WHAT ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING FOR
IN A WOMAN?
I am going to make this direct and simple – and I need to thank Kristina. In her fourth letter to me she asked a profound question. It's a question that makes all of this very simple. She asked, "What would you like a woman to do every day, to act or be, for you to feel happy?"
What would I like for a woman to do for me every day to make me feel happy?
Wow. That blew me away. Have you ever had an American woman ask you that question?
As men and businesspeople, we take time to visualize success in our ventures and imagine a compelling future. But maybe we don't get specific enough about the role a woman would play in that picture.
I had to answer the question – she asked it. I could have sent up some glib generic response, but I decided that this whole process was part of my growth and education. It 31 | P a g e
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was my time to learn about myself and to finally get specific about what I really wanted so I could make it happen.
Here's what I wrote to her:
Kristina:
Your question caused me to think about what that relationship might look like in daily life. Here’s the way I see my everyday life with the woman of my dreams.
Every day in my life is a little different than the one before.
But one thing that is the same is waking up each day. Each day I would wake up and see my love on the pillow next to me. We look softly into each other’s eyes. I gently push her hair back away from her face and touch her shoulder. She reaches over and touches my face and softly says, “Good morning, my love”. I pull her to myself and hold her. We make the moment last until we absolutely have to get up. I envision starting every day this way.
On some days, we’ll work together from the office in my home. We’ll get my son, Christopher, off to school and then go out for breakfast at one of the local restaurants or come home and cook breakfast. Work days are mostly about getting tasks done. I will have calls to make and emails to write, yet we seem to find humor and enjoyment in most things we do.
My wife may want to bring coffee to me and maintain our home or she may want to work in our business. She would have her choice of things she could do. The business tasks include accounting, public relations, tourism, business writing, and basic organizing. The nice part about working from home is that we can still be together even when we are working. I envision moments when I’m sitting in my chair that she comes up behind me and puts her arms around my chest and shoulders and whispers in my ear that she loves me. I stop what I am doing to give her a kiss 32 | P a g e
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and tell her I love her too.
We stop to have lunch on the back porch and enjoy the sun. We go for a walk to pick Christopher up from school and walk back. Christopher does his homework while we finish our tasks. We go to the gym, dance classes, or whatever we’re involved in. Later we come back home to have dinner and relax together for the rest of the evening and put Christopher to bed. While watching a movie together, we snuggle in each other’s arms and pause once in a while to kiss. One of our great joys is the way we love each other in bed.
On other occasions Christopher may be staying overnight at friend’s houses or at his mom’s. On those occasions we may travel to Las Vegas on business, or on a personal trip to San Francisco or the wine country in Napa. As we ride in the car with the top down and the breeze blowing in our hair, she reaches out to hold my hand; then she turns and just stares at me as if to say, “This is my man. I am so proud of him and he makes me so happy.”
In return, I would give her my best. I will learn what makes her feel loved and happy. This will be my woman – and I will be so proud to have her with me. We both give each other our best – our creativity will help us find new ways of showing our love in fresh and new ways – for the rest of our lives.
I’m sure that was more than you were expecting to receive as an answer to your question. But I’m glad you asked.
It has been a few years since I wrote those words to Kristina, whom I obviously did not marry.
But, you can probably guess what the results were from having gone through this exercise. Every day of my life with Anna has become exactly what I wrote about in that 33 | P a g e
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letter – down to the last detail about surprising me in my office in the middle of the day.
It pays to get specific!
Can you get specific? I'm confident you can describe her physical beauty based on your personal preferences. But can you put into words the chemistry you would feel?
Can you describe the dynamics of your conversations together? When you have some down time; answer her question as if it were being asked of you.
When you go on your quest to find your queen, you will know have a clear idea of what you are looking for. This will help you to sort through the many girls you will date while you are there and give you the confidence to pick one to pursue.
Treat the following exercise as you would any other goal-planning exercise:
What is your purpose for dating internationally?
What are the physical attributes that are attractive to you?
What does a day-in-the-life with her look like?
What does it feel like when you talk or spend time together?
What does she do that makes you happy?
Getting specific before you go allows you to relax and let your instincts guide you to the various women who could be exactly what you are looking for. It’s like an inner GPS
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system leading you away from some and toward others. My dad once sent me a birthday card with these words of wisdom, “Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid”.
The dynamic is similar. Unique situations will seem to happen that just bring you to her.
I can’t tell you how many men have talked about the unique aspects of their stories that brought them together with their women. Most will say, “We were so close to having not met at all – it was obviously meant to be.”
In my case, I met my wife Anna when she and her friend were just about to leave the introduction event. Mike met his wife in the lobby of the hotel where he was about to go in to the introduction event. Steve met a wonderful woman at a introduction event, but lost track of her by the end of the night. He didn’t get her name or phone number. The next day she made the effort to track him down through one of the staffers and they re-connected. Finish this exercise and be open to the magic that will follow.
WHAT IS HER DREAM?
I came across the profile of a young woman named Elena from Kherson, Ukraine. I was impressed by how well she was able to describe her vision of life with the man of her dreams.
Listen to her heart’s desire as you read her translated words: I am very goal-oriented and I know that one day I will find my love and I will never let him go. I am tired of feeling lonely! Where are you, my true eternal love? I know you are very close to me! I am your lady and I am waiting for you. I am romantic and passionate; I am affectionate and a hot lady! I have many goals in my life and I am sure that I will have everything I pursue, but the main goal is to have a reliable man and strong family! Life with me is 35 | P a g e
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unforgettable. How did you live without me? I'm sure you are missing my hugs and kisses, my care and tenderness.
Do you want me to be yours? I am waiting for you to start our exciting journey for love!
I know that my man will be a perfect fit for me. He will possess all the traits of a real man! He will be smart and intelligent, polite and kind person. And I will fall in love with half of him if he loves kids! I need an understanding and caring man, who will protect me and his future family from all the difficulties in this life!
In the same way that you are becoming more specific in describing your dream girl, she is out there describing her dream man. It may be destiny that the two of you meet, but you will have to be a real man. You will have to get on a plane and pursue her. Don’t worry whether you are going to the right country or you miss her – as if there were only one girl who could fit your description and make you happy. There is no lack. On the contrary, there is an overflowing abundance of ladies who would fit your description. It’s kind of a chick idea that there is only one “soul mate” and if you miss that one, then you’re destined for second best in life.
Rest assured, if you find yourself drawn to the Elena’s description, there are thousands of other ladies all over the world who have the exact same dream. I just like how she described it. My personal belief is that these ladies are looking for a traditional relationship with a good strong man – and you have been looking in all of the wrong places to find this kind of woman!
Once you are finally looking for love in all of the right places, you will find abundance
– not scarcity.
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Yes, this dream is alive. But I also know that you still have questions and doubts. So, let’s do the man-thing and hit them head on.
Nataliya
Nataliya, 31, 95 lbs., 5’1”, Ukraine
Self Description: I am tender and kind woman, who knows how to get over the difficulties, keeping the feeling of cheerfulness and optimistic views on life. I am loving, romantic and sensible nature. Due to the life experience, I’ve become responsible, caring and very honest person. I am one-man woman who is seeking for a true love.
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Comments: I am looking for a man who is honest, caring and reliable. I need a loving partner, a sensible lover, a close friend of mine and a caring Daddy for my baby. I dream to meet a man who is strong and tender at the same time, one who has serious intentions to create a happy family!
Maximum age of 55.
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