Who Are You?
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
— George Bernard Shaw
“We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves”
— Tony Robbins
“Personalities are all made of the same thing: Some old energy attached to a memory.”
— Deepak Chopra, The Ways of the Wizard
“The person we believe ourselves to be will always act in a manner consistent with our self-image.”
— Brian Tracy
“Your biography is not your destiny. Your decisions are.”
— Tony Robbins
The following is an excerpt from the first tape in Tony Robbins’ Audiotape Series Lessons In Mastery:
The Story About the Frog and the Scorpion
“One day a scorpion was trying to cross a stream. He saw a frog and said, “What a good way to cross the stream.” He called out to the frog, ‘Mr. frog, I’m a scorpion, and I need to get across to my family on the other side. Would you be willing to let me ride on your back across to the other side. It’s the only way I can get across.’ The frog looked at him and said, ‘Well, uh, I don’t think so.’ The scorpion said, ‘How come?’ The frog replied, ‘Well, you’re a scorpion. Scorpions sting frogs. I’d get halfway across there, and you’d sting me, and I’d die.’ The scorpion looked at him and said, ‘Oh, Mr. frog, you’re not thinking with your little frog brain. If I stung you, I’d kill you, but I’d drown too. I wouldn’t do that — I’d be killing myself.’ The frog looked at him and said, ‘That is true…okay.’ The frog let the scorpion on his back and started making his way across the stream, and, about halfway across, sure enough, the scorpion stings him. The frog can’t believe it! As they’re both going down, the frog turns to the scorpion and says, ‘I can’t believe you did this! Why’d you do this? I’m dying, but you’re going to die, too! WHY!?’ And the scorpion said, ‘Because I’m a scorpion, and that’s what scorpions do — they sting frogs.’”
This story is great because it represents how self-perceived identities must remain consistent with the behavior of the individual. If, deep down, someone sees him- or herself as a person who doesn’t take risks, doesn’t try new things, or doesn’t feel confident, do you think his or her behavior will be affected by those beliefs? Of course, it will. That person will rarely take risks, rarely try to experience new things, and rarely be confident enough to ever accomplish anything worthwhile. We all make mistakes. No one’s perfect. It’s okay to feel stupid at times or do something stupid, or not always feel completely confident, or to procrastinate sometimes.
But when you start thinking you can’t do anything right, you’ll never get the job, the girl, the life you really want. That’s when you allow your beliefs about who you are to affect your behavior. Once you define yourself as being a certain way, your behavior will reflect that identity. So the tough kid on campus has to always act and talk tough because he sees himself as being tough, and so does everyone else. If, all of a sudden, he started acting like a sissy boy, the other kids would be confused. “That’s the tough kid. He’s supposed to act tough, talk tough, be tough.” His behavior would no longer match his identity, and, eventually, he will lose that identity. We all have self-perceived identities — how we see ourselves — and identities that are given to us from our peers.
This is how stereotypes are created. When someone describes you in a way that is not how you perceive yourself, you should ask yourself why. Perhaps your behavior is not matching how you see yourself. You must go from wanting to be a certain way to actually being who you want to be. It’s all in your head.
If you are a drug addict, an alcoholic, a smoker, or an unhealthy, overweight person, more than likely, you define yourself that way. When you try to stop, you are trying to stop the behavior, but you have not changed your identity. So you will always be a drug addict, an alcoholic, a smoker, or an overweight person who is trying to stop. Your identity will always conflict with your behavior because you’re trying to be someone you’re not.
“Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true.”
— Brian Tracy
“Your beliefs about who you are define what you will and will not do. It goes way beyond what you’re capable of. Are you capable of murder? Some people will say, ‘Well, I may be capable of it, but I would never do it.’ There’s a big difference between capability and how you live. And closing that gap requires an understanding of identity. An understanding about how to stop pursuing the person you want to be and, in the moment, suddenly being that person. Right now! And from this day forward.”
— Tony Robbins, Lessons In Mastery audio tapes
Change the names, change the associations
Emotions are associated with words, including the words you use to describe yourself. Your words will create the perception of who you think you are and what you do. This is why you must be careful with the words you use to describe yourself, your career, and everything else. Let’s create some fun new names for the different roles you play in life, both personally and professionally.
Examples: If you’re a school teacher or professor, you’re so much more than just a school teacher or professor. Don’t limit yourself to that plain, boring description of what you do. Let’s spice that up and instead of school teacher or professor, we say, “Wizard of the Class,” “Developer and Mentor of the Future,” “Gandalf — You Shall Not Pass (my class)!” It can be anything — just make it more fun and exciting than, “Oh hi, I’m a school teacher.” By changing the name, you change the association and perception of what you do, and you can change the way you feel about what you do.
Here are some more examples:
Stockbroker: “Treasure Hunter” or “Pirate”
Salesperson: “Helpful Enthusiast” or “Master Influencer”
Doctor: “Powerful Healer” or “Healer of the Sick”
Business Owner: “Free Spirit” or “King of the Castle”
Chiropractor: “Masterful Healer” or “Spine Wizard”
Mother: “Creator of Life,” “Best Friend,” “Queen of Prodigies,” “Nurturer,” “Master Chef,” “House Decorator,” and much more.
Father: “Role Model,” King of Prodigies,” “Master of Responsibility,” “Bread Maker,” “Best Friend,” “Powerful Influencer,” and much more.
Boyfriend: “Giver of Butterflies,” “Romantic Charmer,” “Lover,” “Best Friend,” and much more.
Girlfriend: “Angel,” “Enchanting,” “Lover,” “Best Friend,” and much more.
Husband: “Agreeable Practitioner,” “King Giver,” “Master of intimacy,” and much more.
Wife: “Lover,” “Queen Giver,” “Sexual Sorcerer,” and much more.
Have fun creating new names for yourself in your personal and professional lives. You may find simple enjoyment from a new name that you can call yourself. It’s just another way to add some fun and color to your life. Remember that the words you use to describe yourself have a powerful impact on the way you will perceive yourself, and that will affect the way you live and enjoy your life.
Random Fact
Your nose and ears never stop growing.
