THE DREAM IS ALIVE – BUT IS IT REAL?
There’s good news and bad news.
FIRST THE GOOD NEWS . . .
If you decide to embark on this adventure, the good news is that everything is in your favor. You will meet hundreds of beautiful women who are more interested in finding a good man than worried that you are a hunk. As you meet them, they will be focused entirely on you with fascination. Imagine a scenario where every gorgeous woman you meet says 'yes' to your invitation to go on a date!
So you go through the process, find the girl of your dreams. You are both giddy in love. You start the visa process, stay connected, and finally get to bring her home. She is everything you wanted – and the envy of all of your friends. The sex is out of this world and you can't seem to get enough of each other.
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How to Meet the Woman of Your Dreams Overseas
You wake up every morning with this beauty and live happily ever after – since your chances of a happy and successful marriage are several times greater than your American counter-parts.
Is all of that real? Yes it is! But when will it seem real to you? That comes in stages.
First, you'll go to the EuropeanDreamConnections.com website and run through some searches. As you do, you will be amazed at how many women there are. Even if you refine your search to a very small window of criteria – there will still be hundreds of profiles to read through. Depending on your personal preferences, you may find one of four to be beautiful enough to want to click on their profile. You'll look at their extra photos. Then you read what they write about themselves and what they are looking for.
It starts to ring of "too good to be true." Some are educated. Their comments demonstrate emotional maturity. You'll find young women who want to wrap their lives around their dream man and make him happy every day.
Your curiosity is peaked so you decide to write to a couple of them. The site provides a resource for sending messages to the girl in their language. I'll talk about what to say in another chapter. She writes back and sends another photo – one that is not in the profile.
You are intrigued by the interchange. In fact, some men get stuck in just writing and never go. DON’T MAKE THAT MISTAKE. No, you want to know if this is real. Does she really look like her photos today? Or were they taken 10 years ago? One of the great features on the site is the gift page. You can send a nice gift of flowers, chocolates, etc. When you do, you opt to pay the extra $10 to have a photo taken of your new pen pal receiving your gift. In a few days you get the email with the photo of her receiving your gift – and it looks just like all of the other photos in her profile! WHAT?! It hits you –
THIS IS FOR REAL!
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How to Meet the Woman of Your Dreams Overseas
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Top: Tatyana’s profile photo.
Middle: She receives the flowers I sent.
Bottom: The two of us at dinner two months later.
She was just as adorable in person as she appeared to be in her letters and pictures.
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How to Meet the Woman of Your Dreams Overseas
Then why don’t men date internationally?
NOW THE BAD NEWS . . .
There are three contributing factors as to why more men won't make the trip to find their beauty queen brides overseas:
They believe the negative stereo-types;
They don't believe it is for real;
They can't stand up to negative (jealous) friends and well-intentioned family concerns.
Once you decide that you will not settle for anything less than the very best you are going to be hit by the herd mentality that wants to keep you in the flock. They want you to have the same unhappy marriage to an overweight and unattractive woman that they have (sorry, that was a bit harsh - but seems to be true in too many cases). After all, if you succeeded, you'd make them look bad.
Here is a small sampling of comments that you may hear from your ‘concerned’ family and friends:
What's wrong with you? You can't find a single girl in your own country?
They’re all scams – you don't want to be caught up in a scam, do you?
All of those girls just want to get here to get their green cards.
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They'll divorce you and take your money – watch out!
I don't want to see you get hurt again (that was my mom – and I love her for it).
Now that you’ve heard them all, let's go through the stereotypes and see what’s true.
MYTH #1: IT’S ALL A SCAM
Have there been foreign bride scams? Of course. What do they look like? The vast majority of them involved getting money out of you before you even met a girl in person. That’s different from signing up for a legitimate membership with an International Introduction website for the purpose of communicating with pre-screened women. Those are costs on your end for research – they are very small amounts of money – and the girls are not profiting by your membership with the search company.
You may have already seen the kind of scam that is most common. Have you received an email from someone supposedly overseas who saw your profile on a dating website?
They send beautiful photos of themselves (usually not themselves). Talk about their life in a poor Russian village. After a few emails they ask if you'd send money for them to go to the Internet cafe to continue to communicate with you. Then their needs for money become greater. Finally, she declares that her paperwork is ready and she can come to see you in the US if you will pay for her airline ticket.
I know of a man who went through this process and waited at the airport - only to be completely heartbroken when no one arrived. However, he got back on the saddle and went on a romance and introduction tour with a legitimate company and found his bride.
They have several kids together now and are ecstatically happy with each other.
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The universal warning to anyone engaging in International Dating is to hold on to your wallet. You don't give the ladies money directly. The only time you should is when you are ALREADY in a relationship with her and she needs to take English lessons or pay for some costs for her visa work. Even when you go on your tour, it is a red flag when a lady asks you to shop for her or give her cash. You may want to move on. There are many more women who are just looking for love.
MYTH #2: THEY’RE ALL JUST GREEN CARD HUNTERS
Second is the misconception that these women are eager to leave their country. That is just not the case. They have lives that are normal to them there. They probably have four generations of family in their hometown. They have friends that they connect with. They may enjoy dancing and spending time with peers in their hometown. They may be working on a university degree program and leaving would cause problems.
So what is their motivation to connect with a foreign man and even consider leaving their homes? I'll say it again and again. They are starved for romance and genuine attention. Here is a universal truth of all women – foreign or domestic: If a woman falls deeply in love with the man of her dreams she’ll do anything to make that dream come true – including leaving home and country.
Another motivation may be that they are also tired of having to be the only income provider. They would gladly live a happy and full life with a good man from their home town if they could find him.
Again, they define a good man as someone:
who pays attention to them;
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provides romantic attention;
agrees to bring his paycheck home to contribute to the family;
who won’t cheat on them;
doesn’t get drunk on a regular basis;
who would not harm them.
These values are basic to us here in the United States, but seem to be difficult for many foreign men to live up to. That is what makes you so golden!
What about the green card scams? You don't see as many of those anymore because it’s a seriously long process to go through. Men who are in touch with their hearts will sense that kind of disconnection long before the visa process is completed and they'll stop it. It will take six to nine months to finish the K-1 Fiancé Visa process in most cases, so you'll have plenty of time to get to know your girl. Just remember: Not all engagements end in marriage – nor should they. There are many checks and balances inherent in the process to give you confidence in your decision.
MYTH #3: THEY ALL JUST WANT YOUR MONEY
Take your money? They aren't interested in your money – they want your heart. We just covered this, but I'll say it again: why would they want to live outside of their hometown? They wouldn't if they could find love there.
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How to Meet the Woman of Your Dreams Overseas
Are there exceptions to this? Of course. There are exceptions to everything. Some of the women at the introduction events will only be interested in finding a way to financially benefit from American men. When these are reported, they’re screened out from future events.
And . . . some of the men on your trip will be going just for a sex vacation. Usually, these two groups naturally gravitate toward each other and it all works out: She gets some financial benefit and the guys get sex with a beautiful foreign woman. But that shouldn’t concern you since you have a picture in your mind of what you're looking for and you’ll naturally gravitate toward those women who are as serious about looking for love as you are.
SO, WHAT CAN GO WRONG?
The bad stories I’m aware of have to do more with the men than the women. One friend told me about a guy who was on his third foreign bride – only because he was an out of control rage-aholic! I felt sorry for the girls. But for each of them, they waited for their two-year visa requirement to be completed before leaving him. Another case was that of a man who was so intimidated by his wife's beauty that he wouldn't let her out of the house! She would wait alone at home all day while he was at work and couldn't go anywhere without him. As far as I know, she is still with him. I just hope he's grown up some by now and calmed down. He should be proud of her – but he should also help her to be independent so she can get around if she needs to. I'll talk more about life at home in the chapter on living ‘Happily Ever After.’
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WHAT ARE THE RISKS?
There is an element of risk in all relationships. My dad’s a minister and has counseled hundreds of married couples and conducted hundreds of weddings. He gave me this advice: you're not going to really know everything about each other until somewhere around the third year of marriage anyway; the best thing you could do is make sure you know how to communicate and work out differences. That was good advice. My wife and I had several miscommunications and compromises we had to work through before we got married. But I could tell by the way we handled them that this relationship was a keeper and would stand the test of time.
So, what conclusions can we come to? You will be given grief for trying something different. You need to know what you are looking for. You have to have faith in your decision that someday your well-wishing friends will have to secretly tell you that you were right all along – and they wish they had a woman like yours who loved them like that (except for your mom, who will just be relieved that it worked out for you).
Some men opted to tell people at home that they were on a fishing trip so their love adventure was a private one. Do whatever it takes for you; just know that you have to run your own game in life. Those who express concern aren't going to also provide you with an exotic beauty to live with every day. So what do you gain by listening to them?
No change. No adventure. And that lingering question, “I wonder what might have happened?”
You are on a different path. You have decided not to settle for second best. You are willing to take action in pursuit of your dream. Your wife will be the envy of most every man you meet. Enjoy it!
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Yington
Yington, 40, 119 lbs., 5’5”, China
Self Description: I'm frank, understanding, sincere, humorous, and love life and enjoy it.
Comments: I'd like to meet a man who is goal-oriented, humorous, sincere, caring, romantic; with a strong sense of responsibility and integrity.
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How to Meet the Woman of Your Dreams Overseas