Somehow or other James had managed to survive the weekend more or less in one piece. He had kept things flowing, without having to explain to Lucy how he felt, after her devastating declaration of love. To do so he had had to make sure he controlled totally the conversation, and the general flow of events. He had ensured that there had never been one of those intimate, touchy feely moments, where he could have been put on the spot. To do so he had kept the timeline of the weekend alive, running from one place to the next, babbling on about the history of the architectural sites they visited like a tourist guide, and commenting frequently on how lucky they had been with the weather. Even though it had actually rained a bit on the Sunday. Somehow he had managed to fit even that into his non-stop rant, pointing out the beauty of the greens the rain had exposed. He had been the expert historian, weatherman, and botanist. He had talked so much he had a sore throat. When he finally returned home from the hellish weekend away, he was totally exhausted. He threw himself down on his couch, and tried to understand what had happened. He really had not understood at all the way Lucy had felt, and she had obviously felt like that for some time. Was his radar not working? Had he been blinded by being with such a nice person, that he hadn’t grasped the reality of where it had all been heading? For some reason he felt really angry with Dave, even though his situation with Lucy had nothing to do with Dave’s aberrations. He had gotten himself in that fine mess all by himself. Still, he found it comforting to blame someone. He needed to blame someone, and Dave’s face fitted. James just couldn’t believe any of it. He had finally managed to get his life back on track after his separation. He hadn’t wanted to get into a serious relationship, actually he hadn’t really even wanted a casual relationship. Somehow he had been pushed into the whole Lucy mess, by unknown forces. Unknown forces controlled by Dave, the puppet master. Mind you, in the end he had gone in as a willing participant. He had enjoyed the company, and the sex. He should have realised that it had all been too good to be true. He had been blindsided by his own belief in the possibility of a casual relationship, aided and abetted by the apparent endorsement from Lucy. She certainly had never given any signs that it was anything other than a casual, enjoyable, easy going relationship. If she had he would have picked up on that, surely? James knew that he could not go forward with the relationship that Lucy now wanted, and thought they were in. To do so would be to live a lie. That wasn’t the sort of person he was. He needed to get out of that unexpected mess. He needed a strategy. What he really needed was to see Dave, and yell at him a bit. He knew that that would make him feel better, even if it wouldn’t resolve anything. At least he would have the satisfaction of giving him a piece of his mind. Without giving away the reason behind it, he arranged with messages, to catch up with Dave at a pub, half way between their towns. Wednesday evening, after work he headed off to the appointment. The anger, and frustration, while not still boiling over, was definitely still simmering away in him. As he walked into the pub, he saw Dave sitting at a table close to the door. Without wasting any time on pleasantries James got down to business.
‘Some fine mess you have gotten me into there, man. Thanks a bloody lot!’
Dave being Dave, James’s barbs flew straight over his head.
‘Hey, hello to you too. What’s up? Didn’t the weekend go that well? Or are you still pissed about me and Vicky?’
Dave wasn’t going to make it easy for him.
‘Do you want to shut up and listen? Just for a change? You won’t believe this. You know, actually, maybe you will.’
Dave, rather than being admonished, was enjoying the situation immensely. He had a great smile on his face, in stark contrast to the annoyance that James felt, and that no doubt was reflected on his face.
‘Hey, come on, out with it, Jimmy. Let me have it. What’s going on, brother?’
James drew a breath, and went straight to the crux of the problem.
‘Saturday evening, in bed, Lucy started telling me how much she loves me, how I am the man of her dreams, and how she can’t live without me.’
Dave threw back his head, and roared with laughter.
‘You, my friend, need a drink. My shout, lover boy.’
Before James had time to further berate his friend, Dave had shot off in the direction of the bar. James watched his friend chatting up the barmaid while he waited for his two beers. The anger in him started to subside, and he smiled to himself. Dave really was a force of nature. You just couldn’t hold him back. No chains could bind him. No situation could fluster him. The two of them were so different, but Dave, just by being the way he was, somehow always managed to help James see things clearer. He had come to the pub angry, and frustrated, but already after just exchanging a few words with his friend, he could feel the tension relinquishing it’s hold on him. He started to feel less irritated. The Dave effect. Better than any pill. Dave returned to their table, with a couple of beers, his face beaming with his usual inimitable smile.
‘Here you go, cheers. To your good health.’
They both downed some beer, and Dave looked at James, with laughter in his eyes.
‘So she loves you? And why on earth would that surprise you? If she didn’t you should be worried.’
‘Hey, it’s not what I signed up for. You know that. I just wanted something carefree, something casual. I’m not ready for anything like this. I was sure that we both felt that it was just a pretty easy-going relationship. I hadn’t expected anything like this.’
‘Did you tell her you love her?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘Well done. Keep quiet on that. Listen, if it gets out of control just tell her you aren’t ready for a serious commitment, and break it off. In the meantime, enjoy it!’
Dave’s outlook on life was so light, and breezy. James knew he could never be like that.
‘To be honest I’m already at that point. I just can’t do this. It’s too soon. But how the hell do I get out of it? Hey, you are the expert. Give me the benefit of your great reservoir of advice. How do I do that?’
Dave held up his arms, as if in a sign of surrender.
‘Easily, just be honest. Pretty much tell her what you have just told me. You’re overthinking this. Just tell her, at the right moment, in the right place, that you aren’t ready for such a serious relationship, and that you hadn’t realised, quite honestly, that she was so serious about it all. Whatever you do, don’t do it just after making love. That would really piss her off.’
Dave waved his arm around the pub they were in, gesticulating at the mostly empty tables.
‘Look, Wednesday evening, not many people in, the perfect setting for a breakup. Say what you need to say, and once the tears start flowing, get the hell out of there.’
James smiled at the ease with which Dave would be able to handle such a scene.
‘Bloody hell, you are as cold as ice, Dave.’
James shook his head. He doubted whether he could pull off something like that. He felt the weight of things much more than his friend. Dave’s demeanour turned unusually serious.
‘That’s not true, and you know it. There just isn’t any easy way with breaking up. Dude, you’ve been together only, what, not even six months or so? These things happen. Plus, you are only being honest. You did nothing wrong. You just didn’t realise how she felt was so different to how you felt.’
James sipped his beer, and thought about what Dave had said. In reality, he was right. He would only really need to tell Lucy the truth. Hard as that would be for him, and for her. Looking around the bar he actually realised that somewhere like that probably would be a good place to do it. A nice quit setting, where they couldn’t be overheard, but also public enough that Lucy wouldn’t be able to create a big dramatic scene out of it all. He just hated that sort of thing, but he didn’t want to continue living a lie, by letting Lucy think that they were in love. That wouldn’t be fair to her, and it certainly wouldn’t be any good for him. As much as he hated to admit it, Dave had come through for him. Yet again. The two friends sat there, drinking their beers in silence. Dave, realising the enormity of it all for James, let his friend reflect on his situation. James looked at his friend, and smiled, as if to say thanks. Sometimes the two of them didn’t even need words to understand each other. After another round of beers, and few more words exchanged, they said their goodbyes. As usual, they would keep each other updated by phone calls, and messages. The rest of the week passed slowly for James. Time weighed heavily on him, and his thoughts. He was dreading seeing Lucy. He knew that Dave’s plan was the right one. The honest one. Really it was the only way for him to go, it was just that he absolutely hated hurting people’s feelings. He liked Lucy a lot. It was going to be a very difficult thing for him to do. Maybe he should send in Dave to do the dirty work? Dave wouldn’t mind, and he would definitely do it well. Break up by proxy! Now there was a good idea! He would send in Dave with all the necessary authorised paperwork as his legal power of attorney. What the hell was he thinking? He needed to concentrate. This was something he had to do. Maybe he should suggest that they just maintain a friendship? As soon as he thought that he realised how stupid that would sound. No, he just had to work up the courage, and tell her straight out how he felt. As Dave had pointed out it would only be the truth. He really hadn’t realised just how involved Lucy had become. Luckily Lucy had something on at her work on Friday evening, so he wouldn’t have to see her until Saturday. He could put it off for another day, not that that would change much. Maybe on Saturday afternoon he should take her to a quiet country pub? No, that wouldn’t work, they both needed to go with separate cars, otherwise the drive back would be hell. This would be one of the most difficult things he had ever had to do, but, in all honesty, he just had to somehow find the courage to do it, and get back on track with his life. In the end it would be better for Lucy as well. She needed to know the truth. Letting her think their relationship was something that it wasn’t would not be fair on her. He still couldn’t understand where it had all come from. They had gone from a casual, slow thing, to being deeply in love in two short steps. Wasn’t there a Country and Western song that went something along those lines? Probably there were a few of them. Friday evening, before the big day, he couldn’t manage to sleep so he sat up late watching old films on television. Sometime towards midnight, as he was starting to doze off on the couch, his phone rang. It was Lucy.
‘Hi Lucy, are you back from your do?’
‘James, there’s something wrong. I can’t stop vomiting. And there’s some blood in the vomit as well. James, I’m really worried!’
James could tell by the panicky tone of Lucy’s voice that she was in a desperate state.
‘Listen, I’m coming over. If it doesn’t pass I will take you in to the hospital. Just relax, I will be there as soon as possible.’
‘OK, please hurry!’
James quickly got dressed, and headed off to Lucy’s place. She wasn’t really a big drinker, and no doubt she had had a few too many wines at her work party. James knew only too well that it was hard not to overdo it at those things. For some reason when you get drinking with colleagues that you usually don’t go out with, it always turns into a bit of a frenzy. He had had a few nights like that himself. Also the fact that it was a free bar didn’t help either. When the drink is free there is a bit of a tendency to hoof it down, no holds barred. The bosses are paying so you want to get as much free booze in as possible. The unofficial Christmas bonus. The only time he had cheated on his wife had been at a work Christmas party. After copious amounts of drink he had found himself kissing and cuddling, with one of the junior architects. Before he knew it it they were outside in the back seat of his car making love. It had all been a bit of a sordid affair, leaving them both feeling pretty embarrassed about it all in the weeks following. He had felt really guilty about the whole thing, for a long time. Mind you, back then he still had the dream life, the dream family, with his little Charlie. Life still had meaning, direction. Looking back on it, from a distance, none of it seemed to matter. It almost felt like he was looking back on someone else’s life. The feelings, the sensations from those days were hard to remember. He had lived them, but now they belonged to the memory of someone else. It almost seemed to him like a film he had watched, rather than the life he had lived. So much had changed. So much had been lost. Within a short time he was at Lucy’s street. He parked the car outside Lucy’s place, and could see her waiting for him in the doorway.
‘Can you take me to the hospital? Something is terribly wrong.’
‘Are you sure you just didn’t have too much to drink at the work do?’
‘I didn’t drink anything! I’ve been feeling queasy all day. In fact, if it wasn’t for the work party, I wouldn’t have gone in today. James, please!’
James realised by the tone of her voice that she was really worried, and that there was only one thing to do.
‘Sure, jump in the car. Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t be anything serious. It’s probably just a bug that’s going around.’
In silence James drove to the hospital. He could see that Lucy was really in pain. He hated to see her like this. If she needed help he would look after her over the weekend. The breakup conversation would definitely have to be delayed. Even Dave wouldn’t break up with someone when they were sick. Or would he? James had to put a hand to his mouth to stifle the beginning of a laugh. Actually Dave probably would. And he would even be able to pull it off with ease. James could picture the scene in his mind. The woman would be lying in a hospital bed, Dave would casually take her hand, and say:
‘Sorry Hon, I don’t think this is going to work. You look after yourself now, you hear me?’
Wasn’t there a Country and Western song that went along those lines? Luckily Lucy hadn’t noticed his little aberration, she was holding her stomach with her eyes closed. He parked the car as close as possible to the hospital entrance, and helped Lucy out of the car, and into the hospital. Inside they made their way to the front desk.
‘Hello, my friend has a terrible stomach pain, and has been vomiting blood. Can she see a doctor, please?’
As could be expected there was plenty of paper work to fill out, and a long time to wait. Being Friday night the place was packed with drunks who had had various types of accidents, and people who had been in fights. It was really a pretty chaotic scene. James was quite surprised to see what was happening in an almost parallel universe to his own. While he would be normally tucked up in bed, this was the reality for a lot of other people. Drunkenness, shouting, lots of shouting. People holding bloodied faces while their friends just seemed to be shouting almost unintelligible phrases at all and sundry. Man, was he glad he hadn’t gone into medicine. This was a side of life that he could do without being a part of, or even seeing. The fiction of TV was far more interesting than the reality of life. Well, this side of life, anyway. Quite interestingly he noted that Lucy and himself seemed to be the only ones waiting who weren’t showing obvious signs of inebriation.
‘I’m sure it won’t be too long now, Lucy. How are you? Do you feel any better?’
‘No, I feel so terrible. I’ve never had such a bad stomach ache in my life. I’m sure it’s something really serious.’
‘Don’t talk like that. Let’s just wait and see, before we hit the panic button, shall we?’
With so many people waiting, and with all the confusion of doctors and nurses running here and there, it wasn’t until almost three in the morning that Lucy got called in to see a doctor. She explained her symptoms, and how she had been vomiting blood. The young doctor had an air of being somewhat swamped by the number of patients waiting for him, and barely seemed to listen to Lucy’s explanation. He briefly wrote some notes on a clipboard in his hands.
‘Listen, I am going to give you something to calm your stomach, and a very strong sedative. Take these two pills now, and then mix this powder with water when you get home. It will knock you out pretty quickly, so wait until you are ready for bed. Then take another two of these pills in the afternoon tomorrow. If it doesn’t pass by Sunday morning, I want you to come back in. Otherwise, go and see your family doctor on Monday morning. Ok?’
‘Yes, thank you, doctor.’
The doctor turned to James.
‘Will you be able to look after her this weekend? She shouldn’t be on her own after taking this sedative, it’s really quite strong.’
‘Of course. I will stay with her. Thanks for everything. Hopefully by tomorrow, or Sunday, she will be feeling better.’
‘OK, bye now.’
With barely a flutter of his white cloak he was gone, off to the next patient, and the one after that. His night was nowhere near over. After such a long wait it really had been a very short amount of time spent with the doctor, but all in all, and with the medication he had given Lucy, he did seem to have understood the situation.
‘Come on, let’s get you out of this madhouse, and get you into bed.’
Lucy put her arm on James’s shoulder. She looked at him with great concern in her eyes.
‘Will you stay with me?’
James gave her a hug, and rubbed her back.
‘Of course I will, silly. You know I will. Come one, let’s get out of here.’
With great relief James helped Lucy out of the madhouse. Quite possibly Dante had gotten inspiration for his famous book ‘Inferno’, about a journey into hell, by visiting his local hospital on a Friday evening. If anything resembled hell on earth it was that hospital scene. James got Lucy home, and then they followed the doctor’s instructions with the powdered medicine. Within barely a couple of minutes Lucy was out like a light, and James settled in to keep an eye on her. He watched her as she slept. She really was a very special person, and he liked her a lot. But he didn’t love her. He didn’t feel that he could continue in the role that she had placed him in. He didn’t want it for him, and it wouldn’t be fair on her, to let her continue to believe that they were in love. He had no choice but to be honest with her, and tell her how he felt. It would be the best thing for both of them, no matter how much he did like her. James thought back to the near empty pub the previous Wednesday, when he had spoken with Dave. If Lucy was feeling better by the next week he just might invite her for a drink there, and see if he was able to break the bad news to her. As he looked at her, the idea filled him with dread, but he knew it was really the only thing to do. He couldn’t continue a relationship under such false pretenses. Probably he had been foolish to not have seen that Lucy felt like that, although she had never given any indication of how she really felt. My God, he thought, he should have just continued with his single life. Everything had been going just fine. Bloody Dave and his advice.
----------
Lucy slept until well into Saturday evening. When she woke the first thing she saw was James sitting at her bedside. How lucky she had been to have found such a loving man! A burst of love rushed through her body. When she had needed someone, in a moment of great concern, he hadn’t let her down. She knew that she could count on him to be at her side, forever. Whatever life threw at them they would face it together. The two of them, united against it all. Their combined love could conquer all that was thrown against them. James stood up, and placed his hand on her cheek.
‘Hey, good morning, you. Well, afternoon really. How do you feel, Lucy? Do you feel better?’
Lucy reached out, and squeezed his arm.
‘Hello, you too. Actually I feel pretty good. A bit woozy from the drugs they gave me, but the pain in my tummy has gone. Thank God.’
‘Here, you still need to take another two of these pills, remember?’
James handed her two pills, and a glass of water to wash them down.
‘Sure, I had better follow doctor’s orders, even though I think I’m fine now.’
Lucy swallowed the pills, with a drink of the water.
‘I’m really sorry to have caused you all this trouble, James. I just felt so terrible, I thought it was something really bad. Did you get any sleep at all?’
‘Don’t worry. You did the right thing calling me. I’ll catch up on my sleep tonight. Tomorrow is Sunday so I can have a good lie in. Hey listen, Emma and Vicky are both really anxiously waiting to hear from you. I have kept them updated on it all, but you had better phone them. Do you want something to eat? I could make you something light, some rice and chicken maybe?’
Lucy got out of bed, and hugged James tightly.
‘Look you, you have been so wonderful. Don’t worry, I’m not really hungry, maybe I will eat a yoghurt later on. Why don’t you head home, and get some sleep, you must be exhausted. I can’t thank you enough for the help you gave me. I was really feeling so desperate.’
Lucy rubbed James’s arm, and smiled at him.
‘You know how dramatic us girls get. Thank goodness that in the end I was just overreacting. Mind you, I really was in such pain. Really I’m not sure what was going on. Listen you, we’ll talk tomorrow. Now I better get in touch with the girls, they will probably be worried sick. And all for nothing.’
‘OK, if you are sure. Actually I wouldn’t mind catching an early night. If you need anything phone whenever you want, OK? I will pop in, and check on you tomorrow. I think you should stay close to home tomorrow, just to let all those medications leave your system. They really gave you some strong stuff. You were absolutely knocked out.’
‘You’re right, of course. Tomorrow I will just relax here at at home. I probably just picked up one of those 24 hour viruses that are going around. Thanks so much for everything, it’s so lovely to have you in my life. Now you get out of here! Go and get some rest. In any case, I better get in touch with the girls. I can imagine how worried they are. Go on, hop it, mister!’
James hugged her, and kissed her on her cheek. He put on his jacket, and, with a wave, headed out of the door. Lucy watched James leave with a feeling of total love burning in her heart. Men like James just didn’t exist, or not that she had ever met anyway, that was for sure. She had only ever met the neanderthal type of chest thumping, beer drinking, feelingless kind. The sort of men who thought that buying wine for the ‘little wimmin’ was about as sensitive as you needed to go, while secretly thinking that they should really be drinking beer. She sent a message to her friends, both of whom answered immediately that they were on their way over. While she waited for them she made herself a cup of herbal tea, which she would drink only when it had cooled down. She didn’t really want to eat anything, even though she was a bit hungry. She was worried that eating something might aggravate her stomach again. Lucy opened the window to let in some fresh air, and looked out on the world. A world that had always seemed so foreign to her, but which she now felt a part of. A world in which she had taken her place. Through finding love she had discovered that she too could be a part of the fabric of life. She could barely remember her lonely existence, prior to meeting James. It all seemed so long ago. She had waited so long, but finally the most fantastic person had come along, and was now in love with her. Looking out of the window at her new world, she had lost track of time, until the doorbell rang. Both of her friends had arrived at the same time.
‘Hey, you two, come on in.’
‘What the hell happened?’ asked Vicky. ‘Are you alright?’
Emma, too, had a very worried expression on her face.
‘We were so worried, luckily James kept us up to date on it all. You should have phoned from the hospital. How are you feeling?’
‘Don’t worry, I’m fine now. I don’t really know what it was. I felt such a pain in my stomach. I was really worried, but they gave me something for it, and now it seems to be back to normal. I think I slept for over 12 hours. Boy, they really gave me something to knock me out.’
‘Yes, we know. James kept sending us messages through it all. In fact we didn’t want to come over until you woke up.’ said Emma.
‘We told him to tell you to send us a message as soon as you got up.’
Lucy felt absolutely fantastic about how James had taken care of everything. He had been there for her, and had made sure that her friends were kept up to speed on the whole situation. She couldn’t have found a nicer person. He was all she could ever have hoped for.
‘He was such a love. I can’t begin to tell you how much he helped me through it all. I’m pretty sure that he hasn’t had any sleep at all since yesterday. I just sent him home a little while ago. It’s just so nice to have someone who loves me so much. I couldn’t have gotten through it all without him. He really was my rock.’
Emma and Vicky exchanged glances.
‘When you say he loves you so much,’ started Emma, slightly hesitantly, ‘did he tell you that? Have you told him you love him? Something has changed with you. Come on, out with the details. What’s this all about?’’
‘Well, last weekend on our trip away I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t hold it all in anymore, and I told him how much I love him. It was a night I will never forget. It was just the most romantic weekend away imaginable.’
Lucy smiled at the memory of their special weekend away.
‘And what did he he say? Did he tell you that he loved you, too?’ asked Vicky, throwing a glance at Emma.
‘He didn’t have to. He just held me so tight, I could feel it. It was one of those moments when words weren’t needed. I will never forget that evening, no matter how long I live.’
Lucy smiled, and felt a warmth go through her, with the memory of that evening.
Emma had a slightly worried look about her.
‘You know, we told you to wait for him to say that first, remember? You were supposed to take things slowly. Are you sure about all this?’
‘Of course I’m sure. Don’t worry, you two. We are in love. I’ve never been so happy in all my life.’
‘Well, OK,’ said Vicky, ‘I hope you are right about this. I think you should have waited, you know. We did tell you to slow it down, and let him dictate the pace. You should really have followed our advice, Lucy. I hope you know what you are doing. Anyway, back to the current situation. What did the doctors say? Do you need some follow up treatment?’
‘To be honest it was all a bit fast. Ironically really, after waiting so many hours, the actual time spen