If kids start to share these serious topics, the best way to support them is to just listen, or give an example of when you were similarly challenged at their age. Don’t try to be a superhero. Let them know that you had challenges, that you were afraid, that you had friends who made you feel unwanted, or that you had issues at home. Tell the truth. They’ll feel more relaxed and look at you more as a person and less as an overbearing parent when you do.
Be prepared, however, that there’s a reasonable chance your child may not open up immediately, especially during the first few Board Meetings. It can take time to build trust, and a heavy expectation about opening up can undo the fragile early stages of your connection. Just be there for them, create consistency and trust, and ask them that simple question, “What was your favorite part of the day?”
There are plenty of opportunities for adults to develop on their own, and equally as many chances for children to develop on their own, too. Sadly, there is far less available for adults and their children to develop together.
Board Meetings fix this. They provide a form of experiential education—a type of learning that happens through engaging with people and the world, instead of through lectures.
It’s the same kind of learning we discovered on the original surf trips that inspired us to create this movement. In the places we traveled to, and in the experiences we shared, we developed the life and character skills that helped us in our professional lives and personal relation- ships. We had no tests or certifications on those surf trips, but they helped us build businesses, learn valuable lessons, and improve our lives more than formal education ever could have.
Any expert in the field of education would tell you that lectures are less powerful than experience, yet as par- ents, our usual approach is to lecture kids at the kitchen table.
Think back to when you were a kid and ask yourself how effective it was for you, and how much affection you felt, as your parents and teachers lectured you. I suspect you’ll remember what most parents do: that lectures didn’t work for you.
They won’t work for your kids, either.
Experiential education—what you’re doing when you dedicate time for a focused and fun Board Meeting with your child— turns this around. Yes, it takes more planning, more effort, and more creativity; it is indeed harder than lecturing. But the rewards are undeniable. Board Meetings send your child the powerful message that they are loved and important, while teaching them the lessons that lecturing never could.
GARY’S STORY
“As a frequently deploying Navy submarine commander, I had been away from my two sons for most of their life. My wife had been forced into single-parent status.