Sex tourists usually call Costa Rica a new Disneyworld. It is an eroticized place for seniors to play games not easily attainable in the United States. This is not new since from the 19th Century Europeans have erotized women of different cultures and races, whereby their sexuality was defined as highly attractive and fascinating, yet relegated to the natural primitiveness and lower order of the other cultural group. According to Roy Porter, exotic lands and peoples provided Europeans with ―paradigms of the erotic‖. Away from the repressive sexual mores of Western Europe, different cultures and particularly the women in them became sites where sex ―was neither penalized, not pathologized nor exclusively procreative.‖264
It looks like fun from a distance but once you look closer, the place is more like a war zone.
Both Jeff and María pretend to be something they are not. Since she is not an innocent child who looks for someone to teach her what her place should be and Jeff is not the charming prince who is to rescue her from poverty and underdevelopment, their relationship is distorted and untrue from the beginning.
Costa Rica is no Disneyworld. Jeff would see María a few times after their first encounter at Del Buey and send her –after his return trip- a nice postcard from the States. In his next trip, he will not call her anymore. There are too many hot women at the hotel to waste time on one. María, on the other hand, would start having sex as soon as Jeff is on the plane. It Costa Rica is Disneyworld; Snow White is having sex with all the dwarves.
Astroglide warns other mongers not to be fooled by how the place seems to them.
I am not the first guy to compare CR to Disneyworld. I just caution that everything you see there is NOT always as it seems. When you start believing that it is real....I worry that you can then slip into an emotional weakness that can be damaging later. Guard your heart. Most of the time the chicas you meet at the Del Buey are really good manipulators and you can get burned.265
The American sex tourist is aware that the sex scene is a simulation. Simulation is different from lying; it is more a theatrical act than a denial of a known fact. When you simulate feelings and desires, you might not be actually lying, as there is room for self-delusion. Simulation sometimes becomes so ―real‖
than it is no longer possible to know whether is true or not. As opposed to lying, no single fact unveils a well-performed act of simulation.
Because simulation is never black or white, both sex workers and mongers become obsessed with finding whatever truth remains in the performance.
264 Roy Porter, “The Exotic as Erotic: Captain Cook in Tahiti,” in Roussseaand Porter, Exotism in the Enlightenment, edited by G. S.Rousseau and Roy Porter, Manchester University Press, 1990, p. 118.
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Sex workers are never sure whether these men really mean what they say. Do mongers want a long-term relationship when they act as ― caballeros‖ and loving and nurturing men? If they do not want commitments, why talk about them?
Lucy says that many men have promised her marriage and a life in the United States. Some might mean it at the time, but once they return home, ―Mongers forget everything they promised.‖ Margarita was never sent the ticket that Charles promised. Lupe says she is still hoping that Peter will marry her but ―
he keeps postponing.‖ Gretel was left waiting at the airport as her American lover changed his mind at the last minute and took an earlier flight. Miriam agreed to have her pictures taken as the man wanted to show them to his family. She eventually found them in Internet with an inscription that said:
―Miriam gives the best blow-jobs in town.‖
If all mongers were like those mentioned above, then sex workers would have total certainty of their ill intentions. Nevertheless, like in any gamble, some women get ―lucky‖ and find love and marriage.
There are only a few but this is enough to give hope to others. ―Carmen was able to marry and move to Florida- says Conchita- and I hope I will be able too.‖ When we tell her that Carmen was the exception to the rule, Conchita does not want to hear it: ―I like to play the lottery and I know one day I will hit the jackpot.‖
The American tourist is also obsessed with figuring it out what goes on in the sex workers‘ minds.
Despite a hunch that the women are acting, there is some self-delusion that they might not be.
In one of the forums, the discussion revolves around whether or not the women are faking their orgasms. Some, like Papa Nut, believes sex workers fake them to please them: ―Because they think we care.‖266 Goetzvonberlishingen thinks he is an expert in spotting women who fake their orgasms and gives recommendations on how to discover them. Nevertheless, he later concedes that it is rather irrelevant whether they are true or not.
How do you know they are faking? Of course a poor performance is obvious, but when I have them bucking
and screaming and generally going wild and I check the source of all glory and it is soaking wet with their
boiled okra slime like leche which by the way has a very distinct taste, I can be pretty sure that the chica came
for real. Also the sweat and heartbeat have a different feel and smell than just "exercise" would produce. If the
ones I know are faking it then they have developed a superhuman control of the autonomic nervous system. But
if you believe it, who cares? It’s like the whole experience, if you get what you want and your fantasy is intact,
does it really matter if it is real or fake, as long as it is real to you? I just want more time and subjects for
research. Maybe we could run ph tests and specific gravity tests, etc on the juices and develop a template for
determining fake versus real orgasms, maybe even develop a field test strip like the narcs have for opiates, but
come to think of it the only place that would have a market would be in gringa land and then, once again, who
cares? Pura vida, 267
Joe1015 laughs at this expert on orgasms: ―that is ph*cking hilarious ! can you picture us halfway into a session, then stopping abruptly to taste her vaginal secretions and then inserting a 'ph strip' into her vagina to confirm a true orgasm?‖ 268Goetz does not fool himself: ―The answer is simple, they fake it in hopes of getting you to come faster.‖269 Sooky thinks is a matter of money: ―But since it is free for 266 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=2539
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them, these are probably mockeries: ―If they were paying for it and not visa versa MAYBE we'd care.
NAHHH‖270
In another thread, the discussion is about the reality of the tears shed at airports by prostitutes when the American ― novio” leaves. ―Are the tears real?‖- Pocoloco asks. ―Why fake them?‖
Now here is the question... Do the tears stop the minute you get out of the taxi or turismo and do they head right
back to their place of work and get right back on the white horse... or are the tears for real and they are truly
herfelt and not able to function for several days before they head back to work... 271
Texcdn argues that the tears could be real but it is impossible to tell.
I think people (men and women) can turn on the waterworks for different reasons:
1) "At that moment" they actually feel sad. They could be sad, because they genuinely had a good time with
you. I think that many of the women fall into this camp. Sure they are motivated by the money, but look at it
from a personal perspective. I work at my job for the money, period. I prefer employment opportunities where I
also enjoy what I do. I think the same could be said for them. If they have a good time with a guy, it makes the
day-to-day work more palatable.
2) "Academy award" - These people are more cunning. They sense that a guy wants them to cry, and they will
do whatever they need to in order to hit the heartstrings. These are the more dangerous ones! 272
Californication believes they are real but for different reasons: ―They are genuinely crying as they think to themselves, ‗Damn it now i have to go buy a new long distance phone card‘. These broads are cheap and don‘t like to spend a dime.‖ 273 ElObispo, with humor, agrees with him: ―The only reason they go to the airport with you is to check out the men on the incoming flights.‖274
Mighty1 advises mongers to enjoy the tears while they last.
Who really cares what they do once they leave? The important thing to realize here is that at least they are
there to see you off. If they cry and get emotional, so much the more it feeds the GFFE (Girlfriend Fantasy
Experience). Once they are gone - they may still feel emotional or not but to me - out of sight, out of mind. It is
the next guy's turn to get her.
Guys, enjoy the ride and realize that it ends at some point and yes somebody else gets their turn on this ride but
find comfort in the fact that at least you had a turn. 275
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273 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=3072 Despite this behavior, sex workers Con formato: Inglés
can also enjoy sex with some customers and can also grow fond of them. Therefore, it is also hard for (Estados Unidos)
mongers to know for sure who is simulating an orgasm and who is not. They expect the worst but hope for the best.
After much deliberation, American males admit that they will never know what is real in the sex workerś hearts and minds. Sex workers also would not be able to tell which customers can end up being their saviors and which ones will just use them for a while.
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The answers to these questions are not simple. Sex workers admit that they fake their orgasms most of the time and that sex work is simply work for them. They have a capacity to shut down the experience and detach very easily from it: ―I am thinking of the errands I have to do in the morning‖- says Karina about what goes on in her mind when she is having sex with a customer. ―I don‘t feel anything‖‘- she adds.
Don Giovanni is aware that sex tourism is what Baudrilliard calls ―simulacra‖, an event that seems so real that the person no longer cares whether it is true or not:
Some GFs have cried when I left, and kept in touch afterwards. I know many of you insist this is all an illusion based on greed, lies and deception. Almost assuredly, you are correct, but I really don’t care. I think of the old 1970s song that goes something like: “If it feels this good being used, you can use me up.” I still keep a positive checking and savings account, and put the maximum in my 401K, so the money I spend on Ticas is really insignificant in the overall scheme of things, and has been well worth it. 276
The problem with ―simulacra‖ is that to keep the fantasies alive, people will distort whatever contradicts them. According to Baudrilliard in postmodern America, there is no longer any ―reality‖
left to make a comparison between the real and the faked. It is no longer relevant to say the real world
―exists‖ and hence no system of representation or analysis can refer to it as such. This philosopher would argue that mongers should not worry whether sex workers simulate or not, as simulation is as real as it can get. 277
Nevertheless, mongers know that there is a ―real‖ life in Costa Rica that is unknown to them. Yet despite this awareness, it is not sought after since the men want no part in it.
American sex tourists show a tendency of not wanting to see any ―truth‖ when they deny the reality of breast implants. According to a self-taken poll, most of them do not like silicone and prefer ―home grown.‖278 DBCocker says that the women who had surgery would be very disappointed to see this survey, as American tourists do not like it: ―Imagine what all the chicas with blown up tits would say if they saw this survey.‖279 Buzz comments that the results would anger more the Colombianas, as most of them have opted for the operation: ―You would destroy some of the columbianas (sic) the way this is going!‖ 280
Nevertheless, most women who are professional sex workers have had the operation. This surgery delivers more money to sex workers as the interviewee themselves confirm that they earn more since their breast augmentation‘s operation. So, either the sex tourists cannot tell when a woman has silicone breasts (very unlikely as they themselves admit not liking the feeling of them) or they shun the reality and pretend, once again, not to know.
Another sign that there is a tendency to escape from a crude reality is the monger‘s inversion of women‘s personalities. These men seem to feel a need to see the world upside down: mongers describe American women as selfish and materialistic prostitutes whereas Latin sex workers are portrayed as 276 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=3969
277 Jean Baudrilliard, Simulacra and Simulation, Michigan: University of Michigan Press, 1994.
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sensitive, caring and loving human beings. It is somehow perplexing that the woman who does not charge is the one who is portrayed as a prostitute.
Tman, for example, believes that is the American woman the one who is a truly a sex worker.
According to him, ―the American or jewish princesses normally have only one mode...consumerism and financial security.‖ Their material greed, he continues, is responsible for their lack of eroticism:
―Sex and other matters come way down the list for these types.‖ It is American culture that is responsible since it ―causes so many layers of guilt, repression and anxiety that it is surprising ANY of us can get it up anymore.‖ Given the fact that sex is ―dead‖ in the States, ―Thank God for the discovery of the basic latin culture and the ladies that come from it...which helps us recover some of our innocence lost. My eyes are getting misty as I write this..‖.281
The perception that paid sex is really free and that free sex is really paid, leads to other denials. The first one is semantic, as mongers do not feel comfortable in calling sex workers ―whores.‖ The term is too ―derogatory.‖ Furthermore, most mongers hope that behind the desire for money, sex workers genuinely care for them.
In sum, I think what the labels denote are technically accurate, but what they connote is another story. .. In general, I would never refer to a chica as a whore, particularly to her face, because of the negative connotations, unless I felt particular actions qualified her for that label. For example, if she made our session all about the money by insisting on the money upfront, upselling her services and cutting out early after barely performing what she was paid for or if she acted like providing that service was the worst thing she would want to do. Needless to say, I do not run into many girls like that in CR, but they are out there.
More so at the DB, land of the $100 fixed rate. The funny thing is very often it is the chica that goes for the lower rate that provides the better service and does not act at all like a whore. My last comment is that, as far as using the term whore, I would be as likely or more to use it to refer to a non-prostitute gringa who plays men who she is not really interested in except for the material things he provides - money, jewelry, dinner, clothes etc.282
Costa Rican sex workers should never be called ―whores‖ when they are ―honest about their feelings toward you, never play games with your emotions, never asked you for money and are happy with what you gave them and still let you be a man.‖ Tman knows some will not agree with him. Nevertheless,
―For those of you who say that ‗whores will always be whores‘, well... it may well be true but there is always that exception to the rules. I know many guys who are still happily married to former prostitutes and many that are not. Just my 2 cents worth.‖283
Prolijo admits that these women are technically ―whores,‖ but he still thinks the term is not fair to them and that he would not use it.
In sum, I think what the labels denote are technically accurate, but what they connote is another story. .. In general, I would never refer to a chica as a whore, particularly to her face, because of the negative connotations, unless I felt particular actions qualified her for that label. For example, if she made our session all about the money by insisting on the money upfront, upselling her services and cutting out early 281 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=420
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after barely performing what she was paid for or if she acted like providing that service was the worst thing she would want to do. 284
Kamala Kempadoo in her study on Caribbean sex tourism finds the same pattern of denial. She believes that there is a cultural misunderstanding that misreads signs: Yet for tourists from cultures where in hegemonic discourse sexuality symbolizes love and desire, and is considered to be sullied by economic relations, especially for women, flirtations and solicitations from young women and men are easily read as signs of nonprostitution activities that approximate genuine interest and attraction.285
Similar to the Costa Rican mongers, Kempadoo finds that sex tourists in the Caribbean do not to see sex workers exclusively as that but as genuine companions. On a ―World Sex Guide‖ website eighty-three letters were written by sex tourists about the Caribbean who indicated that most or all of the sex workers were ―not real hookers.‖ While accepting that women participated in prostitution due to financial need and a lack of other economic opportunities, the letters stressed that the men believed that the women genuinely enjoyed all types of sex with them, and that the women were particularly good at what they did. 286
This leads mongers to deny that money plays an overwhelming role in the sex workers‘ actions. Sex tourists do not feel comfortable speaking or dealing with the money directly with the sex worker.
Mongers will usually pay indirectly like placing the money in the sex workers purse or leaving the money in a drawer or an envelope. This becomes confusing as the women are made to look for it and to guess where it is, something that promotes stealing. Prolijo is aware the reason behind this behavior is to hide there is a commercial exchange:
Most of us feel slightly uncomfortable discussing the money issues for one reason or another. Perhaps it is because it brings home the fact that the whole thing is really just a commercial exchange rather than the GFFE we would prefer to pretend. I don't know. But it is really much better to suck it up and make things clear before you leave the bar, particularly if hotel chica fees are involved, but if for no other reason than to avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness .287
Another subject the American tourists do not want to deal with is the sex worker‘s living situation.
Most of them are shocked when they venture into the women‘s neighborhoods and homes. They admit that in the United States they would never enter such slums.
Astroglide recognizes that most mongers do not visit the sex worker‘s family. Apparently, this will show them the poor conditions shared by its members. He tells mongers to do it at least once in their lifetime, not because they could do something to improve the woman‘s lot, but to ―simulate a real 284http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=82&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=sending+money&st art=15
285 Kamala Kempadoo, Sexing the Caribbean. Gender, Race and Sexual Labor, London: Routledge, 2004, ebook, p.
2039.
286 Kamala Kempadoo, Sexing the Caribbean. Gender, Race and Sexual Labor, London: Routledge, 2004, ebook, p.
2039.
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interest in her.‖ Astroglide recognizes that most mongers do not visit the sex worker‘s family.
Nevertheless, he recommends that ―If you can.... go home with them.‖ 288
―Why bother?‖- He asks.
He explains that in his last trip his girlfriend asked him to come to meet his mother. For him ― this was a real eye opening experience‖ since it allowed him to see ―The little shack where she lives. She has no bed, but sleeps on the floor.‖ Her mother turned to be friendly and when he asked whether he could sleep with her daughter she said ― No hay problema‖: He continues. ―I expressed surprise at that and she said every other guy she has ever brought home her mother disliked. Me, she liked. Now I know that was because I was a rich gringo in her eyes, but still, the opportunity is there. I really may do it on my next trip over there. The problem is....my babe can get loud something, so I hope she doesn't wake momma! Also, I have not slept on the floor since I was in boy scouts.‖ 289 When one visits sex workers‘ homes, concludes Astroglide, ―the sex gets much, much better. One should simulate an interest in the woman‘s life to spice up the fucking. ‖ 290
Mongers want to believe that prostitutes are honest women who care for them. Any financial demand, no matter how small, is perceived as a refutation of this belief. Astroglide, for example, is pretty sensitive about being ―scammed,‖ though he knows this will eventually happen. His coping strategy if he is asked for money is to leave the woman and move to the next one. Multiple rejections help him avoid deception: ―But the wonderful thing about this "search" for the gfe is that as soon as you get tired, bored, or sense that she is scamming you.... you just pick up and move on.‖ 291
Finally, Mexpat admits that too much contact is not his favorite hobby as he finds out something he wants not to see: he has nothing in common with the women he dates.
Sure, I could have gotten involved in a "relationship" with some chica if I had really wanted to.
There are plenty around looking for a meal ticket. But the problem with speaking pretty good Spanish and understanding Latin cultures to some extent is that you quickly realiz