Rajiv, a Ray of Hope
The gynaecology ward in NIMS hospital is always crowded and needs attention. These days, I don’t even notice days and
months changing in the calendar. I was always busy and happily didn’t get time to think about anything else. I get ready by
8:00 am in the morning and come home around 7:00 in evening. After dinner I just go up to my bedroom to sleep. Whether I
get my sleep or not is a different matter all together. Sleep has became so scarce and if get some sleep also I still see those
eyes and listen that deep voice. I have black shadows under my eyes as a result. I was forced to use sleeping tablets to get
some sleep so often. As a doctor, I know it’s not healthy habit but I have no choice. I just can’t stay awake all night and work
through the day.
Anyway my professional life is going great and patients love me. They wait for me adamantly refusing to go to another duty
doctor, if I am on leave or went to rounds. And I still get some gifts from parents once in a while though I am in city now. They
simply won’t listen to me if decline them. Just to see the happiness in their faces, I accept their gifts but I normally give them to
nurses. As a result there is always a tough competition among nurses to assist me.
So far I managed only 3 paintings out of 2 months thanks to my sleepless nights. I was doing most of my painting during
nights and my mom is bitterly complaining about my lack of sleep. So no much progress in that area but it’s ok because I want
to paint for my own pleasure not necessarily for showing. Sundays are normally dedicated to Maria. We either spend our time
with her family or in Koti. She will do her shopping and I roam around those small shops which sell lots of novels. I have a big
collection of good novels as a result and I am proud of them. “Nothing like a romantic novel, to get you out of your gloomy
mood.”
My only concession in all this is “Rajiv”. He is my colleague in hospital, an accomplished surgeon and most importantly
chosen by mom to be my fiancé. Not that I approved him but he is a nice human being and fun to be around. My mom and his
mom were friends and want to convert their friendship into a strong relationship. So mom very conveniently secured my
transfer in the same hospital where he works. In a very short span of time, Rajiv became my friend and grew close to me. A
very cheerful man, he has a knack of making people around him happy. He is always into some mischievous thing or other.
Nothing escapes him; right from playfully ragging the house surgeons to playing franks on senior doctors he does everything.
Compounders respect him and nurses drool around him. The only one human being who is not affected by him (at least to
some level) is me. I know that nurses talk about how he is wasting his charms on me but I don’t have a choice. I really like him
but love is not something you just give to anybody.
This Sunday Rajiv used his charms on Maria and got himself invited to our sacred shopping trip to Koti. I know his ways, so
didn’t get angry on Maria but she should have used more brains. Anyway he tagged along suggesting handbags and bangles
for Maria to buy. He even helped her in bargaining. She is so bowled over by him; by afternoon she started telling me that he
is perfect match for a dull person like me. I just can’t believe that Maria is telling that to me. She even had the gall to say that
compared to Abhi’s grump face, Rajiv is like an angel. I gave her one cold stare to make her shut her mouth. But there is no
stopping for Rajiv. He understood what has transferred between us and doubled his efforts.
“Maria, you are the most amazing lady I ever met. I am so happy that we did this. We should meet more often and you should
come home to meet my mom. I am sure that she will love to meet you. Let’s say next Sunday? Please don’t disappoint me.
Bring Ashni also along. Poor thing what she will do without you? Okay? It’s a deal. Please don’t break my heart by declining it”
He unleashed his famous pervasion skills on Maria, and poor thing she didn’t really stand any chance against him. She
immediately agreed and didn’t even look at my direction.
I was very angry at Maria for trapping me in this but couldn’t continue it for more than ten minutes. Her face and expressions
were something to look at. She soon added her husband and son into this trip to Rajiv’s house for next Sunday. He even
enquired about her favourite delicacies for lunch. They never thought asking me so I thought I will pull out at the last moment
claiming some health concern. A headache or stomach-ache will do. I felt reassured at that thought and smiled.
I just sat looking at the plate while Maria and Rajiv’s mother chatted animatedly over lunch. What’s more Sam and Rajiv
became fast friends. Chris is delighted to see the dash hunt puppy at Rajiv’s house. He spent almost all his time in front of it
and cuddling it. That stupid puppy, though it is only one foot high, has a voice like tiger or lion. I was astonished to see that a
tiny puppy like that can produce such big noise. It is named terry and it kept running around my feet and I was afraid that I
might step on it. So I just put my feet up and settled in a sofa for most of the time. Now I am doing same while having lunch
and Rajiv is making fun of me.
Rajiv’s mother, Anupama aunty, was a nice lady. She was graceful and kind. Unlike to Rajiv, she talked less and paid much
attention to what others have to say. She raised her son single headedly when her husband died while working for Indian
Army. She is tall, lean and fair skinned, exactly like Rajiv. I can see that Rajiv and his mom share a great bond of love and I
understood the motive behind him desiring me. He wants what his mother wants. I guess that I need to talk to him about it.
For now Maria and Anupama aunty went on talking about food and recipes. They both share lot of interests and instantly
became friends. Sam prised all the food items and invited the mother and son duo to their home for dinner. Now Rajiv and
Sam are talking about going for an adventurous trekking trip. What do they know about trekking and jungles? I hurriedly
stopped my thoughts at that point and asked for gravy. Most of the lunch, I was per-occupied with saving my feet from Terry
and ignored everything else.
After lunch, Anupama aunty invited Maria and I to have a look at her vast collection of sarees and Maria didn’t even turn back
to check whether I am following them or not. Men gathered around Terry and I slowly started climbing steps that leads to
terrace. They have wide variety of flower plants on this terrace and a small artificial waterfall to one corner. I was amazed that
a small roof garden is set up here in the middle of the concrete jungle. Truthfully Anupama aunty has a good taste. I lost
myself sometime while looking at those beautiful flowers. The petals are so nice and colourful. For one moment it felt like that I
was back in my heavenly jungle.
“Ashni! What are you doing here? We were searching for you” suddenly Rajiv’s voice brought me back to earth.
I looked at him annoyingly for bringing me back from my beloved jungle. It was so good there and I want to go and live there
not in this city. Rajiv’s face has the confused look on it. He was a funny easy going guy and doesn’t need to waste his time
over somebody like me. I decided that I need to tell him about Abhi that to right now.
“See, I need to tell you something. Please try to understand” I started. I have to do this if not for me at least for his sake.
“You don’t need to” He interrupted me. His eyes are smiling with concern. “Maria told me everything about that person. So you
don’t have to do that again. I can perfectly understand you” He completed.
I was dumbfounded. How can Maria do this to me? I trusted that female with my secret and she was broadcasting it to news
channels. I was so angry that I temporarily forgot that I wanted to tell it to Rajiv. He led me to the easy chair under the shade
and made me sit in it while he sat in the opposite chair.
“Go ahead. If it makes you happy to tell yourself then I am ready to hear it. Maria was just trying to help her dear friend. She
cares so much about you and afraid that I might misunderstand your aloofness. Believe me it is nothing more than that” His
voice is reassuring and low.
I just nodded and covered my face with my hands. Why is all this happening to me? Why do I have to give explanations to
everybody about my life? I felt exhausted and depressed. I should have stayed back at home.
“Ashni, please don’t get offended. We all care for you and want you to be happy. Please don’t choose to swim in your self-
created cocoon. Just dive into the world of experiences outside and open yourself to the elements outside so that you learn to
be happy” His voice has the right amount of comfort in it. He suddenly looked like somebody completely different and mature.
“You don’t understand. I just can’t marry or love...” I tried to explain but he stopped me again.
“I know and I am not asking you to love me right away”, He insisted.
He looked into my anxious eyes and continued with a sigh. “You can’t choose people you love and I happen to love you
instantly. Not because my mother wanted me to marry you. The moment I saw you, you somehow managed to bring out the
protective instincts in me. I just want to protect you and spend my life with you. But I am not insisting that it should be mutual”
“But it’s waste of your time and feelings. You deserve to be in love with someone who can love you back and make you
happy”.
“Happiness has different meanings according to the perspective of the person who is experiencing it and my happiness lies in
spending life with you. Don’t worry; I intend to wait for you however long it takes. I am not claiming that I am a better person
than the one you fell in love once. But since there is no possibility of that path, why don’t you start living in reality?” His bright
eyes were filled with emotion and revealed a new person in him.
I couldn’t speak for a moment. I never expected him to talk like this. I can handle the light and playful conversation with him.
But this emotional and serious guy is someone completely new. How do I explain my feelings to this stranger? Where is that
light-hearted and mischievous Rajiv, I so liked?
He put his hand on my arm and patted it as if he understood my plight. “I am still your friend and please don’t feel any
pressure. I want to protect you and I can do that as you friend also. So you don’t have to take any decision in a hurry. We have
all the time in the world. Moreover, I have so many nurses and junior lady doctors swooning over me, you should be the one to
worry, not me. I can choose my pick and enjoy you see!” He suddenly went back to his normal jovial mode, I just blinked my
eyes in surprise. His lopsided grin is so cute and warm. In an impulse, I hugged him and shed happy tears.
“Now now you young lady, please keep your distance. What will my admirers think?” He joked and hugged me back.
After that it was much easier to be with him and enjoy his presence. He helped me cope and always cooperated at work.
Though I started going out with him every now and then, I never crossed my self-imposed limits because a large part of my
heart still wanted Abhi, however impractical it seemed. That deep baritone voice still talks to me in my dreams and those eyes
always expressed disapproval. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and search for him next to me, imagining
that I was still sitting on that branch. Then, I immerse myself in colours, because sleep always evaded me after a dream like
that.