Suddenly Nicole was feeling completely inconsequential. Every last bit of their concern and worry was spent on the baby. He was like the plague and just as potentially destructive to her. He was sickly and weak and her mother doted on him constantly with her herbs, teas and poultices. She had never been able to help Nicole with any of her health problems. What made her think she could do anything about his problems? And Henri, who had been kind to her and tried to be like a father, would be just as focused on this child when he returned and she would be forgotten—again.
Henri had actually been like her knight in shining armor when the crazy Abbot had tried to cut her heart out. Not that her mother had cared, she never had, of that Nicole was convinced. But Henri, he would be a good father. He was Pierre’s real father and when he returned he would not spend any time with Nicole, she surmised.
Doubts milled around Nicole’s mind as she tried to think about something else. Anything but the annoying songs, her mother sang to that little whelp. Sitting in her room, Nicole rocked back and forth on her bed, a litany of thoughts screaming in her head. I wish he had never been born. Maybe if he had not been born then they would love me instead. He’s so sick maybe he will die anyway. She constantly frets over him, singing, cooing and kissing him. All she ever does is make remedies to feed to him. She has not done anything with me since he came. Wouldn’t it be better for all of us if he just went away?
The singing in the kitchen stopped as Dominique went into the garden to fetch some lavender for Pierre’s bath. She had heated the water and while the baby rested happily in his sling, she went to fetch the lovely, calming lavender to add to his bath water.
Nicole saw her opportunity as Dominique slipped out the back door to the garden. Dominique did not trust Nicole with the baby and rarely left them alone. Nicole thought, this chance might not come along again, as she crept into the kitchen just as Dominique exited. Dominique had undressed the baby in preparation for his bath and wrapped a blanket over him in his sling to keep him warm. He cooed and smiled as Nicole started to lift him out of the sling seat.
As she pushed the baby under the water, she thought, it is better this way. Mama will finally be able to get some rest. She has been so worried. Henri will not have to worry about them as much. It is not good for him to be preoccupied when he is on duty. It seemed to take no time at all till the baby stopped squirming. She pulled him out of the water, dried him off and placed him carefully back in the sling with the blanket in place. Nicole tucked the blanket back around him and silently slipped back into her room.
Dominique came back a few minutes later with the wicker basket full of flowers hanging from her arm. She hurried over and felt the bath water to test the temperature as she dropped the lavender in and swirled them around. “There we go, ma petite, just right. Now we are going to give you a lovely bath before you snuggle down to sleep. Wait until your papa returns and sees his big boy.” Dominique continued her stream of baby talk as she reached for Pierre and pulled away the blanket. His eyes were closed and his head slumped slightly, she thought he must have fallen asleep while she popped into the garden. “Come on now, my little one, you can sleep after your bath.” Her world went black as water trickled from his mouth and his body hung limp in her arms. “Oh God, no, no!”
Dominique panicked and shook the baby, trying to wake him. But there was no life in her little son. Screaming, Dominique called for Nicole, “Nicole, run quickly and fetch the doctor! There is something dreadfully wrong with Pierre—hurry!”
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Inconsolable, Dominique just laid in her bed, sobbing. She was to blame, of that she was sure. It was the water. God had punished her for even giving thought to drowning Nicole as an infant. She needed Henri. Word had been sent to him and he was on his way but he had been several days out. Their beloved son was gone.
Dominique was wracked with pain and guilt. This baby meant everything to her. He was born of her love for Henri and he embodied the best of both of them. More than that, Dominique was sure that the connection she felt with her child was one that spanned lifetimes. She spent the days that followed his death in desperate prayer. She begged God to forgive her, praying that her child would be cared for in His loving embrace.
Henri’s return was bittersweet. Dominique longed to be in his embrace but dreaded telling him that their son was no longer with them. Henri was stoic but she knew that he was shattered by the loss of their son. He was careful not to lay any blame at Dominique’s feet, saying only that the doctor had warned him that the child might not survive.
As the days and months fell away, Dominique found some solace in her healing practice but was desolate without her heart child. Henri seemed to pull away more and more. His trips away became more frequent and for longer periods. Dominique knew that he, too, was heartbroken. Their work created a space of solace for both; or at the very least a welcome respite from the grief that wracked their minds.
Neither of them ever thought that Nicole may have been culpable in any way. They were just relieved that she seemed to handle the loss surprisingly well.