“It’s gonna be a 50/50 partnership,” proclaimed Herman as he settled his bulk into a leather office chair. “I’m the one who knows everything so that means you’re gonna have to be the one who does everything.”
Melvin stared wide eyed at the great man sitting behind his massive wooden desk. “But wouldn’t it make more sense for the person who knows everything to be doing everything?” Melvin hung his head even as this outrageous thought flowed through his lips. “I mean, that way we know the job will be done properly. We know that the red tape will come out red, not green…or black.”
Herman’s belly jiggled like a bowl full of jelly as he laughed and laughed. Finally Herman composed himself enough to explain a few things to his humble minion. “Melvin. Melvin. Melvin. Here’s how it’s gonna work around here. The one who knows how things are supposed to work, doesn’t do any work. The one who knows everything, does nothing. The one who knows nothing, does everything for nothing. That’s the only way ta get rich in the red tape business.” With that Herman stuck a fat cigar between his lips and extended a lighter toward it.
Melvin scrunched up his childlike face as he thought this over. Finally, he stood and set his hands on his skinny hips. “Let me tell you something. If you really think I’m going to do everything for nothing, that sure means you don’t know everything.” Herman eyed the slender minion before him, took another puff on his cigar and then blew a smoke ring. A crafty smile crossed his face as he watched the smoke ring dissolve into the ether. His voice became tender, as a father speaking to a wayward son. “Melvin listen, if you do nothing, no red tape is gonna get made and without a steady supply of red tape to keep holding this country up, this here country is gonna fall from the ceiling.”
Melvin stuck out his chin with defiance. “Heck, if the country falls, I’ll just move to the city.” With that, Melvin snapped his suspenders and marched out of that plush office forever. Red tape stopped being made and the world fell into madness.
Desperate for anything to hold things up, people began to use duct tape, scotch tape, even VHS tape…yet, these tapes just didn’t stick like the world famous red tape and lo, it came to pass that there much weeping and bitterness in the land.