People are highly dependent on others to satisfy their own needs. We build Relationships with other individuals with purpose of getting our needs satisfied. The rules of relationship are defined as we device various mechanisms, processes, way of functioning, etc. Few are clearly communicated and most are not, they are assumed to exist*.
*Psychological Contract between two individuals drives the unsaid and assumed expectations.
The entire process is driven by a common principle of Barter; exchange of ‘satisfying needs’ between two individuals. People in relationships (any kind; personal, professional, social, friends, family, etc.) put efforts helping others gain what they desire and in-turn seek from them what they personally desire. People have their own Individual theories about how the world works and what action leads to what result. These theories are developed by their learning, experience, traditions and operant conditioning*. These theories ‘Define’ an individual and their personality. We will be discussing more about it in sections ahead.
*Operant Conditioning - A learning process in which the likelihood of a specific behavior is increased or decreased through positive or negative reinforcement each time the behavior is exhibited, so that the subject comes to associate the pleasure or displeasure of the reinforcement with the behavior
Keeping the above in mind, it would not be incorrect to state that Human beings focus on their needs first, any or every act of doing something for others is with an underlying assumption (from their theories) of that act being beneficial to their personal satisfaction of needs. Unsatisfied needs are usually result of inconsistency of theories with realistic practical facts. To elaborate a little on it, instances when assumptions leading to predicted results are incorrect, the results are not what are desired. Emotions are result of satisfied or unsatisfied needs, we will be discussing more about it in sections ahead.
We will focus on few aspects of theories that make them effective. While we look at Barter in general, it requires two individuals who; Need something, Have what the other one wants and Have clear understanding of value of exchange. To understand this better I urge everyone to think of a relationship you are happy in and another where you are not happy. List down the following:
1. Your Needs from the relationship.
2. How much capable is the other person of satisfying your Needs?
3. Other person’s Needs.
4. How much capable are you of satisfying other person’s Needs?
5. Are the values of exchange clearly defined?
6. Are those defined terms clearly communicated, understood and accepted?
It is generally observed that it is very easy to list down your Personal Needs and they are also often communicated. With little efforts even other person’s Needs are recognised. What often gets ignored is capability of satisfying the other one’s Needs and defining terms and values of exchange. Ofcourse it is not always feasible to articulate all terms and values of exchange, usually they are assumed to exist and non-verbally communicated by actions.