THE HEARTBREAK
After renouncing my Catholic faith, I went on a three month church sabbatical. This is the first time in many years that I missed church and never felt guilt or shame. Music, porn and masturbation characterised my Sunday mornings. It was a very good space to be I must confess. I got the much needed space to engage in sin without feeling remorseful. More important, it also gave me the chance to nurse my first heartbreak on my own without a lot of friends coming along to offer sympathy that could have slowed the healing process. Too much of it can hinder you from learning the lessons you ought to learn from the heartbreak. I have so much to say about this heartbreak. What started as love at first sight, magical as it was, ended in tears. Eight months. I was deeply and madly in love with this beautiful soul; dark in complexion, tall and slender. Her body was perfectly curved like a piece of art and her small Asian eyes, palliative like the starry skies of Egypt. A strong woman of God, Chishamiso had an infectious personality that brought with it an aura of heavenly bliss. She had an exotic, yet so natural look that made her irresistibly enticing. For eight good months she hypnotised me with her beautiful body, philosophy and spirituality.
“Babe, why do people sin,” she asked. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and we were taking a walk, holding hands in the famous Greenwood Park in Harare. “Because of the devil of course. He is the one who tempts people to sin.” I replied hastily without giving much thought to the question. I was indoctrinated since childhood that the devil is the reason why people sin. “If the devil is the reason why people sin, who tempted him to sin first.” She looked at me and smiled. What a question? “Don’t you think he was actually created for that? If Satan is not God’s project, why then is he still around? Why has God kept him for so long? We know God holds a record of slaughtering anything that works against His will.” She paused. She stood in front of me, and held both my hands. “Let’s talk about the geocide during the time of Noah, or the obliteration of Sodom and Gomorrah. It’s us humans who gets punished, yet the one who ‘causes people’ to sin, as you say, is roaming around doing more harm. It’s like we are paying for his sins don’t you think? God is like that boyfriend who makes his bae pay for the sins of his Ex.” Sensing that she really wanted me to give an answer I gathered all the courage that I had and said, “It’s a tricky question I should say. The reason why we ain’t told who tempted him might be a teaching in itself.”
“What teaching?” She answered. “That we shouldn’t blame the devil for our sins always. We are capable of sinning even without him tempting us.” “Aww…I never thought about that babe.” She nodded her head in agreement. “I am sure when we stand at the judgement seat Lucifer will be surprised to hear about some of the sins we will be accused of,” I said. “He would be like, ‘Nope, Hell No! I never tempted this Zimbo to do such.’ We laughed. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was impressed by the answer I gave. “My bae is so smart,” she said gazing deep into my eyes with her soothing eyes. “But still that doesn’t explain why the Devil is still around causing havoc?” She said pointing at me with her index finger. I smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead and said, “Ok, let’s make a deal babe.” “Aww, that was really sweet of you, you know that right…Anyway, shoot!” She was blushing. “We will ask God that question when we get to heaven. Deal!” I said. “Deal!” She replied. In a split of a second her lips were glued on mine. The sweetness of her lips and her tender touch made me realise that God had blessed me with a goddess.
“I love how smart you are Chris,” She whispered in my ear. “I love you more.” I replied my hands wrapped around her waist. It was a perfect sight. This is the woman whose voice soothed my troubled heart for eight good months from my 17th birthday. She took my breath away every time she confessed she was mine. My heart skipped a beat every time she whispered in my ear that our love was eternal. Everything about her felt like heaven on earth.
Unbelievable! Our sex had a smear of naivety and sanctity which made it gratifying every time we had an opportunity to indulge. There was so much to learn, so much to experience but so little time which made it more thrilling. With every stroke I felt renewed; with every moan she blurted I could hear angels singing. Music to my ears. Inside of her felt like home. With every touch and every whisper I became fully convinced that Chishamiso was an angel sent to quench my thirst for true love and mend my broken heart. Innocuously in love, we inspired each other to be the best versions of ourselves, sending each other motivational quotes, and praying for each other every day. She wrote me love notes. Reading them became the most important part of my day. I wrote her poems.
Seeing her smile every time I handed her a note with a poem written on it made me believe that there was a God in heaven who created finelooking creatures for our satisfaction. She became my lovebird, I became her poet. Love was truly in the air. Her parents were involved in a tragic car accident when she was five years old and they died on the spot. She was raised by an aunt and her older sister. She introduced me to them. I introduced her to my parents too. We became the power couple at school and in our hood. Marriage seemed inevitable.
Three days after finishing writing my final Advanced level examinations the unfortunate happened. She invited me to her church for a Sunday service- the last day of the three day youth conference that her Pastor organised. Guess who was in a black Tux, White shirt, black tie and a pair of Pierre Cardin black shoeless shoes? Yours Truly! Sitting in the congregation three rows away from the altar, I spent much of the time eyeing my heaven sent angel thinking how I managed to sweep her off her feet. I remember she sang the song by Michael Smith- “There is none like you.” Staring at her lips whilst she was singing that powerful worship song, I felt a rush of excitement and a heavenly breeze touching my face. Instead of paying attention to the words of the song, I was busy admiring her curvaceous body reminiscing about the taste of her lips, the tender touch of her hands and obviously the warmth of her… The song quickly turned into a love song!
There is no one like you Melanie.
No one else can touch my heart like you do.
I can search for all eternity long
And find there is none like you...
I was ecstatic. Those who saw me shedding tears, no doubt, thought I was filled with the Holy Ghost. I literally sobbed during the last part of the song that an ‘old’ lady sitting next to me offered me a tissue and a shoulder to cry on. If only she knew, she would have asked the Pastors to cast out the demons in me. I couldn’t believe that the woman who was singing was mine. What did I do to deserve such a blessing? Crazy! The ecstasy was short lived. The man of God, who was the guest Pastor at the conference, all the way from Nigeria, gave me a prophecy that poured cold water on the relationship. “My brother.” He pointed at me with his right hand, his left hand holding the microphone. “May you come forward please?” Bewildered, I stood and made my way to the altar. The congregation was elated. One of the Ushers patted my back and whispered as I was passing, “You are a blessed man…” How so? It’s so sad that most young people nowadays are going to church to look for miracles and prophecies than to be taught the word of God. And many have missed their blessing because their focus is on the ‘wrong’ thing. It really broke my heart when I heard that Pastor ‘prophesying’ to the unmarried youths in the congregation that the reason why they weren’t married was because there were external forces in the forms of witches and wizards, spiritual husbands and wives, that were hindering them to get married. What was the solution to that? Miracles, deliverance, anointing oil, towels and bangles. Shocking!