It was dawn, and the sun peeked over the horizon of the Atlantic Ocean.
On Launch Pad #1, the Magellan Ferry Ship was at the pad and ready for its historic venture into space to save the earth. Painted on both sides of the Magellan Ferry Ship, was a large black arrow aimed at the sky and the "This End Up For Launch" words. This was installed on these ships five years ago after a snafu installed the DiVinci Ferry Ship with the Rear Engines pointed upward. The answer from the accident investigation concluded that these arrows painted on the side of all the Ferry Ships would prevent future snafus.
Inside the lower deck of the Magellan, a technician, Willy Joe, a thirty-eight-year-old overweight redneck, opened up a storage cabinet. He bent down, and six inches of butt crack was visible while he grabbed a box of "Depends – Space Brand" and shoved it inside the cabinet.
He reached over and grabbed a "Duct Tape" box and shoved it inside the cabinet.
He reached over and grabbed a "Nudie Magazines" box and shoved it inside the cabinet.
He closed that cabinet door and opened up another cabinet with a screen door. He reached over and grabbed a "Space Alarm Clock" box with air holes on the top. Some kind of critter moved inside the box while he shoved it in the cabinet, and he closed the cabinet's screened door.
Willy Joe walked away from the cabinets with only two inches of butt crack visible.
A little while later, a 1970 VW Bus, which was recently purchased by the NERP from a junkyard in the Space Beach community, drove down Launch Pad road.
NERP technicians refurbished the interior, and on the exterior, they painted it silver with the words "Astro Bus" on both sides in black lettering. This VW was bought two years ago because of budget cuts when the old Astrovan was too expensive to maintain. NERP sold the Astrovan and used that money to refurbish the VW Bus.
The NERP was able to pocket $100,000 after refurbishing the VW and used the saving to purchase new expensive office furniture for Richard, and a few other suck-ups. Richard even got a two-week trip to Hawaii disguised as a NERP business trip.
The VW Astro Bus continued to drive down Launch Pad Road and headed to the Launch Pad.
An old man, around seventy-five years old, hung out with numerous other people, while they anxiously looked down road for the Astro Bus. They saw it coming and starting cheering.
The old man held up a "Please Get Rid Of My Assteroids!" sign while the Bus approached.
The Astro Bus ran through a puddle of water while it whizzed by the adoring crowd. The water from the puddle splashed on the old man with the sign and knocked him on his butt.
A little while later on the Launch Tower, the elevator door opened on the 195 Foot Platform.
The elevator door opened and Buzz, Neil, Jake, Butch, Ronnie, all dressed in their orange spacesuits, stepped out onto the platform and looked at their Ferry Ship ready to be launched.
The other elevator door opened and R1D1 moved out onto the platform.
They all walked over to the gangplank, which led to the hatch of the Magellan Ferry Ship.
Jennifer walked around a corner of the platform.
Butch saw her, and they ran to each other like a scene in a romantic movie. She jumped upon him and wrapped her legs around his waist. Butch staggered while they embraced in a passionate kiss, and he almost fell over.
Jake watched the two lovers then he removed his cell phone from a pocket of his spacesuit. He walked over to another side of the platform to be alone while he punched in a phone number.
The Ferry Control Center (was once the old Uranus Control Center) that was located five miles from the Launch Pad was the Ferry Room #1. It was one of the control rooms used for launching the Ferry rocket ships and monitoring its mission up in space.
Inside Ferry Room #1 was where all the system engineers worked at the numerous consoles to launch and monitor the Ferry Ships.
At the far end of the Ferry Room hung a digital display in view of all the consoles. "The Finger – 322 Miles Away" scrolled across the screen to remind all the engineers of the pending danger.
It was launch time, so the engineers sat at their assigned consoles. Some took naps, some read magazines, some threw a Frisbee to neighboring system engineers, some watched movies on their iPads, some males and females kissed, and a small handful of engineers actually worked.
At his console at the front of the room, Richard watched a monitor showing the activity upon the platforms on the launch pad.
He used his remote while he flipped to another channel on the monitor. His eyes squinted the second he saw Butch and Jennifer kissing on the monitor.
He recalled his moments kissing Jennifer, and he kissed the air. It dawned on him that he wasn't kissing Jennifer and another man was with his woman. Hatred filled his body while he watched Butch and Jennifer kissing on the monitor. Steam came out of his ears when he saw Butch drop to one knee and hand Jennifer an engagement diamond ring. Then Richard's teeth ground when he saw her nod in agreement and accepted Butch sliding the ring on her finger. He watched while Jennifer stood up and snapped a picture of Butch and herself.
Richard vowed to himself that these three buffoons would never finish this mission.
Back up on the Launch Pad platform, Jake had hopeful eyes while he had his cell phone to his ear.
"June, please speak to me!" he cried out while he paced around the backside of the platform for some privacy.
In the Nursing Home For Very, Very Old People, June sat on the guest bed of Daisy's room with her cell phone to her ear. She debated whether she should talk to Jake. "Why must you save the world?" she finally caved in and spoke with him. "There are tons of more capable men who can perform this mission," she added.
Back up at the 195 Foot Platform of the Launch Pad, Jake looked happy that she at least responded. "Honey, this is a mission of a lifetime! And I'm finally an Astronaut again!" he answered.
"I need a husband! When you're ready to fill those shoes, give me a call! But I may or may not be around," June snapped back and disconnected her end of the call.
Back on the launch pad, Jake clutched his heart and staggered around a little. He removed a picture of June from his spacesuit pocket and looked at it. He looked over at the gangplank that led to the Ferry Ship. He looked at June's picture and debated whether he should go on this mission.
"Come on, Jake, it's time," Buzz hollered from the entrance of the gangplank.
Jake looked and saw, Neil, Buzz, Ronnie, Butch, and R1D1 while they waited at the entrance of the gangplank.
Jake decided he needed to save the earth and headed to the gangplank.
Neil, Buzz, Butch, Ronnie, and Jake all walked down the gangplank to the hatch of the Magellan Ferry Ship.
Buzz went first and crawled through the hatch into the Magellan.
Neil went second and crawled through the hatch into the Magellan.
Jake went third and crawled through the hatch into the Magellan.
Butch motioned for Ronnie to go ahead of him. Ronnie crawled through the hatch into Magellan.
Butch looked back down the gangplank and saw Jennifer while she waited for the elevator on the 195 Foot Platform on the Launch Pad. He waved and blew her a kiss.
She waved back and blew him a return kiss then she went inside the elevator.
She went down the ground surface of the launch pad.
Butch bent down to crawl through the hatch, but he suddenly buckled over in extreme pain. It passed quickly, and he shrugged it off while crawled through the hatch into the Magellan.
Thirty minutes later, another technician, Herbert a forty-year-old good ole boy with a huge pot belly closed the access hatch of the Magellan shut. He removed a remote from his jeans pocket and pointed it at the hatch. He pressed a button and the hatch locked with a beep-beep and a clunk-clunk.
Herbert walked down the gangplank and down the platform. He got in the elevator and went down to the ground level.
The gangplank automatically swung away from the Magellan.
Inside the Magellan, Buzz, Neil, Jake, Butch, Ronnie, were all strapped in their seats. R1D1 was strapped to a sidewall.
Neil sat in the "Boss" seat since he was the Commander for this flight and Buzz sat in the "Lil Boss" chair since he was the Pilot for this mission.
Neil, Buzz, Jake, Butch, and Ronnie all turned the knob on the Earth Communications button on their spacesuits to the "Talk With Earth" position.
They all placed their helmets on their heads.
"Talk check, Richard," Neil said into the microphone inside his helmet.
"I can hear you, Neil. Now let's have the others perform this check," Richard replied the radio net.
Then Buzz, Jake, Butch, and Ronnie all performed their Talk checks with the Ferry Room #1 and were successful.
"Okay Buzz, perform your preflight check," Richard said from the radio net.
Buzz opened a drawer in the console in front of him and removed the Complete Dumbass Guide To Getting A Ferry Up book. He opened up the book and scanned through some pages. He then flipped a couple of switches and turned the "Ready For Launch" knob on the console. "Preflight check complete," Buzz replied back to Richard through the radio net.
In the Ferry Room #1 of the Ferry Control Center, the digital display scrolled "The Finger - 317 Miles Away."
Jennifer sat at her console with love in her eyes while she watched the monitor that showed Butch strapped in his seat inside Magellan.
Inside the Magellan, everybody waited for the countdown to do its thing.
Butch saw a panel above him. He got curious and fiddled with it and noticed it was loose.
"Blast-off minus ten minutes and counting," a female voice came across the radio net.
Butch quickly spun the wing nuts on the panel. But he spun it in the wrong direction, and the panel dropped and bounced off his helmet and landed on the floor.
Then wires dropped out of the compartment thaw were behind that panel.
Jake rolled his eyes when he saw the wires above Butch.
"It's righty tighty, lefty loosey!" Ronnie informed Butch.
Butch saw a red wire and a blue wire that appeared to be disconnected from somewhere. Butch reached upward and grabbed the blue and red wire. He twisted exposed copper ends of the blue and red wire together, and sparks flew everywhere during the process.
There was the loud rumble sound below them.
"This doesn't sound good," Buzz said while he looked the console over for an explanation of the loud rumble.
The Magellan shook violently.
In the Ferry Room #1, Richard sat his console and read his "Ways To Stop Them" paper and looked at the ideas he came up with during the last hour. He grabbed his coffee cup and stood up and stretched.
He walked over to the coffee pot table and poured a cup of coffee and stared out the large windows of Ferry Room #1. He stared at the Launch Pad five miles away. Then his eyes widened in shock while he drank from his cup and saw the Magellan launch into the sky with a fiery trail. He moved his lips away from his cup while he stared in disbelief and poured hot coffee down his shirt. "No! Not again!" he yelled out when he realized the Magellan launched prematurely. Richard's eyes widened in shock when the hot coffee soaked through his tee-shirt. "Ahhhh!' he screamed out while he danced around in pain the second the coffee hit his bare skin.
From her console, Jennifer jumped up and stared out the large windows. She looked worried when she saw the Magellan launch prematurely.
All the system engineers scrambled and looked at their consoles for data that might indicate why the Magellan launched nine minutes early.
Meanwhile, up in space above earth, The Finger asteroid continued to orbit the planet. It grew a little larger while more space junk attached to the menace.
Then a weather satellite slammed into the bottom of the asteroid and bounced off.
The satellite tumbled down toward earth.
Inside the Magellan, it violently everybody like bowls of Jell-O while it ascended into space.
Then it got quiet and smooth after the Big Fuel Tank, and the two Big Flamers dropped off and tumbled down to earth.
Meanwhile, in a ten-acre cornfield in the middle of Kansas, Homer was a sixty-three-year-old farmer. He drove his tractor with a bush hog and mowed the outfield of a baseball field he made out in the middle of his cornfield. Why? Because he heard voices telling him to make the field.
Something caught his eye, and he looked up at the sky. His eyes widened in shock when he saw a fireball that raced at his field.
He stopped his tractor and looked at the ball field, then he looked back up at the fireball. He got scared and jumped off his tractor. He ran toward a dirt road that led through his cornfield to his baseball diamond.
While Homer ran down the dirt road, eighteen ghostly baseball players that wore 1918 style uniforms, walked out of the cornfield.
They walked onto the baseball diamond, ready to play some ball.
They saw Homer while he skedaddled down the dirt road. They looked up at the sky and saw the fireball that raced toward the field.
One of the players got into position to catch the fireball like it was a fly ball. Their eyes widened in fear when it dawned on them that this fireball was a pending danger.
They all skedaddled after Homer and slowly dissolved into thin air.
The fireball slammed into the cornfield, and it exploded!
In the nearby town of Pleasantville, all the town folk stared at the sky in disbelief.
"Did you see that fireball?" a woman in a plaid dress said while she pointed up at the sky.
Everybody around her nodded in agreement.
It suddenly rained popcorn all over Pleasantville.
They looked at the sky that rained popcorn, and they got scared.
The town was chaotic while everybody ran around in fear.