CULTURAL DIFFERENCES FOR MEN AND WOMEN
In America, we truly are out of touch with cultures and attitudes abroad. Most men here have not done a lot of traveling around the world. I wish they all would. Consider the impact it would have on your world perspective to visit the diverse cultures from Australia, China, Japan, Brazil, Germany, Denmark, Russia, to Egypt.
I’m sure you have probably watched movies filmed in places all over the world. You most likely feel you would know what to expect if you went to one of those countries.
But that all goes to another level when you are there and you have to communicate with people there.
I am completely fascinated to get inside the thought process of other cultures. So many people are just like you and me – yet they see things from such a different perspective.
Not only does it help me understand them better, but it helps give perspective to my world view.
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In the last chapter we took a look at the healthy man and woman and how they energize each other. It is this energy that we are all looking for.
Now we will look at some of the weaker sides of our cultures. We’ll compare the way we look at things like sex, money, and family. We’ll look at some of the problems in the lives of men and women abroad. Then we’ll take a look at some areas that are problematic for men and women in our country.
COMPARING CULTURAL DIFFERENCES (MEN)
FOREIGN MEN
I have enjoyed spending time with some of the men I met overseas. The guys who hosted sail fishing in Costa Rica were awesome to hang with. The bus driver in Ukraine was cool as was the bellman at a hotel I stayed in. I really enjoyed the humor of one of the cab drivers in Rio de Janeiro. These guys can be a blast to be around.
But there also seems to be some deep seeded pains and struggles in their lives. The way they react to the introduction event and economic traps of life in their countries brings out the worst in them when it comes to their love lives.
Government statistics, from countries such as Russia and Columbia, tend to support the statements I heard from so many women. Alcoholism and spousal abuse is prevalent. As a lifestyle, many foreign men spend much of their time with other men conversing, smoking, and drinking. Women are often just the objects of sexual conquest – and sometimes abused. These women will say that men in the younger generations are not 62 | P a g e
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seeing the motivation for getting married – especially when they can have new sex partners on a regular basis.
To further feed the situation, foreign women will do whatever they can in an attempt to keep them. Most foreign women have little expectation that their man will remain faithful to them but will fight to keep him anyway.
There is a growing number of women who are fed up with this game and want no part of it. For them, hope of having a loving family with a good man in their own country has become a remote possibility.
Obviously, this harsh picture is not true of all men. I met several married couples who seemed very happy with each other – but I didn’t talk to the men alone to hear their attitudes toward marriage or uncover any philandering. But even among these married men, the sense of economic frustration had set in – they just can’t make more money for themselves or their families in a communist or introduction eventist society.
One of the reasons foreign men may pursue the conquest of one woman after another is to fill a huge void in their lives. Men are built to have a battle to fight – metals of accomplishment to win. What if you lived in a world where you could never advance or make any more money than you did when you were 20 years old? Would you spend half of your time killing your pain with smoking and alcohol? Wouldn’t you be looking to find other non-economic places that you could battle and win – and prove your manhood?
Thus, the conquest of more women may be one of those battles. But these victories have no honor.
Another painful fallout from masculinity gone wrong is domestic abuse. The overblown male machismo culture of domination and physical abuse is considered common – and rarely punished.
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Apparently, many of these men seem to find little motivation to bring their paychecks home – even when they have a monogamous relationship and children. The common story seems to be that the women work so the family has money.
What is the consequence for this lifestyle? According to CIA world statistics, the average life expectancy for men is 59 in Russia, 62 in Ukraine, and 65 in Colombia.
Alcohol is a major contributing factor to these shortened life spans. 4
WESTERN MEN
At first glance, those men make us look like heroes by contrast. American men want to be connected with their families. We participate in our wives pregnancies and delivery.
We change diapers and teach our kids to play baseball. We take our wives on dates and plan our vacations as family events. We want to be faithful to our wives, because that is what good husbands do. To have an affair also means we failed in our marriages somehow. We desire closeness and intimacy with our women. These are good and noble aspirations.
Our families come first and we bring home our entire paychecks to support our family.
We don’t abuse our spouses or children. And we lavish upon them the highest standard of living in the modern age.
But, as American men, we have also had to deal with cultural influences that have pushed us in the opposite direction of our foreign counterparts: toward the feminine-first perspective. I’ve never spoken to an American man who denied that there are pressures in our culture that attack masculinity. Even if we have held strong to our manliness, we live under the threat of losing our jobs over unfounded suggestions of sexual harassment in the workplace. In order to get a college degree we are forced to take “women’s 64 | P a g e
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studies” and “gender sensitivity” classes. What do these courses teach? They teach that men are sexual predators and the cause of all evil on the planet.
Robert Bly describes the affects of various decades of American history on men in his book, “Iron John.” Here is what he said about the decade of the 1960’s: During the sixties, another sort of man appeared. . . . As men began to examine women’s history and women’s sensibility, some men began to notice what was called their feminine side and pay attention to it. This process continues to this day, and I would say that most contemporary men are involved in it in some way.
. . . The male in the past twenty years has become more thoughtful, more gentle. But by this process he has not become more free. He’s a nice boy who pleases not only his mother, but also the young woman he is living with.
In the seventies I began to see all over the country a phenomenon that we might call the “soft male.” . . . They are lovely, valuable people – I like them – they’re not interested in harming the earth or starting wars.
There’s a gentle attitude toward life in their whole being and style of living.
But many of these men are not happy. You quickly notice the lack of energy in them. They are life-preserving but not exactly life-giving.
Ironically, you often see these men with strong women who positively radiate energy. 9
If you look at the American society in a world view, we have many views of masculinity that lean toward the feminine. It is out of balance. Some men are also soft when it comes to romance. We may send flowers and take them to dinner, but never really move to capture their hearts, or offer them our strength, or take them away on our adventure.
I know that when I saw a beautiful woman in the past I would become flustered and starry-eyed. I felt inferior and “out of my league”. I gave away too much of my 65 | P a g e
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masculine presence and was too easily impressed. Now I see this as weakness; even though our culture may have taught us that this is romantic and flattering to the woman.
In truth, they see it as weakness as well.
I’m not so worried that you are a feminized man. The fact that you are reading this book tells me that you have a heart for adventure. You are not willing to settle for less than the best. If you take the challenge to find love abroad, you will have moved on to a higher plain. You are a man of action.
You are going to find it easy to get the attention of gorgeous women on your trip. I just want you to be able to understand where they are coming from. They don’t need you go ga-ga over them. They want to meet a kind-hearted man with a good sense of humor.
Just be aware of the tainting of our culture toward feminized men. They are accustomed to seeing strong men – in fact – overbearing and brutal men. They don’t mind a “good”
strong man. They just want to find one with kindness in his heart – and one who will pursue her to win her heart. A good man is also a good protector.
The purpose of masculinity is to offer our strength to world. In this case, you are the knight in shining armor – and you are looking for a beauty to rescue. Or, more appropriately, you are a king who is searching the world to find his queen.
COMPARING CULTURAL DIFFERENCES (WOMEN)
It is invigorating to be around a woman who is strong and has found joy in being a woman – the healthy feminine soul. As I said in my poem, they are radiant.
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I believe that all women have the potential to be radiant and reveal their own beauty.
Even when Oprah was extremely overweight, she loved herself, dressed well, and radiated with feminine beauty and energy. Although we, as men, will place physical beauty high on our list of desirable traits, it falls to second place when we consider the highest state of love is the romantic connection that sets our souls ablaze.
The advantage you will have with International Dating is that nearly all of your prospective dates would be 8’s to 10’s by American beauty standards. That box is checked off even before you arrive. Your sorting process is just about finding the one you have a powerful connection with.
What are the challenges facing women? Let’s talk about the foreign women first.
FOREIGN WOMEN
Most of the women you will meet on one of these tours have had to struggle and work hard in life. Many of them have been working since they were 15 years old. Yet they have not only finished school, but added university education in and around their work schedules. They are proud of the fact that they work hard and accomplish to make their future better.
As we discussed before, it is very competitive for one of these women to find a good man. Therefore, when they do have a man in their lives, they will focus on pleasing him
– and their pleasure is in making him happy. In this competitive environment they often become skilled in seduction and sensuality within the relationship. They work hard to keep him focused on her so he has no reason to look around. I still find it cute that my gorgeous younger wife watches out for other women who might be looking at me!
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They continually work on their looks. They dress well and tend to stay fit. This is especially true for both men and women in Asia and Eastern Europe. They may only have a few outfits, but they will always look the best they can. That is one reason you want to be dressed well – and in fashion – when you meet these ladies for the first time.
Work weeks are often six days, not five. They don’t have labor laws as we do, so breaks are fewer and further between. They may work a 50 to 60 hour week and take home less than $500 per month US equivalent – taking into account currency exchanges.
But it is this life of struggle that has given them maturity at earlier ages than we would typically find in American.
My friend Steve wondered what I would have to talk about with a 20-year plus age difference between my wife and I. He and his wife have spent so much time with us, we all now laugh about that notion. She is more than able to engage in any conversation we have – and often surprises us with her candid insights.
But the most delightful thing about these women is their resilient spirits. They find laughter and happiness in the life they have been given. This was the same life their mother and grandmother had, so who are they to complain? It would be an insult to their family. If they do find a good man, even one abroad, their family will most likely be glad for them; but only if he makes her truly happy.
They are traditional in that they do not ask men out on dates or flirt excessively. The men are the pursuers and the initiators. They believe in the man being the head of the home. These are classy, elegant women who deserve to be treated like you would as if you were going on a date with a hot TV reporter from your local news station. They are educated and gorgeous; yet traditional in the way they see family and marriage.
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In our country, women might see that brand of traditional attitude as weak. Don’t underestimate these women. The only thing missing from their lives, as they see it, is romantic attention. Otherwise, they are generally satisfied with their lives. They don’t need you to save them and take them away from a horrible life of poverty. That is not the way they view their world and would be insulted if you were to suggest such a thing.
But, give them romantic attention and treat them like you were trying to win their heart; and you just may. The reward is a deep and richly satisfying relationship.
MODERN WESTERN WOMEN
You and I may be on a different path for the simple reason that we’ve had bad personal experiences with American women. Yet, at the same time, we have all had relationships with some American women we loved. The poem I wrote entitled “The Radiant Passions” was originally written for an American woman who captured my imagination and inspired creativity in me. I’m not saying there aren’t any prospects of finding a good woman in America. I have been completely captivated by them several times in my life.
But my heart goes out to American women. It is my opinion that they have been fed the “Superwoman” standard for performance too long and they are experiencing serious overload. The standards held up for American women include competing with men in business, raising children, keeping up with domestic chores at home, and contributing to their communities. American women grow up expecting to carry the roles of both men and women and keep themselves beautiful all at the same time.
Paula Cole sings “Where have all the cowboys gone?” And yet women in our modern societies are being taught that they need to be the cowboy, cowgirl, and showgirl all in one.
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No one can be all things to all people - something has to give. For some women, they give up on being the showgirl – they stop paying attention to their beauty – and stop trying to seduce their man. Some will just stay in the cowboy role. Strong women can thrive as business executives and become the dominating partners in marriage. If they keep some aspects of the showgirl it may be done to help advance their cowboy agenda in the workplace; but their heart is in the roping, tying and branding. Other women may just latch on to the showgirl and use their sex appeal to land their sugar daddy. Finally, there are others who latch on to the cowgirl role to the exclusion of all else; becoming isolated into domestic life.
I should stop for a moment to consider one thought: perhaps these women are genuinely happy with these roles. Maybe it works for them. After all, the great advantage of the American society is choice – you can be whatever you want to be.
Personally, I enjoy seeing femininity come to life in the combined roles of cowgirl and showgirl – to keep with the analogy. The cowgirl does not try to run the ranch, but rides along side her cowboy as they make their ranch into what they dream it to be together.
She seduces him almost daily with her showgirl appeal to encourage his masculinity and empower him as Josephine did with Napoleon.
This combination seems to be the norm for foreign woman. She desires to support her man in his ambitions and empower him with praise. In the heart of a good man, it creates a desire to fight battles for her, shower her with love, and adorn her with the good things in life. The woman who will lavishly support her man with affection and admiration will have no difficulty drawing out of him these desires and benefit from the rewards.
So how is it possible for American men and American women to create marriages that will work with such diverse expectations? It is hard indeed. The statistics are that less 70 | P a g e
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than half find a way to even stay married, not to mention finding deep satisfaction and enduring love.
How many good marriages do you know? By that I mean the kind of relationships that you wish were yours. What would you answer? Most men I’ve asked can name one or two. I can only think of only a few that I would personally want to emulate – and another five or so who seem happy with each other.
This may be hard medicine to swallow, but I want you to evaluate the reality of your situation and listen to what it is telling you. Maybe this path isn’t working for you for a reason.
There are many women in America who have loving and kind hearts. Don’t you think that the women in this country want to have deep and meaningful connections in the way we’ve discussed? Of course they do. Perhaps they too are just looking for love in all the wrong places. I can’t answer for them – or you. We’re each on our own path. I am simply a man who is eternally grateful to have found such a deep and richly satisfying love relationship – and I stand in the company of other men who have found the same –
in the same place I did. We just wish this kind of happiness for you – wherever you find it.
Men like us have struggled to find ways to live out adventures and find a beauty to rescue (or one that wants to be rescued). While in other parts of the world there are women who are not finding men who will pursue their hearts and take them away on a grand adventure. Both are left with places of emptiness and little hope that their situations will change – little hope that they will find a life that makes their hearts come fully alive.
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That’s why I truly believe that there appears to be a perfect – and natural fit – between the good masculine men in America and these wonderful foreign women. It’s like a match made in heaven. If I were to boil this all down to a simple idea it would be this: If you are going to pour your heart into the love of a woman – you just want to know that she is going to pour that much energy back into loving you. As my friend Steve summarized it, “Mark, I just want you to find a woman who will match your efforts”.
Most of these foreign women are willing to pour their lives into the love of a good man
– and they want to find someone who will pour themselves back into loving her. What I have found is that the energy between the Golden Man and his foreign wife is growing and dynamic. Their love and willingness to give to each other creates an ongoing momentum that continues to feed both. They feel more in love as time goes by.
If you find what you are reading rings a chord of truth – that it somehow resonates in your heart – then it’s time for you to take action and make your move.
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Nataliya
Nataliya
This is the same girl as graced Chapter 3; but
with a radically different image. I wanted to
include both of these photos because you will
find that there is a traditional side and a wild side to most women.
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