Alone & Confused: A Gay Man's Story by R-Jay - HTML preview

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

 

Over the next several months, things got slightly easier. I never forgot about Tom; he was always on my mind. But rather than tearing my hair out in despair, I learned to enjoy life again. I thought about him as soon as I woke up every morning and thinking about him would often keep me awake into the early hours. The conversation with Tom's mum was massive for me. It helped me to understand what we had and what we didn't have. I absolutely one hundred per cent believe I was his best friend and he didn't hate me. That provided infinite comfort in helping me to try and move forward.

 

Me and Jack are now a couple. It took a long time but he was my rock through it all. Tom would want me to move on and enjoy life. It's been a few months since the funeral and we confirmed our relationship to Steven and Andy down the pub last week.

We were, coincidentally, back in the same bar where I first got to really know Jack. We were even on the same set of sofas. Maybe if was fate, I don't know.

I tried to be humorous. “Surprise, surprise, we're a couple now!”

I gave Jack a big kiss on the lips right in front of them to prove it.

They weren't surprised.

Especially Andy. “You two are old news! And you owe me a tenner,” he said, pointing at Steven.

Steven sighed, but got a crinkled up ten pound note out of his pocket and, reluctantly, handed it it to Andy.

“I don't know why I put that bet on,” Steven said. “It was obviously going to happen thinking about it.”

Andy agreed. “Yeah, do you remember that time we were all here when Jack first joined the club? Him and Dom were sat together all close and flirty.”

“You mean like they are now?” Steven added.

Andy and Steven both laughed.

Yes, me and Jack were being very touchy-feely.

Andy continued. “Well, me and Steven were gossiping about you two. You guys looked so good together and we were betting on whether you would get together.

Jack jumped in. “You cheeky buggers!”

Steven didn't hold back in his opinion. “You obviously really liked Dom back then, Jack. It was written all over your face. I knew it, Andy knew it, all the lads in the team seemed to know it. It seems the only one who didn't know at the time was Dom himself.

I joined in. “I didn't actually. I'm not very good at spotting people that fancy me.”

“Get the violins out!” teased Andy.

Steven and Andy did annoying playing-the-violin actions.

Jack then joined in.

I squirmed and pretended to be offended.

Inside I was happy to be around my mates and to have a boyfriend that I really cared about. I didn't mind the teasing.

“So,” Andy said. “Tell us Jack. What is it about Dom that does it for you?”

“Ewww, I'll get the sick bucket,” snapped Steven.

I winced and looked at the floor.

Jack replied confidently. “Every thing!”

Steven and Andy both laughed.

Jack continued. “I mean I love everything about him. Even the annoying little traits.”

“What did you say?” I demanded.

“He said he loved everything about you!” Andy replied.

Andy and Steven giggled like my teenage sister does with her friends.

“It's true, Dominic,” Jack confirmed. “I do love you and I don't care if them two goons find it hilarious. You're a one-of-a-kind, Dominic. And I'm so glad we're a couple.”

“What annoying traits?” I asked, focusing on completely the wrong part of what he was saying.

The two goons shook their head at my incompetence.

Jack continued. “It doesn't matter. What matters is that I love you!”

He kissed me passionately on the lips

The goons looked on in horror.

 

It was time the following weekend.! I'd been putting it off for long enough. The first time my boyfriend was going to meet my immediate family. We got there a bit earlier than expected because we didn't know exactly how long it would take to get to my parents house from Jack's flat. My mum answered the door with the biggest smile I've ever seen.

“Hi Dominic” she said, and gave me a big hug.

“Hi mum. This is Jack.”

“Hi Jack, welcome to our home.”

“Thank you, it's nice to finally meet you,” came Jack's reply.

My mum practically pushed me out of the way, grabbed Jack's hand and took him into the living room.

He looked at me a bit scared.

“You'll be fine,” I mouthed to him.

He had been warned she's was a little crazy.

“Sit down and make yourself comfortable, Jack.”

“Thanks,” Jack responded very politely.

“No problem. I'll get the tea and the biscuits. Dominic has already told me your tea and biscuit order.”

She left the living and moved into the kitchen.

“I wanted to make things as easy as possible for you,” I whispered to Jack.

He smiled at me.

“Your mum's lovely!”

“Yes, she is,” I agreed. “But she's annoying. Ask Abbie and Max if you don't believe me,”

“Did I here my name?”

It was Max.

“Hi Max. How are you?” I asked him.

“Fine,” he said, totally uninterested in me.

He had his eyes on Jack. “So Jack, what are your intentions with my big brother?”

He was joking.

But Jack looked at him in a serious and worried manner.

Max continued. “I expect you to treat my brother with the respect and love that he so thoroughly deserves. He -”

“Stop it, Max!” I tried to intervene.

“Shut up, Dom!” he told me. “I love my brother. Do you love him? Enough not to hurt even a tiny little hair on his super duper big head?”

“I do love!” Jack said, trying to justify himself

“I'm totally joking, Jack!” Max interrupted. “It's nice to meet you!”

“You're a clown, Max!” I snapped.

“You're reaction was great and totally worth it!” Max aimed back at me. “Sorry that you caught in the middle of friendly brother banter, Jack.”

“No worries,” Jack offered. “It was funny seeing Dom squirm.!

“It always is!” added Max. “I'll go and get Abbie.”

 

The coast was clear for me and Jack to touch base about how he was feeling.

“How you coping, gorgeous?” I asked him.

“I'm fine. They're nice. A little bit crazy but nice. Very nice!”

“I told you,” I replied. “Just two more crazies to go and then you can relax.”

 

My mum was back in the room moments later and Abbie had joined her. She was a little nervous but smiling her little head off.

“Abbie, this is Jack,” my mum said.

Jack got onto his feet to shake her hand.

I shock my head at him shaking hands with my little sister.

She giggled. She's probably never even done that before when meeting someone.

“Jack is Dominic's, you know, boyfriend,” my mum added, stating the bloody obvious.

“Yes, I know, mum. Hello Jack,” was all Abbie was confident enough to say.

“Have you met Max yet?” my mum asked Jack.

“He has a few minutes ago,” I said, trying to the heat off Jack a little by answering some questions for him.

“Your dad will be home in a minute, Dominic. He's -”

“I can't wait!” I interrupted, an obvious sarcastic tone in my voice.

“Don't be cheeky about your dad,” my mum demanded.

“I'm sorry mum. I didn't mean it” I said embarrassed.

Jack had been pre-warned about my dad.

 

He was the one I was most wary of so I made sure Jack knew how shy and stand-offish he could be, and occasionally narrow-minded.

“Abbie got an A in English this week, Dominic,” mum informed me.

Abbie was beaming.

“Well done, Abs!” I told her.

“Well done!” Jack added. “What were you doing in English, Abbie?”

“We had to do a piece of Creative Writing. I wrote a story about our family.”

“That's good,” said Jack.

“There's hell out a lot of material you can use!” I added.

“You're certainly right about that!” my mum agreed.

 

I heard the front door open and bang shut. Max had joined us again by now. I tried to start a conversation to take the pressure of my dad about to come into the room but couldn't think quick enough. It was now or never for a happy family situation. The living room opened and he stomped in. He seemed to be trying to look more manly than usual.

“This is Jack, Dominic's, you know, boyfriend?” my mum directed at my dad.

“It's nice to meet you finally, Jack” said my dad holding out his hand.

Jack moved got off the sofa and shook his hand.

The was a massive pause where everyone was staring at my dad.

Max broke it the silence. “Well, this is very tense, isn't it?”

There was a mixture of smiles and laughs from everyone apart from me.

“Shut up, Max!” I demanded.

This was important. There was no time for jokes.

I was sweating profusely. I had no idea what I would do if this went wrong. I felt it was the last major hurdle I had to overcome.

“Both of you shut up a minute!” my mum said forcefully.

My dad wanted to say something to us all. “To be honest, you all know it took me awhile to get my head around Dominic being gay. You all know I've never met a gay person before and it was hard to understand and accept that my son is gay. But -”

“It's OK,” my mum insisted. “You don't need to say -”

“Yes, I do,” my dad insisted. “Yes I do. The most important thing is that my family are happy. Are you happy, Dominic?

“Yes, I am, dad.”

“Excellent, then so am I,” my dad said. “Welcome to our home, Jack. We've heard only great things about you. I want you to feel like this is your second home.”

Jack responded. “Thank you very much. It's great to finally meet you all.”

There was a silence where everyone was smiling at each other.

It wasn't so awkward any more.

“Can we have dinner now? I'm bored!” Abbie asked my mum.

“Yes, can we?” Max added. “I'm so hungry! And I was bored ages ago!”

Jack was caught by surprise, but laughed his head off at their sheer honesty.

Me, mum and dad were so used to it we didn't even  flinch.

 

Despite all the drama that had happened in my life, it felt surprisingly normal to be at home with my family with a boyfriend on my arm. We were one big happy family again. There were many years when I didn't think that could be possible any more. Before I found out I was gay, we had so much fun as a family; practically every day was full of fun. And now, I really felt I could start feeling like that again!

 

Tom was still on my mind all the time but I'd learnt to think positively about everything we shared. I tried not to focus on the sadness but on all the fun times we had. I just knew he would be happy for me if he could see me with my family and Jack.