Chapter 2 – Adinna
August 1988 –
The weather is really hot at the moment. I haven’t been to school for ages. Nor have Jake and Joss. It must be the summer holidays.
We’ve been in our new home for a while now – and I’m starting to love it. Mum takes me for short walks and Dad takes me for long walks. All of our stuff is in the right places now. The house is tidy. Mum and Dad shout at each other a lot less. Jake and Joss are going out with other their new friends. So they’re happy now.
Today feels different to all the other days. At breakfast this morning, everybody was laughing and smiling more. So today was the first day where we all felt properly happy. Dad went out really early this morning and came back with a hairy dog. I can’t remember us ever having a dog before. That’s probably why Jake and Joss hugged it and kissed it so much when it ran into the room. Mum didn't hug and kiss it. She looked at it with a frown, and said stuff like “all those hairs,” and “more bloody hoovering”. I don’t think she liked the dog. Dad stood in the doorway with a bit of a smile. I stayed in my seat with my apple. The others wandered off after a while, so I thought I would go and meet the dog. I walked over to it, stroked it and then put my apple in its ear. I don’t know why. I decided that it was probably a bad thing to do, so I ran off laughing.
After some hoovering, bathing and more bloody dog, I decided that we should go for a long walk.
Morning Watch (cancelled) –
Only three things will make me happy to miss one of my Watches. Obviously a Pom-Pom Parlar. I’d miss a Watch for Hi-di-Hi. That makes me laugh and I love the music. I’d also miss a Watch for a walk. So when everybody got ready to go for a walk, I didn't even worry about it: the weather was hot and we were all happy. We had a dog and we lived in a place where there were lots of trees, fields and hardly any buildings. I call our new home Adinna.
We didn't need any coats because it was so hot, so we all got ready very quickly. The dog jumped around and made a squeaky noise – I think he was excited about going for a walk. My family made sure he had his lead on and that he had a drink before we went out (which was a mistake, I think, because he did a big wee on the floor after). Mum made a flask with Pom-Pom Parlar inside and some cheese with marmite sandwiches in tinfoil. Jake cleaned up the wee. I found my wellyboots and got Joss to put them on for me. Mum put the Pom-Pom Parlar and sandwiches in a bag.
Finally, we walked out of our home and into Adinna. It was so hot, but I ran across the road anyway and pulled up some grass to put in my mouth.
“Adam,” shouted Mum. “Mind the road, sweetheart.” She ran over to me. “You’ll get hit by a tractor and hurt yourself. Bad boy.”
“And take that shagging grass out of your mouth,” shouted Jake.
“Jake,” said Dad. “I’ve told you before. You can only start swearing after your fourteenth birthday – if we can’t hear you.”
“Don’t encourage him, Dad,” said Joss.
It’s funny getting Jake into trouble. I don’t know why they all looked at him the way they did. I knew he’d done something bad and that it was probably because of what I’d done. Mum was wiping smelly mud off my hands.
“Eating shit already,” said Jake. Dad slapped him on the leg. Jake started to cry. I ran up the road and laughed and slapped my own leg. Mum kept on chasing me. I stopped and looked round and saw the dog run off up the other road. Dad, Jake and Joss chased after it. I laughed and ran my way. Mum followed me. I got bored with running off after a while, so I stood in a gateway and looked at Adinna. The others (except for Mum) had caught the dog and walked back to me whilst Mum waited, so I could be on my own for a bit. I decided that these walks would be good for my Watches – normally I can watch everything I needed to watch from my window, but outside in Adinna I can see loads more than normal. There aren’t any buildings or roads to get in the way. Everything is just green and brown. My window in my bedroom in my new home is a bit too small for proper Watches. Sometimes I have to push my face really hard against the glass to see what’s coming down the road. If Jake is outside with his new friends, he looks up and shakes his head the same way Dad does.
I decided to leave the gateway, but knew I’d go back to it another day. I looked up the road for my family and saw that Dad was talking to a new person. A funny-looking lady, with boring green wellyboots and white hair. Me and Mum walked up to the new lady.
“Hello,” said Mum. “I’m Jane. This is Adam.”
I liked the way the funny lady looked – friendly – so I gave her a big hug. The lady I’d just hugged, who was small and old (a bit like Gran) laughed when I hugged her (I was right about her being friendly). Mum laughed and said, “sorry”; Dad laughed with the old lady. Joss pushed Jake into some mud. The dog barked. They talked for a while. I got bored, so I ran off again. Mum didn't run after me this time, so I bit my hand and stamped on the floor. Normally this works and Mum will come and talk to me, but she was too busy talking to the old lady and ignored me.
I found another gateway – it wasn't as good as the other one, but it was good enough. I stood there and watched Adinna again, and started to think about why we’d left our other home. The others seem really happy that we aren’t there anymore. Our new home is a lot bigger than our old one, and has a big garden with trees and a car with no wheels. Are we here for the dog? Maybe they want a dog here, but not in our old home. They moved here – with me – so they could get a dog. They all seem to like the dog. Except Mum.
The dog got bored with all the talking and came over to sit next to me. I looked at the muddy ground and saw a small apple with lots of brown bits that looked like poo or chocolate. Mum hadn't opened the sandwiches yet, so I bent down and picked up the apple. Should apples have little worms in them? I decided that this was Adinna and everything must be good, so I ate the apple and the worms. It tasted horrible so I spat it at the dog. The dog didn’t like that. It looked at me with its teeth showing and made a grumbling noise. I didn't like that and felt a bit frightened. I turned round and walked away slowly – I made sure that I looked like I wasn’t scared. I shouldn’t really have bothered, because it walked back to Jake and Joss anyway and rolled onto its back. I felt less scared and threw what was left of the apple at the old lady. She was still talking to Mum and Dad. I decided to go over there and stand with Mum.
“It’s absolutely beautiful,” said Mum.
“I know,” said the old lady. “Ize bin livin yer all me life an I cooden live nower else. Ne’er e’en bin on oliday way from Debon. Famlee all live yer, ya see.”
I don’t understand a lot of what people say, but the old lady sounded really funny. She talked the way Dad does when he comes home at night. That’s probably why he smiled so much when she spoke.
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s perfect for the kids.”
“Ohh ahh,” said the old lady.
They carried on talking like this for ages. The old lady looked at me and smiled while Dad spoke. But I was bored now and wanted to eat my sandwiches. I tried grabbing my bollocks to see if that would stop them all talking, but it didn’t. After a while, Joss and Jake ran up the road after the dog, and that made Mum and Dad say goodbye to the old lady. But I’d already run away – why hadn’t it worked for me? But at least we were walking again. Dad and Mum walked together in front of me with Joss, Jake and the dog further in front of them. Dad started to smoke a cigar. Ackee!
I wasn’t sure I liked walking on my own, but Mum kept looking back and checking on me, so I started to enjoy myself. I like being on my own, but I like being with other people as well. I don’t think they understand this, and think that I must be with other people all the time. I know school think that. My family knows when I need to be on my own. It was nice that they were letting me walk on my own. But I started to worry. I knew that I wasn’t hungry, but I would be soon. Mum hadn’t mentioned anything about food. She had all those sandwiches and all that Pom-Pom Parlar, but we were still just walking along. Dad had finished his Ackee cigar, the dog seemed tired and Joss and Jake were looking a bit tired. I grabbed Mum, dragged her to the gateway and rubbed my teeth with my finger – she understands how this means I’m ready to eat.
“In a minute darling,” she said. “If we walk to the next field, we can all sit down and eat lunch together. We’ll have a picnic.”
I knew she meant that we weren’t going to eat now – my worry turned into a little bit of rage. So I bit my lip, pulled her head towards me and pressed hard against her cheek. I wouldn’t have done that to Dad.
“Adam,” shouted Dad. Mum smiled. “Sorry,” she said.
I didn’t like Dad shouting, so I let go of Mum and ran off. I shook my head from side to side really fast and bit my hand. I quickly caught up with Jake and Joss and the dog and walked with them for a while so I could calm down. Joss is always good to be with when I need to calm down. Her voice is nice and quiet. It makes me feel better and rage goes away.
“What’s the matter, Ad?” said Joss.
I looked at her and rubbed my teeth again.
“Is Mum being tight with the grub? If the three of us and the dog go into this field now, then by the time they get here, we’ll be sat on the grass having a sun bathe. Then they’ll come in and I’ll say, ‘let’s have a picnic here’. Then Dad’ll say, ‘Oh no! This field is too green’, or ‘Oh no! That tree is too treelike.’” She said this in a funny voice and made me laugh. “But I’ll say, ‘Dad. Get it together, fatty. Ad has a bursting hunger and is on the point of having a major Benny. We will stay here and eat ‘till we burst.’ How’s that, Ad?”
I sniffed hard and grabbed Joss’s hand. I pulled her towards the nearest gate. She laughed as I pulled her, and Jake laughed as he chased after us both. The dog tried to chase us but a bird flew in front of him so he chased that instead. We reached a crumbly, wooden gate that led into a field with a big tree in the middle. Without stopping, we ran to the thing next to the gate – a step made of a few pieces of wood stuck together; we had to lift our feet on to it to climb over. By the time Joss had helped me over, the dog had lost the bird and jumped through the gate. I jumped off the wooden thing and landed straight in a muddy puddle. I splashed the dog and I splashed Jake. I thought this so funny that I laughed, stepped in some smelly mud and fell over. There was another big pile of smelly mud (the biggest pile I’ve ever seen) next to the one I’d stepped into. I jumped up and fell straight into it and got my face and clothes all covered. I laughed even more and shouted, “Ackee.” Jake and Joss were laughing really loudly. The dog was getting excited and started to bark right next to my ear. I couldn’t stop laughing. The dog stopped barking and started to lick the smelly mud off my face. This made Jake and Joss laugh even more.
“Shit-faced. Adam’s shit-faced,” shouted Jake.
“Adam,” shouted Mum. Her and Dad had just walked in through the gate. “Get up out of the mud. Now.”
We all stopped laughing. Mum grabbed my hand and pulled a tissue from her pocket and started to wipe all the smelly mud off my face. Dad shouted at Jake for ages. Joss ‘stayed put’ (as Dad sometime says) and put the dog on the lead. Ackee! The smelly mud wasn’t that nice after we’d stopped laughing. I really needed a Pom-Pom Parlar. I couldn’t understand why Mum didn’t laugh as much as we all did. If it had been Dad, Joss or Jake, she would’ve laughed.
“How can you eat your picnic with pooey fingers?” Mum said.
Dad had stopped shouting at Jake and was staring at me. Jake tried not to cry. I didn’t like this very much, so I grabbed Mum’s hand and started to walk away from them all. Everyone followed and we ended up walking to the big tree in the middle of the field. We all sat down in a circle on a bit of grass and breathed heavily. The air tasted so nice, almost sweet – I think you have to breathe heavy sometimes and just enjoy the air going in and out – and at last Mum got all the sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil out of her bag and gave us one each. She then got some cups from her bag and gave one to each of us. Then, one by one, she filled our cups with Pom-Pom Parlar. I felt very thirsty, so I drank the Pom-Pom Parlar in one gulp. Dad hates it when I do that. He always looks at me with frowns if I eat and drink too loud – but I never get scared of him. I blew him a kiss and poked out my tongue. I then got my sandwiches and ate them really quickly. I did this because Dad hated that more than me drinking my Pom-Pom Parlar too fast. I blew him more kisses. Dad shook his head. This made me laugh.
We were all sat there feeling happy. We were all eating our food and enjoying the green underneath us. We were all drinking our Pom-Pom Parlars and smiling at the warmth around us. The dog hadn't been seen for a while. It made up for that by running right into the middle of our picnic and spilling all the Pom-Pom Parlars – and Dad had got angry with me for finishing mine too fast. At least I’d drunk a whole Pom-Pom Parlar – I reckon I was the sensible one. I suppose he understood this, which is probably why he got angry.
Mum got angry and shouted, ‘Shoo’. Joss stood up and shouted at Jake.
“You got it too excited, dickhead,” she said.
Jake shouted at the dog. Dad shouted at Mum – something about not bringing a bloody cloth. I understood that bit. I sat there chewing my last bit of sandwich and watched as everybody else got upset. I decided to hurt the dog if I got a chance later. It wasn’t Jake’s fault that the dog had disturbed our picnic. But everybody was shouting at him. Nobody shouted at Dad, and he’d brought the dog home. I felt sorry for Jake because he’s always in trouble. Normally I laugh at him for being in trouble, but he’d made me feel good when I fell over in the smelly mud earlier on. So I decided to hurt the dog for him. Later on. If I got the chance.
My family cleaned up the mess made by the dog and calmed down a little. So we carried on with the walk. I suddenly felt really happy that everybody else had got upset about the dog and that I’d managed to stay calm. I also got this feeling in my belly that made me want to run. So I ran. I knew it would be OK, because we were walking away from the road and towards the woods. So I ran faster. I ran as fast as I could and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Apart from my laughter and the wind in my ears I could also hear the dog barking. I looked around and there it was running next to me. Not only that, but it was jumping up at me. Before I knew it the dog had jumped on my leg, pushed my feet together and made me fall over. Bad dog! I decided to really hurt him later – if I could.
Mum walked over to me and held my hand.
“Oh Adam, poor baby. Did the bad doggy hurt you? Bad doggy,” said Mum.
“He’s not a five year old,” said Dad.
Mum tried to help me up, but I didn’t feel like being helped, so I jumped to my feet and ran off again – it’d felt so good last time. The dog ran up next to me again. But he didn’t try to jump up at me this time. It just ran next to me. How stupid. He must have known that he’d been making me angry all day and that I wanted to hurt him. He didn’t. So I hurt it. Ha ha. What I did was to run in front of him and stamp on his paw with my wellyboot. He screamed and barked and stopped running next to me. I laughed and stopped running as I came to another wooden thing to climb over next to a gate. Over the gate were some woods and a river. I decided to wait for my family who had stopped – they were stroking the dog and holding his paw. Dad looked at me and shook his head. So did Jake, but it wasn’t quite as bad as Dad’s shake. Mum just looked at me, but I couldn’t tell if she was angry with me or not, and then she smiled quickly and looked back at the dog. I reckon she loves me the best – I can do anything to my Mum and she doesn’t stay angry with me. Joss just looked at the dog as if she didn't care about anything that much. I turned round and climbed over the wooden thing. Mum started shouting at me.
“Adam. Wait for us.”
I turned round and leant on the gate, watching my family walk towards me. They all seemed a bit upset and tired of walking through the field. I felt happy and funny now that I was in the woods. The dog had got what he deserved. I’d had my Pom-Pom Parlar. Joss and Jake were being nice to me. The woods were quiet and dark. The rushing river made a nice noise. I waited for my family. When they got to me they all jumped over the wooden thing, except Jake and the dog who climbed over the gate. They all seemed to feel as good as me when they were standing with all the trees. It was like being inside, but you could still see the sun above and breathe the warm outside air.
Nobody said any words. Jake and Joss went and sat on a tree that had fallen over. Mum and Dad walked together and spoke so I couldn’t hear them. The dog ran away, barking. I went and stood next to Jake on the log. He seemed friendlier with the trees all around us.
I sat down next to Jake. He looked at me and smiled. Joss got up and walked away.
“You alright Ad? Nice woods, aren’t they?”
I sniffed and kissed my hand. I don’t know why. I think Jake realised I was listening to him, even though I didn’t understand his words. Dad got his camera out and took a photograph.
“You see that big tree there – that’s a Horse Chestnut tree. That’s where you get conkers from in the autumn. If you want to make really good conkers, you need to soak them in vinegar or bake them in the oven. That’s what I did last year, but the teachers took them all off me.”
I picked up a stick and bit the end off. Joss walked back over to us with something hidden under her T-shirt.
“Ignore William Brown over there,” she said. “Tea?”
A flask full of Pom-Pom Parlar! She took the flask and cup from under her T-shirt and poured me a Pom-Pom Parlar. She poured one for Jake as well.
“…and that bird singing is a blackbird. They’ve got a beautiful song. If we sit here long enough and keep still and quiet, we might see some deer.”
It’s nice when Jake speaks to me properly but sometimes I just want him to be quiet. This was one of those times. So I put the stick in his ear. Not hard so it would hurt him. Just enough to stop him from talking. He laughed and stopped talking. Joss laughed and screwed the top back on the flask. The three of us sat there and were quiet. After a while I got a bit worried because I hadn’t seen Mum for a while. I looked round and said, “Ma-mummy”. She was only a little distance away, walking slowly with Dad and holding his hand.
“It’s alright darling,” she said. “Mummy’s only walking with Daddy. I’ll come and see you in a minute. Love you.”
I never normally see Mum and Dad holding hands. It made me feel really happy – them being close together and touching and laughing properly. I also felt really happy sat there with Jake and Joss. We weren’t saying anything, but I don’t think we needed to. That’s why I put the stick in Jake’s ear – he was talking when he didn't need to. We just needed to be together, quietly. But then the dog barked.
After tea Watch
We stayed in the woods for a bit longer, and then the dog was gone. After loads of searching we found him in a field chasing lots of cows. We went home after that.
The big garage in our new garden is where the dog is staying. I can still hear him barking. After I had my bath I got into my nightclothes and Mum made me more sandwiches and Dad went out for the night. That made things a little nicer – like always. Mum smiles more and talks a little slower. Jake and Joss smile more and talk more loudly. Mum sits down more. I went for my Watch, but the night was too dark – there aren’t any lights in the street in Adinna. At night-time, all you see are the stars. I’d never really seen stars properly. You could only just about see them in our old home. Adinna makes them really bright. Joss and Jake were being happy and loud, so I went downstairs to be with Mum. She made a Pom-Pom Parlar and it tasted really nice – when Dad’s at home they taste a little different. I pulled Mum’s hair to say thank you. Joss and Jake ran around and made loads of noise. Mum didn’t seem that happy with all the noise, but after a while she smiled and said something.
“Do you want to watch Hi-Di-Hi?” she said.
I only understood ‘Hi-Di-Hi’, but when she walked to the telly I knew she was going to make it come on. That made me really happy. Normally I clap when Hi-Di-Hi comes on, but after our fun day I felt extra happy, so I decided to bounce up and down as well. Mum always laughs and claps when Hi-Di-Hi comes on. So I clapped and bounced even more and laughed so much my throat hurt. I kept laughing and clapping, and Mum sat next to me on the settee and hugged me. I felt funny in the throat and stomach. I laughed a bit more and then for no reason I started crying. I felt really odd. I wanted to laugh because Hi-Di-Hi was on and Mum was laughing and Dad wasn’t there shouting, but my throat felt funny and made me cry. My face was covered in tears. And Mum was crying as well. I couldn’t stop it. I felt like laughing one minute and then I had to cry the next. Mum tried to hug me but it didn’t help. She was crying too much. Hi-Di-Hi was on the telly; the music that sounds funny played, and Mum looked happy but cried as well. I felt happy, but the tears still came. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t think of anything to do. Joss and Jake were standing in the doorway. Joss looked at us and smiled.
“What’s wrong?” said Jake.
Joss looked like she was going to cry and walked over to us. She knelt on the floor and put her arms around my waist and started to cry. Jake looked at us all crying, and his lip started to wobble.
“Stop it,” he said. “Just stop.”
He stayed in the doorway and started to cry. But he tried to pretend that he wasn’t crying. But we knew he was. Peggy pushed her trolley into one of the chalets and sang a funny song. Spike said something to her and all the people laughed.
Night Watch –
We all stopped crying after a while and watched Hi-Di-Hi together and drank a honey-milk. Then we went to bed. I have this Watch that none of the others know about. I do it after Mum has tucked me in and kissed me and said goodnight.
I can hear Jake and Joss talking through the walls to each other. I walk quietly to the window and look out. Nothing. I can’t see anything. In our old home, I still see people walking about and talking at night-time. All I see out of my window in Adinna are the stars being really bright. I didn’t know they were as shiny as that. I can hear Mum downstairs, walking around and cleaning up the cups. I can hear Joss and Jake talking less and less. I then hear the front door go slam. Dad’s home. I know because Mum has stopped cleaning the cups and Joss and Jake have stopped talking and started whispering. I hear Dad talking to Mum and laughing. So that’s OK. I can go to sleep now. I can’t go to sleep until Dad’s home. I can’t sleep unless all my family are at home and in bed. It doesn’t feel right otherwise. It feels more right if Dad laughs. It’s not nice when he is really late and starts being all grumpy – it makes me tired for the next day.
With Dad home, I walk quietly to bed and get in. I like Adinna and I like our new home. Today was fun, even though we all cried and laughed. I’m going to like the walks, and I’m going to like drinking Pom-Pom Parlars outside. I’m not sure about the smelly mud. I don’t like the dog. I like Dad and my family more. It’s definitely Mum, Dad, Joss, Jake and Adam. At the moment. I hope things don’t change. I hope things never change.
Morning Watch –
I got up and my head and body felt bad. I had my bath and everybody was making too much noise. Dad was smiling a lot and Mum was rushing around. Jake and Joss were wearing their school clothes. So the summer holidays must be over. Dad took the dog out this morning for a walk, but forgot to take me with him. Even though Jake and Joss were wearing their school clothes I knew I wouldn’t be going to school. They had their coats on and their bags packed. Mum was putting my shoes on, so we must have been going for another walk in Adinna. This was good, but my head and body still felt bad. My Pom-Pom Parlar didn’t taste nice at breakfast time.
We actually went out with Jake and Joss for a walk. They were still in their school clothes. The dog came with us. We walked up a hill that we hadn’t walked up before. It was very steep and made my legs hurt. Jake and Joss walked in front of me and Mum. We didn’t walk for very long, and we came to a place with some houses. It wasn’t very big. The road split and went in two different directions. There were some houses and a shop next to the road. All the houses had grass roofs. And smoke was coming out. I know in winter people light fires to keep warm, and fires in houses means smoke coming out of the roof. But it was warm already. Why should people want to light fires in the house when it’s warm? Adinna’s a funny place.
Me and Mum stopped with the dog. Jake and Joss walked off and waved to us. We just stood in the road, watching them walk towards some other people who looked like Jake and Joss. They were wearing school