DIARY ENTRIES:
June 18 – Talked Tyrone, Alan and Pedro into playing
badminton. Fight erupted within 5
minutes. Tyrone on room restriction for
hitting Pedro across face with racquet.
No major damage, just swelling.
Stupid-ass should learn to duck.
Dryer stopped working; repairman found dead hamster hung-up in
motor. Sara said all right to falsify
bed-check sheets. (State requires staff
make checks on kids throughout night) I
don’t make any checks, let’em run away.
June 19 – Asked Henry if there are such things as space
beings or extraterrestrials. Said yes,
but Creator doesn’t allow them to mingle with those on Earth too much. Said visit us to see how far we have
advanced. Let us know we aren’t alone in
universe. Sometimes abduct us to run
tests and whatnot.
June 21 – Nightmare again.
June 22 – Drove kids to K-Mart, twenty minutes later,
security had Jake in custody. Accused of
sexually acting-out. They found him in
women’s restroom masturbating. Barred
from returning. Little bastard has no
concept of right and wrong.
June 23 – Forgot to give Pedro his medication, big
mistake, tore house apart, piece by fucking piece. Started fights with everyone who crossed his
path. Tried to give him meds, refused them.
(State says punishment for continual acting-out is to restrict weekly
allowance) What moron comes up with
these rules? Threatened Pedro with
hospitalization, he calmed down, took meds.
No more crap from him.
June 24 – Police came by; Dick and Sara said 20 pills were
missing, narcotics. They blamed other
child care workers who come over on weekends to help out. Police said street value was $1200. If they only new.
June 26 – House parents decided to have treasure hunt in
house to cheer up the monsters. After
treasure hunt, Sara and Dick mad. Little
fiends destroyed house searching for hidden items. Been a while since I laughed that hard. House parents are so naïve; these shits are
too old and big for that childish stuff.
June 27 – Jake threatened kid at school with sharp pencil,
house parents had to meet with principal.
Going to kick him out of summer school program, but put on probation
instead. Sara tried to counsel Jake,
became upset and took a swing at her.
Dick restrained him on floor.
Called Doctor Quack, he ordered Jake into psych unit. (State allows psychiatric hospitalization for
maximum of two weeks) Police transported
Jake, Sara called family meeting to inform rest of kids. Shonda cussed Sara, left room. Kids upset, think house parents
overreacted. Hell Dick should have
kicked Jake’s ass and that would have been the end of it.
June 28 – Shonda acting better, but not speaking to house
parents. Boys watching two cats screwing
outside, Sara mad because won’t stop. Drove juvenile delinquents to local
festival. Hated it, complained it was
too hot, boring and had no money to spend.
Bunch of lazy shits.
June 29 – Preparing supper, Tyrone’s turn to assist as
kitchen helper. Told the little snot to
make two pitchers of lemonade. Cussed
me, raised his little fists, lost my temper and yelled at him. Scared the little nigger. Gave me the finger and ran outside. No more shit from him.
June 30 – Finally!
Hired a female child care worker for live-in position. Della, age 34, white lesbian, will move in
after orientation. Playing cards with
Tyrone, let him win, poor nigger kid is twice as dumb as the ignorant spics
around here. Poured glass of cold water
on Donna’s head while she was watching TV.
She might be shy, but has a temper, went nuts, chased me out of
house. Silly bitch.
July 1 – Della started her two days of orientation. Gave Robin’s birth control pill to Jake by
mistake. Other boys teasing him about
growing tits, Jake mad. Laughed for ten
minutes. Told Della would have to report
her, she pissed. Stupid dyke. Drove Pedro and Tyrone to psychiatrist
office, raised their meds. Doc said they
are getting too wild. No kidding, try
living with these animals. House cat
came upstairs again, set off motion alarm at 4:05 a.m. Kicked it down the steps. Haven’t seen it since.
July 2 – Henry popped in, said I couldn’t ask a question
this time, mad at me for saying the word nigger. Said for my information, he’s black! Just my fuckin’ luck, God gives me a black
guardian angel. Apologized to Henry,
told him I wouldn’t say it ever again.
July 3 – Della moved in, I moved out, thank
God. I’ve gained 13 pounds. I’m stressed to the max. Someone went into meds room and stole $20
bucks from my wallet. Reported to house
parents, I’m sure they really give a rat’s ass.
Hell, it was probably one of them that took it.
July 4 – Refused to take kids to fireworks display down by
the river, kids mad. Barricaded
themselves in girl’s room, tried to set mattress on fire. Had police break through door, all were taken
to juvenile detention center. House
parents given custody back by judge. Let
them spend night in lock-up, scared hell out of younger ones.
July 5 – Kids back home, not speaking to staff, like I
really care. Police called, said had run
away from other group home. Kid gave our
phone number to cops. Doesn’t want to
return to his group home. Police said 4th
time in last 6 months he’s been picked up.
Dick had me pick him up and drive him back to other home. Met his house parents outside, didn’t want
him back, tuff shit, made kid get out of van and drove off. Shitheads.
July 6 – Shonda threw water balloon at me, missed, hit
Della, she mad. Robin paying me $2 a
week from her allowance, she stole my $20 from wallet.
July 8 – Dick sent me to food bank. They only charge group home .12 cents per
pound for shit nobody else will eat.
Loaded van with that puke. Sent
to training class, learned: 1. never put kid’s family down. 2. Let kid help
you. 3. Never tell kid how he/she feels. 4. Conflict is healthy, can change
through it. 5. Let kid talk about positive side of his/her family. 6. Kid
always seeks family, whether present or not.
“Simon, June the nineteenth, your question to
Henry concerned space beings. Do you
believe in space aliens?”
“Henry never lied to me, as far as I know. If he says they exist, then as far as I’m
concerned there are little aliens flying around the galaxy.”
“Have you personally seen, or been in contact
with an alien?”
“No,” I replied.
“On June twenty-forth, twenty pills were
taken. Did you steal those pills?”
Doctor Lerner asked with a concerned look on her face.
“Yes, I sold them, I needed the money. No one got arrested,” I said, pleading my
case.
“Simon, June thirtieth, you refer to lesbians,
niggers and spics, why do you feel the need to use such language to describe
others?” She stopped making notes on her
pad and focused on my face.
Shame flushed onto my face. “Out of fear I guess, to make me feel
superior over them, cause sometimes I feel insecure,” I replied honestly.
“Why do you refer to the children’s
psychiatrist as ‘Doctor Quack?’ Am I to
make the assumption you hold little regard for psychiatry, Simon?”
“No, some like you are okay, but some are just
as nutty as their patient’s.” I said
candidly.
Doctor Lerner stared at me for a moment,
wondering whether to believe me or not.
“Let’s proceed. On July second,
you discovered Henry was black; how did that make you feel?”
“Until then, it never crossed my mind. Made me think, how many whites and blacks
would stay racist if they knew their guardian angel might not have the same
skin color they have?”
“July third, after your twenty dollars was
stolen, you implied it might have been the house parents. What was your feeling toward them?”
“They were a couple of burnt-out-losers, just
like I was. When you’re stressed out,
it’s hard, very hard, to care for others.
I didn’t love myself back then, which makes it hard to love others,” I
said letting out some inner truth.
