Family, Friends and the Strange Case of the Viral Email
The big news today in the UK was not the one day strike which forced most schools to close and produced a depleted service at airport immigration desks. It was the furor and amusement caused by the email from a mother to her son’s fiancée about a lack of good manners. The fiancée, Heidi Withers, forwarded the email to some of her friends, and it went viral. No-one is sure who is more bruised; the mother with her reactionary views or the fiancée who seems to demonstrate a considerable lack of grace.
But this is no news at all. We all know just how difficult it is to deal with family conflicts. It seems to me that writing a snotty email is a recipe for disaster, topped only by the decision to make it public by circulating it to friends.
Here are the main issues raised by mother-in-law to be Carolyn Bourne about Heidi’s lack of manners, with the responses we like to think Heidi might have used had she been on a Scotwork negotiating skills course:
“When you are a guest in another ’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something.”
“ If you ask me in advance what kind of food I like, I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me.”
“Do not remark that you do not have enough food.
“Are there any circumstances I could have a second helping?”
“Do not start (eating) before everyone else.”
“Perhaps you could explain your reason for serving dinner when everyone except me seems to be busy doing something else.”
“Do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.”
“Can you explain the basis of your decision to put only 3 peas on my plate?”
“When a guest in another ’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early”.
“Which aspects of my lying in bed until late m