Happy Ever After
The secret to newly-wed bliss? Irrational optimism about your partner.
If marriage, like relationships with clients or suppliers, is about compromise, then happy marriage is about self-delusion. So say researchers at the University of Buffalo. They followed 222 married couples through the first 3 years together and found that the ones who went into the relationship idealizing their partners ended up happier together than those who went in with a clearer picture of their other half’s limitations.
Why would it be better to look at your spouse as Fabio rather than a flabby hubby?
Researchers attribute this to the vast power of the heart to overrule the head. The power of the id above that of the ego. People really can convince themselves that their spouse is better looking, kinder or even more virtuous than they actually are – at least for a few years. The problem may come in when the reality begins to hit home.
Think of this as the new business relationship. The client seems to be offering the perfect brief, the major opportunity for growth and profitability. The supplier promises promotional support and first pass at new brand extensions. The rose colored spectacles come out of the closet.
Of course optimism is not in itself a bad thing, just temper it with the cold commercial light of day. Take time with your team to plan the future. Preparation is the most consistent guide to negotiating performance. What you do or do not do in the run up to the negotiation will show up when you start the courtship.
For negotiators, too often time spent in planning is in rehearsing the arguments to defend a position and attack the other side. The negotiator needs to think about their objectives, what they are and where they have flexibility. How they manage that flexibility will define their success at the table a