Ronnie Shaw in her study of American clients and Costa Rican sex workers recognized that sexual encounters are not exclusively for the ―carnal act of sex:‖
Interviewees professed a need for emotional fulfillment. A high school teacher from Michigan stated: “I’ve been married twice, divorced twice. I was tired of the bullshit back home…My former girlfriend was more interested in her career, pets, and even her mother more than me. My respondents never mentioned “true love;” however, their quest for emotional security and power within sexual transactions highlights the fact that prostitution may not be solely about the carnal act of sex. 301
Martin Opperman agrees with this view and thinks the search for love is the reason why prostitution in the West is no alternative for the American mongers:
Men also look for “love” in a customer-prostitute relationship- thus their “disappointment” in the commercial approach to prostitution in Western societies… perhaps this is the reason for some men to engage in sex tourism with planned sexual behavior with prostitutes in developing countries where their money supposedly can buy not only sex but also more tenderness on the side of prostitutes.302
Mr. King Costa, a monger, jokingly proposed to build a chapel at Hotel Del Buey when he realized that many of his colleagues were involved in emotional relationships with sex workers.
As most of you know, my mind works in strange ways. I am totally shocked and blown away by how many mongers have GFs. Why not have a little wedding chapel in the Del Buey?
1. Great Image.... Does the bride wear white? Imagine the bridesmaid's outfits purchased at Putas o Us.
2. Does the guest list include the numerous mongers that have been previous clients?
3. Does the groom get to select how many of the bridemaids he can include in their first after marriage sex session?
4. Will the band be the gut bucket guy, banjo guy, whistle guy and the other local musical talent?
3. Will the bride and groom accept less than a cien for bridal gifts?303
WilySP asks, ―Whether in a wedding at this hotel do the groom or the bride as well as the guests seriously commit to a monogamous relationship?‖
301 Ronnie Shaw, Fantasy Voyages: An Exploration of White Males‘ Participation in the Costa Rican Sex Tourism Industry [90] The Berkeley McNair Research Journal, p.3
302 Martin Opperman, ―Introduction‖ in Opperman, Sex Tourism and Prostitution: Aspects of Leisure, Recreation and Work, edited by Martin Opperman, 1-19. New York: Cognizant Communication Corporation. 1998, 157
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Of course I could see throwing condoms instead of rice. The bride would have a bottle of lub instead of flowers.
The procession would have to weave through the gauntlet.
I can see the happy couple at the rail the bride with the back of the dress conveniently raised allowing the guys in the audience to go a round before the ceremony was complete and the final “I DO” is said.
Instead of a dollar dance there would be a 1,000 colonies blow job line up with the bride and all brides’
maids.304
Spanish Eyes, an online dating service, offers wives to American tourists. It promises to deliver feminine women.
Spanish Eyes Introductions specializes in the women who live in Costa Rica as they make the best wives and girlfriends. The women of Costa Rica are feminine not feminists. They are beautiful and sexy while retaining a degree of modesty and are respectful and supportive of their mates. We provide introductions to the most beautiful and sincere Ticas, as they like to refer to themselves. We are here to help you from the introduction to marriage and immigration. 305
Most online marriage agencies even display pictures of some of the weddings between North American men with Costa Rican ex-sex workers. The www.costaricachica.com website has an exclusive section for those who are looking for a girlfriend or a wife.306
Do people who are married and in love have a lesser chance of contracting the HIV virus?
Lupita‘s behavior is not encouraging. She tells us that she has to have sex on Saturday because ―I am getting married on Sunday.‖ We asked her whether she would use a condom with her date and she responded: ―I see no point in using condoms since it is my farewell party from prostitution.‖ Carmen is already married to an American doctor in the United States. She still practices sex work since ―I need to save some money for any emergencies in the States.‖ She doesn‘t use condoms either with her husband or with her regular clients. ―What is the point?‖ she asks and continues, ―Men like to have bareback sex with a bride to be‖.
Many American sex tourists become obsessed with knowing whether the sex worker is faithful to them.
They even go so far as to ask other mongers if the women work at the hotels. Monger‘s desire for this kind of information has driven one monger to setting up a business to spy on sex workers: ―Over the last several months, a number of mongers have become emotionally attached to those fine ladies in the BM. In fact, several of these guys want other mongers to "spy" on them and report back if these chicas are working at the BM.‖ To satisfy this need for information King Costa has a solution to set up ―a formal investigative group of mongers and named the business DEL BUEY MONGER SPY FOR
HIRE. ―Our mission and business plan is to provide all the spying you guys want and need for a fee.‖
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304 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=3909
305 http://www.spanisheyes.com
306 Ronnie Shaw, Fantasy Voyages: An Exploration of White Males‘ Participation in the Costa Rican Sex Tourism Industry [90] The Berkeley McNair Research Journal, 2004.
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VegasBob agrees that there are many tourists who fall for the girls and the situation is rather desperate.
Despite their asking around, mongers want to believe that ―their relationship is different‖ and they
―usually reject my help because it isn't what they want to hear.‖ Despite the tendency to downplay the seriousness of this emotional involvement, the truth is that this ―is far from humorous.‖ 308
Tourism scholar Erik Cohen, points to the same phenomenon in Thailand in an article entitled
―Transnational Marriage in Thailand: The Dynamics of Extreme Heterogamy.” 309 Based on an exploratory study, the author examines the dynamics of transnational marriages between Western men (farang) and local Thai women. The author explains that the decision by foreign men to marry Thai women can be placed on a continuum that ranges from spontaneity to deliberation. In some cases the foreigner gets so infatuated with a Thai woman (often a prostitute) that he proposes marriage after only a week without checking the background of his future wife. The author notes that the majority of tourists who marry Thai women take them back to their countries of origin, which is also one of the principal motives that induce Thai women to marry foreigners. 310
The risks taken when a relationship is taken to the category of friends or of love are high, as the following data indicates. We included in the 2000 Survey those relationships with men where money is not paid for sex. These men can be boyfriends, lovers, pimps, friends and husbands or anyone who has known the woman for sometime. 48% did not use condoms with their intimate partners. Among the respondents who currently have a partner, 86% do not use a condom, and among those who use it only 8% do it always. (Table 17)
Sex workers reported that they had control over the decision of whether or not to use the condom in these relationships. This means that they were willing to take risks with their partners. These partnerships based on trust and not on money turn to be the most dangerous for both actors with regard to HIV infection.
Sex workers reported that the main reason for not using condoms was when they were in intimate relationships (60%). (Table 18)
Marriage, therefore, could lead to unsafe sex and it does not preclude infecting others.
Hopefully this story will dissuade some of you from falling in love. There is a girl here that I have seen several
times. She informed me that she met a Gringo recently, and "after knowing him for 7 days" she married him
here in CR. In the same breath she tells me that he is back in Gringoland and when will I see her. She came to
my house a couple of nights ago and it was sexo as usual.I asked her how long she had been married.She said
"9 DAYS". Obviously no names and dates will be given here to protect the parties involved. Here in CR it is
always better to rent than to buy.311
308 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=3669
309 Thomas B. Bawer and Bob McKercher, Sex and Tourism Journeys of Romance, Love, and Lust Editors The Haworth Hospitality Press®An Imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc. New York • London • Oxford, 2003, p.57.
310 Thomas B. Bawer and Bob McKercher, Sex and Tourism Journeys of Romance, Love, and Lust Editors The Haworth Hospitality Press®An Imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc. New York • London • Oxford, 2003, p.57.
311 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?
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