24.
Rachel was coming back from ValSocial when she saw a woman hanging around the house. She was tall, blonde, and good looking. She appeared to be looking for something or someone.
“Hello, can I help you?” - Rachel said trying her best Portuguese skills.
The woman looked at her confused – “You’re Rachel, right?”
– she asked in perfect English.
“Yes, and you are…?”
“I’m Hayley.”
Rachel’s chin dropped. Could it be? No. After all this time, could this possible be the same Hayley?
Trying hard not to stutter she asked – “Nice to meet you Hayley. How can I help you?”
“I’m here to see my daughter. I believe you’ve been playing mommy for her” – she said with a malefic smile.
Rachel didn’t know what to say or do. Her hands were shaking and her heart was beating fast.
She cleared her throat and speaking as calmly as she could finally said:
“Let’s go inside.”
After serving her a drink Rachel asked Hayley to wait for a moment and went to the kitchen to call David.
“You’re not going to believe who’s here?” – she told him.
“Who?”
“Hayley!” – Rachel exclaimed.
“Hayley? Like as in… Hayley?!”
“Hayley as in your ex Hayley” – she explained trying not to sound too nervous.
“I’ll be there in five minutes” – he said without further questions.
David ran home as fast as he could. He had decided not to bring Lea along, he didn’t want to confuse her before he could understand exactly what was going on.
“Where is she?” - David asked right away.
“She asked to go to the bathroom”– Rachel told him. “What does she want? What did she say? – he inquired. “To see Lea” – she said worried.
David took a deep breath – “Are you okay?” – he knew Rachel had grown as attached to Lea as he did.
She nodded, lying. She had a bad felling about the whole situation.
“David” – Hayley said coming into the room – “Hi” – she didn’t act as loud this time.
“What are you doing here?” – David asked immediately.
“I’m great. It’s good to see you too” – she responded ironically.
“What do you want?” “I want my daughter.”
“Your daughter? The one that you abandoned with some stranger?” – David asked trying not to raise his voice.
“I knew he was your roommate and that you’d be home soon” – she excused herself.
“It’s been almost a year. You never showed up, you never called. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I guess I never realized how much I missed her until I saw her pictures in the magazines.”
“Of course…” - David didn’t believe her – “so you decided to come and enjoy your 15 minutes of fame?”
“I have the right to see my daughter”– she claimed.
“You’ve lost all your rights once you left her” – he corrected her.
“You’ve been with her for what? Nine months? I carried her for nine months and raised her for another 18. So who’s the great parent now?” – she accused him.
“Whose fault is that? I didn’t know she was born!” – David yelled without being able to hold it anymore.
“Guys guys, let’s calm down” – Rachel finally intervened.
“You shouldn’t even be here, this is none of your business” – Hayley aggressively told her.
David was coming to her defense, but Rachel knew how to stand up for herself – “Well, I’m actually the one that Lea calls mom so I believe that at the moment that’s more than you can say.”
Before anybody could say anything else she continued – “We’re all very agitated. I think we need some time to cool off before we say or do something we might regret later.”
“Whatever, but I don’t intend to wait too long. So get your act together fast because I want to see her” – Hayley insisted.
David thought about arguing but grabbing his arm Rachel stopped him – “Just leave us a phone number where we can reach you.”
Hayley wrote down her contact on a nasty piece of paper, threw it at the coffee table and turned around. Before she left she added – “You can act all you want, but no one knows you like I do David. You think you’re happy with this perfect little life of yours, but we both know you’re going to screw it up sooner or later. You’re hurt because I dumped you, but that’s no reason to prevent our daughter to see me.”
David freaked out as soon as she slammed the door behind her. He kicked the couch and threw everything on the floor.
Rachel had never seen him like that. The only other times she had seen him being aggressive was with Chase and the guys at the party and in both situations he was defending her. This was pure rage. He almost scared her.
“Babe?” – she tried to call him but she doubted he would hear anything. So she let him vent and yell.
When he finally stopped he was worn out. Rachel approached him slowly. David was sitting on the floor with his head leaned against his knees. Rachel sat next to him, put her arm around him and laid her head on his shoulder. None of them said anything.
“What are we going to do?” – Rachel asked next morning. They had avoided the issue the night before, but both knew they had to make a decision before Hayley could find more problems.
“I’ve been thinking” – he started slowly – “and I think we should let her see her.”
“I agree” – Rachel nodded. She didn’t exactly like the idea, but she thought Hayley deserved a chance to make it right.
The first meeting didn’t go as expected, at least not for Hayley. She showed up at the house almost an hour before what was arranged which ruined the plans of a calm conversation that Rachel and David had planned to have with Lea.
Lea was too young to understand what was going on and was obviously confused. Hayley insisted to tell her she was her mom, but Lea kept asking for Rachel.
In the beginning it was actually Rachel who tried to promote their contact reassuring Lea that Hayley was a friend and that she’s be fine, while David seemed not to be very keen with the situation, but as the days went by Rachel started to notice some changes in his behavior. He started to be more proactive and insisted that Hayley and Lea had some private time. Rachel felt that because Lea continued to prefer her over Hayley, David was feeling the need to push her away.
Lea was in general a very sociable child however she didn’t not seemed interested in Hayley at all.
Rachel was trying her best to cope with the situation, but the truth is that it was affecting her too. She didn’t feel comfortable having Hayley around as she would not waste an opportunity to push Rachel down.
When she had David’s support it was manageable but now it was getting harder to deal with. She hated to see how Lea would get nervous and agitated every time she’d have to meet Hayley. She tried to do her best but then one day all hell broke loose.
They were at home for yet another Hayley’s visits and Lea was particularly cranky that day. David had already tried to calm her down, but she didn’t want to deal with anyone but Rachel.
As soon as she saw Hayley, Lea held hard onto Rachel and started to whine. For a while they tried to convince her to go on the floor and talk. They allured her with toys, funny songs and even food, but nothing seemed to be working that day. Tired with all that David, picked her up from Rachel’s arms and put her on the couch with Hayley. The child of course did not like the idea and started to cry, kick and scream.
Rachel tried to thwart him but David retorted - “She’s only two, she has no idea what she wants. She’s acting like a spoiled brat that’s all, and you’re not helping.”
Rachel was furious. She couldn’t believe what he was saying.
She tried to stay longer for Lea, but it got to a point that she simply could not stand being there, not being able to do anything anymore.
“I’m leaving” – she told him.
Lea screeched to hear that.
“Mommy has to go now baby, I’ll come back later for you, ok?” – she told her trying her best not cry.
“No! No Mommy, don’t go away!” – the child begged.
“I love you so much baby” – Rachel hugged her and left heartbroken while Lea cried her name.
After that day everything was different. Rachel decided to go back to the UK for a while. She had some meetings and rehearsals she kept on postponing so she thought it would be a good time to take care of that. She kept calling Lea every single day even though she would cry for hours after speaking to her. Lea would complain about Hayley and begged her to come back. Rachel had barely talked to David since that day, but Dee had told her he wasn’t doing well either, especially since Lea blamed him for Rachel’s departure and was barely talking to him.
“I really screwed up this time, didn’t I?” – David asked Dee one morning. He was pale and haggard, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
“You did” – she said with no hesitation.
“Thanks a lot for the support” – he protested – “do you really have to stay on her side this time?” – he whined.
“This is not about sides, and if it was then I would be on Lea’s side because she’s the one having her life messed up because the three of you cannot work out things together” – she told him.
“What was I supposed to do?”
“You were supposed to do what’s best for your daughter.” “I thought I was…” - he mumbled.
“And what do you think now?” – she asked him.
“Now I know Rachel is the only mom Lea ever needed” – he admitted.
“So stop whining and do something about it” – Dee encouraged him.
“After all that happened? Rachel can barely look at my face.
I really ruined it.”
“This is not about you and Rachel” – she started. Then thinking about it emended – “It is too, but first thing you have to figure out is how to fix it for Lea.”
“Rachel has kept in touch with her” – he said – “but the truth is that she has no obligation to do it.”
“This is not about obligation for Rachel. She loves Lea. Being apart is no less painful for Rachel than it is for Lea.”
He agreed.
“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” – he asked.
“Who?” “Both…”
“In my opinion Lea is just trying to show you how much she needs Rachel” – Dee explained him - “and soon she gets her back you’ll be in her good graces again.”
“And Rachel?” – he knew they had to had talked about it and was hoping she you give him same details.
“Rachel loves you, there’s no doubt about that, but she’s hurt too. The way you treated her… it just wasn’t right” – she told him – “I don’t mean to be mean. Like I said, she loves you, but if you really want her back then I suggest you stop the talking and start to actually do something.”
After hours of hesitation David finally picked up the phone and called Rachel. It was 11 p.m in London and Rachel picked up startled – “What happened? Is everything alright? Where’s Lea?” – she was not waiting for that call, not anymore at least.
“Lea is sleeping, it’s all good. I’m sorry I know it’s late but I really wanted to talk to you. I already waited too long and didn’t want one more day to pass.”
“Oh… okay.”
They both remained silent for a while until David finally continued.
“I want to apologize” – he waited for a signal that she had acknowledged him, but since she remained unresponsive he proceeded.
“I was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking” – he explained himself – “I was wrong!”
“It took you this long to realize that?” – she asked him coldly. She never expected he would push her out of his life like that and was really hurt.
“I deserve that” – he admitted – “but I see now how wrong I was. Lea, she just loves you, she doesn’t need anybody else. She misses you so much…”
“I miss her too” – she said with shaky voice. She condemned Hayley for abandoning Lea, but in a way that was what she was doing too – “every day!”
“I know I can’t fix what’s been done, but I want to make it right for you” – he started – “I know you have no legal obligation with Lea or anything like that, but no matter what happens between us I know you’re the only one she’ll see as a mom and wish we could find a way this will not affect your relationship.”
“That was never my intention” – she stated – “I never intended to abdicate from my relationship with her.”
“Good, well when it comes to me you’ll have all the rights you had when we were… together.” - he promised – “So whenever you want to talk to her, see her, or have her come over for a visit please just let me know.”
“What about Hayley? What does she think about that?” –
she asked.
“Don’t worry about that. Just let me know and I’ll take care of everything.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that, I really do” – she thanked sincerely.
“Rachel” – he called right before she hung up the phone.
“Yes.”
“What about us?” – he questioned her.
“What about us?”
“Will I ever be able to make it up to you?”
“David” – she hadn’t called him that since they had started to date and to him it was a clear sign she was trying to distance herself from him – “I don’t know. I honestly don’t.”
“I still love you” – he interrupted her.
“I love you too… but if there’s something I’ve learned in the past is that sometimes that’s not enough” – she stated.
“Sweetheart, please…”
“I really need some time David” – she interrupted him. She couldn’t deny she was happy that he called, but it still hurt too much – “right now to be honest I can’t deal with you yet.”
“Fair enough” – he agreed – “but I’m not giving up. You fought for me before and I’m going to do the same for you.”
“Well, enjoy the rest of your evening” – she wished him warmly.
Three weeks passed since that phone call. Rachel and Lea kept speaking on the phone regularly and Rachel had visited her once for a few days. Once in a while she would speak to David too but mostly about Lea not about their future.
The media had gone crazy with yet another controversial break up relationship from Rachel and her life was in every magazine once again. Her label record was giving her some troubles too and she felt tired, needy and lonely.
She was dragging on the couch with a bucket of Tiramisu ice cream when the bell rang. She thought about ignoring it, but since whoever was on the other side didn’t seem willing to give up she eventually got up to open the door.
She looked through the peephole and opened the door immediately – “Dee?” – she exclaimed astonished – “What are you doing here?”
“I thought you could use some company” – she said smiling at her.
Rachel was laying around in her scruffs and oversized t- shirt. Her hair was tied in messy bun on top of her head. You could still see the gorgeous girl beyond that but she was definitely not at her best.
Rachel hugged her tight, really tight and didn’t let go for a while. Dee patted her back and stroked her hair.
“Thank you” – Rachel said finally letting go of her – “you didn’t have to…”
“Actually I did have to. You know that” – she said honestly.
It was true. Rachel knew how much other’s people’s problem affected Dee. She really took them personally, she almost absorbed their pain. So Rachel understood it had to be hard for her to be far away when Rachel was going through such a bad phase.
“Do you want to talk about it?” – Dee asked her while they sat on the couch.
Rachel shrugged – “Not really.” “Okay” – Dee didn’t want to push her.
She looked at Rachel whom with misty eyes mumbled – “Why?”
Like tiny diamonds two tears slowly fell from her eyes.
“Hey, come here, honey” – Dee was barely able to hold her own tears. Rachel laid her head in her lap. She wished she knew why an amazing person like Rachel had to go through all this suffering – “I don’t know, honey, sometimes life’s not fair… But we’re going to fix it Rach. We will, I promise.”
“Is she doing any better?” – Dee asked David entering the room.
It was 8 p.m and he had just called her because of Lea. For the past two days Lea had been sick, she would sleep most of the time and the little time she was awake she kept on vomiting.
“No” – he retorted worried – “she just fell asleep again. I’ve tried to keep her awake but was not able to. Should we take her to the hospital?” – he asked her.
“Yes, I already phoned Sara. She’s on her way.”
They spent the whole night at the hospital. Sara asked all the questions and ran every test she could think about, but she had not being able to find out what was wrong with Lea.
“Could it be something she ate?”
“Does she have access to any medication or chemicals?” “Did she by any means bump her head?”
“Did she ever have an episode like this?”
Hayley guaranteed that nothing like that had ever happened when Lea was younger and living with her, and David confirmed the same about the past months.
Lea was very weak and dehydrated, so Sara put her on an IV treatment right away.
“Is there anything else we could do for her?” – David asked anxious.
“I’m sorry, but until we find out what’s causing it we cannot give her any medicines” – Sara explained – “it might even worsen the situation.”
David, Dee, Sara and Hayley tried to figure out what else could be making her that sick. All the exams came back normal and apparently there was no reason for her body to be acting up like that.
Lying on the stretcher Lea slept. Even though she was fast asleep she was not peaceful, she would twitch, and squirm and talk in her sleep.
Most of the time they couldn’t understand what she was saying, but that time was pretty clear.
“Mommy, mommy Rachel” – she repeated continuously for a few minutes.
“Could it be psychosomatic?” – Dee suddenly asked Sara.
“What do you mean?” – Hayley inquired.
“That is when something psychological rather than physical is causing the symptoms” – Sara explained – “Why are you asking that? Did something happen that you think might be related to it?”
“Come on, you’re not insinuating this is all because of Rachel, are you?” – Hayley asked skeptical.
David and Dee shortly explained to Sara how Lea and Rachel had grown close and how during the last month the situation had been complicated.
“It’s hard to tell. With psychological issues there’s really no test I can perform to be sure. It’s a long shot… but honestly we’ve been here for over 24 hours and unfortunately we’ve been not able to help her” – Sara told them – “so if you think there’s a chance that Rachel could come, I advise you to call her.”
“I’m sure she’ll come. I mean she’s in the UK so it’s going to take a while, but she’ll come” – David guaranteed her – “I’m going to call her right away.”
“David, please bear in mind that there are no guarantees that she will solve the issue” – Sara clarified.
“I know, but it’s worth the try.”
David called Rachel and explained the whole situation.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me before?” – she asked upset. She knew Lea was sick, but she had no idea it was so serious.
“I didn’t want you to worry” – he apologized – “Dee thinks it might be psychological and the doctor agrees” – he told her.
“What do you mean psychological?” – she wondered.
He took a deep breath, he felt so guilty – “They say this may be her way of telling us how much she misses you.”
“Oh my God. Really? Could I be making her that sick?” – she felt guilty too. Her heart was broken. She missed her so much too, but she was an adult and was trying to cope with that and Lea was not even three years old.
“They’re not sure, but if you could come maybe that would help. I mean, I know you’re a bit far but…”
“I’m on my way” – she interrupted him – “I’ll meet you at the hospital” – and she hang up immediately.
Less than four hours later Rachel arrived at the emergency room. She asked for Lea’s room at the reception and ran to the second floor. She found David near the coffee machine.
“How is she?” – she asked hugging him.
“No changes” - he was worn.
“How are holding up?” – after being upset with him for not letting her know sooner about the severity of the situation Rachel had remembered the first night they had met and how worried he was about Lea’s health.
“I’m okay” – he lied. “Can I see her?”
“Sure, let’s go.”
Lea’s room was right around the corner. Hayley was inside sitting on the couch and Dee and Sara were by the bed.
“Any changes?” – David asked entering the room.
They shook their heads.
“Dr. Sara, this is Rachel. Rachel, meet Dr. Sara” – he introduced them.
Rachel greeted her and Dee too.
“Hello. So you’re the one she keeps calling” – Sara said – “Well, do your magic.”
“What exactly am I supposed to do?” – she asked. She’d love to be able to help Lea, but she was having trouble believing that her mere presence could make such a difference.
“Just try to talk to her. Be yourself, act normal. If being away from you is really what’s causing this then having you here should be enough” – Dee explained her.
Rachel could feel Hayley staring at her. She was not happy to have Rachel there getting all the attention.
Rachel approached the bed and sat on it. The rest of them moved back to give her some privacy. She passed her long fingers through Lea’s cheeks and held her hands, she was frozen. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable, all the energy she remembered her from, was gone.
Rachel stroked her little locks gently, Lea tossed and turned and slowly started to open her eyes.
“Hi baby” – Rachel said tenderly.
“Mommy?” – Lea immediately reacted to her voice.
“Yes, it’s me sweetie” – Rachel confirmed tenderly rubbing Lea’s belly – “how are you felling?”
She smiled raising her little arms so Rachel could pick her up, then pouting she said – “Lea’s sick.”
“I know baby” – Rachel acknowledged her – “but mommy’s here to take care of you now, okay?”
Lea nodded – “Don’t want mommy to go away…” - she asked.
“I won’t. I’m not going anywhere sweetie, I promise” – Rachel guaranteed her holding her in her arms tight.
“I’m sorry mommy.” “What for?”
“Lea made mommy mad. Mommy went away” – she said.
“What? No sweetie, mommy’s not mad at you” – Rachel clarified – “I’m so sorry I didn’t stay with you sweetie. I love you and I’ve missed you so much. I could never be mad at you” – Rachel told her with tearful eyes.
“I love you too mommy.”
Hayley left the room and David approached them.
“Daddy, mommy’s back!” – Lea told him excited. He smiled – “I know.”
“I just need to do a quick check up and then I’ll leave you alone, okay?” – Sara intervened.
“Can mommy stay?” – Lea asked her.
“Sure, mommy can stay right next to you” – Sara allowed nicely.
“So what do you say doctor? Is she any better?” – David asked while Sara examined Lea.
“It is too soon to tell” – she stated – “she does seem to be in a better mood, which is a good sign. But she’s still very weak. How do you feel now darling?” – she asked Lea.
“Good” – she said.
“Does something hurt?” – Sara asked. She shook her head.
“Not even your belly?” – she insisted.
“Not now” – the child confirmed.
“That’s good. I’m leaving you here with mommy and daddy and I’ll stop by to check again later OK?”
Lea assented.
“If you need anything give me a call” – she told David and Rachel.
Lea spent the rest of the dawn awake playing with Rachel. Eventually she asked for food and was able to eat without throwing up. She was obviously not at her best, she seemed tired and was still a bit pale, but seemed to be slowly recovering.
When she finally fell asleep Dee told them - “Why don’t you guys go grab something to eat?”
“It’s okay I prefer to stay here” – Rachel said.
“Come on, she’s not going to wake up for a few hours now. David barely ate since we came to the hospital and you should be starving too. Just take a little break” – Dee insisted.
Rachel looked at David, he did look like he could use a break – “Okay. I have my cellphone with me, so if something happens…”
“I’ll call you right away, don’t worry” – she finished her sentence.
“Thanks honey” – Rachel thanked her.
“Thank you” – David said.
“Thanks for coming…” - David told Rachel – “In spite everything that happened…”
They were sitting on the rooftop eating some crapy sandwiches they had bought in the hospital’s cafeteria and sharing some French fries.
“Lea has nothing to do with what happened” – Rachel explained – “I came for her.”
“I know.”
“We really messed up this time, didn’t we?” – Rachel asked finally breaking the silence.
“You mean, I really messed up” – he corrected her.
“No, it wasn’t just you… I should have handled things differently too” – she admitted – “I said that I wouldn’t let it interfere with my relation with Lea, but I did… she needed me and I failed her.”
“You didn’t” – he amended her – “once you realized she really needed you came running. Plus if I hadn’t screwed things up, it would have never came to this” – he added.
“David…”
“We both know it’s true Rachel.”
“I’m sure you thought you were doing the right thing.” “Look how well that turned out” – he said ironically.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course” – he nodded.
“Why? Why did you act like that? I mean, in the beginning you didn’t even want Hayley to meet her and then you forced it. I don’t get it” – she confessed.
“Remember when I told you I never met my father?” – David asked.
She nodded.
“I’ve always wondered if things would have been different if I had met him” – he admitted – “I know it sounds silly. I mean if the man didn’t even care enough to stay around, how could he be any help? Still I always thought or hoped I guess, things could have been different.”
“You didn’t want Lea to have to go through it too…” - Rachel guessed. Now it was starting to make sense. She knew he had to have a reason to act that way.
“Yes, but I was wrong because it’s not the same thing. Lea has something I never had, and that’s you. Someone that loves her unconditionally and that will never leave her.”
“Why didn’t you explain it to me?” – Rachel asked. So much could have been avoided she thought.
“I guess in the back of my mind I knew I was doing it wrong. I tried to force Lea to like her” – he said – “I knew you wouldn’t put up with that.”
“You’re right” – she concurred – “I wouldn’t.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking…” - he admitted desperately.
Rachel felt a sudden urge to take him in her arms and hug him. She was still hurt, but she couldn’t deny she loved him and it was hard seeing him like that and not be able to touch him. She held back. She just wanted to kiss him and end his pain (well to be honest she could use some love too), but she knew if they didn’t discuss things now they would come up later eventually.
She gently caressed his hair – “It’s okay, babe” – she let it slip. She tried to correct it, but it was too late – “it’s going to be okay.”
David saw it as a sign, even if unconsciously Rachel was letting her guard down. He faced her – “I’m really sorry I’ve hurt you.”
She tried to interrupt him but he didn’t let her. “You’re amazing and I…”