work very hard in order to achieve a minimal or even negative
result. Anyway, it has just occurred to me that if too many
difficulties appear while doing something, it should not be
continued or it will lead to disaster. There are external, invisible,
omnipotent forces which define our destiny, in total disregard of
our personal will and actions. Every moment in life is
preordained from “above”. Even our intelligence, abilities and
talents are preordained by these forces; DNA is a matter of luck.
There is no flying from fate. Nobody can escape their destiny by
acting on the physical plain. No matter what you do to escape
from destiny, fate will eventually lead you where it wants by
producing all the necessary coincidences and circumstances. In
spite of our effort to make this world a better place, nothing ever
really changes.
But, maybe, there is a way out: Conscious dream control and
intervention in the astral plane may affect the flow or reality. A
dreamer witch should not be a prey to the forces of fate...
Tuesday, 14th April 1992
Before going to Janus, I paid a visit to Aphrodite -I've liked
doing so lately. This afternoon she was not alone, though: there
was also a young man there. Aphrodite introduced him to me as
Zisis, her new boyfriend, whom she already lives with. He seems
to be a polite, nice guy; the three of us discussed various subjects
and he proved to be an interesting person; he has sympathy with
metaphysics too: he used to carry out astral projections but for
some strange reason he can't anymore; yet, he can still see
people's auras, he said.
“Can you see anything on me?” I asked him.
“You give me the impression of someone who has been
searching and searching... what have you really been searching
for, Yvonne?”
I shrugged my shoulders, wondering at his question; I thought
that after the lengthy conversation we had just had, it would be
obvious to him what I've been looking for -that is metaphysical
knowledge.
“Can you see anything on my aura?” I insisted.
“Your thoughts are very intense; I can feel them slipping away to
the universe and then they come back from the universe...”
That strange declaration of his made me think for a while, as I
felt it contained a vestige of truth -I can't say what exactly.
“Do you see this only on me or on other people too?” I asked
calmly.
“I haven't seen it on anybody else” he replied.
Later, at Janus, we all had a pleasant surprise: Alexander finally
agreed to our attempting a technique for astral projection in
class, which consists of the following steps:
We focus on the flame of a candle placed in front of us
Mental mantra (mine is: ' the universe and I are one' )
Physical relaxation
Mental countdown from 10 to 0.
Reaching the “void space”, we observe the image of the flame
which is shaped in the darkness of our shut eyes.
We open our eyes slowly, then close them again.
Mental countdown from 10 to 0 (twice)
We envisage coming out of our physical body and entering the
guru's body (!). Always imagining that our astral body is inside
Alexander, we envisage going out, to the reception, so as to see
the object Harry has placed on the table.
The result was rather disappointing: Everybody failed except
Mary, who “saw” that the copper statuette of Oros had been
moved away from its usual place. Mary happens to be the most
obedient of Alexander's stooges but, paradoxically, she is still in
our “low” class. Anyway, I suspect her success was just a foul
play, so as to show this special telepathy experiment was not just
a flop...
Wednesday, 22nd April 1992
Night Adventure: I attend a memorial service for grandma Jenny.
All relatives are in her old house, while she is lying inside a
coffin on the big table. Suddenly, grandma sits up and starts
talking. My father can't see, because his resurrected mother sees
through his eyes. She can walk and move among us now; I am
scared and I shout to her; then I say prayers like “Paternoster” in
the hope of sending her away. Finally grandma disappears but I
am still afraid and act as if she were still present.
Later on, I cross a bridge over a lake. When I reach the other
side, I find myself in a picturesque village built on a hill,
somewhere in Italy. However, not all is idyllic there: soon I find
out that its earthen streets are studded with bones and skeleton
parts. I walk along these streets in agony, feeling the bones under
my shoe soles.
Interpretation: The very next day we will receive bad news
regarding uncle George, my mother's brother. He suffers from
lung cancer and he's left only a few months to live. Isn't it really
horrible, to be sentenced to death and know it...
Thursday, 7th May 1992
Work experience in Pangaea: Yota, a disagreeable stammerer
(very rich, though) is responsible for English correspondence.
She has studied History of Art in America (studies for the
satiated), yet she commits quite a few grammar and syntax errors
when she writes letters in English. Strangely enough, none of the
bosses -who sign her letters- has noticed anything. Moreover,
Yota doesn't even suspect what filing is: She sends letters to
various museums and photograph agencies all over the world
asking for transparencies, yet she never keeps copies of them!
They haven't noticed that either.
Naturally, I wouldn't dare say anything about it. If I commented
on anything like that, I would fall out with Yota and all the other
colleagues would hate me. Of course, this means that my
knowledge of languages and secretarial skills is entirely
indifferent to the company. They don't give a dime if I know
perfect English and Italian, as well as very good German and
Spanish. Obviously, there are other kinds of qualifications
companies really appreciate in employees...
Saturday, 16th May 1992
Night Adventure: Alien robots have taken over the Earth. They
keep us prisoners in small, yellow cells furnished only with a
bed. They let us out only if we are to carry out certain tasks for
them. As far as I've heard, those aliens reached the Earth because
of someone who made the mistake of trusting them. I notice that
adjacent cells communicate through a small window, high on the
inner wall. I wonder whether I could use these windows to come
in contact with other prisoners.
Interpretation: Maybe mankind is under occupation of an alien
race, who keeps us isolated and mislead us into performing
certain duties with unknown purposes...
Tuesday, 26th May 1992
Lucid Dream: Between sleep and awake I dream of Billy, an
obnoxious, ugly, fat, hairy guy who is a classmate in Janus. He is
lying next to me in bed now, he is restless, he shouts, he puts his
legs on my chest, he molests me. “You don't mind, do you?” he
asks foolishly and I resent him. Then, the dream becomes lucid
and it occurs to me this could be a possible future; but luckily, it
is only for one night. In this way, I learn to appreciate what I
have, that is solitude and calmness in bed.
Verification; A few days later, Aphrodite will inform me that
Billy is interested in lucid dreaming a lot, and Alexander has
been teaching him in private! What a serious person for the guru
to teach personally! Is Bill supposed to be balanced enough for
this? ...۩
In the evening I met the whole party -Vanessa, Theano,
Aphrodite and Zisis- in a quiet cafeteria near my old office. I
may never see Vanessa again: Next week she is leaving for
Volos, her hometown, because her studies of Philosophy in the
University of Athens are over now. I feel I miss her already. “I
dislike it that you are leaving” I told her, a little before saying
goodbye.
Wednesday, 27th May 1992
After that travesty of a lesson in Janus last night, I finally
realized that all these years Alexander has been doing nothing
but pulling our legs. Let me explain: After one and a half month
of inaction, we finally carried out a telepathy experiment which
“of course” proved to be a flop! Not even one of us managed to
make a close guess of the object placed on the reception table.
Alexander jumped at the chance to reprimand us all for being
unworthy disciples and unready for such experiments. All thirty
of us!
Yet, I wonder: If you take thirty persons from the streets at
random and tell them to guess -without any prior meditation or
preparation- what is placed on a table behind the door, in all
probability at least one of them will guess right! However, thirty
experienced disciples failed completely in making even a close
guess! Therefore, I strongly suspect these experiments are put-up
jobs!
I also think that, for some months now, Alexander has been
applying a subtle mechanism of psychological war in his lessons:
a) He talks continuously, usually without saying anything
specific; I often feel as if I were subjected to hypnotic
suggestion, b) He allows no one to express any opinion, c) He
disrupts any conversation in class, d) If anyone manages to
express a personal opinion, the guru treats them like a moron or
a lunatic: “You read something, but you understand something
else” or “Your sick Ego prevents you from seeing the truth” and
so on.
In this way, a systematic, insidious ' breaking of the Ego' is in
progress within all of us: We no longer dare express an opinion,
we make less and less questions, our self-confidence wanes day
by day, we are gradually filled with guilt, our will gets weaker
and weaker. Although we are bored in there, we stay from 9:00
pm to midnight every time.
As about me, I can see I am going back instead of ahead: I often
feel very anxious and my hands sweat before saying anything in
class – just like in the distant past, when I was a timid child.
What the heck, I want to eliminate my timidness, not revive it!
Friday, 29th May 1992
Mankind consists of two basic races: Vampires and victims. The
former have the natural ability of absorbing energy from the
latter, rendering them their puppets. On the other hand, victims
enjoy certain rewards. The most common types of vampires are
the following:
a) Boyfriends and husbands: Even in the modern, “feminist”
society, a woman's thoughts and actions are focused mainly on
one thing -how to satisfy her man. Otherwise, the woman has no
man and she is non-existent to society. This is exactly what the
male vampire offers the woman: A social position (as his wife or
mistress) and an acceptable reason to leave (satisfy him sexually
and have his children).
b) In a family, children are the most powerful vampires. With
their cuteness, tricks, tears, mischief, as well as with their
endless demands, they manage to keep their parents always busy
-especially their mother. The proud parents offer all their time,
money, thoughts and energy to sometimes unworthy children. On
the other side, “What is the purpose of life? To have children, of
course” claim all parents in robotic unison.
c) Popular persons: They are “the life and soul of the party”, as
it is often said. Indeed, in any party there is always one person
who acts as a leader, although nobody can actually explain the
reason why: in general, these persons are egocentric, frivolous
and capricious. Yet, the popular person commands and the others
carry out his or her orders with spontaneous joy. As about the
reward, in this case it is socialization: the integration into a circle
of friends, the avoidance of loneliness.
d) Energetic giants: These persons have a very high position in
the hierarchy of humanity. They possess incredible financial
power and world fame, usually from activities of dubious
usefulness (actors and actresses, singers, top models, etc). Their
most important talent is charm. The people just love to worship
them like gods on earth.
e) Gurus and religious leaders: They are the most powerful
vampires of all, as they have the unique ability of mesmerizing
millions of people. In this case, absorption of energy takes place
in deeper levels, since religious leaders are obeyed and
worshiped by entire populations, while they systematically rouse
guilt and terror. As about the “flock”, they are willing to blindly
accept even the most paranoiac religious dogmas and they are
proud of it. Concerning their reward, what could be more
alluring than the promise of a blissful “life after death” – even if
it is intended only for “a few, chosen ones”?
f) Gestalt entities such as political parties, organizations, sects,
companies: These are bigger or smaller groups of people which
act as sovereign vampiric entities. A company consists of it
employees, but it is not its employees; it is an entirely different
entity with its own needs, goals and way of thinking. Companies
are very demanding vampires: They want us to give them the
best hours of our days (from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm), the best years
of our lives (from 20 to 65), our full attention and the maximum
of our potential any minute. As a reward they provide a usually
miserable survival, a boring routine and a rather dubious
security.
In general, vampires are gifted with excessive charm, personal
magnetism (sex appeal), shrewdness and eloquence. They are
easy to recognize, as they monopolize every conversation in an
almost psychotic manner, and they manage to catch attention
spontaneously, in a natural way. They are often arrogant and
aggressive, yet everybody finds them lovely.
The roles of the vampire and the victim may be interchanged
-according to the circumstances: In different environments, a
vampire may become a victim and vice versa. For example, an
employee/victim offers all his energy to the company/vampire he
works for, but when he is at home he becomes a
husband/vampire who demands from his wife/victim to give him
all her attention and energy. Nevertheless, a truly powerful
vampire never becomes a victim.
It is a fact that victims seek vampires -not vice versa. A vampire
is like a magnet. It is not attracted, it attracts. Actually, victims
are unable to live without offering their energy to vampires:
People who don't really need to work go crazy if they stay
unemployed for two months; many women complain that their
man exploits or maltreats them, however they don't even think of
staying single for more than one week; without a male to serve,
they feel useless and unworthy of living. The truth is that victims
are attracted to vampires. Probably, the absorption of energy acts
as an anesthetic too: on one hand it weakens the victims, on the
other hand exhaustion is often screened by the sweet delight of
“offering”.
Vampirism is the conjunctive tissue of mankind. The human
society, in whole, is structured upon this basic relation of
interdependence between vampires and victims. Social
institutions (such as religion, family, work) are nothing but
different faces of vampirism...
Night Adventure: It is late at night and I am in bed, inside a
medieval castle. Outside my window I can see lofty stone arches
and an orchard in the distance. I want to go to sleep but certain
noises distract me; I try to ignore them, but I can't. I get up and
start looking for the origin of the annoying noises. The stone
walls of the castle are thick and gray; the wooden doors are
arched. I close a window which has been left open and I go back
to bed.
Right then three girls, aged about twelve, appear timidly at the
threshold of my bedroom, chaperoned by their old nanny. They
are dressed in long, white nightgowns and nightcaps. They hold
an oil lamp and they look at me in wonder.
“What do you want?” I ask them.
“We live here” the first one answers.
“Since when?” I wonder.
“Ever since we were born!”
At this point I wake up and I still feel confused...۩
My friends are getting harder and harder to meet. There is more
and more pressure at work; Yota's pungent remarks about a
writer of Pangaea who wasn't paid in time because I was too late
in typing his entry, as she said. The ironic laughs of children on
the road; this evening, as soon as they saw me, they shouted
“here comes the vampire!” Everybody thinks they are my boss! I
can't stand them anymore!
For days now I have been drowning in a whirl of violent
emotions. I strongly want to punish the others for all the things
they do to me. I feel I don't love humans. Ever since I was born,
they have been launching all kinds of psychic attacks against me:
They deride me, they underestimate me, they tell tales about me,
they are unfair to me, they undermine me, they hoodoo on me.
Right at this moment I am overwhelmed with terrible wrath,
which could be used as a carrier of black magic. Could this be
my inner inclination?
Night Adventure: A football match begins at a nearby pitch but it
is disrupted soon, because something is very wrong. All of a
sudden, alien monsters appear from all directions: reddish beings
which look like gigantic octopuses, spectral whirlwinds,
enormous spider-like insects etc. I, together with other people,
run to the mountain so as to escape, while weird liquid objects
keep falling from the sky. At that moment, a white substance
rises over the tombs and the cypress-trees of the old cemetery,
and it gradually forms something like a dinosaur's skeleton on
the night sky. Someone shouts we should all run away
together...۩
It is high time I started observing Silence. I need to keep my
mouth shut, since I am not able to ignore the other people's
opinion. Anyway, the others can't possibly approach the
fascinating worlds of my dreams; that's why they usually show
disbelief, boredom or envy. Even when they seem to be
interested in my experiences, I should be reserved and keep
silent.
Unfortunately, I tend to talk a lot and ask for approval or advice
because I am insecure inside. I also like to believe that the
narration of psychic experiences will make me a more interesting
person -but this has always proved to be wrong: Even Aphrodite
and Theano, who are my best friends in Janus, seem to be more
interested in sexual experiences than parapsychology; as a result,
I often encounter disapproval, disbelief, or ironic remarks. The
fact is that this situation affects me negatively, it makes me doubt
about myself and it blocks my development.
The soul is a sacred place, a sanctum. Nothing sacrilegious must
invade there: no harmful information, no malevolent mouths or
ears. For this reason, the law of silence must be observed...
Night Adventure: I, as well as many other women, drive cars
along a big avenue full of traffic, strange turns and obstacles.
Driving proves to be very difficult, we have to manoeuvre a lot
in order to stay on the right course, until we reach some bright
traffic lights. We get off there, men take our cars and they drive
comfortably along straight roads, until they finish. They all win a
trip abroad as a prize. Women are left behind. Interpretation:
Possibly, the dream symbolizes the roles of the two sexes in our
society... ۩
In the afternoon I went to the nursery school “The Little Castle”,
so as to watch the celebration for the end of the school term.
Josef, my three-year-old nephew, took part in one of the
sketches, showing unexpected shyness. I had a very nice time,
realizing the importance of every moment: All what happened
during those two hours was unique, nothing like that will ever
happen again. It was also evident to me that those who are
destined to be distinguished in life, take this path from a very
early age – like the cute little girl who was dressed as Minnie...
Sunday, 26th July 1992
Prophetic dream: I am at a nice beach with blond sand and a few
sunbathers. A lofty, black water tank dominates the place. I
slowly get into the sea, wearing my black swimsuit. I enjoy
swimming in the clear blue water; Aphrodite is with me.
Verification: The beach of Kourouta that I will unexpectedly visit
on the 9th of August.
Another prophetic dream: I am in a travelling coach. I am seated
by the window, my mother is next to me. We pass through
narrow streets with old, half-ruined houses. Later, I notice a blue
car which has the number 2504. Verification: The trip to Kranidi
on the 15th of August... ۩
This is the first day of my illustrated manuscript “Sandra
Anderson - Astral Fantasy” , which I start writing today. I feel
great, like being born again! Sandra Anderson is a revolutionary
cosmonaut, who fights against evil all over the universe. Her
stories are structured in a very unusual way: In a separate
notebook I have written down some of my memories, fantasies,
as well as night adventures, classified in certain categories: Start
of story – Main events – Secondary events – Cosmic truths –
Fights – Dialogues – Space and time – End of story.
Each item corresponds to a card of the Egyptian tarot. I draw a
card at random for the category I need each time, I develop the
respective item into one or more paragraphs, and thus I gradually
form a full story...
* * * *
Thursday, 6th August 1992Since yesterday afternoon I have been here, at Alexander's
asram, somewhere in Peloponnese, together with other guys
from Janus. It is a quite large field full of nut-trees, at the shadow
of which we have put up our tents. To the north there is a wood
of fir-trees; to the east, a spring forms a babbling stream at the
shadow of a lofty plane-tree. Green hills crown the horizon to the
south and west. The landscape is picturesque and peaceful, yet
the weather is too