To my disappointment, I didn’t see Bear again all week. I found myself craning my neck and looking around for him, but I assumed that he was out working somewhere.
When I did see him at my door on Saturday night, I gasped.
He was clean-shaven, his mustache was gone, and his hair was cut short and neatly styled. His clothes – dark pants, blue and white striped shirt, and black shoes – not the usual cargo pants and sloppy shirts.
He looked so handsome, I couldn’t believe it was the same homeless-man creature. In front of me was a hunk. Totally.
“Wow!” I said before I could stop myself. “You look…nice.”
He blushed. “Th…thanks,” he said as red crept all over his handsome face.
“Shall we?” he asked, then ushered me into a waiting cab.
“You dressed up for me?” I asked in the back of the cab.
In the dark I could still see his bashful smile. “Maybe.” He looked at me. “Yeah, I did. I wanted you to like me.”
I laughed.
We traveled for almost forty-five minutes to a lovely restaurant with a fireplace. I could see why he traveled so far and obviously paid a fortune for the cab. The restaurant was small and cozy and memorable, the food was home-style (more like soul-food), and the service was personal. The waitstaff referred to him by name.
I was impressed.
Bear and I talked, argued, and laughed all through dinner, and I couldn’t believe how time flew. I drank more than I usually did and enjoyed the feeling of busting loose. It seemed like he didn’t want the evening to end either.
As we stumbled out of the restaurant, he took my hand in his. I liked it. I liked the roominess and the warmth of his touch. So different from Tom’s touch.
Everything about Bear made me feel comfortable and safe, and in the taxi I found myself sitting really close to him with our thighs touching.
It had been a while since I had been with a man, and I was nervous about that aspect – you know, the physical intimacy. (I hated sex, remember?)
To my surprise, with Bear I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him. What it would be like to lie in his arms. What it would feel like to make love to a hunk like him. Tom was a smaller guy, not a hunk, just a well-put-together kind of guy most women found attractive. Bear was big and beefy, someone you could cuddle with. Easy.
When we reached our building and got into the elevator, he held onto my hand, then made a show of examining it before he kissed the back of it.
So sweet. We went on to exchange a series of shy smiles.
At my door, I turned to him. “I had a great time tonight, Bear,” I whispered, mindful of Yang, the babysitter waiting inside my apartment.
“I had a phenomenal time,” he said. “I would like to do it again.”
I nodded.
He leaned his face slowly down towards mine. I held my breath.
Gently, without touching me with his hands, he pressed his lips against mine. So soft, so brief, yet so delightful and heady.
“Goodnight beautiful,” he whispered, his lips hovering over mine.
“Nite, Bear,” I whispered before I entered my apartment, disappointed that he didn’t choose to take more from me. Or ask for it.
****
The next time we went out, Bear drove us in his Jeep. We had dinner at a local restaurant, then watched The Fast and the Furious. When we arrived back home, he killed the engine in the apartment parking lot, then turned to me and kissed me. Slowly at first, then urgently, and I couldn’t believe how turned on I was.
This was so unlike me. I mean, I hated sex, I hated intimacy, yet I wanted Bear. Badly. So much so that we necked for almost half an hour in the car in the dark. He wanted me, I could tell, and I liked how he wanted me.
“I have something to tell you,” he said between kisses.
Immediately alarm bells gonged in my head, and I tried to pull away, but his face stayed put and he anchored me into my seat with just his torso alone. “What is it?”
“I have to go away for six weeks.”
I blinked at him in the dark. “Six weeks? Why?”
Slowly, he ran his fingers through his hair.
“Are you…please tell me that you’re not still married, Bear?”
He moved away, back into his seat.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Please don’t let him say “yes,” I silently prayed.
“I’m like you, Arena – separated. No chance of reconciliation whatsoever. But that’s not it – I’m going on assignment.”
He seemed so awkward and cagey that I didn’t believe him. With our eyes locked, I straightened up my top, pulled down my skirt, and smoothed down my hair. “Fine.” I opened the door and let my disappointed self out.
“Hey, wait!” He rushed around to me and took me in his arms. After squeezing me to him for a few moments, he kissed my unresponsive lips once more, then led me to the elevator.
“I need to be honest with you, yet I can’t. I just need you to trust me.”
“I’d be lying if I say I can, Bear,” I said, then punched the keys inside the elevator.
“That’s how I lost my wife and child,” he said to my back, his voice melancholy.
I swung around to look at him. “Wha…?”
“One day I came home and all I found was a note. She said she couldn’t take this lonely life anymore, and that she was moving on.”
The elevator stopped and we got out.
“But I have to do what I have to do. I’m committed to it.”
“I get it,” I said in a stiff voice. “Thank you for the lovely –”
He grabbed me around the waist and turned me to him. “Arena, don’t! Let me explain, okay?”
I didn’t answer.
“Please?”
“Fine.”
He jerked his head towards his apartment.
I started to shake my head.
“I’m not going to touch you. Promise. I just wanna explain.”
Reluctantly I put away my door keys and followed him into his apartment.
I was surprised at his apartment – it was more spacious than I expected, and it was fully furnished with modern black leather couches and black and white striped cushions. Big TV, lots of audio stuff, and gadgets. A bit untidy too – a real man cave for sure.
A peek into his bedroom from where I stood revealed his unmade bed. As I said, a manly apartment, but comfy. He slipped his arm around my waist again and crushed me to him.
“You said you weren’t going to –”
“One li’l kiss,” he whispered, and captured my mouth with his.
Trouble was, I liked his kiss far too much. After allowing him to kiss my lips, my neck, and my shoulders, I reluctantly pushed him away, and I have to tell you, it took every ounce of willpower to do that.
“Okay,” he said, getting out wine glasses and pouring us a glass of red each.
He sat me on the couch, then sat next to me, our bodies touching once again.
“As you know, I’m an undercover. I enjoyed my work until I got married and had a baby. Then it didn’t work. But I wasn’t able to just walk away from my job, and Sarah, my wife, well…let’s just say I didn’t blame her for splitting like she did.”
I took a sip of my wine.
“I plan to quit because I want a normal life. It is unfair to bring a girl into my life with my job, so I didn’t date. Then you came along and you were all over me.”
“Whaaat?”
He grinned. “Wining and dining me, wanting me so much…”
I smiled.
He cupped my cheek with his large hand. “This is my last assignment. After this, it’s all over.”
“Yeah? When do you leave?”
“In three weeks’ time.”
So soon. “Where to?”
He shook his head and tucked my hair behind my ears. “Can’t tell you, baby.”
I liked being called “baby” by him. Tom didn’t do endearing, so it was new to me.
“Okay, I get it.”
He reached for my glass, placed it on the table, and took me in his arms. “I really like you. Tell me you will be there when I get back. I really want you, Arena. Badly.”
“Bear, look, I have to think about it. I’m sorry, I can’t give you the answer you want. ”
His disappointment was tangible. Slowly he released me, his shoulders slumping.
“And besides, I’m really unable to commit to anything – it’s way too soon for me.”
He nodded slowly.
“Thanks for the lovely evening,” I said as I walked to the door.
He watched me silently, didn’t try to stop me.
I opened the door and left.
In bed that night, I stared at the ceiling in the dark. Well, that’s that, I supposed. No way was I going to sit around and wait for some guy who spun me a long story about going away for six weeks and he couldn’t tell me where…I wasn’t buying it.
I had some serious living to do, and I was going to do it. Unfortunately, I’d have to shake off Bear.
Pity. I enjoyed his company and how easy he was.
Easy. What a nice word. Oh, but I said that already.
Pity.