Herman shook his bald head. As he did so he was so thankful that he was able to use his head, if only to shake it. Sadly, many people in the world refused to use their heads for anything other than thinking. However, that is a subject to be explored at another time. Herman, was about to speak and so we would do well to listen.

“Melvin, I’m sure thankful we aren’t like everybody else in this stupid town.” He mumbled humbly as he settled his large body onto the pavement. Melvin, his sidekick, sat cross-legged, scrunching up his innocent face as he pondered this weighty thought. “That’s funny Herman, everybody else in town says they’re sure glad they aren’t like us.”

Herman chuckled as he patted his minion on his empty head. “Melvin…Melvin…Let them say what they will, we know that we’re right.”

Melvin scratched his head. “I thought we were left.”

Herman sighed. “How many times do I have to say this? If we’re left of center, we’re right.”

“Why are you two idiots sitting in the middle of the road?” Gertrude, an old woman wearing a tattered green dress, had bellowed this absurd thought as she stood on side of the road.

Herman knew then that it was time to take a stand and proclaim truth and so he did. “Woman, don’t worry about us, this is Reason road, no one drives here anymore.”

Gertrude placed her hands on her hips. “That may be but take my advice, you’d be safer sitting on the fence like you usually do!”

Herman sighed again, simply because it seemed like the right thing to do in the face of such foolishness. “Melvin, I’ve asked you if we were right, didn’t I?” Melvin nodded as Herman continued. “And you’ve asked me if you were right and we both agreed that we were right, right?” Melvin continued to bob his head like a bobble head as these powerful truths were spoken. Encouraged, Herman powered to the conclusion of his mini sermon. “If we both agree that we’re right to be left, we’re right! We don’t need to talk to anybody else, since everybody else is right, they’re obviously wrong!”

“But you’re still just two idiots sitting in the middle of the road,” grumbled Gertrude as she watched this circus. Gertrude’s meditations about the middle of the road, the echo chamber effect and whatnot were obviously madness and so she was wisely ignored by our two happy heroes.

“Since we’re right, the rest of the world is wrong, and since the rest of the world is wrong, everything that is wrong in the world is their own fault, not ours. We just need to sit here and bask in the knowledge that we are right about them being wrong.” With that, Melvin rose up like one of the valiant warriors of old. Heroic music played in his imagination as he stepped up on a small milk crate and shook his tiny fist at the world.

Strangely, even though it was Melvin himself who shook his fist at the world, all that he managed to accomplish was proving that there were over seven billion people in the world who didn’t care at all that Melvin was shaking his fist at them.

It was very odd.

Herman and Melvin were still wrestling with the strange indifference of the world as they caught sight of a semi truck and trailer rumbling toward them. That is when they began to consider and debate the wisdom of sitting in the middle of the road. Unfortunately, before the committee of two could complete its deliberations, the semi arrived. As it turned out, the semi was to have a major impact on their lives…