Why Mr Nice Guy Is a Deal-Breaker
I recently ran a course in a hotel where the coffee break was served in the main meeting room whilst some of the participants prepared for their negotiating exercise in a room at the very end of the corridor. Because they were missing all the food, to be fair to them I assembled a big plate of sandwiches, cakes and biscuits and took it to them. The three young ladies looked at the plate and looked at me, and in one voice said “Where’s the coffee?”
I should have known better than to expect any other reaction. The fact is on every course, particularly on the earlier live exercises, we watch some participants demonstrate good will by giving unconditionally to the other party. When asked why they do this they reply that they believe that a good will gesture/gift/flexibility sets up a co-operative atmosphere as a first step to a “win-win” deal. However whenever I see demonstrations of good will, I find myself saying “oops!” under my breath.
We can predict with certainty what happens as a response to good will and this to most people is shocking. Perhaps to be convinced by what I am saying you have to attend one of our courses but whether you believe it or not, without exception, and I mean “without exception” the rewarded party having received something for nothing as if by reflex asks for more. The fact is when one party unilaterally gives something without placing any condition upon the concession this creates greed in the receiving party, we have witnessed this many hundreds of times, irrefutable evidence, this is a basic human condition, we simply cannot stop ourselves.
Most people would say that the side who simply take without returning the “favor” are the party that cause the process to fall apart. A negotiating consultant however will tell you that goodwill is a catalyst of negotiation breakdown. Of course