fear and I take no heed of them.
When the time comes, once again my “education” is found to be
insufficient, so I am sentenced to death in the crematory.
However, I don't intend to give in without a fight: I run away and
manage to escape. Some soldiers are after me, launching a
number of round bombs at me; I neutralize them all with the
power of my mind -which makes the enemies wonder. However
the bombs are still dangerous for the whole planet; I stretch my
arms out and express a wish for world peace. Now the bombs are
harmless and my pursuers wonder again.
“How can you do this?” one of them asks me.
“I have something you don't have: A clear subconscious. You are
driven by fear”, I reply calm.
I wake up feeling complete and deeply satisfied. Is there an
everyday experience that could ever have the power of this night
adventure?
Friday, 20th February 1998
Question: Do our short and joyless lives on earth really serve a
purpose?
Answer: With every step we take, we make the rich even richer.
When the Titanic started sinking, those in charge made sure to
accommodate the rich first, placing them sparse and comfortable
in the lifeboats (only 15 people where 60 could be seated), so
that the rich hens wouldn't get any dishevelled. At the same time,
they barred all passages from the third class to the deck; as a
result, the majority of the poor passengers were trapped in the
ship and drowned like mice.
This is exactly what happens in everyday reality: The lives of the
poor are considered to be worthless, so they are sacrificed at the
first opportunity – as long as this makes the rich sharks richer.
I happen to be in such a position as well: During the day I work
hard for a pittance; in the evening I spend my little money in
cafeterias, restaurants, hotels, gyms – hoping to relieve myself
from the physical and mental hardship I endure while working
all day. In other words: During the day I work for a rich
scumbag, and during the night I give my beggarly salary to
another rich scumbag. This is the real meaning of life for the
poor, no matter what they like to imagine...
Night Adventure: I am somewhere in a block of flats; through a
window I can see a giant octopus which has come out from the
sea and threatens to invade the building. I take the elevator at
once and get down to the entrance, before the monster comes in;
I run along Vouliagmenis Avenue but the octopus is after me,
devouring everything in its passing, growing continuously. At a
moment I think it has lost me, but then I see a gigantic tentacle at
the corner of a back street.
Soon I find myself going up a mountain; there are lots of people
running to escape or hiding wherever they can. Persephone is
with me. The monster is nowhere to see; yet, a strange vehicle
appears soon which, as we know, precedes the monster.
Persephone throws a lit match at it, the vehicle is blown up.
There is no sign of the monster now; but are we out of danger?
Interpretation: The giant octopus could symbolize the mythical
demon Cthulhu, “who has been sleeping and dreaming” in the
depths of the abyss, until the time comes for it to wake up and
rule the world once again...
Tuesday, 3rd March 1998
The serial “Selene - Victor” is still on, but I don't meet them so
often any more. They say they have parted, yet they still meet on
“friendly terms”. Victor hopes to make it up with the diva again,
and he is always willing to act her taxi driver: Almost every day
he drives all the way to Selene's house in Pallini and he takes her
to Glyfada, where she meets her new boyfriend! Poor Victor
looks miserable: “I've lost ten years from my life!” he confides
to me at a moment.
As about the other guy, his name is Panayotis and Selene met
him at the aerobics school she has been attending for a couple of
months now. As Selene herself has told me, he is in a mess too
because the lady sometimes seems to be infatuated with him,
other times she plays hard to get. She often lets him cook his
heels outside her house for an hour or two, without her opening
the door, but the bloke doesn't split because “I like feeling you
are near!” he confesses. “Who gets to know me, gets mad!” says
Selene, full of complacence. I guess she is right about that: Even
I, who can see through the dirty games of dominance she plays
with everybody, desire her company. She is always getting on
my nerves but when she phones and asks to meet me, I am on
cloud nine.
Just like this evening: I have been sitting and waiting for Selene
and Victor to come with food from a fast food restaurant. The
two stars were supposed to arrive at 8:00, but now the time is
8:30; soon it gets 8:45, then 9:00. I no longer expect them to turn
up when, at about 9:15, the phone rings. It is Selene, she sounds
rather gloomy and narrates the following incredible story to me:
They went to a fast food restaurant, they bought hamburgers and
fried potatoes and they were about to come to me, when the lady
decided she definitely had to make a phone call in a telephone
booth. Heaven knows how much time she chattered on the
phone, while other people were waiting outside – namely a
middle-aged couple with a child. At a moment, the man told the
lady to get over with it. I guess Selene was rude to him, and
before you could say Jack Robinson the two super karatekas put
up a bad fight with the middle-aged people! They went at it
hammer and tongs, and eventually the two champions got a
pasting! Soon there was a big crowd around them booing the two
superstars (I wonder why), who tried to knock down the middle-
aged folks with their taekwondo acrobatics! To no avail, though:
The ' old people' beat them up!
Thursday, 5th March 1998
When we met at Selene's this afternoon, she and Victor described
the above events in more detail. Victor showed me the bruises
and scratches he had on his face and neck from the fight; Selene
didn't show me any scars; maybe she didn't want to show me
anything like that, or maybe her happy boyfriend got all the
drubbing.
A little later, we took Liana, Selene's 18-year-old sister, and we
went to a nice cafeteria in Varkiza, where we met two friends of
hers. We chatted pleasantly for some time until, suddenly, Liana
asked me about my age. I found it a little strange, I groused and
joked about it, but then I gave a sincere answer.
As the two sisters explained to me later, one of their friends (a
serious and good looking guy, only 25 years old) asked Liana to
introduce him to me, because he liked me! As about my age, he
didn't mind at all, he said. Consider this: Just once I happened to
go out with normal people and someone showed an interest in
me...
Despite the fact that he is a lot younger than me, I didn't rule out
the possibility of getting to know him better. “Anyway, he is
quite mature for his age”, Selene told me on the phone. “As soon
as we hang up, I will make some phone calls and fix certain
appointments”, she promised in a soft voice. Nevertheless, I'm
never to see that guy again...
Friday, 13th March 1998
Selene is throwing a party tonight and I am invited. In the
afternoon I go to a gift shop because I want to buy a present for
her. After a lot of searching, I finally decide to buy her a lovely
music box. I take it in my hands and, I don't know how, it slips
off, it falls down and it gets broken! I can't believe my own eyes!
Something like this has never happened to me before! Then, the
sales woman approaches and says I have to pay for it -naturally...
Anyway, I hasten to choose something else and I go to the
cashier's desk, carrying both items in my hands. Fortunately, at
the last moment the saleswoman changes her mind and tells the
cashier to charge only the second present.
I feel relieved, but I can't take the event off my mind: I can't help
considering it a sign of fate, which means that such experiences
(making friends with divas and going to their parties) are not for
me and that I can get nothing but trouble out of them.
The night comes and the party proves to be a success: There are
lots of young people gathered in Selene's living room; Panayotis
is present as the diva's boyfriend and Victor as her civilized ex.
There are also three guys aged about thirty, who seem to like me,
since they have lengthy and pleasant conversations with me.
When I find the opportunity, I talk to Selene about them. “They
are too young for you”, she says enigmatically. Needless to say, I
am never to meet any of those people again.
Nevertheless, I must admit Selene is the only one of my friends
who: a) has a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, b)
introduces me to them, c) invites me to her parties. On the other
hand, she makes sure I never gain anything from all this...
Tuesday, 17th March 1998
This morning I had an unexpected phone call at work. It was
from Mary Skina, who was fired from Pangaea a month ago.
Mary is twenty years older than me but she hides her age very
carefully. After thirty years of work in Pangaea, she is now
unemployed. Moreover, Helen Roussos (Mary's best friend, also
recently unemployed) gave her the boot without an explanation.
Maybe that's why Mary decided to invite me out to lunch today.
Anyway, I was kinda surprised: During those seven years we've
worked together in the same company, I've often asked her to go
out with me but she has always refused with various excuses. I
thought she didn't like my revolutionary ideas about social
networks and the like, because she considered them “negativity”,
as she said.
After work I met Mary in a nearby restaurant and we had lunch
there; then we went for a coffee in Kolonaki. Hours and hours
passed very pleasantly, since we two agree a lot and we have
many common interests, such as metaphysics and literature. I
think Mary is somewhat “different”, somewhat non-human, like
I am. Probably for this reason her life has been a never ending
sequence of misfortunes: Abandonment, solitude, childlessness,
premature death of her parents, gradual loss of a big fortune,
poverty, unemployment and debts.
Friday, 20th March 1998
At first I didn't like the idea of spending the weekend with
cousin Annita, who is pregnant now. Her husband, will be absent
for work these days, so she asked me to keep her company while
Annita is my peer and a typical example of the ordinary person
(medium intelligence, no spiritual interests), who sleeps while
their good luck works for them. She barely managed to finish
high school, and she was referred in all classes. However, she
happens to belong to one of the wealthiest families in Cefallonia,
so she has never had to work up to now. At the age of 22 she got
married to Peter, who is rich enough to provide her with
everything she wishes. Consequently, the lady doesn't think
because she doesn't have to think.
The only problem in her carefree life has been the absence of a
child. She has been married for thirteen years, in the meanwhile
she has undergone eleven in vitro fertilizations, and the last one
was successful. Now my cousin is pregnant on twin girls and she
is in the seventh heaven...
Saturday, 21st March 1998
We spend our time calmly, sometimes boringly, watching TV or
chatting about various subjects. However, as soon as I inform
Annita that I have lots of friends and that we go out almost every
night, she changes her tune:
“Be careful or something nasty will happen to you, if you go on
fooling around like this every night! You and your friends might
be stalked by perverts, who will rape and kill you!”
“We don't frequent any cheap dives, you know! Besides, we
don't go around on foot; my friend Nineta has a car and she takes
us wherever we wish,” I reply coolly, as I haven't realized yet
what she is getting at.
“Really? You know what happened to an acquaintance of mine,
one night that she drove along a busy avenue? She was cornered
by some drunk men in a car, she was forced to pull over, then she
was raped and almost killed!”
“But this is something extreme, I've never heard of anything like
that happening in Greece before!” I wonder.
“You have no idea how many such incidents happen every day!
It is just a matter of time until something similar happens to you
too!” my cousin concludes in an aggressive tone.
Sunday, 22nd March 1998
I have to endure the same tense atmosphere for a third day, as
Annita insists on giving me certain advice regarding my future:
“Really, Yvonne, have you ever thought of marrying an
Albanian? You are 35 years old now, in all likelihood no Greek
man will wish to marry you now! If I were you, still single at this
age, I would be thinking about it!”
“Maybe you would,” I retort, yet she goes on undaunted:
“For instance, you could go to Omonia Square and offer some
food to the homeless foreigners who gather there! Who knows, if
you do this quite often, one of them might ask you to marry
him!”
“I am not at all willing to be stuck with a beggar! You see,
marriage is not everything to me!” I answer, as calm as possible.
In the evening, when Peter returns home, I notice he is rather
cold towards my cousin. The atmosphere between them will
remain tense and gloomy until the time comes for me to leave.
According to what relatives say, Peter makes himself sparser and
sparser, as the date of the babies' birth comes nearer and nearer –
probably because the twins were not conceived with his own
sperm. “I'm not going to ruin my life, just because Annita wants
to have children!” I heard him say at a moment.
A few weeks later, after the twins are born, my cousin will empty
the flat and return to her parents in Cefallonia – without her
husband knowing anything about it. When he comes home from
work in the afternoon, he will find himself all alone in a
completely empty apartment...
This afternoon I met Mary Skina after work. Our discussions of
today proved quite interesting, as my new friend confided to me
some incredible facts from her life: When she was still new in
Pangaea, Mary invited all her colleagues to dinner one night.
However, just two days before the meeting it rained in torrents
and the water flooded her house; in fact, it was the only house in
the area that was flooded! As a result, all her newly-bought
furniture was destroyed and the dinner with her colleagues was
cancelled.
When Mary was young, she used to be a good-looking and
elegant woman with blond hair and big green eyes; she was also
a lively, pleasant and sociable person, with a very seductive
dowry composed of half a dozen houses in the posh suburb of
Psychico and lots of money in the bank. Nevertheless, none of
her boyfriends has ever proposed to her – “not even just for my
money”, as she complains. The only man who ever asked her to
marry him was a 27-year-old neighbour of hers, when Mary was
19. Three hours later, before even Mary had had the time to
decide whether to accept or not, the young man was killed in a
car accident! “There is no fate”, some wiseacres claim. Yet, in
this world there is nothing but fate...
Not only that, but all her property has been squandered little by
little, because of bad management, inheritance problems, shrewd
lawyers, demanding lovers. Moreover, although she was -and
still is- a beautiful, attractive, lively blonde, most of her
boyfriends wanted her company but refrained from having sex
with her! “I doubt if I have done it more than twenty times in my
whole life! I just don't think about it, because I don't want to lose
my mind!” she confesses to me. Mary has never been married,
she has no children, and for this reason she is obsessed with
marriage. Even now, that she is over 55, she dreams of having a
young, handsome and educated husband; yet she can't find
anything of the kind – which makes her feel sad and anxious.
Another serious problem of hers is how to pay off debts of four
million drachmas; Mary is up to her eyes in debt because of
Zachary, her latest young boyfriend: she has travelled with him
all over Europe, she has paid lots of money for him, yet he hasn't
even touched her hand, she says.
It is obvious that Mary is neurotic and full of obsessions
regarding men and marriage, yet this doesn't explain why she has
ended up all alone in the world, unemployed and in debt.
Anyway, there are other women who are more stupid than hens,
completely unbalanced, with a horrible character, yet they have
the best husbands and their lives are as regular as clockwork.
Besides, despite her psychological problems, Mary is always
polite and pleasant; she listens to me when I talk, without putting
forward all kinds of silly objections to everything, like most
“normal” people do. With her I can communicate better than
with any other person I know...
Wednesday, 25th March 1998
My friend Louise is giving a feast tonight and I am invited.
However I can't go, neither can any of the other guests, because
there is a terrible windstorm with heavy rain outside – something
unprecedented for the county of Attiki! It is just impossible for
me to step out of my house!
At a moment my nephew John comes upstairs so as to keep me
company. My parents are absent; they are at the Children's
Hospital in Athens, where Josef is under treatment. All at once,
there is a loud bang, the iron door of the kitchen breaks open
-although it was locked- and the windstorm invades the house!
John helps me close the door again and we put the table, the
chairs and a broom against it, so that it won't open again!
Late at night my father returns home, after a long bus journey
from Athens to St Tryfon Square. He is in a sorry state, I wonder
how he made it to arrive home.
Next morning we will find out that the unprecedented windstorm
has uprooted lots of tall and robust trees, which now lie down in
streets and squares...
Lucid Dream: Looking for a handsome man in my dream, I
finally meet two guys but I choose one of them: he has blond
curly hair and he is about 30 years old. I caress him, he responds
positively. I unbutton his shirt and I see he has a nice, lean,
trained body. I can feel the contact and the excitement, then I
have an orgasm that lasts a few seconds...
Psychic Experience: In the evening, I sit on a chair listening to
some music, and I feel very relaxed. At a moment, I have the
impression there is a bright light before my shut eyes, where I
can make out an angelic entity made of light. This wonderful
experience lasted only a few seconds; I was not sleeping...
Thursday, 7th May 1998
This afternoon my mother and I visited Mrs Zeta, an old
neighbour. The woman got on my nerves because she seems to
be certain about the natural inferiority of Greeks in comparison
with all the other peoples of the world. The fact is that more and
more Greeks -usually ' respectable' citizens who have neither
travelled abroad nor received any superior education- suddenly
have an opinion about everything and they trumpet forth ideas
such as: “Greeks are good for nothing, they are lazy rascals,
whereas Americans and Europeans are perfect in everything!”
I can't help wondering: What's happened to the traditional
patriotism of Greeks? As if they all attended the same special
seminars, they have all become xenomaniac and they ardently
support the dogma of the inferiority of Greeks -as if they were
not Greeks!
Predictions about the future: Sooner or later, Greece will
disappear from the map. This is the plan of undercurrent
networks, since the Greek spirit of freedom is considered to be
dangerous for the imminent New World Order. The rulers of the
world dislike the fact that the average Greek is still relatively
carefree and likes having fun, in contrast to Europeans or
Americans who work day and night like robots.
Pieces of a certain puzzle: The massive invasion of emigrants in
our country has caused serious unemployment, as well as a
spectacular increase of delinquency. Moreover, the inevitable
intermarriage is due to alter the genetic characteristics of the
Greek race. The third world economy, which has been
methodically imposed on the country during the last decades,
gradually leads the lower social classes (alias: those who don't
belong to any networks) to destitution. The continuous
downgrading of education leaves the new generation of Greeks
practically uncultured. The uncountable fires and conflagrations
during the summer destroy our forests and natural resources.
The purpose of all the above is to undermine the Greek
civilization and gradually turn Greeks into soulless machines,
who will work obediently for endless hours for a pittance,
deprived of any personal or national consciousness.
Nevertheless, why should I care? I know they are all willing to
join any kind of dark networks, in exchange for a permanent job,
a more expensive car or a bigger social circle...
Saturday, 9th May 1998
My friend Mary Glenos and I are on a two-day seminar of self-
knowledge at the asram of the sect “Spiritual Harmony”, which
is situated near the city of Marcopoulon. During a meditation
exercise, we are told to write a word on a piece of paper, fold it
and give it to the person sitting next to us. There is a plump lady
near me, with whom we exchange pieces of paper. Then we sit
one opposite the other, and we hold hands. The plump lady shuts
her eyes, concentrates and gives her oracle about me in a low
voice: “Your heart is a bright sun, which shines for all people;
there are birds flying to the sun, their open wings block your
light; lots of traumatic experiences have caused a blockage
somewhere deep inside you; you are a reserved person, because
of evil people who harmed you in the past; you only wish to be
loved; people do love you but you want more...”. I don't know
why, but while her monologue lasts I can't help crying with
tears...
Sunday, 10th May 1998
This morning we are having a lesson of dance therapy:
According to the mistress's instructions, we all close our eyes