FIFTEEN
She dreamt of becoming a writer someday. As of now she maintained a diary in secret.
Deep inside her heart she wished her mother had been alive. She missed her presence. She would have been able to talk to her. She was sure she would have understood her emotions and her doubts and been there for her. She remembered how she used to say she would never let her go. Yet she did.
Maya looked at her watch. She was running late. Kartik must be boiling as much as the coffee itself. However hard did she try to be on time, she was always late. She could see Kartik sitting in the corner as she entered the coffee shop.
“Hey,” she greeted him.
“You are thirty minutes late. I've been waiting here like a fool.” He was angry.
“I am sorry, really. There was so much traffic. You could have picked me up, couldn't you?” She smiled. “So how was the day?”
“It was fine.” Kartik ordered two coffees and cookies. They discussed his campus placements slated for the coming week.
“I am sure you'll get a good job, Kartik,” Maya said.
“I hope so. Let's see.” He was quite a confident guy.
“Kartik, I need to speak with you”
He looked at her, somewhat surprised.
“Kartik, do you think we can get married?” The question popped out of Maya's mouth, unexpectedly.
This girl has lost it, he thought. Marriage was the last thing that was on his mind.
“Will you marry me, Kartik?” She repeated.
“Maya are you out of your mind. I have not even thought of marriage.”
“Don't you love me?” Maya challenged him.
“What's love got to do with it? Listen, Maya, I like you, but then I don't think I can marry anyone right now. Maybe after a few years.” Maya was unable to understand why Kartik was making such a big deal out of it. She thought he had liked her.
“Maya, it is not so simple after all. It means a lot of compromises and adjustments.”
“I am ready for them. What's the big deal? I'll do anything for you, baby. I love you so much.” Her eyes turned into two big lamps. Maya was herself unsure about this line the moment she spoke it. Was this love? She was sure he didn't love her. He did not want to marry her that was clear. Yet something inside her was not letting her stop. She was forced by the other Maya, perhaps, who would go to any extent to experiment, and find out the unknown she was in search of. She wanted to see how far she could push him.
Maya didn't realise that she was already a loser in the bargain. She thought of marriage as an escape route. She lost her focus on the career that she could have started upon. She could not picture the life she really wanted. She fell in the trap laid for women since beginning. The trap,which forces women to concentrate on marriage as the biggest goal in life, the next one being, having children.
“No Maya, whatever it is, I can't marry you. At least not now.”
“But why? Can you explain? Do you think I won't be able to make a good wife?” Maya asked.
“I do, but you need to understand. We are too young. I have not finalised my future,” his tone was one of irritation.
“Oh, come on! By next week you would have a fat job and the future is all settled. We would love each other and always be happy.” She was in her own wonderland.
“Do you want me to leave?” he was furious now.
Maya was almost teary eyed with a sense of rejection. She was confused and silent. She looked down and didn't know what to do next.
“By the way how is your painter?” he asked trying to change the topic.
“You mean Vikram Oberoi. He isgreat!” Her dim eyes lit up a little.
“Is working with him adding value?” he asked.
“Yeah, sure it does, but I am no more working with him. By the way he is not just a painter and magician. He's seriously rich and has some high profile clientele.”
“That's nice. You really like him, don't you?” A pang of jealousy seized Kartik.
She looked at him and smiled. “Do you love me, Kartik?” she held his hand.
“Maya, I need to go.”
“Please stay for some more time,” she pleaded.
“Maya, let's go. For God's sake!.” He picked up the keys of his bike and paid the bill.
With no choice, Maya also stood up. She thought Kartik loved her, but she could not make out why he would not want to marry her. He used to drive her to various places, date her, took her to lovely lunches, but when it came to discussing the future, he would just avoid the topic.
May be he isn't ready. Maya felt that love would come to them naturally. What she failed to realise unfortunately, was the difference between forcing love to happen and letting love happen on its own. Most of the times people end up trying too hard. She was doing exactly the same. Love happens slowly. Make haste and it flies off.