—6—
I can’t think of a better example to illustrate the power of the three steps than that of a Board Meeting I had years ago with my son Leland. It’s a great example of how the three steps work and the connection and learning that followed.
As you know, the child must choose the activity, but I was a bit surprised when Leland chose to go to the St. Augustine lighthouse for our Board Meeting.
The lighthouse was built in the 1800s and is about 165 feet high. The only way to get to the top is by climbing more than 200 steps up a staircase that spirals through the building. Leland’s brother had chosen the lighthouse for a Board Meeting not long before and was raving about the experience of getting to the top.
I suspected that was the reason Leland wanted to do it, but I was still surprised. Leland has a fear of heights, and normally, something like climbing a giant set of iron stairs to the top of a tower wouldn’t even be something he’d consider.
Still, I thought it was a great idea, and I was interested to see how the experience would play out.
The Board Meeting started out as they all do. Leland and I got together for the ritual of turning off electronics. I said my famous (and predictable) line, “Is my phone going to be on today?”
“Nope,” he answered with a smile.
After turning off the electronics, we said our good- byes to Jamie and Alden and hopped in my car. As we crossed the bridge into St. Augustine, I was becoming more curious as to whether or not Leland would make the climb—he was starting to look a bit nervous.
Leland’s fear of heights is well known in our family, and Jamie even mentioned to me before the Board Meeting that she wasn’t sure if he'd do it. We discussed it and agreed it was a great chance for him to give it a try. I certainly wasn’t going to say to him, “You’re scared of heights. Are you even going to climb the lighthouse when we get there?” Instead, Jamie and I agreed the best thing to do was to simply go along with the plan and see what he’d do.
Sure enough, his nervousness grew as we got closer, and when we pulled into the parking lot, he started freaking out. I simply reassured him that this Board Meeting was his choice and that I wasn’t going to force him to do anything.
For all his anxiety, though, I sensed he wanted to overcome this obstacle. Why else would he have chosen the exact thing he’s scared of? I considered our options. I knew the stairs to the top of the lighthouse were split with landings along the way that would make perfect resting places, so I gently suggested, “You chose to come here, Leland. You don’t have to do anything, but what if we just went up to that first level? We don’t have to go the whole way.”
It took him a while to think it over, but eventually he agreed to walk up the stairs to the first landing. Once there, we sat down and took a break. Again, I gently suggested we could go up one more set of stairs or go back down. Again, he timidly (although a little less so) agreed to give it a try.
We continued this way, flight after flight, landing after landing. Finally, after few more periods of climbing and resting, we were close to the top. I said, “We're closer to the top than the bottom. Now that we're this close, do you want to just go all the way up before walking back down?” By then, he was feeling confident, and he agreed with more gusto than before.
Eventually, we reached the very top, where we were overtaken by the breathtaking view. Leland was thrilled with the beauty, but his thrill at the view was nothing compared to his pride at going all the way to the top. The Board Meeting was already a huge success, and we savored the moment for a while before heading back down.