This is for all you rock climbing white water hang gliding base jumping death-defying wimps.
Now, I'm not saying what you do ain't dangerous but, except for the weather, you are in control of the entire situation. You have your own state of the art equipment and you know your own strengths and weaknesses. Plus, you choose the time and place for your feat. For a real gut wrenching scrotum tightening thrill, put your life in someone else's hands. Someone you don't know. Someone who really doesn’t even care whether you live or die. Also, instead of using your own new equipment, let's use some stuff that's not only really old but is extremely well used, and not too properly maintained either. If you want some real excitement forget about shooting the rapids, jumping out of an airplane, or climbing the sheer face of a rock wall. Instead, take a third class bus from Jammu Tawi to Sirinagar in the heights of the monsoon or the dead of winter. I swear it will be an experience you will never forget. It's less than 200 miles between the two cities and if you're lucky it will only take around 18 hours. If you're not, then.....
And it's not too dangerous. Why usually not more than 30 people a month die en route. Although a few years ago in January during a snowstorm 58 people died in one day due to either being caught in avalanches or just plain freezing to death while stranded in their cars. For the most part those who do die experience quite spectacular deaths too. Usually it's over cliffs that are anywhere from fifty to a couple hundred feet high then, after a short but very exciting plunge straight down, they are smashed on the boulders below or swept away in a raging torrent. The locals say the lucky ones die, the unlucky go to the hospital. So, let's start our little adventure shall we?
Our journey begins in New Delhi, India where you'll get the overnight second class sleeper train to Jammu Tawi. You may think that this will be just your usual dangerous and uncomfortable Indian train ride, but you are mistaken. This is one of the two most famous trains in India for its luggage lifters, pickpockets, and other outright thieves. They'll be your friend. They'll chat with you for hours. They will share their cigarettes and biddies with you. If you get hungry or thirsty, they’ll offer you food and chai. And, being ever so thoughtful, they will even generously lace your food and drink with sleeping potions to help you snooze the night away undisturbed. Then they will steal every thing they can. Everything you've got if possible.
Even though I've traveled a lot in India and know the trip, once on the Jammu-Tawi Express I got my pocket picked and didn't even know it until later when I reached into my then empty pocket.
Another time while I was travelling on that train two Swedish girls in the next compartment went to sleep for the night. In the morning they awoke to find that all they owned except the clothes on their backs had been stolen. Everything was simply gone, including their passports and all of their money. They had to borrow enough money from all of us other passengers just to get back to New Delhi where they could go to their embassy and get an airplane ticket back to Sweden thus cutting their dream vacation to India short.
Of course, sometimes the thieves do get caught and when they do, justice is swift. Everyone whose around, including the police, gang up on the thief and beat the living hell out of the guy then, if he’s able, they let him crawl away. Hey, it's better than going to jail.
Well, you’ve made it to Jammu Tawi where you’ll buy your ticket for the bus ride to Sirinagar that starts tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. Get a real good rest tonight because you are going to need it.
Up at 5 a.m. so you can be at the bus station by 6. You'll be assigned a bus number. Let's find it in the mass of other ancient beaters and check it out. First thing you'll notice is that the bus is old, really old, probably way older than you are. Look at the tires, the front ones are not too bad. At least they have some tread left on them, but the rear ones are almost bald and they have large chunks of rubber missing out of them. There's a flat or two waiting for you up the road. Check the hubs. See the grease and brake fluid leaking out of them? That’s to let you know the brakes are well soaked with oil. The driver's going to have to stand on them pretty hard to get this puppy to stop. Look at the under carriage; leaf springs cracked and broken, steering rods shot, steering box leaking oil, master fluid dripping brake fluid, muffler and tail pipe full of holes. Uh huh, all looks pretty normal. Let's board our chariot for a look at the driver's compartment. Holes in the engine cover and floor boards, cracked windshield with no wipers, steering wheel cracked and broken, brake pedal worn and shiny and his seat has totally had it. Oh, and of course, there are loose wires hanging out everywhere. Looks good. Now find yourself a seat.
Let’s see, absolutely no padding and vinyl’s torn. You’d better not be too tall because there is almost no leg room, something that will guarantee you some nicely bruised knees from banging against the wooden seatback in front of you. If there’s glass in the window, try it. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won’t. Also, make sure you take the ordinary bus where you can experience the joy 3 X 3-six across seating. That way you’ll really get to know your neighbors. Why one of them may even sit in your lap for part of the journey. Pick one of the far back seats so when the bus hits a bump or pothole, and they'll be plenty of them, you'll get airborne. Watch your head on the ceiling.
Also, don’t forget to you carry a hanky. You’ll need it to breathe through for when the inside of the bus gets too dusty or smoggy. Plus, since the bus will definitely not be heated you’d better have something handy to keep you warm and dry during the trip. And remember; take this ride at the height of the monsoon (June) or depths of winter (January) so the road will be at it's very worst. Then you’ll be able to fully experience the bridges being out, the mud slides, the ice or snowed covered roads. All this accompanied by other vehicles being broken down in the middle of the mostly one lane sometimes paved, sometimes dirt road. There will be plenty of breakdowns, wash-outs and flooding where you’ll sit in your bus for hours on end waiting for your bus or the road to be repaired just enough for you going again for another few miles. Ready to roll? Then let's go!
Our driver boards. He's at least 50 years old and he’s not wearing glasses. Look at his eyes. Yup, he's on speed. However, don’t worry, he probably got at least an hour or two of sleep after last nights return journey and he does know the road. Hell, he drives it 6 days a week and at least 300 days a year.
The first 30 miles are quite pleasant when it's not pouring rain or blowing snow and you can see out. Rolling hills and gentle turns. Yes, very pretty indeed. Then you enter the first valley, which leads to the Himalayan foothills that are not more than 9,000 feet high. The road is cut right into the rock; it's straight up above you and straight down below you. When it's raining real hard you'll be driving through a waterfall with the water being accompanied by rocks of various size cascading down upon the roof of your bus. Look out the front window. Can't see the road? Well, neither can your driver but again, don’t fret, remember he knows this road by heart.
Whenever you cross a bridge look down into the raging torrent below you and just think; these bridges were probably built by the British, so they're even older than your bus. Some bridges will even have large holes or big chucks missing out of them where huge boulders from above have crashed down and through them. You know that just has to have weakened the superstructure. It's a real thrill when your bus, one of many in a string of other vehicles, stops in the middle of one of these broken bridges with the boulders crashing from above and the water raging below. Hope it holds the weight because you’ll be sitting there for awhile with no place to go. However, even dubious bridges are far better than no bridges. There your driver will simply wait until he thinks the current's not too strong or the river’s not too deep then he’ll gun the motor and ford the river. The water will come into the bus right up to the top of the floorboards. You’d better pray the engine doesn’t die or the bus doesn’t get stuck because if it does then everyone is going to get very wet and very cold. There’s even a good chance some might drown in that frigid coursing snowmelt. And if that’s not exciting enough for you then there’s the driving through mud slides or avalanches. I guarantee those events will really get your heart pumping.
There will be no road either; just a muddy or icy snow track going up or down hill that your driver will have to negotiate. Remember the bald tires and those oil soaked brakes? Look out the window. See the track washing away or the snow and ice on that hairpin turn? Look down over the edge. It'll be more that a hundred feet straight down to the rocks and river below. The driver will hesitate and say a little prayer. Then he’ll punch the gas and, OH, OH, what’s that?
There's a broken down truck right in the middle of the road that your driver will have to squeeze by on the outside curve. Look at the rear wheels? Are they still on the edge of the road? They’d better be because there is no shoulder on this route. It’s either you’re on the road or you’re over the edge.
Are we having fun yet? Remember there's over a hundred miles yet to go of sheer cliffs, steep grades, tight turns, up one side of the mountain then down the other, only to do it again and again and again. On the outside of each hair pin turn you'll see memorials that friends and relatives have erected to commemorate a loved ones death. Some plaques have only a half dozen names on them; a car went over here. Others have 50 or 60 names; a lot of cars or a couple buses went down there. While almost all the turns have a few plaques some of the really bad ones have a lot. But you will probably make it through, most people do.
You've made it to the tunnel. A narrow one-way carbon monoxide filled hole about two miles long. You'll have to wait your turn for a couple hours at the most before you can cruise on through. Now got that hanky? You're really going to need it in the tunnel because if you thought LA was bad on a summer’s day just wait until you get a taste of this smog. Aww, sweet relief, you made it through. You can breath again. However, on the other side of the tunnel you’ll be greeted either by soldiers of the Indian Army who will get on the bus looking for Jammu and Kashmir Liberation Force terrorists or by freedom fighters for the J&KLF looking for Indian Army thugs. They better not find any either because gun battles have been known to ensue and wipe out an entire busload of innocent folks.
Still alive? Then Welcome To Kashmir, one of the truly most beautiful places on the face of the earth. But you’re not quite home yet.
You’ll have only about 50 more miles of either flooded or icy roads to go. If you go off the road here you probably won't be badly injured or killed but you will get miserably wet and/or cold while you’re delayed even longer.
Well, you've made it to Sirinagar. It'll be cold and dark somewhere between midnight and dawn but a friendly tout will greet your bus and he’ll be happy to guide you to a hotel or houseboat where you can rest up. Enjoy Sirinagar, Lake Dal and the surrounding countryside with its magnificent view of the Hindu Kush. Like I said, this is one of the most beautiful valleys you will ever see. Plus, there’s lot’s of other exciting bus trips you can take if you’re so inclined. Why there’s a tortuous two-day journey up and over the mighty Himalayas down into the valley of Ladahk where traditional Tibetan Buddhist still live as they have for thousands of years. Or you can simply relax, kick back, smoke some of the justly famous truly stoney Kashmiree hash and enjoy all that beauty surrounding you in Sirinagar while trying not to think about the ride back.