Chapter 3
Comprehend The Barriers of Attention: How To Overcome These Barriers, & Keep Your Listener Captivated.
Have you ever had a moment when you were deep conversation with someone, possibly your lover, where it seemed you were the only two people in the world…? Where nothing else mattered except the words that you shared? Maybe you were captivated by each other just long enough to share a memorable moment. Maybe it was 20 minutes, maybe it was only 20 seconds… Maybe it was 2.
You can take people out of the real world and bring them into another. All you have to do is grab their attention, pull them in, and captivate them.
In presentation psychology, there is a formula that is often used to outline the four requirements that ensure effective presentations. That formula is AIDA: Attention, Interest, Desire, Action. The same formula can be used to understand an effective conversation. At first, it is necessary to capture the listener’s attention. Once we have the listener’s attention, we can then provide information that captivates the listener’s interest – Without interest in the conversation, the listener will certainly not be listening for long; if they are actively listening at all. The best conversations will give the listener a desire to know more and a desire to engage in the conversation. Finally, we want the listener to respond, verbally or non-verbally, to the messages we send.
# NOTE: The AIDA formula is one of the most useful formulas in sales and marketing. It can be applied to communication, presentations, advertising, sales letters, and so much more.
OK, so you weren’t listening! Maybe it’s not your fault… Maybe there were things in the environment that caught your attention. Maybe your brain is hardwired to be naturally selective about what you pay attention to and what you don’t, whether you know it or not. Maybe we can blame the years that passed by, or maybe we can blame the media, the news, and the rest of the world.
Actually, we can do it all. What we do or don’t pay attention to is a unique combination of various factors. Each individual develops a series of mental filters that are affected by many things, including personal interest, personality, previous experiences, and the effect of second and third party input (family, friends, media, etc.). Here, we review a few of those mental filters that are most relevant to conversation skills.
In order to understand how we can gain the attention of our listeners, we must first have a basic grasp of how the brain focuses attention. Research has provided us with two main ways in which the brain decides what we focus our attention on:
1) Bottoms-Up Processing: Also called Exogenous Processing, this is where we selectively pay attention to something autonomously, meaning whether or not we want to. Most of the time, these are things that appear out of the norm.
2) Top-Down Processing: Also called Endogenous Processing, this is where we actively choose what is important to us and decide to focus our attention on it. We’ll learn how we do this throughout this chapter.
We process information through one of three levels of attention –Externalism, where we pay attention to many occurrences simultaneously (such as to our external environments); Generalization, which is what we do most of the time, not truly paying attention; and Focalization, where we focus heavily on specifics details. We may weave in and out of these three levels of attention at any given time, but we are not able to process any two levels of attention simultaneously. People feel most comfortable in a state of generalized attention, and usually can only remain in a state of Externalized or focalized attention for limited periods of time.
# NOTE: Techniques such as Active Listening can only be achieved through focalized attention. You need to listen carefully to the words that are spoken and audible cues that are generated as the person speaks. However, understanding the totality of the message often requires externalization, paying attention to all of the subtle non-verbal cues and gestures used by a person. In order to both, we need to weave in and out of these two levels of attention – Front focalization to externalization, and then back again.
One of the most used models in clinical psychology, originally intended for evaluating patients with neurological difficulties, is Sohlberg and Mateer’s model of attention. This model describes five forms of attention in growing difficulty (from 1-5), they are:
1) Focused Attention: This is the ability to focus in and pay attention to any given thing.
2) Sustained Attention: This is our ability to remain attentive or sustain the same attentional behavior during the continuous and repetitive activity of any given thing.
3) Selective Attention: Selective attention (also called selective perception) occurs when we choose, either consciously or unconsciously, to disregard certain parts of a conversation (or certain conversations as a whole). This often happens when the conversation goes in a direction that makes people feel uncomfortable; but can also happen when something in the conversation grabs our attention and/or provokes an emotional response.
4) Alternating Attention: This is the ability to shift your focus from one thing to another. It is the type of attention-processing required for multi-tasking.
5) Divided Attention: This is the most powerful type of attention-processing. It is the ability to simultaneously pay attention to two or more things equally.
The average attention span of an individual in regular conversion is between 5-10 seconds. That means within 5-10 seconds you had better make your point understood, before your listeners begin thinking “what the heck is it you’re really trying to say?”
Attentional bias is an attention-activating filter in which we tend to be more attentive to certain information, while simultaneously being less attentive to other information. As we pay more attention to certain information we automatically place a higher value on that information, allow it to consume more of our time (especially in decision making), and consider it as being more important. Conversely, other information is deemed less important, is given a lesser value, and consumes less of our time, assuming that it is not ignored all-together.
So what information is considered important? What information do we pay attention to? Well… That is dependent of a variety of factors. If you were looking for the simple answer, you won’t find it here. One of the contributing factors to Attentional Bias is personal interest: When we encounter something that we want to know more about or that affects our lives personally.
Some studies have shown that emotional states can influence Attentional Bias. When we’re anxious, for instance, we are more likely to exhibit Attentional Bias early as we process information; when depressed, it may take a longer period of exposure to something before we show signs of Attentional Bias.
# NOTE: You can reduce the effects of attentional bias by beginning the conversation with appeal to the listener’s personal interest. Causing the listener to reduce his emotional state may also aid in the matter. Use phrases such as “I have something important to review with you” or “Let’s focus on this seriously for a moment.”
Base rate fallacy is another common bias that skews our attention to information. When presented with both generic information and specific information, people tend to favor the specific information and ignore the generic information. This means even if the generic information could potentially lead to greater benefit, and/or the specific information could lead to greater loss, we still tend to have greater faith in that which appears more certain.
A perfect example of marketing that took advantage of base rate fallacy was the advertising created for Ivory soap in the late 1800’s where the soap was labelled as 99 and 44/100 percent pure. The ad did not suggest the soap was 100% pure, but left a more specific impression.
Providing specific information also affects whether or not people believe in your message. This is especially true when it comes to numbers. If I tell a client the cost of a product is $100, they are likely to think it is more than this amount and may they may even think you are omitting information (perhaps taxes or undisclosed service charges); but if I say the cost is exactly $99.24, they are more likely to believe the message. Of course, clients are likely to believe if you’re willing to omit information about one thing, you must be willing to omit information about other things as well.
# NOTE: If you want your customers to pay attention and believe you, provide them with specific information. The more specific your message is in its entirety, the more effective it is. This is especially true with numbers, technical details, or information that is not well known.
We make conclusions about a particular topic, and then become attracted to information confirming those conclusions. We have a tendency to also ignore or down-play any information that contradicts or does confirm the conclusions that we have established. This is closely tied to the Observer-Expectancy Effect.
# NOTE: Create the conclusion first. You can use effective questioning, stories and confirmation statements to help people establish the assumptions and conclusions that you want them to have. Once they hold a particular conclusion, they are likely to develop a confirmation bias to information that confirms those conclusions.
When we pay attention to one thing, we may miss other objects of attention that would appear obvious to others. [see “Three Levels of Attention” earlier in this chapter.]. Thus it must be mentioned that spending too much effort to recognize one thing, can cause a loss of perception to other things that may be just as (if not more) important.
Attention is not black and white… What we pay attention to, and what we don’t, is largely determined by our view of things… Our perception. We deem something important because it appears important to us, however, the same object may not be of any importance to the rest of the world.
People naturally think in terms of comparisons. We have been taught to do so from our early days of childhood. I’m sure you remember learning the difference between black and white, apples and oranges, or perhaps the square and round pegs (When I was a child, we had a board game to teach us how square pegs can only fit in the square holes). Through comparisons, we can understand one thing by understanding another.
When presented with two contrasting objects, our perception of the second object changes when we can immediately create a comparison to something else. If the two objects were not presented in succession, we may in fact never create a connection or develop the same degree of comparison. An illusion is thus created through the immediate comparison.
# NOTE: When presenting an idea, you can alter a person’s subjective perception of that idea (either good or bad) by first presenting another idea. You can either make direct comparisons, or simply leave it up to the listener to create their own comparisons. For example: If you want your offer to appear better, first present something of lesser value (either something of your own, or something by a competitor).
Conservatism bias is about the conservation of beliefs. People tend to become fixated on their beliefs, especially if those beliefs have served them well in the past; and they generally want to continue believing that previous beliefs can be applied to new situations, which is not always the case. When it comes to changing beliefs, or to adapting our beliefs to new and different situations, most people can become resistant, even to the point of denial regarding the need to do so, before and after change becomes necessary.
# NOTE: If you’re looking to create change, start by understanding what beliefs and values the other person holds as true, and begin your conversation from there. It is easiest to persuade others by starting where they are and working from that point. Ask questions such as “What do you think about…” or “What is your opinion of…”
When people have a great deal of knowledge on some topic, they hold a bias that their point of view must be correct because they have this knowledge, and can find it hard to be open-minded when others who have a lesser degree of knowledge provide their input. This bias cause a low attention span in the other person’s views, opinions or input.
# NOTE: When you encounter a person who appears to “know it all” about the topic of conversation, giving direct information may cause confrontation as it may belittle their ego. Instead, rephrase your statements into a question, seeking their agreement.
People are driven toward pleasure and away from pain… We do things that make us feel good, which is primarily an unconscious behavior to avoid pain and dissonance, and this behavior causes us to view ourselves and our actions in such a way that makes us feel good… To serve our own ego or sense of self.
In essence, we create self-illusions that make us feel better about things; and may, in the process, reject input that does not make us feel good. We may reject negative feedback; or view our errors as situational or out of our control (called locus of control). We may also consider our own accomplishments as skill; even though we view the same accomplishments by others as luck (called actor-observer asymmetry).
People tend to give preferential treatment to others whom they believe are more closely similar to themselves, or part of their social groups or circles. This preferential treatment may also come across in communication, as people tend to be more accommodating, more open-minded, and generally listen better to those whom they like.
# NOTE: If you’re looking for preferential treatment, or if you’re seeking to build strong relationships or to persuade others, begin by showing the similarities you have common and place yourself (in their mind) as being the same as they are. Focus heavily on those similarities and commonalities.
Often referred to as the “Familiarity Principle”, this is the effect of liking due to repeated exposure or familiarity with something. The more people are introduced to something, the more familiar it becomes to them and the more they like it.
In the 1960s, a series of laboratory experiments by Robert Zajonc demonstrated that simply exposing subjects to a familiar stimulus led them to rate it more positively than other similar stimuli which had not been presented. Miller (1976) also showed people posters about stopping foreign aid up to 200 times. They were persuaded most by moderate exposure – after 200 exposures they reacted positively to the message!
Now… Think about what advertising and TV are doing to your brain!
In certain cases, however, extended exposure results in annoyance and development of irritation with that exposure. This is especially true when we are exposed to things too often and too soon. Like everything, people need a little bit of time to breathe. [Also see “the familiarity principle].
# NOTE: Create catchphrases and bring them up often. The more those catchphrases are heard, the better they will be liked. But what’s more is that your client will create an instant association between you and the phrases, and every time that phrase is heard he will think of you.
People are much like scientists, we are constantly performing tests and experiments. We test each other in order to develop and understanding of one another, and we test our environments to see how we can overcome limitations. As we do so, we formulate some expectations regarding the final result of those tests, and we may formulate these expectations as we engage in the experimentation, or even before we begin.
With an expected outcome in mind, people often unconsciously manipulate the variables of those experiments, or otherwise misinterpret the information that is gathered, so that the outcome better matches those expectations.
# NOTE: Before presenting an idea or conversing about a particular topic, it may make sense to begin by understanding the expectations that a person has and, if necessary, first aim to alter those expectations.
People often have a natural tendency to believe that others are much like them, or that we are all essentially the same. Perhaps for some brief moments we forget that people are all different. This idea of similarity, of course, changes when additional information about others is made more apparent. The interesting thing is that this effect is likely to reoccur with future encounters, even when we have previous knowledge about the differences in other people. It is as if every time we meet people, we unconsciously project a likeness of ourselves into other people, until that projection is slowly removed through the recognition of differences.
# NOTE: When speaking about other people, their actions and their behaviors, be certain to point out the differences that may have caused those actions and behaviors. This may include past experiences and traditions, learned knowledge, beliefs and values, personality, etc. As an example, “Joe has worked in sales his whole life, so he approaches communication a little differently than most people.”
As humans, we naturally prefer being in control of our own freedom, and when an attempt to remove or constrain that freedom exists, a fight or flight scenario is created… Just like a lion being cornered in the wild, we fight back!
Reactance occurs when we are told to do something or told not to, or when we feel that our choices are being removed or limited. It can also occur under direct pressure, such as the pressure to accept the views or opinions of other people. This is all subject to our perception of control; if we don’t feel threatened, no reactance occurs.
# NOTE: Don’t attempt to remove another’s perception of control unnecessarily. Use softening statements and questions where possible, and use alternative questions where limited choices are available. Alternatively, use words and phrases that place yourself and the other person on an equal level.
People are naturally driven toward pleasure and away from pain. In this effect, we tend to selectively ignore those things which cause us emotional discomfort or otherwise go against our values and beliefs. We also give more attention to those things which make us feel good.
# NOTE: Use words and phrases that make people feel good or evoke positive emotions. Vividly recreate events in their mind of times when they felt great or of future expectations of feeling great. Help them imagine the sensory input from past, present and future occurrences.
We talk about memory as if it is a single thing or area that exists within our minds. Memory is actually a process that occurs throughout many regions of the brain, beginning with sensory input that is processed and ‘perceived’, and filtered according to differing levels of importance. From there, the brain begins to create a series of neural maps within the brain where groups of neurons (electrical points in the brain) are conditioned to fire in unison.
Unfortunately, our brains don’t all process information in the same way. First, the information we receive is perceived differently, and thus filtered differently and processed differently. Just one of those neurons we spoke of could be used for several bits of memory from different events that may or may not even be related. Those neurons may also create crossed lines in the neural map we spoke of, which can cause different memories to begin blending together. Below, we take a look at some of the memory-related issues that can occur and how we may be able to use some of them to our advantage.
Memories are encoded as representation, imagery, and abstract idea… It is for this reason that people are more likely to remember the idea of what is said, rather than verbatim word for word.
# NOTE: If it is not necessary for the listener to remember what is said word for word, then use generalizations to “paint a picture” in the mind of the listener. Use vivid imagery that activates the five senses and arouses inner emotion.
Memory is encoded in repetition… As information is repeated to us, whether by ourselves or by an outside source, the neural maps that encode information within our brain are strengthened, encouraging long-term memory.
# NOTE: Repeat key words and phrases to ensure that they are better encoded into your client’s memory.
Information is better recalled if exposure to it is repeated over a long span of time rather than a short one.
# NOTE: If you have important information to communicate, consider spreading that information out during a conversation. Provide the information in sections or chunks, and lead the client in and out of normal conversation, pulling their attention in when important information is provided. When repeating information, provide longer intervals between repetitions.
When information is provided in a list or sequence, those items near the end of the list or sequence are the easiest to recall, followed by the items at the beginning of the list or sequence. Items in the middle are the least likely to be remembered.
# NOTE: When providing important information to your client, try to structure your conversation so that the most important things are talked about first or last, and the less important things are provided mid-conversation.
The modality effect works hand-in-hand with the “Recency Effect”. In this, we are more likely to remember the last items of a list when they are received via speech, rather than when they are written.
People tend to remember those in which their interest was elevated or “heightened” at the time of learning it. As our interest is heightened, we become more emotionally charged and our level of alertness increases in regards to the object of interest.
# NOTE: Create a connection between the information that you wish to relay, and the topics that your listeners are interested in, have much knowledge about, or deeply desire.
Self-generated information is more easily remembered than information which was given to us. For instance, people are better able to recall memories of statements that they have made than similar statements made by others.
# NOTE; Whenever possible, instead of telling people the information that you wish to relay, give them the opportunity to discover that information for themselves. One way of doing this is through the use of questions. Ask them a question (or a series of questions) that directs them to answer, allowing them to provide you with the information you want them to know.
A person’s ability to process and remember information is dependent on context. This means that if the information has been used or will be used in a specific context, that information is more likely to be remembered.
# NOTE: Consider or discover specific upcoming situations or contexts in which your client will be engaged in the near future, and create a connection between your message and that context. You will also want to ensure the client recognizes how beneficial your information will be to that specific situation, and (if possible) imagine using your information.
Humor helps us remember things, possibly, because as we find things humorous, they tend to stick out in minds as they are found more distinctive, or perhaps it is due to the emotional arousal. Either way, humorous items are more easily remembered than items that are not found humorous.
# NOTE: You can use humor in the form of direct jokes or anecdotes, or you can include humor as part of a short story. You can also include the information to be remembered directly into the jokes, anecdotes or stories; or you can provide the information before or afterward, as a metaphor or simile.
People are more likely to identify as true statements those they have previously heard (even if they cannot consciously remember having heard them), regardless of the actual validity of the statement. In other words, a person is more likely to believe a familiar statement than an unfamiliar one.
The misinformation effect is a primary reason for the occurrence of false memories. It occurs when new information skews our perception of previously accepted information. This is most likely to happen when the new information is received immediately after the original information.
This is also referred to as the “Isolation Effect” or the “bizarre effect”. The more something appears to be “different” or “out of the ordinary” the more easily it is likely to be remembered. Our brains are hardwired to learn, and that means paying attention to things that are different and automatically processing those things that are not.
# NOTE: There are many methods of making information appear to “stick out” or be different during conversation. These include any significant alternations in your voice (volume, tonality, ambiance, etc.), repetition of words and phrases, and dramatic appeal (which may include body-language).
In the early 1900’s, Dr. Bluma Zeigarnik , a Russian psychologist and psychiatrist, performed an extensive series of tests about the need to finish something that has been started, and this is what he found: When a task is uncompleted, it signals a set of alarms in the brain that alerts us of its incompletion. This not only causes us to become more aware of it, but also creates a sense of dissonance that drives to us to see the task through to completion. This is the same feeling we get when we engage in an interesting movie and (for one reason or another) don’t get to see the ending. Such an effect also triggers emotional cues such as curiosity, interest, and desire.
# NOTE: You can draw people in with incomplete phrases. Just like a movie, the more your listener is directly involved in what is being said, the more they will feel drawn in. Break your sentences up, and consider adding additional phrases to prolong the conclusion. Use sentences that begin with “You know…” , “You can feel…”, “You can see…” (i.e. You know exactly what it’s like … I know you do… To be drawn in by sentences that are incomplete).
Often, when people experience something objectively, meaning that there is no emotional element to the experience at all, we may forget having had the experience. Upon remembering the experience without some subjective element to it, we may mistake the memory as imagination.
# NOTE: If you want people to remember what you’re saying, begin by ensuring there is a subjective element to the conversation. Raise their emotions and make it personal to them.
People tend to view their own experiences subjectively, and the experiences of others objectively. This plays through in our memory of our experiences also… Egocentric bias occurs when we recall our past experiences and abilities as being better than they were.
# NOTE: This happens with most people and ties in to the self-interest principle, so when people talk about their own experiences, evaluate what is said from an objective viewpoint.
It’s our unconscious mind that drives us toward pleasure and away from pain. We generally tend to hang on to pleasant memories, whilst unpleasant memories fade away more rapidly. The most memorable experiences are generally those that satisfy our deepest emotional needs, and are rarely duplicated.