HOW DARE YOU!
A hippie couple, Owen and Lila, who've been just shacking up for the past year in Owen's flat in the Haight have decided to get hitched, legal and all. Not only that but they're going to be monogamous. Most of us try to dissuade them at least from the legal or exclusive part, but I guess they just went nuts because that's the only explanation I can think of with all the free sex, drugs and rock and roll happening right now. They're adamant about it so all any of us can do is wish them good luck.
One day I'm sitting in their flat with Lila smoking a joint when she says “You have a drivers license, don't you Tai?”
I tell her I do.
Then she says, “You know all this marriage business is mostly Owen's idea but I do love him so if it makes him happy then I'll be happy to marry him. But, I told him if he's really serious about the monogamy part, and he is, then I have to have one last fling before settling down as an old married woman. So, if your not doing anything else for the next few days and you'll drive me. We can borrow Owen's car and drive up to woods outside Nevada City where Hayden lives and I can ball him one last time.” (Hayden is a young handsome studly dude who used to live in the City but recently moved to the country. All the girls love him and he in turn loves them all back.)
I ask her what Owen thinks of this plan of hers and she says, “Well, of course he's against it. He can't understand why I want to bang someone else if I really love only him. But I told him he knows as well as anyone sex ain't love. I told him it's the only way I'll marry him so reluctantly he said okay. Will you drive me? I already called Hayden so he's expecting me tomorrow.”
Well, I'm always up for an adventure but I ask her, “And what am I suppose to do all day and night while you're fucking Hayden? Does he have a country babe stashed away up there for me?”
“I don't know anything about a girl for you to screw, you'll just have to see when we get there. But you know there's plenty to see and do up there. It is summer and the woods and rivers are full of freeks. I'm sure you''ll find something to amuse yourself with up there. Just bring your tent and sleeping bag. And some weed because I hear it's dry up there right now. You'll have all kinds of friends.”
I get up and leave telling her I'll see her bright and early, say around noon, tomorrow and split.
Next day I get there and Lila's all packed and ready to go. Owen's standing there asking Lila one more time not to go and ball Hayden, but she's adamant saying, “I told you , Owen, it's the only way I'll marry you. So do you want to get married or not?”
Owen does so he just kisses her good bye and turns away looking dejected and all. Lila turns to me and asks if I'm ready. I tell her I am so she hands me Owen's car keys, grabs her bag and it's out the door and away we go.
Since it's middle of the day and middle of the week there's hardly any traffic out of the bay area and only a little through Sac. We spend the time chatting and just enjoying the drive and soon enough here we are in Nevada City.
We stop at a store with a payphone and Lila calls the stud. He's at home and waiting on her with bated breath. Lila hands me the phone and Hayden give the the directions to his place.
We pull in his drive and there he's standing in jeans and no shirt. Lila jumps out of the car, grabs her bag and says, “Come back tomorrow about noon. See ya!” and she and Hayden disappear into his house.
Oh well, I guess there's no girl for me so it's up to Monkey Island on the American River where's there's always a bunch of freeks and lots of fun to be had.
Now since this is Lila's and Owen's story I won't go into details about my night there suffice to say there was no grass and I had an o.z. of Colombian so …...............
Next day I pull up in Hayden's drive and honk the horn. After a few minutes the happy couple appear at the door. He kisses her, she kisses him back then breaks away, skips over to the car, turns and waves bye-bye, hops in the car and again, it's away we go.
I ask if she had a good time and she reply’s, “Yeah, Hayden knows just what a girl wants. It's too bad Owen's such a tight ass about this marriage deal but I love him so I guess that's it for poor old Lila.” and we both laugh at that one. The drive back is about the same as the drive there and soon we're pulling into Owen's driveway.
We walk in the house and Lila calls out that she's home. We hear a “We're in the kitchen” so we head that way. When we get there there's Owen and Mikey a friend of his sitting at the table smoking a “J” and they each have a beer in front of them. Owen looks at Lila and says sarcasticly, “Well, Lila did ya have a good time with Hayden?”
Lila says, “Get over it Owen. It's done so lets just forget it, okay?”
Owen smile at her and says, “Okay, Lila, I'm already over it because while you were off fucking the great Hayden I had Jamie come over to spend the night. We had a great time together too. That Jamie really know how to move her fine little body. (Jamie is a hot black girl who loves to ball) and I figured since you were getting' some final strange then I mise well too. Yeah, Lila I'm all over it.”
Right then and there Lila has a shitfit! Why she can't believe Owen would do something like that. Fuck another girl! In their own house! In their own bed! Behind her back! She's ranting, she raving and we're all a little stunned. After all, she did just fucked Hayden all night long.
Owen breaks in on her tirade pointing out this out to her. But she has an answers him saying, “Look Owen, it's not that you fucked her. It's that you were totally against having one last fling. You begged me not to do it to prove my love for you. But I was honest with you, fucking Hayden was part of the deal. And I fucked him because I wanted to. You fucked Jamie not because you wanted to but just to get back at me. And you fucked her in our own home!” and she's off on her rant again.
After a few more minutes of Lila and Owen arguing and repeating themselves it's starts to get boring so I put the car keys on the table, say, see ya, and leave although I doubt either of them noticed.
Well, the wedding on went as planned. I guess they worked it all out because they are still married to each other to this day and I never heard of either of them cheating on the other.