It was the next morning and Jake, Butch and Ronnie waited at a conference room table. They drank coffee and ate some Dunkin Donuts provided by Jennifer.
The door opened, and Richard entered with Buzz Harley, a thirty-five-year-old astronaut, and Neil Drebin, a thirty-three-year-old astronaut.
"I would like to introduce Buzz Harley, your commander, and Neil Drebin your Ferry pilot for this mission."
Jake, Butch, and Ronnie stood up from the table.
"If you would follow us, we'll get you inside a Ferry," Buzz told them.
"What?" I thought we were doing this mission alone?" said Jake.
"You thought wrong," replied Richard with a smirk.
Jake, Butch, and Ronnie looked unsure about his comment while they followed Richard, Buzz, and Neil out of the conference room.
Jake, Butch, Ronnie, Richard, Harley, and Neil walked down a hall.
A sexy woman around thirty years old in a slinky dress walked toward them.
Then the small robot R1D1 with two mechanical arms, hands and fingers entered the hall in a rush from another hall.
R1D1 rushed toward the sexy woman. "Here pussy," R1D1 said in a male computer-generated voice while it stuck out its arms and mechanical fingers.
The woman got furious and kicked R1D1, and the small robot flew in the air. "Cat," R1D1 finished his sentence while it bounced off the walls then tumbled down the hall.
The woman stormed off down the hall.
While R1D1 got upright, a stray kitty cat walked up to it from another hall. R1D1 stroked the kitty cat's head with its mechanical fingers, and it purred.
Richard, Buzz, and Neil walked over to R1D1, and Jake, Butch, and Ronnie followed.
"Gentlemen, meet R1D1, our prototype robot. If it's successful in flying that asteroid away, we'll use them to pilot the Ferry's in future missions," Richard told them.
"You're replacing astronauts with a lump of scrap metal?" Jake said a little unsure of their plan.
"Hey!" R1D1 replied and sounded offended.
"This robot does what it's told, no ifs and or butts! Saves me from a huge pain in my ass!" Richard snapped back while he went nose-to-nose with Jake.
R1D1 saluted Richard.
Richard, Buzz, Neil, Butch, and Ronnie walked away.
Jake got pissed while he looked down at R1D1.
When the coast was clear, Jake kicked R1D1, and it bounced down the hall.
Jake looked satisfied while he rushed after everybody.
A few minutes later, Jake, Butch, and Ronnie stood in the top deck inside the Ferry Ship Magellan. They looked around the deck in awe over the 1970s technology still being used in today's modern manned rocketship.
Jake saw two joysticks on the back wall of the deck below two rear windows that looked into the Storage Bay. He couldn't resist the temptation, so he walked over to the windows.
Neil walked up and looked over Jake's shoulder. "Those joysticks control the Big Long Arm Handlers, called BLAH. I'll use them to get your space module out of the storage bay and place it near the asteroid. Then when you're finished, I'll use the BLAH and place your space module back into the storage bay so we can return home," Neil told Jake.
Jake looked out one of the windows.
He saw the inside of the Storage Bay with a BLAH located on the top of the right bay wall with another BLAH situated at the top of the left bay wall. Situated at the end of each BLAH was a hand looking device for grabbing items during deployment.
Neil walked away from Jake.
Jake couldn't resist the temptation, so he grabbed the right joystick and moved it around. He watched while the right BLAH moved around outside the Storage Bay. Then it got away from him, and he kept on over controlling the BLAH.
From the window, he saw the BLAH move around wildly, and then it knocked a technician off a platform. He heard the scream of the technician while he fell into the Storage Bay and landed with a thud that shook the Magellan.
Jake quickly turned to see if anybody saw him and smiled when he realized he was in the clear. Jake discreetly tiptoed away from the joysticks and whistled with his hands behind his back.
He walked back over to Butch and Ronnie, who received a briefing on the flight controls of the Magellan.
The technician got up dazed from his fall. He limped away to the exit of the Storage Bay.
Later that day, Jake, Butch and Ronnie were inside the Ferry Training Building.
Since budget cuts were the norm across all government agencies, the NERP had to cut costs with training aids for this mission.
Therefore, the NERP technician's constructed a Space Module and Moon Lander Simulators out of 2x4s and cardboard.
The Space Module cardboard training box had a hole cut out at one end to simulate the hatchway into the Space Module and a door cut out at the other end to simulate access into the Sweet Thing.
Inside the Space Module cardboard training box, Ronnie sat in a lounge chair and read a nudie magazine. All around the inside of the box were drawn all kinds of gauges, switches, and knobs by the technicians.
The Moon Lander cardboard training box was constructed to simulate the Sweet Thing. There was a hole cut out at one end to simulate access from the Space Module and another hole to simulate access to the top of the asteroid.
Inside the Moon Lander cardboard training box, were drawn all kinds of gauges, switches, and knobs by the technicians.
Inside the simulated Sweet Thing, Jake and Butch knelt down by a cardboard box painted black. They raced to see who would be the first to tape the wires to their side of the box.
Jake nudged Butch out of the way, then jumped up in victory. "I beat you again, you twit," he yelled out.
Butch got mad and grabbed Jake by his throat and squeezed his neck. Jake retaliated and grabbed Butch by his neck and squeezed.
"Who ordered the stool sample?" the technician jokingly said with a chuckle from the doorway while he had a wooden stool in his hands.
"Over there by the joysticks," Jake said with a raspy voice.
The technician rolled his eyes at the sight of Jake and Butch chocking each other. He heard stories if their feud.
Jake and Butch released their grips from each other's necks. They both gasped for air.
The technician walked over and placed the stool by the fake window. The technician then walked out of the box.
"We're ready R1D1," Jake called out in a raspy voice.
R1D1 entered and moved over to the stool and stopped.
Jake and Butch walked over and picked up R1D1 and set him on top of the stool.
"May I come in?" Jennifer said with a loving smile aimed at Butch.
Butch saw Jennifer and got a huge loving smile. "Sure darling!" he said with a slightly raspy voice.
Jennifer, with a black and blue eye thanks to Butch, entered with a sandwich, a drink, and bib. "Here's lunch," she said with love in her eyes while she walked up to Butch.
Butch smiled while they gazed in each other eyes. She set the sandwich and drink on the floor. They continued to gaze into each other's eyes.
Jake felt uncomfortable while he watched Butch and Jennifer draw closer to each other.
Butch and Jennifer passionately kissed.
Jake left the cardboard box jealous of the two lovers.
They separated from their kiss then Jennifer placed an "Old Men Are Hot!" bib on Butch. She lovingly feeds him like he was a little baby.
Jake moped away from the simulated Sweet Thing cardboard box.
"Jake Savage, report to Richard Head's office. Jake Savage, report to Richard Head's office," a female's voice came over the loudspeakers.
Jake headed off into the direction of the exit doors.
Over in his NERP office, Richard read a file while he worked at his desk.
Someone knocked on his door.
"Enter," Richard called out.
The door opened, and Jake stepped inside his office.
"You wanted to see me?" Jake asked.
Richard stood up with a smirk with the folder in his hand. "I'm hearing you and Butch are still fighting. This will brighten your day," Richard said while he walked over to Jake.
He handed Jake the folder who opened it up and read the report. Jake's eyes widened in shock while he read the contents of the report. "I can't believe it. He has brain, liver, lung, skin, and gall bladder cancer. And ninety percent of his arteries are clogged. He has hemorrhoids plus an ingrown toenail," he said while he reread the report to make sure he read it correctly. Jake handed Richard the file. "What does this mean?"
Richard's smirk turned into a satisfied smile. "It means you and your team are kicked out of the NERP for the third time!"
Richard pointed at the door and did a victory dance back to his desk. He twirled by his chair then sat down with a huge grin.
Jake got a vengeful thought as he walked to the door. He smiled and turned around. "By the way. Butch is bonking Jennifer," he said while he humped the air with a horny grin.
Jake left Richard's office with a satisfied smile.
Richard fumed, but then he remembered Butch wasn't going to be around so he can get his mistress back. He smiled and did another victory dance in his chair.
Way above the earth, The Finger asteroid orbited and was now about one mile long and three hundred feet thick. About eighty percent of the space junk around the earth was now part of the asteroid. Also mingled inside some of the space junk were a couple of garbage bags discarded from the MSS.
Then hundreds of sparks flew everywhere when a satellite bounced off the asteroid.
The satellite tumbled to earth.
Down outside the No Pain No Gain Exercise Facility at the Rocket Ranch, Jennifer and Butch cuddled on a bench with his face buried in her cleavage. He sobbed hysterically, and a huge wet stain was below Jennifer's bosoms.
She lovingly stroked his thinning white hair.
"I can't believe it, and I also have an ingrown toenail!" Butch sobbed out loud.
"I'm so pissed that Richard kicked you guys out of the NERP," Jennifer said while she pondered what she could do to fix things. Her eyes lit up with an idea, and she quickly punched a phone number on her cell phone.
"It's me, Jennifer Roogan. I need your help again," she told the caller.
Nearby, two men, Kenny and Wayne stretched in jogging outfits and heard Butch and Jennifer's conservation.
"That won't happen to me. I'll be exercising and staying healthy until I'm a hundred," Kenny said.
Wayne nodded in agreement to Kenny's comment.
Kenny ran off to the street.
Then a semi-truck flattened Kenny the second he stepped foot on the street.
Meanwhile, over in Little Rock, Arkansas, The "Make Your Day" Viagra Company was pumping out millions of blue pills.
Then a fireball, which was that satellite, raced down out of the sky at the plant.
The fireball slammed into the plant, and it exploded.
A humongous blue cloud rose out of the massive flames.
Soon, all the clouds in the sky were rigid and erect.
Later that day, President Barnaby stood in front of the wall of TVs.
"I heard a Viagra plant was destroyed by something that bounced off The Finger! They claimed the flames from the explosion stayed up in the air for hours," German Chancellor Kiel said from his TV.
On TV, most of the world leaders looked down at their crotches and looked depressed.
"When are you going to launch your Ferry?" South Korean President Doko asked from his TV.
"After a couple more weeks of training," President Barnaby replied while he paced back and forth in front of the TVs.
Spanish President Vargas looked to his side. "The Finger's three hundred and thirty-two miles away. We can't wait for those dopes to be trained!" he said.
"I agree!" Japanese President Kato said from his TV.
"My HariAnne rocket and robot will be ready in five days," French President Beaumont said from his TV.
"I say go with HariAnne," Spanish President Vargas cried out from his TV.
"I want the HariAnne rocket," Japanese President Kato said from his TV.
"No, I believe in Barnaby's plan!" English Prime Minister Goodrich from his TV.
"I agree with Goodrich," Australian Prime Minister Walker said from his TV.
"Me too!" Canadian President Morin said from his TV.
"Nuke it!" Chinese President Wang yelled out from his TV while he slammed his fist on his desk.
"Yah, nuke the bastard!" Russian President Ivanov yelled from his TV.
"Nuking is the only way," North Korean President Chul-Moo yelled from his TV.
"Come on, guys! The good ole U S of A won't fail. We can do it!" President Barnaby pleaded with the disagreeing world leaders.
The TVs all turned off while all the world leaders turned off their cameras.
President Barnaby moped back over to his desk and sat down. He pondered his situation and was unhappy that all the leaders didn't have faith in his plan.
Meanwhile, up in outer space above earth, the asteroid smacked into a cell phone satellite, and it bounced off the asteroid and tumbled to earth.
A little while later, that cell phone satellite tumbled as a fireball and smacked into a major cell phone tower. The cell phone tower crashed down to the ground.
Back in his Oval Office, President Barnaby dozed off behind his desk. His purple phone rang, and he jumped up startled and in a daze. It took a few seconds for him to realize it was his purple phone and that he was the President. He quickly picked up the receiver. "President Barnaby," he answered.
"We have another problem," Richard quickly responded from the purple phone.
President Barnaby frowned as he was tired of getting nothing but bad news. "What now?"
"We lost a cell phone satellite and cell phone tower," Richard replied with some hesitation.
President Barnaby stood up and threw a little temper tantrum. He settled down after a few seconds of stomping his feet. "Okay. I want that Magellan mission to launch tomorrow. Do you hear tomorrow? I have some world leaders that want to nuke it, and I have other world leaders that want to send up the sissy French rocket to save the earth. We have to be the ones! Launch tomorrow, or you'll be scrubbing out stinky toilets in a few days. And I won't issue you a brush," President Barnaby threatened into his purple phone.
"Yes, Mister President," Richard replied from the phone then disconnected his end of the call.
President Barnaby sat down in his chair and pouted.
One of the Oval Office doors opened and the First Lady, Betsy, entered with a coffee cup in hand and saw him pouting.
"Would the world's best leader like a cup of hot cocoa to melt away your troubles?" Betsy said in a motherly tone while she walked up to his desk.
President Barnaby nodded in agreement like a little kid.
She set the cup of cocoa that was full of those little marshmallows; down in front of him then kissed his forehead.
She walked back to the door while he sipped his drink with a smile.
Later that night, Jake and Butch had a few beers at the local Space Beach hangout called the Clap Trap. This establishment had a lighted cartoon sign of a man painfully peeing into a urinal, as their sign out by the street.
Tonight the Clap Trap was full of folks that worked out at the Rocket Ranch. Some guys played pool, some guys and gals chatted at their tables while they drank beer. Some other guys played darts, and then there was a guy and gal engaged in passionate kissing and groping at their table, a passionate kiss of infidelity between two coworkers.
Jake and Butch sat at stools at the bar while they drank some Budweiser's. They both looked depressed while they sipped on their beers.
"I can't believe I have two months left in this world. Maybe I should try some of that," Butch said then stopped and snapped his fingers while they tried to recall the word he needed. This his eyes lit up when he remembered. "Homo pathetic medicine," he added.
Jake frowned. "I guess seeing a gay doctor wouldn't hurt," he said.
Butch nodded in agreement with Jake's comment. "This is worse than when my wife ran off to England with that one-legged, one arm, no ears, bald circus midget," he said and looked depressed. His eyes welled up, and he took another sip of his Budweiser. "I sure miss being married."
"June left me. She got pissed because I wanted to be an Astronaut and save the world," Jake said then sipped his Budweiser while his eyes welled up. Then he looked curious while he set his beer bottle down on the bar. "I wonder why the Prez only wanted us to perform this mission?"
Butch knew but wouldn't spill his guts and remained tight-lipped.
Ronnie entered the Clap Trap and ran up to them in a panic. "Another accident just happened. This time a cell phone satellite smacked into the asteroid. That satellite then tumbled down to earth and destroyed a major cell phone tower. We leave first thing in the morning," Ronnie said out loud.
A young woman next to them got horrified while she looked at her dead cell phone. "I can't live without a cell phone!" she screamed out in a panic.
Jake, Butch, and Ronnie looked at the screaming woman.
Then all the other men and women looked at their dead cell phones. They all screamed and ran out of the bar in a panic.
"But we're not fully trained!" Jake replied with a worried look.
"Sorry, the President ordered we leave in the morning," Ronnie stated.
Jake and Butch looked nervous while they got up from their bar stools and rushed to the front door.