One from the Heart
A friend of mine called me last week to tell me that his wife of 28 years had left him. Obviously distraught and full of grief he could not understand how a woman he had “done everything for” could have upped and left without, it seems, a care in the world.
Bob (not his real name) had indeed been the perfect husband. Finished work early to help cook meals and put the kids to bed, refused golf trips to ensure he did his bit, in fact avoided any potential conflict by simply not allowing it to happen or giving in before it became problematic.
In many instances Bob’s behavior might at some stage have created a backlash in Bob. When one party in a relationship, be it business or marital, makes all the concessions the victim-like behavior can create so much animosity as to sour any ongoing desire to continue. Every worm will eventually turn.
In this instance the respect due to Bob was somehow lost. His partner seemed to think it was OK to fool around and that Bob (as always) would be there to pick up any pieces. She had seen him do it every time before, maybe not in an infidelity situation (everyone has a limit) but certainly in every other conflict that had happened before.
What can we learn from this as negotiators?
One-sided relationships eventually are doomed to failure. If you are being treated badly by a client/supplier/spouse you need to analyze why, and either recalibrate the relationship or change your value to the other party so they do it for you.
If you are on the power side beating up the other party only works for so long before you change your tack, or your partners.
The respect we show to who we work and live with however, should never be lost. Alan