The Crab Man Chapter 20
We had eluded the Crab Shack in just enough time before the police got there. I realized that a lot of this was my fault and I was lucky King Crab had rescued me from Eddie’s attack at the field hockey game. As we sped off in the van I could still see the woo woo lights racing towards where we had left.
They would find nothing. King Crab was known for being careful and his goon squad was very resourceful. Eddie and the Scribble kid remained seated in the back cuffed and blindfolded. I liked that they were both cuffed because I already had a pretty good plan of how I was going to dispose of them.
The ride was quiet as I tried to quickly think how to handle the situation. Both Eddie and the Scribble Kid had seen my face and knew that I was a killer.
And now I was just supposed to release them back onto the streets?
The Scribble kid couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey Dirty Bird where you taking me and my uncle?”
I kept both my arms at the ten and two o’ clock position on the steering wheel. “Don’t you worry about it.”
Eddie shuffled around in his cuffs but it was futile. “Hey Bob it ain’t over homie. You whack us off what you think King Crab has in store for you then?”
Jeez. Eddie was making a pretty good point. I was a good secret keeper but I guess if someone ruffled my feathers good enough I’d squeal on my master King Crab? I shrugged it off.
“King Crab takes good care of me. He’s the only employer out there willing to overlook my colorful background.”
King Crab cut me off. “And it’s gonna be awhile before you see a raise cuz of all this nut ass shit. We gonna get you another Chiropractor before you go back to this comic book super hero shit. Leave the chiropractor alone Dirty Bird.”
I pleaded my case. “I have. I’ve been purposely skipping my doctor recommended weekly adjustments for months.”
King Crab droned on. “Newsflash Dirty Bird! What kind of inner circle you think she working with?
POH-lice go for adjustments all the time. Hiding from her only make things worse cuz if you deviate from your routine she gonna get suspicious. She prolly talking about you to the POH-lice right now as we speak! Can’t have the POH-lice getting in my beeez-ness you heard?”
King Crab punched me in the shoulder to get my attention. “You heard me Dirty Bird what I say?”
I was confused. “So you want me to go back to her?”
“Yeah! But don’t use your Bob name this time. Use your real name sucka.”
Eddie cut into our conversation. “Don’t listen to him he’s setting you up. He’s gonna kill you Dirty Bird!”
We were now driving over a bridge crossing the Deleware river. I was losing my cool and seriously contemplating whether I should remain working for King Crab. Quite honestly I was sick of the abuse and felt sure enough I could become an independent villain all on my own. I knew this van had cruise control and my exit plan was approaching me right before my eyes. I looked in my driver’s side mirror and welcomed my golden opportunity.
As we crossed the bridge I maintained my speed and put the cruise control on as I watched intently the old lady in the red convertible ease up in the left lane. I knew that if I timed it just right I could spring from this window and land in her passenger seat.
That would be the hard part but it would get easy once I landed inside her car. I was sure this nice little old lady had very little fight in her and it would be quite easy to over power her.
The red convertible eased up nice and slowly as I rolled down my window and unbuckled my seatbelt. If I wanted this to work I would have to steer the van within inches of the convertible and grasp firmly to her passenger seat to pull the rest of my body out of the van.
King Crab noticed something wasn’t right when he saw me taking off the seatbelt. “Dirty Bird what the fuck are you doing?”
I felt my very special super powers kicking in. I felt a second wind entering my body. As I looked at all the passengers in my van my eyes rolled back inside my head just like the exorcist. Even my voice dropped more baritones than one possibly could imagine. I knew I had to do this quickly before the woman passed or before we reached the other side of the bridge.
“I-I-I-I…..a-m-m-m..Dirty-y-y Bir-r-r-d!”
My deep exorcist voice scared them all into submission even the goon squad was speechless. I felt my super powers kicking in as I quickly shoved half of my body out the window and grasped my wings firmly around the old lady’s passenger seat and held tightly until it yanked the rest of my body out then I was in her passenger seat. The old lady was petrified and slowed down the red convertible until it came to a stop and then she screamed. I didn’t even have to push her out of the car. She was so mortified she exited the car on her own and ran away screaming and pulling at her hair. I now had myself a new ride. A quiet peaceful ride just as I had yearned for.
Meanwhile King Crab didn’t realize that the cruise control was still on and now everyone in the van was in an emergency dire situation. The van careened into the left lane again and King Crab tried to jerk the wheel but jerked it entirely too hard. I laughed and watched from a distance as the van stuck in cruise control fish tailed and was losing control quickly.
Goodbye Mr. Crab Man. Good bye King Crab. Find yourself a better uncle sorry for your luck Scribble kid. I silently thought to myself while enjoying my new ride.
As the van fishtailed there was now literally nothing they could do to prevent it from going over the bridge.
Simon was the first to scream as it made it way towards the waters. “Uncle Eddie do something!”
But it was too late. The unmarked white van flew over the bridge and into the water. Everyone took a deep breath.
Meanwhile……Spyder Woman and Tigra had been GPS tracking Simon’s phone and knew exactly where this was all going down. It had taken Tigra and the chiropractor quite a while to go through old medical records to pull up Simon’s number but they were in luck.
Spyder Woman was just a half mile behind the scene and had witnessed the van going over the bridge.
She was in her black Spyder Cycle and communicating with Tigra via a cellphone from inside her helmet.
“Tigra! Tigra! This is Spyder Woman have you picked up our location the van just went over the bridge.”
Tigra had to use her super Sonic hearing just to be able to hear Spyder Woman over the noise of the jet ski. “Yes I’m heading over towards them now at full speed. I hope they can hold their breath!”
Spyder Woman pulled her Spyder Cycle along the bridge where the van had lost control. She could see Tigra on the jet ski from a distance racing towards the accident scene.
“Tigra it’s going to be a close one. I’m gonna have to dive in and save Simon.”
The jet ski roared as it skidded across the river towards the accident scene. Tigra was pulling down on the throttle as hard as she could. “Get Simon I’ll rescue the Crab Man first. Let’s rescue Dirty Bird last.”
Spyder Woman had to break the bad news to Tigra. “Dirty Bird isn’t in those waters. Somehow Bob got away. I’m diving in.”
The spectators cheered as they watched a perfect dive from Spyder Woman into the Deleware river. She knew she was making the right decision by rescuing the kid first. It would be up to Tigra to make their mission a success by rescuing the Crab Man.
Eddie was doing all he could to keep Simon from drowning. When the van had dived into the waters Eddie was smart enough to hold firmly onto Simon’s hands so he wouldn’t lose him. Unfortunately because they were both handcuffed and blind folded it was extremely hard to swim using only his strong Crab legs.
The Crab Man recognized those angel eyes immediately as he let Simon go and into the hands of the chiropractor. She held the boy above the water as Tigra finally made her appearance in the jet ski.
The crowd of people hovering over the bridge above cheered as the rescue took place. Tigra idled the jet ski so Spyder Woman and Simon had something to hold onto while she rescued the Crab Man. Some of the goon squad had drowned but King Crab and two of his goons tread water while a police rescue boat carefully made it’s way towards them.
King Crab was more uncomfortable than any human being could possibly imagine. Even though I had escaped. Even though I was already miles away. King Crab had some parting words for me as he tried his best to keep from drowning. He shouted above the waters.
“Dirty Bird you listening? Me and the Crab Man gonna come after you! You’re a dead man you nut ass dude!!!!”
THE END