CHAPTER 11
Elly arrived back in New York safely and although somewhat subdued on the telephone, when I began to discuss my proposed adventure, the conversation became more up beat and uplifting.
The following months were to be one of the most important times of my life, perhaps not just for me but for Elly also, not forgetting all of the wonderful people around us. It was something I had thought about from the day I arrived back from my first visit to see Elly. Throughout our conversations and visits, it became apparent, of the extent Elly had got to me, her whole persona had taken over my life in every way, the way she made me feel, think, act and deeply love again. This was not a decision made lightly, nor was it the bright lights of New York luring me to another land, it was simply for love and to be with a person whom I genuinely felt was right for me, I know your reaching for that sick bucket again, no really, it can happen, we have one shot, we can’t turn the clocks back, nor can we say, “if only”, it was right, it was now.
My preparations began, well they were in place more or less already, all I had to do was sell my business. The property market was slow, yet odd commercial properties were selling in my area, but at a low purchase figure. I had reduced the price to entice just one potential buyer, that was all I needed, surprisingly I had six viewings, three of which returned to look again, then two of the six viewings, made me offers. One of the offers was simply a side splitting laugh, which was a no from me, the other offer was the one, I was so ecstatic, the asking price was offered by a young couple who wanted to start their own business, they had never owned a business nor entered in to such a huge step together, but they were keen to purchase. This was music to my ears. Being the person I was and still am, I assured them both, I would be happy to help them in any way I could and in actual fact I did.
My solicitor was instructed to go ahead with the sale, where she advised me that I was selling my business too cheap, that the prospective buyers, were getting a real bargain and was I sure that I wanted to go ahead with the sale, my answer was, which I’m sure you can answer that one for me, yes it was a big fat YES.
Now it became a reality to savour, a sweet taste of stage one complete, I know and understand, the completion of the sale was not yet signed and sealed but at least I was seeing some form of progress towards my move, to be with Elly.
Two months went by and I had continued to pack and prepare for my mammoth move to America, it seemed like a life time, I know it wasn’t, it was really me grabbing time to push it out of the way and wade through the process of all the stuff, I wish was already done, so I could just jump on the plane and get to Elly. Elly and I spoke oceans during the two months, remaining excited and full of future promise for our time ahead together. We never failed to cram so much conversation in our telephone calls and never forgot the cost of the cards which we ran up sky high minutes on, this was a financial hole in the pocket well spent, as we both knew, that soon that expense would be a thing of the past and a keepsake of our history.
It was a tense few months, waiting in hope the sale of my business would not fall through and that the rookie couple would sign on the dotted line, finding my financial status would blossom, with the sight of my bank balance flourishing and blooming with pounds essentially needed to fund a new future.
It was February 94 and I received a telephone call from my solicitor saying, “Hi it’s Cassey, hand the keys over to your new owners, your money is in your bank, you have successfully sold your business”, with this overwhelming ecstatically happy news, I was calm and professional with Cassey, even though she knew how much this meant to me, I replied, “Cassey, thank you so much, words right now are beyond me, but I think you already know how I feel, thank you so much”. With this, Cassey said goodbye, chuckling as the telephone went down. I had a great relationship with Cassey, she always said it as it was and advised me throughout our dealings together with the sale of my business, so I knew she also was really happy for me, even though the price was contrary to her advise. I stood rigid, my hand over my mouth, why do we do this, no one is there, we still inhale and exhale, an action of surprise or shock, prompts us to cover our mouth or put our hand on our head, why, no purpose really, but hey I don’t care right now, my business is sold, I’m going to America and you know what, I fly out to my new life with Elly in two days, oh my life, yes oh my life, it really is, my life……………..
I wrote a small list of “things to do”, this right now was a good idea, as my mind was running so fast, I knew somewhere along the way, I would forget something or miss small details which were fundamental towards leaving my old life and beginning the new.
I had purposely said to myself, don’t multi task, one thing at a time, complete one before you move on to another, that thought failed immediately, the sense of urgency was engraved within and I was determined to complete my list at a pace, where my life depended on it, in an emotional way, it did, my time management had to be spot on to the hour, so here goes.
I contacted the new owners of the business and they were somewhat happy yet also subdued. Perhaps they were shocked, nervous, apprehensive and excited all rolled in to one, but never the less, now knew, they were the new owners of a business. I arranged for them to pick the keys up in 2 days, the day I was flying out to New York, this way, I felt a proper hand over and a quick emotional exit for me. I didn’t want to linger any longer than I had to, therefore, it was for me a moment planned, the quicker the better. After all, I was leaving not only my successful business but also my home, a place of many memories and although some not to savour, for me I had no regrets, simply realizing what a huge leap of faith I was taking, this alone, conjured so many thoughts and feelings but none of them with regret.
My checklist was nearing an end, the final two listed were, secure the premises and check luggage along with passport and all documentation I needed.
My checklist was complete………………………..
February 8th 2004 arrived, the UK weather was brilliant sunshine, typical when usually it was raining, but this day began bright and nervous. It was 6am, warm under my duvet and slowly I stirred from actually a great nights sleep, thank the Lord. For a few seconds it didn’t dawn on me the importance of this day, until my mind and body, kicked in to touch, today I fly to New York, today I leave my home, business, family, friends and my mum, I begin a new life with Elly, oh my life, the new owners will be here in two hours, get up, get up.
I leaped up, straight to bathroom, showered, dressed, placed my luggage in the hallway, checked again all of my documentation, made a cup of tea, sat down, I think I was breathing at this stage, even though I couldn’t remember if I did in between my frenzy of my final checks, then I stopped, sipped my hot tea and dropped my shoulders.
I had twenty minutes before the new owners arrived, in this time, I cried a little, scanning my memories of my surroundings, as I have mentioned earlier, some good even very good, yet some very sad and wish to forget. I couldn’t help thinking, what would or could have been, yet we all know, the past is now history, no turning the clock back. I do wish though, that my life could have been different, where my choices and decisions determined a more positive outcome, yet at the time, I didn’t see this and dealt with the situation in a split second as it happened. Like I say, one shot at life, therefore, my choice and future, are now made, no turning back, leave the past behind and step forward in to a new future.
Oh, they are here, the bell actually made me jump, I was so deep in thought, how strange when your mind blocks everything around you and a familiar sound or vision, places you back, to the here and now.
I approached the door sprightly, smiling as I opened the door and there they were, slightly sheepish, so I welcomed them in to their new home. I had one hour before the taxi arrived to take me to the airport, so this time was precious, if I was to show them, the basics.
I remember the first day, no heating on, it was cold, no previous owners to show me the ropes, no tour of the property, no security run down, infarct no nothing, I mean we, Becky and I, we had to find our own way, pure discovery. Oh and in the coming three days, a party of twelve girls arriving, what a culture shock that was likely to be, for the new owners.
Anyhow, I wasn’t going to do this for the new owners, I had an hour, so I was going to show them as much as possible, without baffling them with science, I wanted to make it simple, yet effective, I wanted them to feel as comfortable as possible in their new surroundings. They did look baffled, even before I started, so I made them a cuppa, drink as we go, so to speak.
Thirty minutes flew by and I was trying so hard to concentrate on showing them essentials, but my mind also was away with a fairy, I mean Elly, I couldn’t help it, as in 8 hours, I would be with her. Stop, concentrate, so back to basics, I continued to show and explain as much as possible, in the remaining thirty minutes, we had five minutes left, where we sat down. We began to briefly chat about my trip and their apprehension, I couldn’t help but think, that only one of the partnership seemed keen to impress, the other seemed shy and reserved. In the last moments of our chat, I couldn’t help myself, where I said, “Look, here is my phone number in America, if you need to ask me anything, please call me”, what I saying, I had sold the business, it had nothing to do with me, I had no obligation at all to offer this, but the simple fact was, I felt like they did years ago and I wanted them to have at least, a good start and not feel alone. Was this the right the thing to do, my answer, yes it was, simply because, sometimes we need others for help and that is exactly, why I gave them my telephone number.
Once again the door bell rang, it was the taxi, here I go, with a fond farewell, a hug and good luck, I loaded the taxi with my heaps of luggage, stepped in to the taxi, waved the girls goodbye and my home slowly disappeared from sight. My home, it was no longer my home, simply a swift end to such an eventful part of my life, it had gone in a split second, fading away, to become a vision and memory of the past. I didn’t feel sad nor any regret, but I did feel a sense of loss, this I feel was the memories, events and hard work I had ploughed in to the business, now a thing stamped and placed in the past.
The taxi was warm and the driver friendly, but to be honest, I just wanted to be quiet, I wanted to go back to the place I was when I was having my cuppa, where my mind blocked out everything around me. The taxi driver was chatting away and without being rude, I listened intermittently, where I acknowledged him with a nod or smile. I really didn’t want to chat, which is unusual for me, really it is, I just wanted to relax, with my own thoughts and slumped posture, comfortable without moving an inch, I just wanted to be within myself, a place to think, a place where I could gather, all of the mixed and treasured memories. It was a time, where reflection for me was needed right at this time, I flicked through snap shots in my mind, remembering and smiling from within. I captured various events from my time with Becky, also with Elly, I compared what was and what I hope my future to be. I think we are all guilty of theory building in our heads and yet, most of our thoughts are diminished immediately, as not all of them if any, come to fruition.
The taxi ride seemed a speedy one and I hadn’t noticed most of the journey, yet we were pulling in to the airport departures bay.
The driver opened his door, where a sharp gust of air came in to the car, basically jolting me in to a “move your butt mode”, I too opened my door, got out of the taxi and proceeded to collect my luggage from the side pathway. The driver, jolly as ever, said, “there you go love, all present and correct”, I replied, “thank you very much, take care”, he replied, “I will and you too, enjoy the Big Apple”, it took me back a little, that those simple words he said, I was going to New York, I really was stepping on to a plane and flying half way around the world, to live there. With this, I placed myself back in to check, said my goodbye to the driver turned and made my way to the check in desk. I needed a trolly, as I had three cases and two smaller bags, this was all I had, oh besides the two large cases I left with Elly from my last trip.
I had thirty five minutes before I boarded the plane, bound for JFK New York, in this time, I slowly walked towards the boarding gate, mindful I would be closer to board and could grab a coffee, a little caffeine to stimulate the early morning swagger, along with keeping my mind alert. My mind alert, right now, I felt so relaxed, it didn’t make sense really, I had just sold my business, left all that I knew, I’m alone, surrounded by people I don’t know, boarding a plane going one way to New York, beginning a new life with another, entering a new country, new culture, no job, no visa, no nothing, well a little money, which to be honest, was not important, as the reality was, my peace of mind, I was free of negativity around me, I felt liberated, hey that’s a great word, no really, my mind was clear, free from complication, decision making and brain storming, no pleasing others in my life, I felt privileged to own how I felt, knowing my future to be, was a thought provoking time, to say the least, but I made this monumental choice, I took the opportunity to make a new life for me, away from ex partners. They would always be in my past but at least I could have a breathe of fresh air, away from any old influences.
All these thoughts, certainly ate away at the time left before boarding, in 10 minutes I was getting on that plane.
“bbe, bbe, bbe”, for a split second, I didn’t react to a voice in the crowd yelling so loud, that I recognised, then I turned not to attract too much attention, that wasn’t going to happen, attention was her middle name. My eye’s nearly popped out of their sockets and my mouth opened as wide as the Grand Canyon, it was…. you’ve guessed it…. Becky. Oh my life, it was for me, an instant watery eye’s moment. Becky had driven for over an hour, at speed to see me before I left. We had already agreed, no goodbye’s on the day, due to exactly what was about to happen.
Becky flung her arms around me so tight, I could have burst open, I felt lifted with happiness, that Becky had taken the time to drive all this way to see me, for what was a few brief minutes. In the last minutes before I boarded the plane, Becky told me she was sorry for the past, wish things could have been different and that she loved me. We both loved each other, our relationship was so special, where we had met on common ground, the love I felt, had become more respected for each other, we knew where our hearts lay now and moving on was a given. I loved Becky for simply being Becky, her qualities do show through, even though at times, she lost herself and became quite an unsavoury character, never the less, Becky was still my friend. We hugged some more, smiled endearingly at each other and began to cry. It was many emotions, scrambled in to one single moment, but my life lay 1000’s of miles away and it was there, where I wanted to place myself.
I turned and walked towards the boarding gate, looking back at Becky’s face, tears ledged on her cheeks, hands in pockets, smiling through the sadness of me walking away, then I passed my ticket to the attendant, I walked through the check in, turned for the last time, waved to Becky, where she waved back, this time sobbing and so was I, Becky went out of sight.
I didn’t even feel embarrassed that my face looked like a swollen melon, nor the fact my eyes looked like battered golf balls, it was sad to leave Becky, we had already said our goodbye’s yet she had to be there, the tears and upset were a result of what we had wanted to avoid.
I found my seat on the plane, it was next to two girls, which I was thankful of, I had a window seat, I could see the airport windows but no Becky, everything seemed so small, so distant. I had to compose myself and prepare for take off, it really was hard to switch from such an emotional state of mind, to regain some form of normal facade, but I had to, for the sake of potential questions or muttering voices. The girls smiled at me, they seemed to be in their thirties and together, I mean together as in partners, this maybe a bonus for me, hey I’m not jumping the gun, I’m saying, my journey wouldn’t be so lonely.
The plane prepared for take off and so did I, this was it, the beginning of a new future. Once again, I scanned my mind of memories and the people I was leaving behind, I had spoken to my mum on the phone, once I had checked in and she was so gracious, so loving, neither of us cried, but deep down I knew this was a wrench on our hearts. My mum spoke softly, reminding me to take care of myself, I knew she was concerned for me, like many mothers would be, yet she realised, I had to make this journey, in order to fulfill my needs with another. I said goodbye to my mum, you know where you don’t want their voice to stop and hang on the phone as long as possible saying anything, so the call doesn’t end, but we knew I had to go and it was me, who finally said, “mum, I love you so much and I will ring you everyday, I promise”, mum replied, “you won’t be able to afford the calls, ring me when you can, but make sure you ring me, when you get there”, with this I replied, “I WILL ring you everyday, I love you”, with this mum said, “I love you very much take care”. The phone went quiet. It was a brief slump within and a quick glance at the departure board. This journey was not a 20 minute drive down the road or a house move to a different county, or even a job opportunity in a different city, it was another country, 1000’s of miles away, a place I had no idea of really what to expect for the rest of my life.
Here we go, the plane is sounding pretty powerful right now, I love this bit, take off, the feeling of power and sheer admiration of a pilot I don’t know, taking a huge mechanical bird in to the sky with me on it. I can’t wait for the landing, I love that too, the reverse thrust of a plane on touch down is so exciting. Oh please don’t get any idea’s or thought‘s of the perverted kind, or that I’m part of the “mile high club”, I simply love the experience and feeling, that something man made or even woman made, can conjure for a limited time, exhilarating and exciting feelings for an individual, in this case, little me.
We were in the air, oh how wonderful it looks, clear blue sky, cotton wool clouds, what a view. The girl next to me, nudged me gently and offered me a sweet from her goody bag, which was full of mixed sweets a child would fight you for. I smiled and said, “thank you, I’m spoilt for choice”, she replied, “I know, you hold the bag, take your time and pass them back when your finished, “I replied, oh I can have all of them”, she replied, “are you serious” with a cheeky smile as she said it, again she said, “I don’t think so” with a cheeky smile yet again. I took a sweet and said, “thank you, you are most kind, one sweet you offer me, when you have all those sweets to yourself, well that’s a little unfair, will you offer me another one if I’m a good girl”, I was ready to break in to hysterical laughter and so were the girls, infarct we did, it felt so appropriate, even though we didn’t know each other. It was so nice to feel comfortable with total strangers, laughing and sharing a little thing, as a sweet, to open up an abundance of, laughter, chat, exchanges of one line jokes and to generally have company, all be it temporary.
Due to the lovely company I was grateful to have, the hours passed so quickly. The company, breakfast served, listening to my music, a quick doze and mind scanning thoughts, I had thirty minutes to landing in New York, where I would see Elly and be with her permanently.
The two girls I shared the journey with, had told me of there situation, both English and moving to America. They were going to New York, for a short break, then going flying to Miami, where they both had decided to live and work there. Their story seemed to be pretty believable, as there was no bold statements nor extravagant plans, they came across cautious in their plans, yet positive it was going to work for them. They said, that if it didn’t work, they would fly back to England and stay there, it simply was an opportunity and dream, that they try together. They seemed to be so close and attentive to each other, they portrayed a sense of purpose, with sensible goals, again all planned with each other. I told them my purpose for this trip, but I was cautious with the detail, as even though they seemed lovely people, which I’m sure they were, my private disposition, always remained at the forefront of my mind. I do share my life with people, but only the information, that I am happy for anyone to know, after all, my private life is private and stays with me.
This is it, the plane is coming in to land and you know what I’m going to say, yes, yipeeeeeee, I love this bit too. Seat belt on, relaxed and ……………reverse thrust ready, engines roaring, screech of the wheels on the runway, wait for it……… there it is, the sound of the reverse thrust, pulling the plane back to slow us down, oh this part is great. Your thinking those thought’s again, you are, I know you are.
I’m in New York, oh my life, I have a mixed bag of the following, excited, nervous, panic, anxiety, heart rate is flippin fast, happy, smiling inside, pulsating head, deafness oh basically, I’m tired and a wreck, it’s time to get off the plane, get my luggage and go to the bathroom.
I said my goodbye’s to the girls, sincerely wishing them well in all they did, I also thanked them for making my journey a delight. They too expressed that they thought I was fun and a good listener, hey there’s hope for me yet. The girls and I hugged, smiled at each other as they walked away arm in arm, turning around for one last wave goodbye. It seems that my day has been filled with goodbye’s, although they seemed of sadness, they were actually, full of joy and love, I felt humbled to experience such kindness, love and sincerity, once again memories that I can reflect upon, from time to time.
Oh my, stop dawdling, get luggage, go to the bathroom, look at least half decent for Elly.
Ok, this was the moment of truth, one last look in the mirror, check, hair not looking like I had just got out of bed, check, deodorant applied, check, perfume subtle not burning your nostrils on inhalation, check, finally and the most important, zip up on trousers, check, this is so they don’t fall down on approach and your underwear if you have any on, doesn’t get you arrested in the process, check. Here we go………..as I tried hard to be so casual and collected with my luggage in tow, you always get that one suitcase, that decides to overturn, like a caravan being towed, it sways from side to side, you try and keep the balance, so not to look a complete idiot, but no, it eventually wins the battle. One of my large, heavy cases tips, pulling me with it, then the domino effect begins, the whole damn lot goes with you also. I stopped, stabilized my luggage as well as myself and began the last long stretch towards the huge glass doors, where I focused and saw Elly, actually was that her mum also, oh my life, it was. They were both beaming with smiles, infarct her mum had tears in her eyes and they were both waving British flags. Oh I too had tears in my eyes, as I got closer, the doors opened and I stood still, all three of us beaming with joy, the sun was bright, it was a beautiful day in all aspects you could imagine. I went to Elly’s mum first, to hug her so tight, she was a wonderful lady, a sincere human being, with so much love to share, how could I not feel welcome. I then turned to Elly, I had to be mindful of my persona, as not to offend Elly’s mum. I held my arms out to Elly, who instantly, grabbed me and held me so tight, it was a hug I had longed for and worth the journey time and time again.
The unbelievable welcome, again was lodged in my memory bank, it was totally unexpected, but for sure, captured so many incredible feelings. This was a momentous part of my future, it cemented the beginning of my new life in America, the welcome surpassed all my expectations, I had arrived in my new home.