, you used your doubt to drive a process of making sense of things such that you could come to a decision not to buy the magical cream.
What you did not do, is just believe. Just have faith. Just hand over the money.
So my question to you is this: why then do you expect yourself to behave differently when it comes to ideas and concepts shared with you by J-D and I?
Z: That's interesting. I'm not sure why.
8: Then I shall tell you why. In your mind you separate "real" stuff from "spiritual" stuff. And "real" stuff needs real proof whilst with "spiritual" stuff, you feel that you must just have faith and believe. And the reason for this is that you are suffering from one of the effects of religion. Most of the religions of your world work quite hard to propagate the notion that doubt is "bad". Well it isn't. It's just bad for business. Their business. If you belong to a religion, and then find yourself beginning to doubt, then what is happening is that you are finding that the answers that religion provides do not satisfy you. The things that they present to you that you do not know or do not understand cannot be resolved, in your mind, with the things you do know. And since the truth about God and your everlasting soul is quite an important thing, you find you can't shrug it off. You must know. So you doubt. The problem for the religions arises if you choose to pursue your doubts. Then you might very well find answers that do satisfy you elsewhere. And if you find better answers outside of that religion, you might very well leave that religion. Then you cease to do as it tells you. Cease to be controlled by the greater agenda of that religion's leaders. And, of course, cease to give them money. So it isn't odd that religious leaders are not too fond of people doubting and following their doubts to seek new and different answers from the ones they are providing. So they develop quite a cunning strategy: tell people that doubt is bad. Tell them that it is evidence of a wicked mind or of the devil in action. Make them feel really rotten about doubting. Then, when people do have uncertainty and questions, they will feel so bad about them that they won't go looking for answers to their questions. They will simply take the existence of their doubt as proof of their inherent sinfulness. And then they work extra hard to be "good". Mostly they will become fanatical about their faith as a means to cope with their doubt. Clever huh?
Z: Maybe. But it's not very nice, is it?
8: If you are of the opinion that religions propagate around your world by being "nice", then you are extremely unobservant. I don't say that the original teachings upon which the religions are founded do not contain any good, for clearly they do. And I don't say that there is not also some good done in the name of various religions, because clearly there is. But if you are ignoring the fact that religion's prime purpose is to be a tool of power and control of the masses, then you have your head in the sand.
But this chapter is not actually about religion. And I am not actually against religion per se because it has a role to play and no-one is actually a victim here. Right now all I actually wish to indicate is that religion has had a pervasive effect on shaping your planetary psyche. And given that it is very much contrary to the interests of religion that you question spiritual concepts, it is no surprise that you have a pre-programmed negative response to doubt.
"Do not doubt, just have faith!" they tell you. But in any other sphere of life, if you just believe what you are told, you end up getting cheated out of your possessions. And so, a little neurosis is born:
"I must just have faith in relation to spiritual matters, but I must keep my wits about me and trust my own experience everywhere else," you tell yourself.
But this is patently silly! Surely there should be nothing more real than your spirituality? Your own truest nature – your spirit self – should be the most real thing of all! So why should you not always simply trust your own truth and your own experience?
So now we have to undo some of this programming. We have to reconcile spirituality and real life. We have to dis-intermediate these clergymen and their doctrines from between you and your soul, between you and the ONE; the Source-God of which you are, in truth, an inseparable part. Because really, what silliness is this that you should have to go to some other person with ancient texts in order that you should know that which is within your heart; that which lies as close as your own breath?
Z: That does seem like an odd notion.
8: It is appropriate for those who seek to enter more deeply into duality to do so, for they are creating a victim state for themselves. They burrow ever deeper into duality by saying, "I do not hold my own truth, someone else must hold it for me."
And so they always seek experts to tell them what is true: clergy, politicians, lawyers, doctors, scientists and so forth. These authorities must tell them what is in their own reality. But for those who seek to arise from this density, it is not so. Awakening ones might certainly take another being's perspective into account; you might share with them and learn from them. But your connection with God, Divinity and oneness can only occur directly and personally.
For the ascending ones it becomes appropriate to cease attempting to separate "spirituality" from "life". For the awakening being, all of life becomes “spiritual”. For example, for us here in the upper densities of consciousness, there is no such concept as "spirituality" or "religion" because everything is "spiritual". And religion – being a set of doctrines and beliefs to which we must adhere – is utterly pointless to us. You see, everything is done in relationship with the ONE. It is all in service to God. We don't have to think about it, or try to be pious, or set aside some time for it. We can, quite simply, do no other.
So let me then complete my point here and say this: release your judgement of yourself for doubting. This judgement is unnecessary, counter-productive and causes you pain. You doubt, quite simply, because you do not know. Let me use your next Singularity Event as an example to illustrate the point. When Joy-Divine explained this to you and you understood that it was coming and what that meant, it was quite natural to feel excited and happy about the prospect. It is also quite natural to then think about it and to begin to wonder. To find that you “don't know about this”. This is uncertainty.
Now, if you were to begin to fervently hope that it was true, perhaps even to believe that you needed it to be true for you to be okay, then you begin to focus on the uncertainty. You begin to attach yourself to it. It becomes a gnawing doubt. And if that's not bad enough, you now also decide that this doubt itself is bad.
In so doing you create a neurosis. You doubt, but you think doubt is bad, so you try to stop doubting, but you cannot create certainty, so you doubt even more. And so you find yourself spiralling into what I call "debilitating doubt".
Remember, one of the derived truths in the last chapter was, "What you put out is what you get back"?
Z: Yes. I remember.
8: And the corollary of that, is the equally true statement, "What you resist, persists."
Z: Right.
8: So if you feel doubt, you can either do something about it, or you can focus on the doubt itself. If you focus on the doubt itself and wrestle with it, then it "persists". You get more of it. And, holding a judgement about your doubt that tells you that the doubt itself is wrong, is pretty much guaranteed to make you focus on the doubt. You are quite likely to get an attack of "debilitating doubt".
Round and round and round you go. You keep doubting and you keep feeling bad about it. All because somewhere inside of you there resides this originating thought that you may not doubt.
Perverse. Odd. And not very useful.
Z: Wow, huh? I see that. Okay. So then I'd like to let go of that judgement. Maybe it is okay for me to feel doubt about ever experiencing another Singularity Event...
8: Let's leave the specifics of your doubts aside for a moment. Let's look rather at what is going on behind the scenes.
Do you know the future?
Z: Well... No.
8: Do you have any certainty at all about what will happen in the future?
Z: No.
8: Do you feel like you have control over the future?
Z: No.
8: Do you have your own direct and personal knowledge of the material J-D and I are sharing with you in these conversations?
Z: No. If I did, I wouldn't need you to tell me about it.
8: So, there is no way for you to be certain within yourself about these things at this point?
Z: No.
8: Well, there you have it then. Uncertainty is what you have and uncertainty is completely reasonable under these circumstances. The problem comes in with your attachment. You want certainty about this information. But what you have not yet understood is that this cannot actually be. The things J-D and I tell you of, and perhaps even more especially the things Adamu will tell you of, are not meant to be taken as articles of faith that you must simply believe! These are the things that we, as a result of our experiences have come to know to be true. And, as these things are not in your experience, we share them with you knowing that you will respond with surprise, amazement and wonder. These are our gifts to you that you can test, and try and see if they are also good and right for you. As your journey unfolds, you can use these, our gifts, as tools for your own growth.
What I am saying is that, at the very heart of the matter, all we are doing is offering you our perspectives. It is up to you to decide if you will make use of these gifts to inform the ways in which you will create yourself and your reality. We cannot create for you. And we cannot take from you your right to create something other than what we have created for ourselves. This would be absurd. Joy-Divine, 8 and Adamu are not the creators of your world and are certainly not responsible for what you and everyone else on Earth will or will not create.
So, until you create an experience and, in so doing, make it true for yourself, all we have done here is shine the light on certain distinct possibilities for you. And so, until you have created something as true for yourself, your uncertainty is right and good and healthy.
What is unhealthy is for you to attach to the uncertain outcomes and, even worse, to stand in judgement of yourself for being uncertain. It isn't wrong if you choose to do that. It's just not taking you forward to where you want to be. And it hurts you. It is, as I say, unhealthy.
Z: I understand, 8. So I'd like to stop doing that then. I'd like to stop getting stuck in my attachments to that of which I am uncertain. And if I do feel doubt, to stop judging myself for it.
8: Excellent. And that is what I am going to help you with in this chapter. I am going to help you to gain a better understanding of uncertainty. I am going to teach you of its power and magnificence. The result of this will not be that you will have no more uncertainty or that you will never again doubt. The result will be that you will embrace your uncertainty and learn to use it in wonderful new ways. You will come to see it as an amazing gift.
Z: Really, 8? That sounds quite hard to believe.
8: Does it? Then I accept the challenge! (he laughs)
To start with, let us create a hypothetical situation:
Imagine you are sitting next to a camp-fire on a dark and moonless night. You can only see as far as the light of the fire penetrates the gloom and you have no other source of light.
What do you do? Do you huddle closer and closer to the fire and shiver with fear at every leaping shadow? Or do you respond to the dark, unknown landscape with curiosity?
If you feel fear, then you stay put. You probably won't even look out at the darkness because it makes you feel uneasy.
If, instead of fear, you feel playful curiosity then, without a second thought, you stand up and venture out into the darkness. You allow your eyes to adjust to the darkness and begin to explore and to open yourself to new discoveries. And, in so doing, you expand your knowledge of your environment. And, as you learn new things, so you actually expand yourself!
Now this is obviously just a hypothetical situation. I am not saying that one should be foolhardy and stumble around in the dark of night. I am simply illustrating a point, which is about the way you respond to the unknown. If you respond to it with joy, you experience expansion of the Self. If you respond to it in fear, you experience a contraction of the Self.
Now the thing you must understand is that there is, and always will be, a great amount of "unknown" in your experience of life. There will always and forever be a great deal to be uncertain about.
Z: Really, 8? Always? Even for someone like you?
8: (laughs) Oh my goodness, yes! Let me explain: the ONE is infinite, right?
Z: Right.
8: And within the ONE is an infinite multiplexity of manyness, right?
Z: Yes...
8: And, since change is the only constant, all of that manyness is eternally and infinitely changing, expanding and growing. Right?
Z: Right.
8: Do you understand what that means? It means that the ONE is infinite and yet is expanding at an infinitely fast rate! It is simply mind boggling to even attempt to comprehend it. And this of course means that there is an impossibly huge amount of stuff "out there" beyond the periphery of any one being's perceptual field. And what is "out there" just gets more and more! And no matter how fast you grow, learn, experience and understand, the "unknown" will always grow faster than you. Because the faster you "expand", the more you expand the ONE and the faster you help all other aspects of the ONE to grow. It's really awesomely beautiful. The mystery just deepens and expands.
So yes, assuredly, there is always more and more unknown, uncharted and unexplored territory. There is always newness. There is always mystery. And mystery, when viewed from the personal perspective, is uncertainty. The question is quite simply how you will choose to respond to it. Will you shrink back from it in fear or will you explore it with joy? That is up to you. And, as always, you will get exactly what you are creating and you will experience the results of your creation.
Do you follow?
Z: Yes. Thank you for the patient explanation. That makes sense.
8: So let's see how this has worked in your life. Let me ask you this: that boy who first sat down with a pebble in his hand and asked me if I was "out there".
(Zingdad note: see Chapter 1: An Introduction to Zingdad)
That boy who asked me if I loved him. That boy who sat there night after night asking his questions and laboriously finding a path out of his incomprehension with yes/no answers...
Was he venturing out into the darkness or was he sitting close to the fire?
Z: He was venturing out.
8: And how did that work out for him?
Z: Quite well, it seems.
8: You think?
I think it was one of your finest moments!
If you think about it, The Ascension Papers and all the other processes and questing that you have done, all flowed forth from that moment. Certainly, along the way you developed and refined your ability to listen. But it was in that first moment with that pebble in your hand that you stood up from your comfortable, safe spot at the fire. You turned to face the darkness of the unknown and you stepped forth boldly for the very first time. With no precedent, with no cause to believe that it would work, with no-one to show you the way, you chose joy over fear in the face of uncertainty.
It was a moment of your life that I will always treasure.
I had no intention, in this lifetime of yours, to have conversations like this with you. It was not a part of any plan that I was aware of that I'd reveal myself to you and that we'd converse as we now do. But how could I resist such courage, such a willingness to open yourself, to expand yourself and to explore the unknown? I could not! You made my heart beam. I was so proud to be a part of what you were trying to do. And so I could not help but play along.
And now, in continuing these conversations, you continue to broaden your search. You continue to expand yourself into the darkness. In fact you turn the areas of darkness you encounter into areas of light by the very act of exploring them. You bring your light to them.
And this is what you have done with uncertainty.
Do you not see? The Ascension Papers is entirely a product of your uncertainty. And you don't know it yet, but The Ascension Papers is just the beginning. This is really just the record of your first foray into the darkness of uncertainty. You have an eternity of discovery and creation ahead of you. You cannot now even begin to imagine the beauty and joy that will flow forth from your future creations as you bring your light to the darkness. As you expand into uncertainty.
Now, I ask you, do you wish for us to take away your uncertainty? Do you wish to cease to experience it?
Z: Good grief, 8, that is a very surprising perspective on all this. Wow. No, I guess I don't want to stop having uncertainty.
But how do I not get attached; how do I not slip into debilitating doubt?
8: