CHAPTER 34
As it turns out Bob Miller was testing the testosterone of the United States military and the majority of the Navy Seals were not a fan of his Rise Of The Fuglies television show. In fact the military was so jealous of all the attention Dirty Bird was getting that each and every soldier was contemplating in their minds what dirtiness of their own they had in store for the "Dirty Bird" behind closed doors once they got their hands on him.
There's an old saying that you can't make friends without making enemies and the more popular the Rise Of The Fuglies show became the more irked the party pooper place a napkin on your lap at the dinner table crowd became. Attention. That's what the khaki wearing shirt Tuckers that read books under a shady tree at recess time were convinced Bob Miller was after. The 50k income churches where you couldn't find an automobile in the parking lot more than ten years old discouraged Dirty Bird from the pulpit every Sunday. Many of the congregation members were concerned that his next show might be about the behind the scenes madness involving pastors and little boys getting ready to be baptized and what really went on those dark dressing rooms? Perhaps there would be a television crowd out there that really wanted to know?
The Pterodactyl bounced along the billowy waves ever so smoothly preventing anyone onboard from getting even remotely seasick. Bob Miller was in a pretty good mood today after learning that the Rise Of The Fuglies television show was already showing a huge uptick in views since Rual's caper back on the Island. Inmates across the U.S were skipping out on that popular series "Prison Break" just to watch real live footage of "The Rise Of The Fuglies". In fact Rual Jones little stunt with the judge's wife Annabell already had over 3 million YouTube views within the first 24hrs of being posted. While half of the American people hated Bob and his little shows there was still the other half that found him highly entertaining. In fact many of the less privileged Americans were already referring to Dirty Bird as "The Dark Swan".
As Bob carefully held onto the helm of the ship he couldn't help but notice a dark triangular shaped object looming in the distance just ahead of him. They were only traveling at 8 knots but it did appear whatever it was was definitely getting closer. Even drunk Screw Tooth Bill was beginning to notice something up ahead. He elbowed Bob right smack in the gut to get his attention.
"Look Bird Man! It looks like a newly discovered Island up yonder!" He said pointing.
Bob grimaced when Bill spoke because the scent of alcohol always made him woozy and Bill sure liked his Booz. Bob Miller was neither a smoker nor a drinker but always kept a bountiful supply of booze and tobacco products on the Pterodactyl because he liked his guests and momentary friends to be comfortable. Bob was quick to pull out some binoculars and take a peak at what was lying ahead. The only thing he could so far make out was an American flag. Screw Tooth Bill was getting anxious.
"Well? What is it?" Questioned Bill.
"Definitely ain't no island that's for sure....looks like we got company....Don't know who it is but that's definitely old glory waving on top of the mast."
"Oh shit!" Replied Bill coughing up some more Grey Goose vodka.
"Oh shit? What do you mean by oh shit? They obviously aren't pirates so what are you worried about?"
Bill wiped away some drizzle leaking down his chin. "Thought you said this place was off the grid?"
"It is Bill....you saw the compass spin buck wild when we entered the Devil's Triangle."
Bill pointed towards the Navy ship now getting a lot closer. "I think they're here to see you Bob. I recognize that vessel from my military days. How much shit we gonna be in? I'm a grandfather....I mean shit....I really can't afford to go down."
Dirty Bird put up the binoculars once again and zeroed in on the big Naval Warship that wasn't slowing down one bit. Then he started laughing hysterically.
"Ya want to know something funny Bill?"
"Huh?" Replied his drunken copilot.
Dirty Bird laughed even more uncontrollably. With even more enthusiasm than the joker.
"We're really fucked here Bill. I don't so much as have a handgun on this ship. If we're lucky we could fashion together a sling shot maybe with those bungee cords over there....I really hope these guys coming our way don't figure out who we are."
Bill was nervous as hell. "Bob I know you....you always have a plan....what's plan b? I really don't want to go to jail for being an accomplice to kidnapping."
Bob continued staring through the binoculars. "They're not kids Bill! They're grown ass adults that prey on the weak....fucking wolves....that's what they are!"
Bill was becoming impatient as the warship drew closer. Bob was fully relaxed but Bill was hyperventilating. "Come on Bird Man...this isn't funny...how do we escape this one? What's the plan? I know you have a backup plan!"
More laughter from Bob. He even went as far as to recite a quote from the Big Labowski movie that he found truly hysterical. One of his all time favorites. He placed his hand on Bill's shoulder and recited the quote from the Big Labowski movie pretending to be John Goodman.
"If it's one thing I learned in Vietnam is that the best plan is no plan at all...if you try to plan everything ends up getting fucked up...there is no plan Bill."
As the Navy Warship got within 300 yards Bill realized they were nothing more than sitting ducks. He was already getting flashbacks of Bob telling his Army Duck hunting story then revealing his wolf in sheep clothing tee-shirt. He calmly removed Bob's ever so steady hand from his shoulder and took a step towards the cabin's exit door.
"I'll go get the drinks mixed up a while....the least I can do is get these pissed off sailors liquored up so they'll be more relaxed....Hey Bird Man..." He said just before closing the cabin's door, "Maybe you should let me start off with the talking cuz I know you'll say something stupid....I'm gonna try to see if I can get these sailors to talk my language."
"Okay Bill"