Since we don’t feel love inside ourselves, we
always aim to find this love elsewhere. The
area of spirituality wasn’t an exception for me,
and I used both methods.
On the one hand, I was always naughtier than
the rest of the students. I acted like a black
sheep in the flock. And on the other hand, I
wanted to be the best performing student; I
wanted to show my teacher how fast I advance
and get his approval. Obviously, I chose a
short thorny way and kept on falling and
falling and falling.
Until I realized this: it’s not me who always
wants the challenge, it’s my tricky mind. It’s
the mind who tells me that I will feel loved if
I’m the best student. It’s the mind who tells
me that I need to rush in my development.
And it’s the mind that tells me that complex
tasks are more beneficial.
In a way, the mind doesn’t want us to reach
self-realization, for it will no longer dominate
our living. Self-realization means there is no
constant dialogue in our heads, so the mind
doesn’t get its food, i.e., thoughts. The mind
knows that the shortest way might be the
longest one, for we’ll keep on falling down. It