Dear Willie,
My English she no very good so you understand maybe no. I look for girl, top quality big bosoms I meeting on holydays. She love me very much and I also. I come your country find her for wedding and give her babies but only knowing name, no addressing or telephoning numbers. Her name Suzanne she blonde. I love her very very mucho, Willie, please helping me.
Rodrigo, c/o Palace Hotel, Hamiliton
Dear Roddy,
Nae bother, sonny boy. The lassie you’re looking for is Suzanne Roberts, 48 Bellevue Park Court, Paisley and her phone number is 0141 177 90979, but she doesn’t want to see you because of the incident with the Bacardi Breezer and the cowbell, so you might want to cancel the wedding plans.
Willie