Gratitude is a quality of Essence, and when we are feeling it, we are in Essence. When we are not feeling it, expressing it anyway can get us to feel it, and expressing gratitude will also help others in our life drop into Essence. Expressing gratitude is good for you and good for those you express gratitude to. It’s a simple thing you can do that will help you and those around you live more from Essence.
It’s surprising how uplifting gratitude, even over little things, can be: “I love that you remembered to do that.” “You’re so wonderful at fixing things.” “I appreciate how sweet you are.” Giving and receiving gratitude for something small feels just as good as giving and receiving it for something big. The small things that others do for us are so often overlooked and taken for granted, but they are real opportunities to express our gratitude and thus keep the good feelings going in our relationships.
There’s always something to be grateful for—just the fact that you and your loved ones are together for another day (someday this will no longer be true), that you can function as you do, that you have what you have. The fact that someone is willing to do anything for us is quite a miracle; it’s an act of love. These acts of love are natural to Essence, but not natural at all to the ego. Every act of giving without trying to get something in return comes from Essence.
Tension in relationships is often caused by not feeling appreciated, and gratitude is the antidote to that. A lack of appreciation for our partner and what he or she does comes from being identified with the ego. When we are identified with the ego, we notice what someone hasn’t done for us. And we don’t notice what he or she has done for us, so we don’t feel appreciation. We take for granted the good qualities and good acts of our partner and, instead, focus on what else we want. We demand more, without appreciating what we have. We forget what we fell in love with about our partner, and we want more or something different. We forget to express gratitude because we don’t feel appreciative. But this lack of appreciation can be turned around by simply expressing gratitude, whether you feel it or not.
When you are identified with the ego, your partner is bound to feel unappreciated. And when your partner feels unappreciated, he or she wants to be acknowledged by you. When you do that, his or her ego can relax because, even though the ego doesn’t express appreciation, it does expect to receive it! When your partner experiences appreciation, your partner’s ego is soothed, and he or she can drop into Essence. Often, it isn’t that your partner isn’t willing to give to you; it’s that your partner just wants to be acknowledged and appreciated for giving.
A little appreciation goes a long way in relationships. It results in cooperation, in the willingness to be helpful to each other, while a lack of appreciation often results in the withdrawal of love and giving, which can have a very negative, spiraling effect. To turn this negative spiral around, gratitude, appreciation, praise, and compliments do wonders. Sometimes that’s all that is needed for harmony, happiness, and love to flow once again.
From Loving in the Moment