For the rest of this book I am going to be your coach.
I am going to walk you through the steps from where you are today, reading and researching, to that day when she is yours.
So, let’s get started!
Here is what the next few months of your life look like. You will:
Learn more (which you’re doing now)
Write to a few ladies as a faith-building exercise if it helps your process
Ask questions and get answers
Put down a deposit to go on a European Dream Connections Trip
Spend nine days on one of the best adventures of your life;
You find a wonderful lady who captures your imagination and spend much of your vacation with her
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You commit to each other to be boyfriend/girlfriend while you get to know each other even better
You write and talk on the phone and perhaps return to visit just her
At some point you decide to pursue the fiancé visa for the purpose of bringing her to the US because you both feel that the relationship could work
You go through the visa process and you bring her home
You spend 90 days together to see if your relationship is really a fit
You both decide it is . . . and get married
You live every day waking up to the woman of your dreams and your life is a dream.
That is the typical path for those who’ve found what they were looking for overseas.
Obviously, I’ve traveled to many countries and dated on my own. Whether I went with other guys or not, I still had to make my own travel arrangements, hotel arrangements, and find the hot spots to meet women. Once I went on an introduction trip I was sold on the concept. Everything is planned and arranged. I just dove into the adventure and enjoyed the ride!
With some men, their first romance introduction trip is a trial run to test the whole concept and to have some fun. Many get hooked on it and believed in the power of this alternative form of dating and go back. Perhaps it was on their second or third vacation that they met the woman they wanted to wake up with each morning for the rest of their lives. It really doesn’t matter. The whole process was an adventure and they knew it was just a matter of time before they had a connection with one that felt right.
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On average, if 10,000 American men are finding foreign brides each year through international marriage agencies, that adds up to 27 marriages per day.2 Obviously, this is working for a lot of guys.
Now that you have the big picture spelled out, let’s go over the next steps.
Here are the next immediate steps:
1. Great start here . . . you’ve got the book, now finish reading it!
2. Write to a few ladies as a faith-building exercise if it helps your process 3. Pick a Trip to take as soon as you can arrange.
STEP 1
Finish Reading the Book
I’ll trust you to get this done. Let’s move on to step two.
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STEP 2
Write to a few ladies as a faith-building exercise if it helps your process
As you can tell by the way I phrased that, I am not a huge fan of letter-writing. Yet, letter-writing is the biggest part of the current mail-order-bride industry. Why? Because it satisfies the needs of guys who just want to have fantasies about a foreign love, but know that it’s safe to write since she can’t come here. They look at gorgeous photos and write to awesome women. But most of them are not serious.
Therefore, this still remains the great secret that is reserved for men of action.
Here’s what I know:
• Writing letters to women in other countries is filled with many possible pitfalls including scammers, false-identities of those actually writing the letters, and gaps in information from not having met her in person yet.
• Some men become disillusioned with international dating when the person they thought would be “the one” ended up not matching their expectations when they finally met in person.
• Yet, I know MANY men who DID find the woman of their dreams, (and are elated with their marriages), who met for the first time in-person while they were on a trip in her country!
And yet, I’m going to spend half of this chapter giving you tips on letter writing.
Why? Because I wrote letters and you are too. There is a place for it, as I will explain, but I’ve also seen it cause problems for men because it can distract from the real adventure. Keep in mind that nothing is 100% real until you are looking someone’s eyes on a one-on-one dates in her country.
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What I am about to say is so very, very important that I hope you’ll pause to reflect on it and understand this strategy. Here are my two statements of belief: I am personally convinced that the partner you are dreaming about is available and waiting for you if you will get on a plane and seek her out the way I describe.
The way that most men gain enough belief that their dream connection could be waiting for them in another country is by either meeting someone who has done it and found what they want, or begin corresponding with a woman who caused them to believe that these women are different and worth pursuing.
I was once given the nickname “the Dating Ambassador”. It’s really grown on me since I want to represent you in the foreign lands of international dating. I’m your countryman with experience that can help you in your adventures. I also want to be a spokesman for these amazing women. I want to be the one who helps them find the faithful husband they may never find in their own country. But, they can’t leave their countries to find him. I have to help you find the faith and motivation to take action – to get you face to face with her.
Therefore, you need to know that it is in my heart to do everything in my power to help deliver everything you need to believe that she is out there. If you knew what I knew you’d have already purchased your ticket. If you haven’t already made your reservation then I will do the best I can to help you get there with BOTH of these strategies: 1). Meeting a guy who has what you’re looking for so you can believe you can have it too.
2). Corresponding with a lady in another country so you’ll realize that these women are different and worth pursuing.
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MEETING A GUY WHO HAS WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR
The day I was on board for going on an international introduction trip was the day I met Mike and Kyra. I was talking with a friend of mine about my various experiences dating in my home town and contracting those with my Latin America experiences and he suggested I talk to Mike. He said Mike met and married his wife on a trip to Russia seven years earlier and they seemed to represent the relationship I was hoping to find. I wrote to Mike a few times by email and then we met in person.
Mike has since become famous in my memory for his favorite phrase, “I feel like the smartest man on the planet for discovering this secret”. He felt like he tapped into a secret that provided everything he’d hoped for and the answer to the frustrations of all the other guys he knows. That was encouraging, but meeting Kyra is what really did it for me. She was graceful and lovely. She was still slender and feminine. It totally caught me off guard to learn that she was a doctor at Kaiser and ran a floor of the local hospital.
Even with all of her own success and income her comment to me was, “It saddens me to see how many women I work with fight and compete with their husbands”. Seven years later, still beautiful, still feminine, obviously smart, yet adoring, loving, and thankful for her family.
I only had one question for Mike, “How did you do it?” Five months later I was in Ukraine dating incredible women for the purpose of finding one to wake up to each morning.
Anna and I want to be that couple for you. We are available for Skype chats, phone calls, and even lunch if you’re in Southern California. We want to be available to those who are serious about getting on a plane and going. You don’t need to look any further to 79 | P a g e
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find the guy who can tell you how he did it – and I make myself available to you without hesitation. My contact information is on the website. You need proof? Here we are!
CORRESPONDING WITH A WOMAN SO YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF THAT
THEY ARE DIFFERENT AND WORTH PURSUING
As you know from Chapter 2, I decided to give a different value and purpose to my letter-writing – this was a journey of exploration and learning. It fascinates me. First, it fascinated me to get personal photos from them and see how they matched the studio photos on the profiles. I remember being amazed to see that the girl in the profile was the same and it all became real to me. The second thing that impressed me was the way they respected men and seemed genuinely curious about me and my life. Hey, we all need an ego boost now and then. Frankly, we can feel beat down in the dating scene at home and sometimes it can be strategic to receive such complementary letters from gorgeous women. Finally, there were so many thousands of profiles out there that it helped convince me that there would be one for me. You may or may not need to go through the letter-writing experience to realize that all of this is real. But, if you do, why would I deny you the same experience I had.
In the pages ahead I’ll get more specific about the concerns I have regarding letter writing and then I’ll offer my best tips on the subject. So here we go.
WHAT ARE THE INHERENT RISKS OF LETTER-WRITING?
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distance communication brings. If you’ve already met someone in person, most of these are resolved. The second problem is that of investing too much emotional energy in someone you’re writing to. You will then be
When you haven’t met someone in person yet; you are creating a relationship that has a lot of gaps in subtle communication and information. Remember in Jurassic Park how they filled in the missing dinosaur DNA sequences with DNA sequences from frogs?
You have to do the same thing with the information gaps in distance correspondence. To be more specific, here are some things you are some of the gaps in information PRIOR to meeting in person:
1.
You don’t know if she has any mannerisms that could be annoying to you.
2.
If all of your communication is through letters and emails, you don’t know if she’s actually writing them or had a friend or translator write them for her (nothing sinister, but maybe not all her thoughts).
3.
If your communication is in writing, you can’t accurately interpret what the same words would mean looking in her eyes. Perhaps one thing she said was of huge significance to her if you saw it in her eyes, but it didn’t stand out at all in the written words.
4.
Her profile says that she is two inches shorter than you, which may sound perfect, until you meet and it makes her slightly taller in heals and that changes the dynamics for you.
5.
You may dismiss some awesome girls that could be a good fit for you because they aren’t in the system yet or don’t communicate well in writing. It may be that she isn’t as romantic in written communication as she is with affection and words of admiration when with someone in person.
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That only scratches the surface. My wife has often told me that if we’d first met by letter I wouldn’t have been impressed. She just doesn’t value letter-writing and so she would only give it a token response, not impressive to receive. In truth, she’s a realist.
“If you want to get to know me then let’s go out on a date sometime”, would be her response.
If you are familiar with the Five Love Languages, introduced by author Gary Chapman, you know that this kind of expression is only going to reach one type of lady.
In fact, it may be that your primary love language is affection – how do you receive that from a letter or even Skype?
This does not mean that I am anti-letter writing. But I do want you to put it in its proper context. You only have half the picture until you meet.
THE REAL PROBLEM WITH INFORMATION GAPS
Here’s the real problem. When there are gaps in communication of any kind we fill them in with something. We have to. But what do we fill them in with? We reach into our resources to call up ways we would fill those in if it were us – or based on some past experiences. If we were strategic about it we might call it ‘educated guessing’.
Unfortunately, this gap-filling is taking place at the subconscious level. If you are typically an optimistic person you will fill in the gaps with the very best possible fantasy of wonder, affection, romance, love, beauty, and intelligence.
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chemistry together that is based half on your imagination and half on how you perceive your remote communication. Be honest. You may wonder if you’ll never have another woman as hot as this interested in you again. You really need to go and experience this.
If you’re typically a self-described “realist”, I must first tell you that I love and value what you bring to the world. My wife is in this camp. Many of can see both the good and bad in everything. However, there are others who describe themselves as realists who are actually pessimists. They may fill in the gaps in information with the worst case scenarios of sinister motives and distrust from anything said or written by one of these ladies. No matter how sincere the girl really is, the pessimist will interpret everything through the lens of fear; thinking that every girl is a scammer trying to trick him. He’ll think that they’re all secretly devising ways to get his money and ditch him.
As a good place for middle-ground you may consider adopting this kind of attitude, “I am cautiously optimistic that it could work out very well for me with the ladies I am writing to. I will look forward to seeing who I have that spark of chemistry with when I am there in person. It may be one of these, or it may be another I meet while I’m there.
Either way, these are certainly dates I look forward to.”
I can tell you story after story about guys who fell in love with a picture and a letter. In most cases, the dialog was genuine and sincere. She was the person she claimed to be.
But when they got together in person they didn’t spark the way the guy thought they would.
It’s a huge mistake to put emotional expectation into one girl you’ve been writing to as being “The One”. It could de-rail your efforts and ruin your trip if it turns out that you don’t have the connection you thought you would. Hold your heart in check until you meet in person.
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Even after giving you all of those warnings I’m still going to suggest that you take the risk and write to a few girls. I just don’t want to see your trip spoiled because you fell in love with someone you haven’t met in person yet. Keep your heart open and ready for the spontaneous surprises.
Once you get there, you’ll see that there are hundreds more just like the ones you’re writing to – and one of them will ignite your heart with passion. But only through face to face meetings can you know for certain that you are in true communication on every level. Make sense?
So why write?
1.
You get a better understanding of their culture and their way of thinking; 2.
You better understand what you are looking for; 3.
You will have some dates lined up even before you go if you want.
It’s all just part of your training and preparation.
TIPS FOR LETTER-WRITING
As of today there are few choices other than using “Marriage Broker” site. These are sites that have declared that they’re going to connect you, through the internet, to woman who are looking for husbands. In doing so, they come under the scrutiny of the IMBRA 2005 regulations. In other words, there currently isn’t as site that allows you to connect with them directly, as you would through Facebook.
Signing up is cheap, but writing is usually about $10 for each. Why? There is a cost associated that includes message delivery and translation. The local marriage agency will 84 | P a g e
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contact the women by phone to let them know that they have a letter waiting for them from a foreign man. The ladies can come by the marriage agency office or have the office translate it and read to them over the phone. The ladies will reply and their reply is translated back into English and sent to your inbox on the website.
The process may sound complex from a logistical standpoint, but to you it’s fairly fluid and seamless. They make it as easy for you as sending and receiving email. Nonetheless, it can get to be costly.
Pictures are a common part of the messages. It is customary for you to send a photo of yourself so they can see who is writing them. And, in like fashion, the woman will respond to your letter and enclose a picture that was not made part of her profile.
When you get your first letter back you may be amazed by your response. Most men get very excited at the prospect of sharing intelligent, romantic letters with such gorgeous women. In fact, it can be addicting.
Statistically, only 3% of the men who write letters ever get on a plane and make the trip to see these women. 10
In fact, we have coined a phrase in the industry for these men who write letters but never go on a trip. We call them ‘Keyboard Romeos’. It has much the same appeal as interactive web-cam porn – you get to communicate personally with a real woman who is beautiful. But this is not DATING!
What to Say in Your First Letter
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Introduce yourself
Tell them you are planning on traveling and attending the introduction events with the agency and may be in their city soon
Let them know that you appreciated what they said in their profile and you would like to write to get to know them better prior to your trip Let me give you a sample letter (one I actually used as my template for first letters), and then we’ll talk about it:
Dear (first name):
My name is Mark Davis and I live in Sacramento, California. I read your profile and genuinely appreciated what you wrote.
Just to tell you a little about me; I have a good sense of humor, a high energy level, and a desire to make a positive contribution in this world.
I'm an optimistic person. People sometimes ask if I'm always in a good mood.
I am so grateful for my life and the wonderful things I get to do each day. I like my businesses and the people I get to work with.
I plan on coming to Ukraine in December (2 months from now). It may be that we can meet then.
Until we have a chance to meet, I would like to correspond with you. Let me know if you are interested in corresponding with me as well.
Kind regards,
Mark
Along with that letter I attached one picture of myself.
So, what am I trying to accomplish with this letter? First, I am giving her a little bit of information about me, in the same way she did about her in her profile. It will also give 86 | P a g e
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her some things she can ask about in her letter back to me. Second, I have just set myself apart from all of the Keyboard Romeos by declaring that I am getting on a plane to meet these ladies in person. That alone puts you at the front of the line for her interest.
Finally, I am asking if she would like to correspond with me. I never had one that did not respond positively, but it is always more gentlemanly to ask. And, including your photo also puts you on an even playing field with them – since you obviously got to see her photos.
What NOT to Say in Letters
Maybe even more important is what I did NOT say in my letters. I did not gush over her gorgeous photos or tell her I thought she looked hot. Try to save the complements on her physical appearance. That will also set you apart from every other guy who starts off by telling them how beautiful they are. It communicates that they are only interested in their looks and not who they are as a person. But, when she replies back to you and sends more pictures, you would be rude not to tell her how beautiful she looked in the photos; and thank her for sending them. But do it with grace and dignity, “Thank you for sending that special picture. You looked very beautiful in it.” You could add a specific complement about the way it made her eyes looked, or the special hair style or fashion she chose. You could tell her that you will print it out and save it. Just don’t talk dirty and tell her she has huge breasts that looked great in that outfit – or worse yet – ask her if she has any naked photos. Oy vey!
Please, for your own sake, use the concept of “Gentleman” in everything you do. It is about winning her heart and showing you are interested in long-term and serious relationships.
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You also don’t want to overdue the mush. Showing genuine interest in her by asking about her life and what she likes to do is enough to show you care. Until you have met in person and declared a relationship, you are really in no position to tell her you love her or think about her as being “the one”. Be patient.
Another thing you don’t want to do in any letter – or any conversation – is discuss money matters. And that goes both ways. You don’t want to talk about how rich you are
– or that you are not rich. Some guys think they need to show off their wealthy lifestyles (or what they think the girl will be impressed with). What they don’t realize is how that turns them off. By talking about big houses, cars, cash or travel, you communicate that you are better than them and you’re somehow doing them a favor by taking them out of their filth and poverty. Jeez . . . is that arrogant or what?
On the other hand, some guys feel like they have to “disclose” the fact that they aren’t super wealthy male models and must apologize for their lives. That’s another dead zone.
You’re insulting the girl to say that you think she’s only interested in money or hard bodies. And you make yourself look insecure.
You should also be weary if she asks for money. The only exception to this rule is once you have met and established a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and you want to help her with some English classes or pay for visa costs; only then would it be appropriate.
In general, they are looking to be romanced and to make a life with a good man. The money and the man’s body are not as important to them as love and kindness. Most of them have already had seasons of their lives when they had more money and seasons when they had less (by their standards). Typically, they see money as something that comes and goes, but the love of a good man can weather it all – and keep them warm at night. You might do well to adopt this attitude toward money. You just need to be able to 88 | P a g e
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provide for her. The fact that you are able to afford to make the trip is all the money information you need to communicate for now.
Learn from the Correspondence
I don’t need to say much here except to pay attention. Listen to what the girls are telling you about themselves, their lives, and their heart. Pay attention to how you respond. If something jumps out at you in a letter, think about why that is.
Just as an example, I’m going to share with you one of the letters I received. You’ll notice that it is responding specifically to what was in my letter to her just before this. In the letter just before this I was having some fun with her. She had asked me when I was born and I told her it was a cold and rainy morning in 1963 and I remember being glad that the doctors’ hands were warm. I told her more about what I do for a living and then asked her how she learned about the marriage agency. Here was her letter in response: Hello Mark!
I was very glad to get your letter and you put a smile on my face – and your humor came out just very funny in the translation. No, really, I got a chance to see it! You do have a sense of humor. Anyway, it seems like you are a very busy person with varied occupations in the past and now.
As for me, I do not live with my mother. She lives in Yalta and I live in Nikolaev.
My granny lives with me now. She is 88 and she is a veteran of World War II. She is at the age when she can’t be left alone so it’s convenient for us that she lives with me. Yes, I have a younger sister. Her name is Karina and she is 13. I was taking part in her upbringing because my mother was always busy. I like to have rest with my friends out in nature when weather permits, or to go to the nightclub to dance. When I am at home, I just listen to music and think about life.
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