CHAPTER 28
(A hologram for a very Dirty, Dirty Bird)
John and Melissa were not the only ones who thought it best to hang out at Miller Island Casino. Evidently many of the other Wolves were having many of their own issues as well causing them a great deal of discomfort. Nobody at all was in the least bit surprised that the water tube slide going over the Black Jack table was not in operation. Obviously there were no Fuglies to run the table games but fortunately all the slot machines were up and running.
As the Hunt's finally made their way to the video poker machines they could hear gaily shouting and laughter from around the corner. Chirping, bleeping sounds, and flashing lights were making the back corner of Miller Island Casino a happening spot so John and Melissa headed in that direction. As they rounded the corner they witnessed Amber (a former Fugly) raising her hands in the air and celebrating. Officer Piker or "Speedy" continued to stand behind her while caressing her shoulder.
"I'm up $250 already! This thing is amazing!" Cried Amber as she recognized the Hunt couple from last meeting.
John was not surprised in the least to see Speedy taking so much interest in a girl much younger than him. He had been player type since his college days. A few months at best and Amber would quickly be forgotten if she could ever make it that far with Speedy. Not to mention Officer Piker was already married. He had opted to utilize the same principal rules that he had always been taught about Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and thus what happens in Miller Island stays in Miller Island was how Officer Piker was doing it.
Amber continued to pull on the lever of the Poppa Smurf slot machine while Melissa sashayed around her hubby to have some words with Speedy. Being he was a cop and her being an attorney she knew she could skip frivolous preambles and get straight to the point.
"What the hell is up with this Island? Please don't tell me this whole place is full of booby traps. We've been noticing a lot of funny strangeness in our hotel room."
Speedy just grunted. "Heh! We have too! Everything keeps breaking on cue for some reason... I tried to watch television this morning and the damn thing kept shutting on and off as if somebody was secretly controlling it from far away somewhere. I got so pissed I took a screw driver to it but I couldn't find any evidence of tampering."
Melissa pulled on her long silky hair. "Pfft! You should have seen how our breakfast went this morning! Toaster, stove, even the microwave keeps going on the fritz! Now we got snakes hiding in the tall grasses surrounding our hotel because nobody is around to mow."
Speedy couldn't help but giggle. " You couldn't get John to mow? Somebody has to mow the grass."
Melissa snorted a laugh. "Heh...we don't know where the mowers are and even if we did I don't think John would know how to start it. We have always hired somebody to do it." Speedy didn't know what to think. "Pugh! Frickn Fuglies! They really screwed us over good! I tried watching a Youtube video to figure out how to fix the toilet. No dice. Frickn Dirty ass Bob shut down the wifi hub right before he left. I don't mind the expensive roaming charges but I don't know what cellphone carriers you guys carry but me and Amber have no cellphone service period! That's why we're hanging out here at the casino."
With that Melissa immediately plucked out her iPhone from her purse and tried making a call. Trepidation shivered down her spine as an automated voice recording came on reminding her that her call is unable to get through. How could Dirty Bird be so mean? What kind of vacation was this? And that's when Bob Miller appeared out of thin air. Literally. His shady smiling face appeared in a hologram form right over the water tube slide. It was a thirty foot squared hologram of none other than the Dirty Bird himself. Bob Miller. They felt like they were on Star Trek. Evidently Bob could see them somehow.
They were interrupted by some crackling sounds as Bob's voice came over the loud speaker.
"Friends! Friends! My Tenacious Wolves! Are you enjoying my Casino so far?"
Amber was never shy around Bob. Nor could she ever fear him no matter how hard he could possibly try. She had known him for just too many years. Knew well of his "pranksta" ways for the Jobrony Ponies had called it many a years ago. "Dirty Bird...youz a pranksta! You ain't no gangsta!" They had teased without knowing Amber was ear hustling from around the corner.
But Bob Miller never really cared what people thought about him. He was just who he was. Bob Miller.
There was a short hissing sound emanating from the water slide as micro thin particles of misty water interspersed like hair spray to bring Bob Miller to life. The hologram wasn't cheap but when you're a professional like Dirty Bird you gotta flaunt big bucks to get people's attention. Amber showed off her $250.00 Miller Island Casino voucher she had just printed out of the slot machine. She held it up as close to the hologram as she could.
"We're not afraid of you Dirty Bob. In fact we're having a better time without you here....as a matter of fact we're all on a hot streak and cleaning you out right now...Speedy is even up in the video poker."
The Tenacious Wolves crowd didn't know it but they were all being filmed live. All of this footage would hopefully land on news channel 55 where if Bob's homemade television show "Rise Of The Fuglies" went according to as planned. He couldn't help but bask in his glory with his crooked Real Estate agent smile.
"Awwww...my wolfy wolfies...did you really think I'd leave you all here on my Island with a chance of taking all my money? Or is it I who am taking yours? That's a nice voucher ticket you got yourself Amber. Is there any law that mandates me to utilize U.S currency on "MY" Island which isn't even a part of the United States?"
Amber didn't smile. She was suddenly realizing that she had been played. How many twenty dollar bills had she stuffed into Bob's slot machine? She raced over to the Casino's cash out voucher and inserted her $250.00 ticket. More misty water particles shot out of the water slide as Dirty Bird started laughing hysterically. Amber couldn't believe what she was witnessing. Orange currency that looked like Monopoly money spewed out in the cash dispenser below. All the papery notes had big bold lettering that said "Miller Island Dollars". Amber hastily threw the Monopoly money onto the floor and raced over to the black jack table and picked up a handful of poker chips. She threw them at the hologram as hard as she could.
"Fuck you Bob...you know it Fuck You!"
The Miller Island poker chips flew right over the water slide without so much as making a ricocheting sound. Bob even made a point of flinching for good measure as if he had been hit. He was in fact hundreds of miles away still out at sea. He stopped flinching and started laughing again.
"I'm a hologram you Idiot...Do you really think you can hurt me?"
Melissa Hunt couldn't help herself but put her two cents in.
"You can laugh all you want but you're going to jail Mr.Funny man!"
Dirty Bird splayed out his fingers as if he was scared. "Jay-EL? Oooohhh hooohhh hooohhh! For what? Giving you Shimmy Sham Sham con Artists a free vacation? For feeding you insidious people and providing entertainment on top of that? Get real sister!"
Melissa wasn't done with him and was really fed up with his gay little reindeer games. Controlling an entire Island by remote control as if it's one big video game? Who does that?
"Ummmm....Excuse me Dirty Bird but they do put people away for life for kidnapping...you're not gonna get away with this."
Bob couldn't help himself but mimic Melissa's girly girl voice. He even went as far as to cringe up his face and use his hands while he spoke. "You're not gonna get away with this Dirty Bird" he teased. By the way he said it Amber couldn't help but giggle as well. She hadn't seen this much entertainment out of Bob since he once hopped off a treadmill right in the middle of a vigorous workout and started doing his Super Mans right in front of all the unemployed lunch time soccer Moms. People always questioned why Dirty Bird preferred to workout with the "Lunch Time" crowd. Perhaps because it was full of hot sizzly soccer moms getting it in before their husbands came home from work.
Bob proudly held up a big Manila folder that had in big black lettering the words "X-Files" written on it. He waved it around flamboyantly as if it were a Willy Wonka golden ticket.
"Friends friends.....let's not insult each other verbally for we are all professionals....well...except for maybe you Amber....when were you gonna admit to these people that your entire FaceBook page is photoshopped? You've never really been to Italy have you? In fact as we speak right now Mickey Dees prolly has your cute little face printed on the back of their milk cartons seeking info on their missing pots and pans washer."
Speedy couldn't help but smile but Amber was too short to notice. He quickly stifled his grin then pointed up to the hologram in anger.
"Get to the point Dirty Bird! Don't even think about drumming up some Hunger Games shit on us for we are far too sophisticated for that. What do you want from us and what the fuck is that X-Files shit you're waving in front of us?"
Bob's eyes swelled up like rising bread in the oven. It have him so much bloody power just holding onto those X-Files. For many years he had been fantasizing about exposing the Wolve's ignorance to the public. Nothing like a live broadcast of a public humiliation for people that actually deserved it. He waved the Manila envelope again for all of the Wolf crowd to see.
"A live broadcast confession of all of your ignorances bestowed on my people that's what I want. I have here my friends detailed files of all grievances ever filed that you and all your shit head people of authority have thrown right out the window....now who wants to confess first? How about you Melissa Hunt? Would you like to tell us how you screwed over Boy George that works over at the smelly protein plant?"....Bob then pointed his finger at Federal Judge Palmer.... "And how about you Mr.Arrogance? Did you not once make a statement that you wished that they could put all the stupid people on one Island and all the smart people on another Island?"
Before anybody could reply Dirty Bird reached into the Manila folder and plucked out case number#45854-2033 from 2003 that a taxidermist had filed concerning foul play on a customer's behalf stiffing him on money. Bob pushed up his wiry reading glasses to the bridge of his nose.
"Well my lovely friends there's an old saying that says be careful what you wish for....I am ever so glad to fulfill your wishes of making it possible for all the "smart" people to be on one Island....Let's get this party started shall we?"
Before the hologram dissipated Dirty Bird couldn't help but rub it in and show off his Dirty Bird dance. He put down the X- Files and began flopping his arms around like a chicken while parading around in a circle with high pompous steps.
*Aaawwwkkkk!!!
*Aaaaaawwwwkkkk*Aaaaaawwwwwqkkk!!!!*
The screen went blank.