You did it. You’re off the plane and in your home with your beauty queen. You will be exhausted and want to take a few days just to recover.
Then what? You have four objectives:
Get her connected to her family at home;
Get her connected with your life and world;
Make the engagement, wedding planning, and wedding ceremony about her;
Complete the legal work.
I call these the ‘90-days of love’ because you will make this time all about her – with most of the work on your end. She is the one making all of the adjustments. She is the one getting ready to be married without her family. She is the one experiencing culture shock. She is a bright girl. She will let you know if you are moving too quickly. But, in 145 | P a g e
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the same way you didn’t know what to do when you were in her country; she won’t know what to do in yours.
On a side note – if you thought this chapter title had to do with 90-days of getting laid, you are dramatically underestimating what your love life will look like. That chapter would have to be called, “Getting Laid by a Gorgeous Woman Nearly Every Day for the Rest of Your Life!” Perhaps another book is in the making!
Culture Shock
Culture shock may be different for each girl. Some are overwhelmed by massive retail and commercialism. Others will be shocked that there are so many fat people. Still others are appalled by the lack of concern for good fashion.
Foreign girls are also usually unprepared for the inviting attitudes of salespeople believing that most Americans appear too friendly and fake with their happy greetings at every store. And, the open acceptance of gay lifestyles may be offensive to them.
It may be difficult for her to find food that is nutritious or similar to her liking. Don’t just make her eat the fatty junk food that is all around us. Help her find places for healthy food. If she is from Asia, Latin America, or the Russian-speaking countries, see if there are local restaurants that serve what she is accustomed to.
She may think that things are too perfect, the streets too clean, and life is too easy.
DON’T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING THAT AMERICA IS BETTER TO
HER, AT FIRST.
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She may initially think that her home country is better and our way of living is sloppy, fat, and narcissistic. Just listen to her and acknowledge when she has a valid point. If she is willing to love you through richer or poorer, she will learn to love you wherever you live. Just don’t make your differences a source of conflict. Learn to love her unique perspective and blend yours with hers. Remember, you didn’t travel around the world to find an American girl. You don’t want to force her to conform.
In time, she will learn to love it here with you. Some of them won’t realize how they have come to love life with you until a year or two later when they go back home to visit family and have that real-time comparison in front of them. You just can’t make her come to the conclusion that America is better. She will come to her own conclusions in her own time.
Getting Her Connected with Her Family
One of the things you will want to do right away is get her a cell phone with a discount plan to her home country. You want her to be able to call home. That is where she’ll share her excitement about her new life – with family who speak her language. They’ll usually be excited for her, as well.
Fortunately, Anna’s mother recently got a computer and a Skype account. Now their communication is free and they even get to video chat. You’ve got to love technology when it works!
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Getting to See Your World
Take some time during that first month to take short trips. Show her some places of interest around you. It could be a hike in the mountains, trip to the beach, or even a day in Disneyland.
Help her see what is of value in your own city.
Most importantly, help her find out where the resources are. Where is the grocery store and closest Wal-Mart or Costco? It’s interesting to me how many of these ladies love the discount shopping places. Perhaps it gives them a sense that they are helping the family save money – or just the fun of shopping where everything is under one roof.
Finally, on the subject of getting around your world, help her learn to drive in your area and get a driver’s license for her.
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Meeting Friends and Family
Friendships and family are important to everyone. You can’t make her become friends with someone, but she will respect people you consider to be your friends. Prepare your friends and family to welcome her. If you know of good people in your community who are from her country you might help he make that connection. Just keep in mind that not everyone from her homeland will be a good person for her to connect with.
If she can find a girlfriend to take walks or go shopping, that will go a long way for both of you.
Wedding Planning
Hopefully she has connected with another woman in your world who can help her with wedding planning. You should allow her to have some joy in picking out a dress and helping put together her own wedding. Even though time is short, you can still put together a decent wedding. I went directly to an event rental business to get tables, chairs, linens, and an arbor. They also introduced me to a good florist. We had 32 close friends and family and enjoyed a wonderful day. But most important, my wife was gorgeous and had the wedding she wanted.
Some have even less time and end up with a Justice of the Peace ceremony or Las Vegas-style wedding. Whatever you end up doing, just be sure to include your bride in the planning.
Finally, make sure you take some good photos that she can send home to her family.
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Finishing the Paperwork
Set the date for your wedding to be at least two to three weeks prior to your 90-day deadline. Even when you have the certified wedding certificate in your hands, you are not done. It must be submitted with more documents. This is where you petition to change her status to permanent resident, ask for travel documents, and a work permit.
In case you are not familiar with the Green Card system, let me explain. In short, your permanent status prior to citizenship is given by the issuing of a Green Card. The first issuance is for two years. At the end of two years you must re-appear at an INS office to show that you’re still married and the prospects of a continued relationship are good. She will then be issued a Green Card that’s good for 10 years. After five years she can apply for US citizenship.
I can tell you this, once you’re done with the paperwork, you’ll both breathe a giant sigh of relief.
Finally, it’s time for Happily Ever After!
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