Chapter 13
Clips Hall of Fame
(6:00 pm – 8:50 pm)
“Hey Ilene,” Kyle said walking up to the front. Short and squat with blonde hair curled at the end. She fit the definition of a working mother. Her pointed nose and kind blue eyes widened when she saw him. Sweetly she said, “hey Kyle haven't seen you around.” “You should talk! Ashley on her fifteen?” Ilene nodded, “yeah you going on your thirty?” He nodded, “yeah its about that time.” Ilene shook her head in disbelief. “Don't understand why you go so late? We’re just leaving in a bit.” He shrugged, “you know me the darkness helps me nap easier.” She laughed, “yeah well don't pass out like you did last week! I had to come back and wake your ass up.” “I was only ten minutes over...” She glared at him, “alright fifteen but I passed out. I've never done that before here.” “Yeah well don't make me go out there and get you...because I won't! I’m still fighting off this cold from last week.”
Laughing Kyle left through the double doors and headed towards Joe's car. The night was cool and just right for a nap. Making his way towards the parking lot he saw a familiar silver Dodge Charger. “Brandon,” he whispered making his way towards it. Sure enough, Brandon was sitting in the driver's seat. Walking over and knocking on the glass, Brandon jumped in surprise. “What the hell Kyle?” The window rolled down, “you should talk Brandon? I thought you left hours ago...good bye by the way!” Brandon smiled, “I didn't know you wanted a kiss good bye! You should have asked.” “You might swing that way, but I don't!” “Oh no, well then why are you acting like such a bitch now? Oh you didn't say good bye boo hoo!” Snapping quickly, “fuck you Brandon! God forbid you say good bye to a friend. What're you doing here anyway?” “I had to pick up my paycheck. They get dropped off around this time.”
“O...K, why didn't you just do that tomorrow?” Brandon sighed, “I guess I can tell you. I quit just now.” “Shut up Brandon, because Bethany just got fired too!” Nodding he gave a soft, “I know, but I just passed the Carabas test. I am going to be starting next week. So, I thought that I would just quit now and celebrate over the weekend.” Leaning onto his car, “Jesus Christ Brandon everyday is a celebration for you! Yeah, yeah I get it...” He added quickly as Brandon raised his forearm replying, “everyday baby. I'll sleep when I'm dead.” “If you keep partying like you do then you’ll likely get your wish. YES, ok I get it live fast! You don't need to show me that every fucking time...and what did I tell you about calling me baby?” Brandon laughed, “everyday baby!” Shaking his head in frustration, “I don't have time for this ok? I'm going to smoke. You wanna have one last smoke before you go?”
Tilting his head back as his eyes slightly crossed in thought. “Yeah that sounds good. No, you don't need anything I got shit here man.” Heading to the passenger side, Kyle got in with an exhausted sigh. Brandon pulled out a brown stick the size of drink mixer straw. “Here I smoked half of it before I came, but it's still good.” Kyle rolled his eyes, “Jesus Christ Brandon! Look, I got a joint in the car that’s bigger than this!” Beginning to light it, Kyle gripped his wrist, “Brandon what the fuck? Pull away or at least a couple spots over! We're right in front of the door!” “I do it here all the time, so relax.” They began to pass it back and forth between each other. “You're crazy Brandon, you know that right? DON'T show me your arm!” Brandon laughed as smoke poured out of his nose. “Yeah, but this is not the craziest experience you've had smoking is it?” Taking the blunt Kyle nodded, “that's true.”
Tilting his head back, “what was that story about Liz Claiborne? You know with that guy that you worked with? He was a Latin King too right?” “Leo,” replied Kyle feeling his throat starting to burn. Brandon nodded, “yeah he was your supervisor right?” He nodded as Brandon chuckled, “what did he do again?” Taking one last puff he thought for a second. His brain had started to slow.
“We were in the back unboxing clothes and pricing them. Out of nowhere Leo was like, ‘I need to get high.’ So, he pulled out a one hitter and asked if I wanted to smoke?” “And you didn't,” Kyle shook his head. “No, I was working with Amy at the time. She was the one that got me the job. I didn't want to be a jerk. So, Leo goes into the bathroom and starts to smoke. I hear him yelling stuff like ‘fuck this fan’ or ‘the fan don't work right!’ Well, the boss comes back and needs to see him. So, I tell her Leo is taking a shit. She leaves and he walks out with a lung full of smoke. He takes two folded shirts and blows the smoke into them. High as hell he walks out of the room to find the boss.”
Brandon smiled, “what happened to him? You still talk to him?” “No, he got fired. He lit up a pipe right in front of the manager, when they were at the off site storage locker.” Shaking his head Brandon gave a soft, “fucking moron...is that true?” Taking the final drag from the blunt he nodded, “every word my friend...every word.” Brandon smiled replying slowly, “that's...funny.” The double doors to the store slid open and Joel came out. “Alright Brandon, I'll see ya later.” As Brandon pulled away Kyle gave one last look and realized at that moment. He would never see him again.
“Aw shit,” exclaimed Kyle as he approached his friend. Joel gave him a questioning look, “Brandon has my other Driver's License!” “Um...why does Brandon have your other Driver's License?” Kyle laughed, “he said that we looked alike. So, he wanted to borrow my other copy to get into bars.” Joel froze staring at him and then his face smiled. They both began laughing so hard that they almost keeled over. “You...you guys...look NOTHING alike!” Kyle shrugged, “that's what I told him, but he wanted to try it.” Joel took out a pack of cigarettes and handed him one.
A few minutes later, they were both leaning against Joel’s Buick. “Well, I guess you're never going to see it again.” Nodding Kyle gave a soft, “yeah...I'm gunna miss that guy!” Lighting up the ends, they both stared at the giant Clips sign. “So, have you thought more about the book?” Taking a drag he shrugged, “to be honest...I haven't been able to think about books. There’s been way too much stuff going on today. I feel like the family is breaking up.” Joel nodded, “well it was about that time. Nothing lasts forever my friend! Are you still going out with your sister on Friday to pick out the engagement ring?” “Yeah and I've been thinking about proposing in December. It just seems like the right time. When you moving to Texas?” Joel shrugged, “figured I would when the lease is up. No point in getting another place just to have to leave in a month or two you know? I want to have some time to hang out with my family, before I have to get another job. Speaking of job, Rebecca left the banner in the warehouse for your little Hall of Fame idea.”
Kyle nodded appreciatively. “You just have to make sure that it stays there Joel. I'm not doing all this work just to take it down.” Joel shook his head, “I told Samira about it.” “You WHAT...” Joel held up his hand, “relax dude she was cool with it!” Taking a long drag, he leaned against the car again. “Really...I didn't expect that.” Joel nodded, “Samira...she's pretty cool man!” Watching a mother drag her child through the sliding double doors. He smiled, “yeah she seems like it.” The big white neon sign for Clips blinked several times, “I want to be on it when I go.” Joel snorted, “of course you would be!” Kyle shrugged, “I'm nothing special. I haven't done anything to deserve to be up on the Hall of Fame.”
Clapping him on the back, “Kyle you have more funny stories about what goes on in this store or any other retail job. You of all people deserve to be in it. Jesus Kyle the whole store is buzzing about rules on how to get nominated. How many votes will it take to get up there?” “Really,” Joel nodded, “yeah man everyone loves the idea!” “Yeah, but what have I done to deserve it.” “You make the store run!” Rolling his eyes, “great...but that's not memorable like Bethany. Now that's wall worthy!”
Laughing Joel nodded, “yeah she's the biggest AND stupidest thief I’ve ever worked with.” “Not me...” Joel gazed down at his friend, “you knew somebody worse?” “Yeah his name was Troy. He worked at Big Lots with me. Every time I worked with him he would be eating Slim Jims. The entire time...like the ENTIRE time we worked together. So one day I asked how he could eat those everyday? How could he afford that? Now, you have to understand something else my friend. This guy would also ALWAYS be eating in the break room. However, I would never see him bring in any food. So, I asked him about the Slim Jims and all he said to me was, 'you want one'? So, I agreed and he took me over to where the jerky was. He pulled out one and split it in half for the both of us.” “What...” questioned Joel, but Kyle continued as if uninterrupted. “So, he went up to the front and told them that he found it stolen.” “D...did they catch on to it?” “Yeah, they did after boxes of the stuff were always getting taken.” Joel waved his hand like he was just hit with the spotlight. “Wait, where did he get the food for his breaks?” Taking the last drag from his cigarette, “The store! He used it like his own kitchen. I watched him open up boxes of Zebra Cakes and hand me packages. He piled food around the store like a squirrel would. He would take sodas from the back, bags of chips, basically whatever he wanted throughout the day.” Joel tossed his cigarette, “and then he would just tell them that they were all stolen.” Nodding as Joel laughed, “and that is why he was fired?” “Well, eventually John caught on to it all you know? Hundreds of dollars of product missing, this guy coming in with nothing. In the break room, he’d be eating full course meals. It didn't take a genius to know what was going on.” “What about the other manager? What was his name again?” Tossing his cigarette too, “Walter...yeah, he was a coke head! He would always try to massage me when he was high...really, really weird.”
Joel turned to Kyle, “Listen Kyle, I'm gunna be honest with you right now ok? I think you should write the book?” “I...I don't...” “Kyle all these stories are fucking funny! People that work retail will not only understand, but can relate to some of them. Your stories aren’t from some stupid office comedy or made up for pure entertainment. They are real and people would love that!” “You think...” Joel nodded, “I love hearing your stories. They make me feel better, when I’m having a bad day. That is why you should write it. You have experienced the worst that retail has to offer!
Shrugging Kyle gave a soft, “I guess...” “You want me to prove it to you? What was your worst experience in retail?” There was a slight pause and then Kyle smiled, “see...that's what I mean! I can ask you something, and you’ll give me the WORST true story. People like those stories, because it really happened.” Shrugging again Kyle repeated, “I guess. I'll tell you though it’s starting to become more appealing.” Reaching into his pocket he pulled out another cigarette, “so if you don't mind me asking...which story did you think of?” “The one at Gas City,” “you worked at Gas City?” “Yeah, it actually caused me to quit.” Lighting the cigarette Joel took a puff, “tell me...” He said handing the cigarette to Kyle.
“Well, it was at night and I was up front stocking. This old guy comes in and he looked like he needed to take a shit. You know that look right?” Joel nodded as he continued. “So, I worked with this girl who was a real BITCH! Thought she was queen of Gas City, because her mother was the boss. So after awhile, I hear her scream for me. I come and she says 'Kyle you need to clean the bathroom right now!' So, I gaze inside the bathroom, and I see shit EVERYWHERE!” Joel laughed, “everywhere?” “Yeah man, I mean shit covering the toilet, the walls, in the sink, on the floor...and the funny thing. Shit was even in the garbage can like he had pressed his ass on the push door.” Joel nearly dropped the cigarette in laughter, “so what happened?” The girl gave me this like snobbish comment ‘get in there now! I need this cleaned fast’! I just shook my head and asked if we could do it together. Well, she started going off on me saying it was my job and not hers. So, I told her I'm not paid enough to clean that.” “Bet she didn't like that!” “Fuck no Joel, she was shouting about calling her mom, and that's not HER fucking job. Finally, I snapped and was like you know it's your job now because I quit.” Coughing slightly, Joel exclaimed through coughing gasps, “you...quit?” “Fuck yea for six dollars an hour, besides I was leaving anyway. I had to go back to school, so why not right?”
Joel took the cigarette back and said softly, “look Kyle just think about what I said.” He nodded, “I can't lie it’s growing on me.” Flicking the cigarette Joel sighed, “well I'm heading back in don't take forever.” “Why does everyone say that! I overslept one time...one time!” Joel smiled disappearing towards Clips. “Oh by the way, I finished the book bag display for ya!” “Thanks, I guess?” “Well, Ron was complaining about it. You leaving the boxes all over and the bags...” “I HAD TO...” Joe waved him down, “I know man don't worry about it. It doesn't matter anymore!”
Joel disappeared into the building leaving Kyle to gaze upon the store that he had given three years too. A lot had happened in his life during his time at Clips. He knew that he would never forget it. The stories, the people, he sighed deeply, “the family is breaking up.” He gazed up at the sky, “just lucky that I’m one of the first to jump ship.” “Jump ship,” gazing down he saw Greg walking by his car. “Greg,” he said smiling at him. “Come here man, what're you doing?” “Fifteen,” he said softly. “I'm about to head back in a minute.” Kyle smiled, “you gunna be on X-Box live tonight?” Greg shook his head, “sorry girlfriend coming over.” “Oh man that sucks, we got really far last night on Gears of War. We almost made it to the 40th round.” Greg smiled, “yeah but we couldn't do it with four people. We really needed five. That other guy we had sucked. It was just the three of us doing all the work!” Kyle nodded, “yeah, Jose was arguing with his fiancee too. He was so distracted. I had to keep saving his ass.”
Greg nodded, “heard that...funny.” “So, what’re you and your lady doing tonight?” Greg shrugged, “probably watching The Experiment.” “The Experiment...you mean that gory, Eli Roth...” Greg nodded as Kyle laughed, “Jeez I thought you would be watching some Romantic Comedy.” Greg gave a small smile and shook his head. “My girl and I love to watch gory movies and...” “Did you ever see the movie Martyrs or Men of the Sun?” Greg nodded, “Martyrs yes...it was alright.” Kyle began to laugh, “Greg you’re so funny man. I would never...NEVER have guessed that you and her would be into that kind of stuff.” He shrugged as he leaned against the car crossing his arms lazily. His pale skin reflecting the white lights from the street light near them. “Pretty soon you and I are gunna be engaged huh?” Greg gazed down at the ground for a second, “I don't think we’re at that stage yet. We are still just enjoying each other.” “Watching gory movies,” Greg nodded, “the worse the better man.”
Still perplexed by the idea of innocent Greg watching these movies. Kyle tried to hide his skepticism. “Are you serious about the movies man? You are just NOT the person that I would expect to talk about gory movies with.” “We prefer them actually, so it's no big deal. Hey can you watch the front for me? Just for a bit while I'm on break.” He nodded, “of course as long as I don't get another person like that lady earlier...isn't Rebecca still here?” Greg smiled, “yeah, she's a bit mental man. Ron sent her home. We didn't need her anymore for today.” Shaking his head, “that's odd she didn't say goodbye?” Greg gazed at him suspiciously, “don't give me that look Greg! She gives me shit for not saying good bye to her, and she does the same thing.”
The sliding doors opened a minute later as Kyle clocked back in. “Thank god this day is almost ov...” “Hello, yes...boy...boy...can I get some help over here please?” Making his way over to Copy and Print praying that time would hurry up. “Yes, what can I do for you miss?” The tired looking woman eyed him suspiciously. “Do you work in this department?” “No, but I can help you.” “Well, I need someone who knows what they’re doing.” “I assure you I can do a lot. What can I help you with?” The lady examined him again and replied, “I have to make business cards. I want to put in an order for them.” He nodded, “I can get that started for you, but I can't make them right now. I don't know how to do that.” “You see this is exactly why I didn't want your help! Now, I have to explain myself again to...” “Listen I can get you started ok? Greg is on break for a couple more minutes.”
Whatever the woman was grumbling, whatever she hissed at him he didn't pay attention. “So, this computer here gives the descriptions and a mock up of what your card will look like. First you select what paper type and font and...” “Don't you have anything visual to hold? I can't tell on this screen.” “This paper sampler here will let you sample the types of papers you can...” “How long does it take to make the cards?” He thought, “I think that it’s two to four business days.” “TWO TO FOUR business days! You don't print them out here?” Shaking his head, “no we don't. It's an outside company. That's why they make you fill out the order on the computer to make it faster.” “Well, I need them by tomorrow!” “We have the card stock to print them out at home and...” “Is there anybody here that knows what they’re doing?”
“This is the way that it’s done here. We don't print them out. We never print them out. It’s all delivered to us.” The woman shot back up from the computer. “When is the Copy and Print guy coming back?” “Any minute,” narrowing her face in frustration. “Fine then, I'll wait for him!” The woman turned without a backwards glance and retreated towards the back of the store. “Excuse me,” Kyle turned to see a suited man with a black mustache and his son standing next to him. “Yes, what can I do for you?” The man smiled cheerily down at him. “I'm here to pick up an order name is Peter like the apostle.” Kyle nodded searching the completed bin and found a large brown box with the name. “Receipt said you have already paid, if you want to check everything over to make sure it looks ok.” The man smiled opening the box to see more then a hundred booklets named, The Watchtower. “Everything look good,” “Fine...fine...Greg always does good work...such a blessing.” Kyle nodded, “yeah he's a good guy.” “I just hope he didn't fall behind on other projects.” He patted the pile of booklets almost tenderly. Seeing Kyle's confused face he smiled, “getting distracted by the book that is. It can get quite interesting and once you start it's hard to stop. I do have to admit.”
“I'm sure it is,” Kyle said politely. “Have you read it?” Kyle shook his head, “no, I'm sorry never heard of it.” The man smiled wider, “oh then you must read it! It’s a terrific read! It will help bring you closer to God.” Kyle returned the smile, “They’re your booklets sir. I can't take that while I'm here.” The man nodded, “you’re still young, and the world is so corrupt. You need to hear about God's word to help save your soul.” “I went to Catholic school all my life. I'm good with God.” “You can't learn about God from those schools. They have such a warped perspective. This will help you understand the true nature of him.” “I understand I just...” “You believe in God right?” Kyle nodded, “of course, I just think that all paths lead to him.” The man looked skeptically at him, “and what doctrine do you practice?” “Well I call myself an eclectic Wiccan if you must...” The man snatched the small booklet away as if Kyle had turned into the devil himself.
“You're a witch!” “No sir, I believe in nature. Is there anything else I can do for you?” The man returned the booklet to the box. His eyes were wide with absolute terror. “Come Samuel,” he said gripping his son around the shoulders. “Hurry...we must hurry!” He practically ran from the store gazing over his shoulder like Kyle would be chasing him. Ashley turned to Kyle confusion evident on her face. He shrugged at her as a familiar voice regained his attention. “Hey Kyle.” his eyes fell upon someone he had not seen since high school. “Rob...” A boy his age with short black hair and pudgy face smiled at him. “Wow, I haven't seen you since high school man!” Rob nodded, “so you're working at Clips huh?” He nodded, “yeah for the time being. What do you do for a living?” “I am in advertising and teach baseball on the side for the park district.” He nodded, “sounds great...” But his words fell on deaf ears, “I'm getting married, and my fiancee is having a baby in a couple months.” He finished with an almost arrogant smile on his face. “What about you,” he asked. Kyle hesitated feeling like trash in comparison. “Well, I'm going for my masters,” “oh really in what?” “Secondary Education,” “You want to teach...good for you man! Have you done your student teaching?” He nodded, “How was it? Did you like it?”
Pausing Kyle was unsure if he should tell the truth or not. But a voice cut him off, “well look who it is?” A large man with graying hair and small glasses gazed at both of them. He looked vaguely familiar, “Rob Marshall and Kyle O'Reilly what a pleasant surprise!” Kyle gazed at him confused, “Randy Giger's father?” “OH,” exclaimed Kyle. The face finally coming together in his mind. “How is Randy doing?” Mr. Giger smiled as his belly bulged against his tight gray shirt. “Randy is a lawyer now and moving to France to start international practice next year.” Self-esteem plummeting Kyle felt the difficulty of his smile growing. “That's...great, very impressive.” “Indeed, I see you’re still working here.” Kyle shrugged, “yeah, but I'm quitting in...” “That's great, it still puts food on the table! It was nice seeing you two. I'll let Randy know, when I talk to him. Kyle where are the highlighters I need like 4 packs of them?” The last of his self-esteem falling, “a...aisle one...left side.” “Excellent,” Mr. Giger smiled and turned without looking back.
“Kyle...Kyle...” Kyle turned to Rob who was staring at him. “Sorry,” he said weakly. “What can I help you with?” Rob pointed to a large brown box, “the pamphlets there. I'm picking them up.” “Oh,” he said and grabbed them. Rob smiled as he examined the pamphlets in the box. “You did a good job man! The team is going to love them.” Rob smiled, “well good luck with everything man!” He turned and left, “just a little bit left...just a little bit left.” “Son,” came a voice as he made his way around the counter. A skinny man gripping a brown package, “hey when is your last pick up for UPS?” “Um,” he thought for a second, “five I think...sometimes six.” The man's face fell, “you're joking?” He shook his head, “WHAT THE HELL?” The man's shout made Kyle take a step back, “I need to send this package tonight...tonight! Do you understand? You have to ship this off tonight!” He shook his head, “I can't sir! It's UPS, we don't control the...” “I have sent them out at other office supplies stores at this time before.”
Doubting the man, Kyle tried to hide his skepticism. “I’m sorry sir, but that is other stores. The last pick up for us is...” “I will never...NEVER come back here! Do you understand? You have lost a customer! Do you hear me? You have LOST yourself a customer!” “Sir, it's 8:30 at night. Normal postage stops at...” “I don't need lectures from a retail worker! Congratulations, you lost your store business! I have lots of shopping to do, and you lost out...BIG TIME!” He turned and exited out the doors as Kyle made his way to the front near Ashley. “Hard day,” Kyle nodded, “the worst...almost as bad as Pitbull's rapping.” “HEY,” she exclaimed frowning slightly. He smiled back at her weakly, “what's wrong Kyle?” “Why do people think that you’re such a piece of shit for working retail. Like you’re just such a loser. I just feel so inadequate.” Ashley smiled, “Kyle it's a job...not a career! You're not defined by a job. Now go take care of that pretty girl over by card stock.”
“Whatever,” he said and made his way over to the aisle with card stock. He stopped, “I know you.” He stared confusedly at the girl with black shoulder length hair and sun kissed skin. Her face was charming and bright as she smiled at him. “You don't recognize me Kyle?” His face furrowed, “it's me Daniella...Anthony's sister! I was a grade younger than you. We went to...” “Oh Daniella yeah totally! I'm sorry it has been a really bad day.” She smiled warmly at him. “Yeah, I saw that guy yelling at you. Some people are so stupid.” He nodded, “So what’re you doing now? You look all fancy and dressed up like a movie star.” “Thank you...you always knew how to charm a girl. I guess that's why I liked you back in grade school.” “Oh right, you did have a little crush on me didn't you?” They both laughed, Kyle's softer than hers. She smiled warmly at him. “I was young, and you were the older boy kinda thing.” “Yeah,” Kyle said feeling the conversation starting to ebb. “So, you never answered my question,” “Oh, I...I'm actually a real estate lawyer over at Hanson Real Estate.” He nodded, “that's...that's great.” If possible he felt even worse, “and I'm getting married this winter.” Stretching his lips into a weak smile, “g...great...that's great that everything has worked out for you. So, what can I do for you?”
He had to get away. He couldn't look at her anymore. Her success and life were making him feel like a stereotypical loser. “Well, this card stock...what do these numbers mean?” “That’s the thickness of the paper. The higher you go the thicker it’ll be.” “Hmm,” she said staring down at the pack in her hand. “Wish I could feel it you know?” “Well, we have all that stuff at Copy and Print over there. Greg can go over weights and thickness...show you samples to decide what you want.” She smiled warmly, “really?” He nodded, “just go over there and tell Greg what you want. Whatever you need just tell him I said it's ok.” She smiled, “it was good to see you Kyle. I'm sure I'll see you around. Since I work so close I'll probably be in all the time.” She shook his hand and walked towards Copy and Print. “Thank god I'm quitting!” He tried to smile thinking about how he was finally going to leave. Finally be rid of this place and hoped he would never feel this way again. “Well, I guess I should start to get everything ready.”
Making his way to the warehouse, he found it nearly abandoned. Almost wanting to kneel before god in thanks of having some time away from everything. Away from the world outside those double black doors. Seeing the banner on the file cabinets, he smiled at it. That was going to be his legacy here. The man that started the Clips Hall of Fame. Grabbing the ladder and a roll of tape, he placed the banner high on the wall. High enough away from prying eyes, but high enough that people will be able to look up and see it.
Several minutes later, he gazed back up at his work. “I'm sure they'll improve it in the days to come.” Kyle just wanted to get it up there. He wanted the credit of starting it. It didn't matter what improvements anybody made afterwards as long as it was up on the wall. Finding people to add to the wall was easier than he had expected. The names that came to him were few but definitely memorable. And not sure that anybody would disagree with his choices. TJ came first, then Brandon, then Cody, and lastly Gorski. Placing the paper frames underneath the banner, he smiled up at his creation. Nobody could disagree with his picks that was for sure. The rest would have to be settled by the people that came after him. But it was a start and somehow Kyle began to feel better about himself. He laughed one more time before he left the warehouse. He realized how little time it had actually taken him to do it.
A few moments later, Kyle was wishing he was back in the warehouse. “Excuse me sir,” a woman with blonde hair curled like a hair ball handed him an envelope sized product. “These legal forms that you sell. How legal are they?” “Um...what?” She frowned, “I am renting a property, and I need to know how legal these forms are…so?” Will they hold up in any court in the United States?” “Um...what,” he repeated. She frowned harder at him. “How can you sell a product like this and not know if they are legal in court?” “I'm not a lawyer,” snatching back the papers. “So, I guess asking you if you think they will is pointless.” “Well, I'm sure if they are signed by both parties and notarized